Shrouded in darkness I gaze at the clock. The minute hand moves rapidly l as the morning light begins, brightening the dark blue-ish black of the night sky. I wish time would move slower, slow enough for me to savor my time with her.
On the coffee table my phone lights up the silent option keeping it from ringing or vibrating as she sleeps. Tons of unopened text messages, missed calls and voicemails glare at me screaming to be read. A small clock appears on my screen; it was supposed to signal me to wake up but I haven't slept all night. Carefully withdrawing my body from hers I climb over her body and step off the couch. Picking up my phone I deactivate the alarm and set it back down.
She shifts, her soft movement grabbing my attention as she pulls the blanket closer. Her chestnut colored hair missing its blue hair tie, discarded on the floor. Her eyelashes fan out long; they flapped like the wings of butterflies when she asked me to stay and being the sucker for her that I am, I did. I protested against it but she wanted me to stay; I wanted to stay and so I did. It's only now that I've accepted that this was a bad idea. The roller-coaster plummeting feeling settling at the bottom of my stomach is all too familiar. The deep blue starts to fade into a purplish one as the sun continues its ascent over the city.
Silently making it to her kitchen I get started on breakfast. Keeping quiet I set a small pot on the stove with some milk and grab a wooden spoon along with her apples and cinnamon oatmeal. As the milk starts to heat up I stir in the oats and cover them. I make a single cup of Early Grey and set it aside to cool, a spoon and honey waiting along side the mug. I stir the oatmeal again and when its cooked I pour it into a blue bowl that matches the mug. I return to her and climb back into my spot.
Settling in she lays her forehead on mine, still fast asleep. I wrap my arms around her and pull the blanket over us. Her small eyes sit close together, lashes still coated in black lay on her cheeks, her cheeks still with deep dimples hidden. She has the most beautiful smile, always. Up close, I can see her flaws; that one dark spot on her upper cheek, the straighter burn by her ear and the slight crooked nature of her nose but to me she's beautiful.
Look out at the window the sky has grow several shades lighter, the sun begins to peek over the horizon it's first rays streaking into the room. I shake my head reluctantly wishing it back down. Have to leave soon. Resisting the urge to kiss her forehead I remove myself from her again sit on the floor. I pull on my socks, stand and grab my hoodie, then my jacket. I zip my backpack shut and park it by her door. My phone vibrates again, another new message. It's time.
It doesn't matter how wrong this relationship was anymore, it all ends today. At first we wanted everything to be out in the open, she wanted everyone to know what we had but was not something she could have happen. I wanted to continue our relationship in the light but it had to stay under wraps; our little secret. I don't want it to end, I don't want it to stop. I know that if I leave again I might not have her if I come back. She has been through too much to wait on me. I don't want to have to start things all over with her. Us existing in the light is what we needed but because that is not an option I grew to like being with her in the dark and know it's all I see to think about.
The sun creeps up further coming out just between the skyscrapers. My phone vibrates against her wooden coffee table again. I push on my boots tying each tightly before I pull my bag up on one shoulder. I watch her shift on the couch pulling the blanket up to her shoulders. Turning the knob to her apartment I open the door and step out.
The daylight is here and I have to go.