As Paul glided his pen across his paper, pulling it up after he finished each sentence the paper would rise with it and he weigh his hand down back on it. He wasn't sure how John was being so numb with all of this. He hoped Johns laughter would become fuzzy if he focused hard enough but it wasn't working. He took an intoxicating long breath and the cold skin of his hand dragged down from his forehead to the tip of his nose. He took a peek up from his work to find John gesturing as if he was telling a story, the whole office was wrapped around his finger. Yoko was sitting at the edge of Johns desk and Paul could almost hear a friendly piano playing out some shitty theme song to the welcoming scene. He clicked his pen repeatedly and built up some angry conversation with John that he knew he would never actually say out loud. He blinked in an attempt to dull his headache. It didn't work, he didn't expect it to but he wished things would just go right for once. George came into work looking a little bothered and stopped at Pauls desk. He looked like he might ask him something but Paul saw him second guess himself and go over and pat John on the shoulder. He whispered something and John nodded, excusing himself to go have a smoke with George. His lighter grazing out of his shirt pocket. Paul watched him go with heavy lidded eyes and his stomach twisted again. He looked back over at his co-workers, who without John had all gone back to work. Though Yoko lingered on Johns desk and no one seemed to think anything of it.
-----------------------
Johns knee bounced up and down as he lit his cigarette, George had lit his in mere seconds like it had been a race or something. John was aware that something must be bothering the lad and he wasn't sure he wanted to make himself some sort of safe spot for all of George's problems or he might form a habit of it. And even worse, George wasn't going to say it. He was just gonna sit here and smoke. He had just been wondering if John had the same craving as he did and asked him to come down. He wasn't going to ask for advice, he was just going to let it rot with a filthy tipped cigarette in his mouth. So John might have to actually ask him about it and than the habit would be formed with his consent. George, snarky bastard. John rolled his eyes.
"Something shaking ya?" John asked, George looked up from the corner of his eyes.
"You ever, get with someone who's got somebody else?" George asked shyly and maybe half ashamed. John looked at him with impressed shock. He puffed his cig and let it hang away from his face. George waited for an answer, growing more embarrassed by the minute.
"Been with somebody when I had someone else, that count?" Johns voice was distant but full. If George wasn't in the situation he was in, he would've been disgusted.
"Give me some perspective then John" George took his cigarette and put it between his lips as if making his words mumbled might make them less hard to say. "So I've gotten-I mean Richard and I have started something-"
"Georgie gets around, doesn't he?" John laughed but George elected to ignore that and keep going.
"He wanted to break it off with Maureen, his girlfriend but she's gone away for like a week to visit her mum. So he didn't want to tell her over the phone.-"
John flicked his cigarette from his face like he had something to say about it. "So what's the problem? Did ya want him to tell her over the phone? Cause if you did you should've-"
"I told him not too but I'm just not comfortable being with him while Maureen....." He trailed off and looked away. John shook his head.
"You ain't horny teenagers anymore. Keep yer hands to yourselves for the week. When she gets back, he tells her. No backing out of it. If he tries to back out, stop whatever you want to do with him cause it just ain't worth it. Yeah?" John ended that by showing George the dead cigarette he had left. George looked down at it and nodded. He stood up and stomped his out and waited for John to follow him. But John pulled out another cig and gestured for him to go off with out him. When George turned the corner, John pulled his phone from his shirt pocket and dialed it slowly.
"Hello?" Cynthia's voice was tired and strained. He could picture her threading her hand through her messy blonde hair watching Julian waddle around her feet. John was scared for that half second duration of that picture but he let it fade and piped up.
"Hello Cyn. Just calling to ask how things are back there?"
Cynthia's line was quiet for a few seconds but he finally heard something that sounded like a conflicted sigh. "Been quite stressed actually. Julian's gone and called his teacher daddy the other day."
John winced and put his head down. "Well Cyn-"
"Yeah, I get it. The office supply business is really attention hoarding. You're not a rock star John. Kids need their dad to come see 'em. You fix that license suspension yet?" She said with a hard edge in her voice. John rocked his feet back and forth.
"S' on its way. I'm sorry Cynthia. Really. I've done some awful shit. Haven't I?" John snickered a little bit with bite. Cynthia sighed again. A stressed mother kind of sigh.
"Yeah. But your also the father of my son. So, we're working through these things. Get back to work now, come see us when you get the chance?" She asked but it was more of a command. John nodded to himself.
"Yeah. Will do. Tell Jules I love him?"
"Will do."
~~~~~~~~~~~
John hummed irritably as he listened to Mimi drone on. Occasionally he'd throw in a nod or two. But Mimi wasn't daft and John wasn't fooling her.
"John. You have to shape up and take on responsibilities. The rockstar pipe dream needs to be put to an end." She said flatly while looking down at him with a pointed glare. John was just going to ignore her like always did and go upstairs but something in her glare actually made him stay to hear the end.
"So I've given your guitar away." Her voice sounded the tiniest bit regretful but confident in what she'd done. John hung his mouth open.
"You gave my guitar away?!" He stood and felt some mist in his eyes. Mimi looked ready to give another speech but he didn't want to hear it. "Fuck off Mimi!" He shouted and ran up the stairs.
"John Lennon!" She shouted after him to no use.
John slammed his door and his fingers were tingling to strum his now given away instrument. Instead he pulled out the phone. It rang for a few seconds before it was picked up.
"Hello?"
"Mimi's given away me guitar" John skipped the greeting and went right to the issue.
"Oh, John I'm sorry. That's really shitty.-"
"Doesn't really matter though, huh? Can't play nearly as well as you and you've left anyway, never was gonna get any better without ya."
"Spare me that, John. When do you ever pity yourself? You're gonna save up and buy yourself an even better one, won't ya?" Paul smiled to himself.
John snickered and looked out his window. "Yeah. You get one of those conventional jobs up there now?"
Paul sighed. "I clean up in a restaurant. A real fancy one as well. I hate it."
"I knew you would..."
"But they've got this piano player. Plays while everyone stuffs their gobs. I could do that." Paul's voice was seeping with annoyance. John chuckled.
~~~~~~~~~~~
John walked back into the office and took his seat again. The joint office conversation he'd left behind simmered back into actual work. He couldn't start another one so he just decided to makes some sales calls. With Stuart still out, he didn't have much of anyone to bother.
Sure he and Paul had been friendly the other day, but that wasn't an option and Yoko wasn't fun to bother. She got too irritable. He stole a few curious glances at Paul just to see what he was doing. The back of his mind was hoping to catch his eyes.
Paul's confession had been quite jarring to John. It made him angry to hear it. Thinking it was just so Paul to be so desperate for the attention that he'd say it just to make sure John hadn't moved on. But after what George said, he second guessed it all. Eventually, John did catch Paul's eyes. He looked put off and slightly angry. But as soon as he realized John was staring at him, he flushed and looked away.
John took a tiny bit of satisfaction in that. He turned back around and met Yoko's eyes next. She was doing her work but caught his eyes and smiled. He looked down and found the picture in a metal frame on his desk that Cynthia had given him. It was of him and Cyn and Julian. So he met Cyns eyes next.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Cynthia buttoned her shirt back up and sat on the the edge of their bed. She was kicking a leg back and forth while she tucked the other one under her thigh. Echoes of some Bruce Springsteen song played off the radio. She had her arm crossed over her stomach. John was on his knees and pulling his shirt over his head. She had chills running the lengths of her legs and strained her eyes to look at him.
"Do I need to ask? Can I just have the answer?" She asked flatly. John sat with his legs under his thighs.
When the pleasure wasn't satisfying John, he let his mind wander to things. And people just to heat himself up for Cyn. But he hadn't been as careful as he'd usually been. And the name that escaped John's lips was one he'd been curious about for some time but it was not Cynthia.
"Slip of the tongue?" He tried but Cynthia just looked pale and sad. So he stopped trying to think of excuses and went mute.
"That's not your bosses name is it?" She tilted her head. She'd been suspicious of that guy since she'd met him at the Christmas party.
John rubbed the side of his nose. "Um, no. That's Brian. Paul's, well he's nobody actually."
"If that were true, John. I wouldn't be hearing his name when-"
"Let it go. Cyn."
She sighed. And put her other arm across her stomach too. "I'm pregnant"
Johns throats closed up and he crawled next to her, still not wearing his pants. She looked at him with disgust so he shoved them on.
John didn't say much as she stared at him. she looked back at the bed. "Made it worse. Needs to stop, doesn't it?"
"Cynthia-?"
"You've been distant lately and I've gone and made it worse." She looked off at the window with misty eyes.
"How long have you known-?"
"The pregnancy? Since January." She clarified and it Irritated him to no end.
"It's fucking March, Cynthia!" He shouted but he just stood up and nodded.
"Sorry. But I didn't know how you'd take it. You don't take things seriously John." She shrugged. John rolled his eyes. "And I've been suspicious as of late.-"
"Of what?"
"You. You've been so distant and I barely see you."
John swallowed hard, lying had to be the thing he did right now. "I'm not cheating Cynthia." Just occasionally tossing his boss off. She shook her head.
"You said somebody else's name-!"
"It was a mistake. Cynthia I love you" John ached for that to be true. And it was but just not in the way Cyn loved him.
"Alright. I'm gonna let it go. For now" she looked at him with a glare and put her hand on the small of her back and groaned. "I'm gonna go vomit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thought of the time where he'd been continually lying to Cyn and leading Brian on was making him ill. He got up from his desk and went right into Brian's office. Everyone was looking at him as he shut the door and sat down.
Brian looked up from his desk and gave John a nervous questioning look. John sighed. "Been thinking, I owe you a few apologies but I'm only gonna give ya one."
Brian looked completely shocked. But he nodded.
"I did a really shitty thing to you and Cynthia. And I'm sorry."
"Wow, John-"
"It's just crossed my mind and I needed to say it. That was all." John left to avoid Brian gushing about it. He didn't go back to his desk though. He thought about what George had said about Richard and went back to their quarters.
They both looked up. "Richard. I'd like to speak to you for a moment about my clients." He said casually enough. Richard followed him out into the break room before John turned to him.
"I've been informed of a few things, Richard and I'm gonna give you my input."
Richard didn't seem easily intimated but he nodded like he was giving John the satisfaction.
"You got a week. After that you're telling Maureen because all hell will break loose if you don't." He gestures his finger in his face. " I'm not gonna having you leading George on for a lost cause."
Richard nodded again but more understanding.
"He's a mate and its seemed I've let myself become someone he tells shit to so if you don't do the right thing, I'll hear bout it." John's voice was straight forward. "I can trust you on this?"
Richard nodded. "Of course. I really like George. No lost cause here." He shook his head. "Maureen's gonna know. It'll hurt but I'm not a complete arse, I'm telling her." Richard smiled and patted John's shoulder as he left.
"Good" John mumbled under his breath. He smiled for a minute before leaving.
-----------------
John had driven over to Cynthia's flat after work. She seemed happy enough to see him and eagerly handed Julian to him as she went around cleaning up after him. "Work been well?" She asked.
"S'been average. Stuart's making his great return in a couple of days."
"That's great." She smiled and started folding a few clothes and put them into a basket. "Patties told me you've been seeing a woman?" She asked with a hint of amusement while John bounced Julian on his knee.
"Oh, well that's a funny story actually-"
"John Lennon. I don't want to hear it, you haven't grown up at all, have ya? You're leading her on just like ya did with me and with Brian-"
John froze but Cynthia didn't have much bite in her voice. "I've only just realized that the receptionists name is Paul. Was thinking back to the few times I'd called to ask how often you were going into Brian's office today and I remembered his name." She said smugly. "You remember it too? Or shall I say it the way you did-? Oh Paul!" She mockingly gasped and threw her head back while she was still folding a towel.
John put Julian down and stared at her with anger but she just laughed it off. "Can laugh about it now, can't I?" She waved her hand out. "I suggest this time, you do the right thing. So Paul can hear his name over and over and over-"
"Stop it Cyn!" John walked over and reluctantly started helping her fold towels. She pouted.
"If I can't laugh about it, I'll cry." She said teasingly. And John nudged her shoulder as they watched Julian hop around.
Cynthia sat down and Julian hopped into her lap. "Hello, love." She cooed, John sat down next to her and Julian looked at him and mumbled.
"Daddy"
John smiled and took him into his arms.
-----------------
John pulled his coat back on as Cynthia fumbled around the house after having tucked Julian in. She stopped in front of him and pointed.
"License Suspension, fix it. End it with Yoko, and talk to Paul. Also give Stuart some love from me?" She nodded.
"Yeah, yeah. Will do." John nodded. And she shook her head.
"I mean it." She added seriously. And he nodded again.
"I know Cynthia. Look at me, I'm growing." John narrated and she kicked him. "Ow! Cyn! I'm going to, promise." He said sincerely. And she smiled, proud of herself. John gave her one last smile and headed out the door.
-------------------------
When john got home he thought about what Cynthia had told him. He'd been so busy plaguing himself about his past mistakes with Cynthia, he didn't realize he was doing the same thing with Yoko.
And he thought back to the day he'd said Paul's name in bed and he snickered. Cynthia playing 'Tunnel of Love' by Bruce Springsteen hadn't helped him in the slightest. That triggered him into remembering how Paul gushed about that song. He snickered again. He got up to flick through his mail, a few things missing. He sighed. His mailman was shit, he'd always liked the office mailman better.
Keith was always dropping his stuff like a pisser. But Mick was at least good at his job. John threw the envelopes down and sat down at his counter. He ran his hand down from his hair to the tip of his nose and thought about what he was gonna have to tell Yoko tomorrow. He didn't even want to think about what Paul might say.