I'm lying, but I can barely sleep. Hindi mawaglit sa isip ko yung mga sinabi ni Justin kanina. No matter how hard I think, I can't fathom Blake's possible reasons for rejecting that offer.
Ano ba ang maaaring maging rason para manatili siya rito despite of the oppurtunity to be great?
The thought lingered on my mind. Posible kayang dahil takot siya sa lungsod? I shook my head. Someone like him would never fear the city. I think he doesn't fear anything.
Posible kayang dahil sa babae? The mere thought give a slight pinch in my chest.
"Ano bang nangyayari sakin? Hindi naman ako ganito dati ah." And I think I really did change. I'm now talking to myself.
Dati, wala akong interes sa mga kalalakihang nakapalibot sakin. For me, makapasa lang ako sa lahat ng subjects ko with high grades, okay na ako. Magawa ko lang yung responsibilidad ko bilang student leader, I'll be more than happy.
But right now, I'm bothered. At dahil pa sa isang lalaki. How could this be?
I slept with that thought. Nung nagising ako, tapos nang maligo si Shaira.
"Maligo ka na best, malapit nang mag 6:30." I looked at our wall clock and found out that she was right. I hastily jumped out of bed, kumuha ng tuwalya at dumiretso sa banyo. Habang naliligo, naririnig ko pa ang reklamo ni Shaira.
"Bakit ba kasi na late ng gising ang isang yun? Bago ata yun ah."
I pondered at what she said. Oo nga naman, never pang naunang gumising si Shaira sakin. Pero alam kong nag overslept ako dahil late na akong nakatulog kagabi; dahil sa kakaisip kay Blake.
"Hindi na maganda 'to!" Napalakas kong sabi.
"Anong meron best? Ano yung hindi na maganda?" Pasigaw na tanong ni Shaira.
"Ah, wala. Sabi ko, di na maganda yung sabon ko. Makapagpalit na nga ng brand." Balik-sigaw ko sa kanya.
Tama nga siguro sila. Pag na-didistract ka na daw, dapat mo nang iwasan yung source ng distraction. That's why I decided to stay away from Blake. To cut any connection with him.
DALI-dali akong pumasok ng classroom. Whew. Mabuti na lang wala pa yung prof namin.
"Hi Hope."
Kakadecide ko lang na iiwasan na po kita kaya please, don't tempt me.
I just smiled at him, at ibinaling na sa kabilang direksyon ang aking paningin. I don't like staring at his tantalizing eyes. It startles me. It's not safe for me.
Nung naramdaman kong umupo na siya sa katabi kong upuan, agad kong ibinaling ang aking paningin sa harapan. In my peripheral vision, nakikita kong may kinukuha siya sa kanyang bag.
Some of our classmates are busy chatting with each other. Ako, nakaupo lang dun, tila walang pakealam sa paligid.
"B, you're already here? Ang aga mo naman yata." Si Janine habang palapit sa pwesto namin. All of the sudden, parang pinagsisihan kong ginusto kong maupo malapit sa bintana. Sitting near the window means sitting beside the temptation.
"Yep J. Mabuti nga nakaabot ako. Akala ko nga mali-late na ako eh." Blake said, showing his bright smile to Janine.
And I wonder, magkaanu-ano ba sila? Why is it that they are calling each other in the first letters of their name?
Nevermind. Just let them be.
Nung dumating yung prof namin, agad siyang namigay ng papers.
"Class, next meeting, you must pass that project. It's a reflection or reaction paper about a certain story you would choose. Your options are listed in there. Pumili kayo ng isang story diyan then pass the papers on our next meeting. And oh, by the way, you must do it by pairs. The list of your partners are at the back."
I immediately flipped the paper. Nakita kong halos bawat pair eh isang babae at isang lalaki. I just hope na sana yung maging partner ko is responsible naman. Yung maaasahan sa mga gawain, hindi yung tipong aasa lang.
When I found my surname, I immediately shifted my gaze to my seatmate. To my surprise, he is also looking at me.
"So, what's the plan?" He formally asked.
"I guess we must chose a story. Do you have one in mind?" I asked him.
"Uhm..." He scratched his jaws. For some unknown reasons, I find it cute. I smiled a bit at that thought.
Nang mag-angat siya ng paningin, nagkunwari akong nagbabasa.
"Would you mind if we choose this one?"
"Which one?" I turned to him. And bingo. He is also facing me that's why our faces are only inches apart.
"Uy, ano yang ginagawa nyo? Akala ko sabi ni sir, mag brainstorming tayo? Eh bakit mukhang naglalandian naman yata ang dalawang ito?" Dahil sa lakas ng pagkakasabi ni Janine, agad nagsipaglingunan ang mga classmates namin. Dahil dun, inulan kami ng tuksuhan.
"Ayiiee. Pumapag-ibig."
"Hart-hart bess."
"May forever bess."
Iba't-ibang panunukso yung natanggap namin mula sa mga classmates namin.
I can feel the heat slowly spreading in my face. Kahit hindi ako manalamin, alam kong pulang-pula na ako.
"Don't mind them. Let's just choose a story already." He smiled at me. Di ko alam kung comforting ba yung sinabi niya o ano dahil mas nadagdagan pa yata nun yung init sa mukha ko.
"I.. uhm .. what did you choose again?" I asked absent-mindedly.
"I said, can we just choose Romeo and Juliet? At least, alam na natin yung story. Di na tayo masyadong mahihirapan sa pagreresearch."
"You have a point there. So, ito na lang?" I asked him without lifting my gaze.
"Okay. It's settled then." He scooped his bag, and started walking. Nung malapit na siya sa pintuan, bigla siyang huminto. I guess he hesitated for a bit then bumalik sa tabi ko.
"Hope, kailan nga pala tayo pupunta ng library para mag research dito? You know, para mas mapaganda pa natin yung paper natin." He shyly said.
"Mamayang hapon, free ka ba?"
"I guess so. Hingin ko na lang yung number mo para ititext na lang kita pag pupunta na akong library?" He hesitatingly asked. Di ko alam kung guni-guni ko lang ba yun, or I was really seeing fear in his eyes. I'm not so sure.
"Sure. Just text me if you're already available." I told him after kong ibigay ang digits ko sa kanya.
"Uii, ano yang mga available-available na yan? Nakakaintriga na kayo ha?" Janine said, na naging dahilan ng hiyawan ng buong klase.
"Uii, may namumuong love pressure." Hiyawan ng mga kaklase namin.
I think, dinaya ako ng paningin ko, because when I looked at him, nakita ko yung pagpula ng tenga niya.
Gosh. Is he blushing?!
Nahiya siguro sa mga kaklase namin. Sabagay, ako nga nagbablush din naman di ba?
It means nothing right? It must have meant nothing.