I made my way back to the cabin, my shoulders slumped down and my head hanging low. I felt so sad but I had no choice but to suck it up. Even wanted and needed space and I had to give it to him. He would come around, I had to believe in that. This didn't mean the end. If it was another way around I would want Even to respect my wishes therefore I had to do it too. Space. That was all he wanted. I could give it to him. I could wait that he comes back to me.
I opened the door and stepped inside the cabin. Mahdi was lying on his bed, reading a book while Magnus and Jonas were sitting on the floor, playing poker. When I stepped inside they all turned their eyes on me and when they saw my face their smiles faltered.
"Didn't go well?" Jonas asked.
I shook my head. "He said he needs space."
"Oh."
"Yeah." I sat on my bed. "Guess I don't have a choice but to deal with it and wait that he's ready to talk."
"He will come around", Magnus said. "He just needs to clear his head. He just broke up with his girlfriend who he had been dating for a long time."
"Yes, I understand that", I said, biting my lip. "It's just... hard. I can't explain it. I just feel so worried and—yeah. I don't know."
I felt like there wasn't enough words to express how I felt. I felt frustrated but I had to calm down.
He. Just. Needs. Some. Space.
No big deal.
I could handle that. We were nothing serious, I shouldn't be so pressed about this whole thing. I should be chill and just wait and see what happens.
That sounded like a good plan. I nodded at myself.
Yes.
Be chill and go with the flow.
Suddenly my phone started ringing. I searched through my bed sheets and finally found it under my pillow.
It was my mum. I pressed the green button and lifted the phone to my ear.
"Hi, mum", I said.
"Hi, Isak", she replied. "Finally you answer my call."
"Sorry, I've been busy."
I stood up and waved at my friends. They nodded understandingly and I left the cabin, walking towards the lake.
"How's the camp? Are you having fun?" she asked.
I nodded until I realised that she couldn't see me. "Yes. We have had so much fun here. Just like every year."
"Good, good", she said. "Your father says hi, by the way."
"Is he home?"
"Yes, but he's just about to leave to the grocery store."
"Oh."
"So tell me, what have you been up to?"
I told her about our days on the camp and about the horses. She laughed when I told her about how terrified I had been when I first brushed a horse. I also told her about our upcoming performance, about the practices and how my clock looked awful and how we needed to do chairs next. I also told her that I had learned a little bit of how to play piano. She was proud of me and said that she wants to hear me play sometimes. I explained her about the archery and how I had quickly learned to shoot arrows in the middle of the target. She laughed and said that it's amazing how many new things I have learned on the camp.
"Have you met new people? Are you making new friends?" she asked.
I hesitated. Now was my chance to tell her about Even. I wasn't sure if I wanted to but then again, I had to do it at some point, right? I took a deep breath.
"Actually, mum", I said. "I have... met someone."
"That's nice, sweetie", she said. "What's her name?"
Okay, this was the hardest part. I was quiet, unable to from the words. She waited patiently until the silence got uncomfortable.
"Isak? Did I lost you? Are you still there?"
"Yes, yes", I said. "Um... the thing is... mum..." I hesitated again. I knew my mum was very religious and I had no idea how she would take it. For all I knew she could either be disappointed and not talk to me or she would flip out completely and say that I'm not her son anymore. Then again, those were all the negative things that rolled inside my head. What if she takes it well? That was a possibility and this was a risk I had to take. I had to tell her. I had already decided that without even realising it and now I couldn't go back anymore. "His name is Even."
The line went silent. The only thing I could hear was my mother's breathing. I bit my lip, waiting for some kind of reaction. Any reaction would be better than silence. Silence was the worst. It always makes it clear that you've disappointed them when they don't reply anything.
"Hold on, Isak", she finally said and I felt relieved that she didn't just cut the call and leave me hanging. I heard her yell goodbye to my father before returning back to the phone, taking a deep breath. "Okay. Um... I definitely need some time to progress this but you know that I love you, no matter what, right?"
I sighed in relief. "Yeah. I love you too, mum."
"So... are you two... together?"
"No, no. I don't know." I sighed. It felt weird to talk about this to my mum and I was sure she felt the same way. But she was trying and that was all I could ask for. "It's... complicated right now."
"Complicated how?"
Now I needed to come up with words but I had no idea where to start. There was so much I wanted to say and so many things I didn't want to say. It was complicated but if I wanted to open up to my mother I had to tell her everything. I needed to hear what she had to say about my situation with Even.
"Isak? Complicated how? Is something wrong?"
"I...", I swallowed. "He had a girlfriend. For four years. She's also here. And... he broke up with her because of me."
"Oh. That's... big. A huge step", she said. "I have a feeling there's more to this story?"
"There is", I admitted. Then I proceed to tell her about what I had heard at the stables and how he had started to avoid me. "And now he said that he needs some space."
My mother was silent for a moment.
"You have to understand him", she finally said. "This can't be easy for him."
"Yeah", I said. "That's what my friends said too."
"You should listen to them. They are smart boys."
I smiled. "They have their moments."
"So...", she said. "Will you tell your father about this... Even?"
"I was kind of hoping you'd tell him."
"I can do that. He probably will want to talk with you, though. But I can tell him", she said. "Don't worry, he'll take it well."
"I know", I said. My father wasn't as religious as my mum. He was really chill man and if my mother had take it this well then I was sure there wouldn't be any problems with my father. "Will you come here on the last day of the camp? We have that performance then."
"Of course."
"Don't forget this time", I said.
Last year my mum and dad had forget they needed to pick me up and I had to ask Magnus's mum to give me a ride back to home.
She laughed. "We won't forget."
My phone beeped. "Shit, mum. My battery is dying."
"Alright. Talk to you later."
"Yeah, sure. Bye, mum."
"Bye, love."
She ended the call and I stuffed my phone back to my pocket. I sat down on the grass and stared at the lake. I realised that I was sitting on a spot where Even had kissed me for the first time. I smiled at the memory. It was a good memory. It would always be a good memory, no matter what.
I felt relieved. Telling my mum about Even made me feel relieved. But I couldn't help but think if it had been a mistake. The fear that was nagging at the back of my head wouldn't go away. What if Even and I wouldn't work out? What if he would tell me that we can't be together? Then it would have been for nothing.
Or no. Sooner or later I would have fallen for some guy and then I would have had this same conversation ahead of me. So technically it didn't matter that I had told her now. She would have find out sooner or later.
But I was getting ahead of myself. I shouldn't be thinking about whether Even and I would work out. Our thing had barely even started yet and I was already stressing about would it work out. I needed to chill and roll with the flow like I had thought about earlier. Not overthink things and create more unnecessary stress to myself.
Be chill, I reminded myself.
It was just hard because I... I really liked Even. More than what one could think was possible, given that we had known each other for nine days.
Holy shit. Nine days. I had fallen fast. So fast it was actually quite scary.
Was it normal to develop this bad crush on someone in just nine days?
I sighed when I heard the bell rang. I wasn't that hungry but I couldn't miss the supper, Chef wouldn't like that. So I got up and started slowly walk towards the Great Hall. My feet felt heavy and I just wanted to go to sleep and forget this day for a moment. It had been a long and rough day.
Eskild, Magnus, Mahdi and Jonas were already sitting at our table when I stepped inside the dining room. Even's table was already getting up to fetch their food. I passed Chef's table.
"I almost got worried you might not show up, Isak", Chef commented.
I waved my hand at him. "Wouldn't miss this."
I sat next to Jonas and pressed my forehead against the table, sighing.
"What did your mum want?" Jonas asked and then lowered his voice. "Did you tell her about... you know."
I lifted my head up and nodded.
"How did she take it?" Magnus asked as we got up to fetch our food.
"Surprisingly well", I said. "She will tell my dad."
"That's good, right?" Jonas asked.
I nodded. "Yeah, it is."
We sat back down on our table and began eating.
"You missed the movie", Eskild said suddenly. "Almost half of the camp was there, it was so crowded."
"Seriously?" I asked. "What movie was it?"
"Deadpool", Jonas said. "God, I love that movie."
I looked over to Even over my shoulder, since my back was facing him, and he was talking with the boys on his table. He didn't look at me but at this point I didn't even expect that which was rather... sad.
"Was Even there?" I asked under my breath as I turned to look at my friends.
They all shook their heads. I nodded. I wondered where he had been and what he had been doing. Had he been he just lying on his bed, thinking about stuff or had he been smoking somewhere? I wanted to know so badly but I couldn't ask that from him.
Space, I needed to remind myself. You're supposed to give him space.
Suddenly I heard Sonja's voice behind my back.
"Even, can we talk later?" she asked.
I held my breath.
"Yes, sure", was Even's answer and I frowned. I looked at my friends who had also heard what I had heard and they leaned closer to me.
"Are you okay?" they asked, probably seeing from my face that I was not, in fact, okay.
I shook my head and got up. I walked away from the dining room and once I was outside I punched a wall with my fist and kicked a rock. Physical pain and mental pain filled me. I was so angry.
He wouldn't talk with me but he had agreed to talk with Sonja? How was that fair? Yes, I understood he needed space but it still made me angry that he would talk with Sonja but not with me.
I looked at my knuckles and saw bruises forming on them. My hand was shaking and I could feel the anger floating inside of me. This wasn't fair but once again I had no choice but to suck it up.
Despite my anger I still understood Even at some level. He had things to sort out with Sonja and it was totally understandable why he had to talk with her. I had no reason to get hurt. Yet I did. I couldn't help it.
Was it always like this when you liked someone?