"Brooklyn. Mason. I need to talk to you guys" I say trying my hardest not to break down again
"Where's mummy?" Brooklyn asked puckering up a little while Mason just stared at me
"I have to tell you something that you can't understand. Mummy isn't coming home"
"Why not!" Brooklyn yelled soon followed by Mason
"Mummy went to heaven. She's an angel now. She's watching over us all the time"
"Mummy's died?" Mason asked
I nodded, unable to answer as I started sobbing again. Mason understood. Brooklyn confused but slowly they both learned that their mother would never come home and that they would never see her again.
The new baby wasn't strong enough to be here. I held Brooklyn's hand with my left hand and Mason's with my right. We walked down and sat in the first alter. I didn't want them seeing their mother lying there dead in a casket so Selena is sitting with them. Sobbing herself. I walked to the casket and looked down to see her. Unbelievable. She looked so pale and frail. Her under eyes dark. Her skin looked so cold. I leaned down and shakily pressed a kiss to her lips. I made sure she was buried with her wedding ring on because death isn't doing us part. She is my wife and she always will be. My wife is dead. I have to be lying to myself. This can't be true. I placed a picture of the four of us inside and then a picture of our little tiny fighting baby and prayed that she wouldn't soon join her mother.
None of this really became real for any of us until I watched my beautiful and wonderful wife, in a box, being lowered into the ground where she would be forever. Everyone is crying which is causing the kids to cry. Selena holding Brooklyn. Jake holding Jesy. Mason has his head on my shoulder. I want to hold her. I want to take her place. She should be here with our kids. She should be here. She is the strong one while in comparison I am weak.
I can't breathe without her. I can't be here without her. I can't be a father without her. I don't know how I will ever do this. I can't do this.
Mason still in my arms I fall to the ground overwhelmed by my sobs.
I need her.
I want her.
I love her.
And I would give anything in the world to take her place.
My fame.
My money.
My house.
My car.
I want my wife.
I want the mother of my babies.
I want my forever.
I went up and gently threw down a rose and then some dirt.
Soon after everyone else tossed dirt on her.
This is it
My wife
Is
Gone
Forever
I will love you forever Abbey Louise Nelson Hemmings.