5 Reasons Why
"Emma! Why didn't you tell me you made a new friend? .. and a boy too??" She squeals quietly because we're still close enough to Noah and Trinity to where they could hear if we talked loud enough.
"What are you talking about?" Is all I can say in my confusion. Did she see us talking? Of course she saw us talking! How else would she get the idea that we're friends?
"Your new friends!" She yells this a little louder, obviously not being able to contain her excitement.
I quickly turn around and close the door, cheeks red with embarrassment.
"Ms. Margaret.. they can hear you. And I didn't tell you because I actually don't have a new friend." I say confidently.
She looks at me skeptically, "then what was that," she gestures to the door, "out there.. in the hall." I start to answer but she interrupts. "Because, to me, it looked a lot like you talking and laughing with a boy."
I shrug like it's not a big deal. Like me talking to a boy- no- a human my age, is normal. Which it obviously isn't, but it's not like I'm going to admit that.
"He's not a friend, just an annoying new guy who was having trouble with his locker."
She still looks unconvinced, so I do what any other smart, mature person would do in this situation. I leave, avoiding the inevitable awkward conversation.
Maturely, of course.
"Well, I don't want to be late for... yeah.. so I'm going.. to go.. yeah." With a nod, I speed walk out the door.
Only, as I leave, Ms. Margaret's voice follows, her words leaving a feeling of dread in my stomach. "Okay, you do that! Don't worry, we'll finish the conversation later.. and I'll make sure to find out more about this 'annoying new guy'."
-"-"-"-
The next day, Noah isn't at school.
His fans seem to survive a little better without him, less on edge.
My mind still burns with curiosity.
I don't why. He could be sick for all I know. Or maybe even ditching. So I shouldn't be worrying.
I shouldn't be worrying at all, even if there was something to worry about. We're not friends. We're barely even acquaintances. He's just the annoying new guy.
My stomach churns with anxiety at the thought of my conversation with Ms. Margaret yesterday. 'We'll finish the conversation later.' She had said with a teasing grin; a promise of an interrogation disguised as a 'friendly conversation'. But we can both see the wolf beneath the sheep's clothing; this 'conversation' will consist of many personal questions and will not end in my favor. Ms. Margaret will believe what she wants to believe, no matter how much I tell her otherwise.
I lay my head in my arms on my desk with a silent groan. She'll probably even tell my mom.
Yep. Ms. Margaret is also friends with my mom. Weird, right? Ever since the parent/ teacher conference they had freshman year. They exchanged numbers and became best friends.
So, technically, my mom and I have the same best friend... it's strange to think about.
The bell suddenly rings, startling me. I look down to see a mess of papers still on my desk and work to stuff them into my binder.
When I have everything situated, I stand up and start to leave, noticing I'm the last person in class. Well, almost.
When I get to the door, I turn around, glancing back to make sure I didn't leave anything. A huge mistake that I'll come to regret in a few minutes.
When I turn around, I come close to colliding with a person who suddenly appeared behind me.
"Oh, hey! .. it's Emily, right?" The voice is loud, startling me, but still somehow soft. I look up at her, a little unsettled by how happy and.. excited she seems. How can someone be like that 24/7? Her green eyes are too bright and her hair braided so perfectly, I swear it's fake.
And she remembers me... well, almost. She did get my name wrong. But I guess Emily is close to Emmadelle... sort of?
By now I have been staring at her longer than any normal person and don't know how to make this situation any less awkward.
So my mouth decides to make it more awkward.
"Uh.. it's actually E-emmadelle.. but .. y-you were c-close with E-Emily.. I... guess?" My words sound like they're being forced out, quiet but harsh. The total opposite of her.
Trinity's eyes widen, "oh! I'm so sorry Emmadelle! I knew that! ... I knew that was your name.. but for some reason the name 'Emily' came out because.. well, I don't know why. I guess I'm just really tired today because I didn't really get any sleep last night. Oh my gosh, Emma, you won't believe this-"
"E-Emma?" I didn't mean to interrupt her, but the question came out before I could even think about not saying it. The nickname given to me by those close to me, coming out of the mouth of a girl who only just realized I exist yesterday. It just sort of.. freaked me out. It's a strange feeling, having someone other than my mom or Ms. Margaret calling me that. I don't know what to think of it.
My interruption confuses her for a second before she realizes what I was talking about. "Oh.. sorry.. I was just talking really fast and I guess the shortened version of your name just came out. Is it ok?.. you know.. if I call you that?"
I just nod, not knowing how else to respond.
A bell rings, signaling that we only have two minutes to get to class now.
She smiles in response to my nod, "ok, great! Well... I'll see you around, Emma, I have to get to class." Trinity then moves around me, and skips out of the classroom.
Let me repeat that.. she skips.
Literally. Skips.
I choose to ignore it though because, well, it's Trinity.
-"-"-"-
It's lunch, the next day, when I decide to stop ignoring the fact that Trinity and I had actually had a semi conversation. Kind of.
I mean.. if you count me stuttering out a few broken sentences and her speaking so fast I can't understand a word she says, as a conversation.. then I guess we had a conversation. But as short as it was, my head is still left spinning. My brain is still coming up with ways that 'conversation' could have gone better. Things I could have done differently, to save myself from humiliation.
Yes, humiliation.
That is the correct word to use for what I am feeling right now.
You wanna know what I else I'm feeling?
Regret. I regret not running away from Noah when I first bumped into him. I regret trying to talk to him at my mom's diner. I regret thinking I could be a normal teenager, with a normal life, normal friends, normal family, normal everything. I regret not making friends when it was easy... in kindergarten.
But none of those things matter now. They happened. And I can't do anything about it.
That doesn't stop me from wallowing in self pity.
So that's what I do for the next five minutes, until the unfamiliar sound of a chair screeching as it slides out from underneath the table. My table.
I freeze in my position with my head in my arms, refusing to move. My heart starts beating a mile a minute and I suddenly feel like I'm in a horror movie. Like, if I sit still and don't look, the scary monster who just sat at my table won't see me either.
I don't hear anything after the initial screeching of the chair. Just total. Silence.
Even scarier.
I finally get the courage to look up and what I see causes my body to freeze up again. Only, not in fear.
In surprise.
Because, sitting four chairs away from me is the one and only Victor. Eating a sandwich and reading a book.
I'm staring, I realize.
I've been staring for way too long.
Unless 5 minutes is normal.
Can you blame me though? This is Victor- no.. a human being sitting at my table. I picked this spot specifically because it's the most unwanted table in the cafeteria. It's near the trash in a deep, dark corner and it's by the door, which means it's either really hot in the summer or really cold in the winter. This table is the definition of "the cheese" in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. You sit at it or even look at it, you're immediately cursed. Or, so the students at my school believe. To me, it's different.
To me, it's and the luckiest table ever. Magical even. It keeps me from being seen.
But.... that doesn't explain why Victor is here. He has no reason to hide. He has friends, a family.. even a dog! .. so why is he huddled in the back of the cafeteria with only a sandwich and a book to keep him company?
Maybe I should ask?
No.. wait .. where did this sudden courage come from? I'm invisible, I blend.. I'm not supposed to be seen. I'm not meant for social interaction.
But he looks so lonely.
And I'm right here.
A willing friend to comfort him.
And this would make up for the times I didn't have courage to stand up for him when he was being bullied.
Sigh. Only four reasons. Which match the exact number of reasons why I can't talk to him. So I guess that means I shouldn't.
It's not like I need new friends. .......
And there it is.
Another reason.
A fifth reason.