The physically, grueling pain was the best part. The feeling of the sting of the lash against his bared skin fueled his animalistic side. He fought to repress a growl by biting his bottom lip until it bled. His body was dying to sink its teeth into some human flesh. He was trying to control the titan appetite within in him but, it was becoming increasingly difficult especially when the scent of human hung in the air. The aroma was deliciously intoxicating and his body automatically stepped forward towards the direction the scent was wafting from but, the tug on his ankle reminded him that he wasn't going anywhere.
"Try to fight it, Trinity," Arik ordered. "Remember that you're human."
Trinity jerked his head in the direction of the glass window half the size of the dull, gray wall of which Commander Arik, Captain Marco, and various other authorized military personnel stood behind observing his actions.
"We're trying to train you fight it." Arik spoke into the speaker. Trinity groaned, turning his head away from his audience and back to the back who was whipping him every time he snarled. The best thing about the pain was that it was a constant reminder. A reminder to not fail. If he were to fail, he would be opened up and studied and if it came to that, so be it then. Thinking back to what Edward confessed the other day also helped keep his grip on his humanity. He would never become like his twin. He was fighting to hold onto all that was beginning to slip away as his hunger pangs hit in tidal waves.
"I-I-I can't. It's been 3 fucking days." Trinity whimpered. He didn't even have tea to temporarily subside the pain. "Just give me something to eat."
He felt the lick of the whip on his back strike again, earning a cry from his dry and bloody lips. He wrapped an arm around his midsection, trying to suppress the pain in his empty stomach. He could barely hold himself up on all fours. Collapsing onto the cold, hard floor was tempting but, of course they wouldn't let him rest. They wanted to push him until he cracked and he was forcing himself to not give in. But they wanted to see him give in to his titan appetite and after that strange meeting with his twin, he was beginning to refuse too. But, he was so hungry it hurt. The chains attached to the wall and falling around his ankles kept him in place.
"How can I fight it when I'm so weak?" Trinity hissed. "When you're torturing me? It's so difficult to concentrate."
"You can fight it. You need to do this, especially if you want to get out of this. If you want to live among humanity, you must learn to push aside this craving."
"How can you possibly do that when you don't even know what I am?" Trinity snarled, bowing his head. "You keep saying you're training me to fight it but, we all know that's not the case."
Trinity raised his head and glared at the soldier in control of the whip. If the chains didn't restrain his ankles, he would've pounced and ripped the fa-
Stop. No, you can't think about eating anybody. We can't let them see my black out rage. I know I agreed to this but, I was ignorant of their intentions. How can they train me to fight something they don't even understand? How could I have not picked up on that? And this soldier whipping me....he's merely a pawn.
Trinity looked from the soldier to the military officials looking in. His eyes roamed on all of their smug, arrogant faces but his eyes stopped on Arik. Trinity quickly turned his head away.
"Aye, soldier." He pushed himself off all fours and leaned back against the wall.
The soldier frowned in confusion, looking to the window and then back to Trinity. An older general on the other side of the window nodded to him.
"What is it, you parasite?" He snarled.
Trinity rolled his eyes, kicking his legs out. "You do realize why they forced you to do this job, don't you?"
The man, confused, shook his head. Trinity sighed. He figured out they wouldn't tell him and why would they? If they did, he would've said no immediately and ran away.
"First things first, soldier. Don't put your life in someone else's hands as they are bound to steal it away. Second, do you want to know why you specifically got this job?"
"It was just a random pick." The soldier muttered.
Trinity shook his head. He had to disagree. He could see right through his superiors. "Nope. You have no one to remember you if you died in the line of duty. No family or friends left, you're all alone. If you died, you would just be another unknown soldier with no one to talk about. You would be another notch in their belts. No one would speak of your contributions to humanity because lets face it; there would be no face to be associated with. You're nothing more than a pawn in their chess game. They gave you this job because they wanted to see me go into my frenzy and you would've been my meal. You're purely a disposable toy to them. You're the bait in the pond, just waiting for the catch."
The soldier brought down the whip across his face, leaving a long, bright red welt running down his cheek to his neck. He flinched from the burning pain being left across his after the lick of the leather material. His stomach growled loud enough for the everyone in the next room to hear.
"Fine. You don't believe me." Trinity felt blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth and onto the curve of his collar bone. He groaned, forcing himself to stand up, not bothering to wipe the blood away.
His eyes narrowed on the clearly shaking officer. He had obviously taken Trinity's haunting words into thought and it seemed to terrify him that this was his end. That he was going to die by the mouth of a monster, a parasite. But, Trinity didn't want to do it. He would never kill anybody. But, his state of hunger desperation has showed he couldn't control who he bit into albeit living or deceased.
"I don't know how much longer I can control myself. It hurts. Please, can we stop?" Trinity pleaded.
Before Arik could say something, an older gentlemen with salt and pepper colored hair stepped up and spoke, "Not yet, son. We need to see you in your animalistic state in order to find a technical cure for it. Some sacrifices must be made in the name of scientific and military advancement."
"Even if it kills somebody?"
The man nodded. "I'm sorry but it has to be done."
"But, I thought you said to fight it. Wasn't this trial kind of the point of that? Of finding how hard I can resist it?"
The man glared at Arik before speaking again. "Sudden change in plans for this trial."
And Trinity instantly felt hatred boiling in his veins for this man. He knew they were going to put him under stress tests to see what it takes to trigger his other side whether it was physical pain or mental torment, as he wanted to find a way to change what he was. But, lately, Edward's words have been lingering in his mind. As they were twins, part of him felt he had some sort of sense of duty to listen to his brother and to protect each other but the other part was holding onto morality. Out of the both of them, Trinity had the better life growing up. He wasn't abused. Abandoned, sure but never abused in any shame or form. Yeah some traumas came along with living with titans but still; he led a good life. He can't say the same for Edward. He was sadistic and cruel but Trinity couldn't blame him. Their "parents" were emotionless and were not nurturing in any way. He had to learn to raise himself and defend himself from a baffling young age. He wasn't entirely stupefied that Edward turned out the way he did but, still. He had a screw or two loose.
Trembling, Trinity stumbled back against the stone wall. He didn't want to kill a living human but this general now wanted him to essentially show off? They couldn't make up their minds, could they?
He refused to fail. He wasn't about to give in to this honeypot. He shook his head, sinking down to the floor. It was all beginning to make sense now. Reverse psychology? An attempt to further see how far he can restrain his appetite for human flesh. It was semi clever but uber transparent. Thinking back on his brothers words, it shouldn't be that hard to figure out why the Titans wouldn't eat him. He merely coveted hybrid DNA in his body. That was it. As for why the Titans took care of him, that remained a mystery. An exact reason. Titans don't give a shit about one another. They seemingly were too stupid, too thoughtless to care about one of their own. Granted, even Titans were curious creatures about something different. Something not quite human and something not quite Titan. So, why did a pod of them nurture young Trinity?
Now, as for this testing? Trinity would ignore the pain and stresses he would endure. If this hunger went further down than basically human biology, then finding a root cause and cure would be a binding task. Almost an arbitrary concept. He and Edward would be the first of an attempt at breeding a new species. A hybrid species the could simply blend in within the human populous. That's if said hybrid was well matured and trained in restraint and disguise. Trinity was merely an infant compared to his twin. Unlike Edward, however; Trinity never wanted to harm, let alone kill a living creature intentionally. Even if men like Arik did wipe out his Titan family, he had to rise above. Finding these triggers through stress and human bait was enough to suppress it down further, into the depths of his heart. He did have to give the humans some credit: he was learning to control his appetite. How could they possibly guess that he wouldn't snap and kill that human bait right in front their eyes? They were risking one life for the sake of advancement of this rest of the human race. Still, Trinity didn't think it was justifiable. But, he assumed if he did snap, the military would be both angered and ecstatic. He had a theory they might attempt to turn him into some kind of super soldier against the Titans but, Trinity wasn't that feeling. He was willing to learn more about himself through these tests but, further than said boundaries would be pushing their luck.
"That's enough!" Arik snapped, pulling Trinity from his thoughts. His eyes flickered from the trembling soldier to the arguing men behind the glass. He watched their arms flail and hands violently gesture in air, fat faces red and veins popping from their temples. He had to admit, though, these humans were known for being greedy. He realized he maybe a pawn in their own personal gains to be seen as the hero of the human race but he wasn't surprised. He learned about human greed awhile ago. He read history books Titans snagged from villages on the outskirts. When greed takes over a human mind, morality is gone the second a person grabs a hold of power. Sure, when they're younger, they're optimistic that they would change the world but, they were all only dreamers. These dreamers would only grow up to be fat, empty shells of their former, exuberantly youthful selves. They would have plenty of money but, not enough kindness. They would be all alone and bitter, sour old men. And that's what these military leaders seem to have turned out to be; he could see that they were once full of light but that light was extinguished a long time ago. Arik still had that young optimism. He was beautiful and thoughtful but, Trinity can already see his future. He knew Arik so badly wanted change but, he also realized that apart of Arik was already giving up. Was already giving into the seed of despair and internal turmoil.
The next thing Trinity knew, he was scooped into a pair of familiar, muscle bound arms. One minute they were enclosed in a dimly lit facility and the next, they were outside, under the ever overcast sky. The cool but gentle breeze kissed the scars, fresh and old, peppered across his skin. A familiar but sound green cloak flew around him, shielding him from the wind that slightly stung his open gashes. He tilted his head and from a lower perspective, he recognized his savior as Commander Arik. His facial expression was blank but his eyebrows are furrowed. He seemed to be rethinking his latest stunt. He could feel the strength his body used as his feet struck the stone streets in a fierce jog.
"Why?" Trinity whispered. "You should've let them continue. You would discover the crucial information about me and my interface networks. Why did you do that?"
But his inquiries went unanswered as Arik continued running until they made it back to the stables. Arik slipped into an empty but clean stall, slamming the door shut, hearing the gears click into place. He dropped Trinity down in the fresh pile of warm hay. He only had a moment to react before Arik brought his cape and his body over his own, shielding him from anyone's view. Not one word was uttered in the silence, only heaving breaths from Arik as he had ran quite a ways. Trinity's eyes locked onto Arik's dilated pupils. His eyes, which were normally light and blue, were now swallowed by darkness and hunger. Something inexplicable lingered in the air. With each breath, Arik staggered in his exhales and sweat dripped down his face and down his neck, disappearing into his shirt collar. Trinity swallowed, his heart picking up the pace in the electrical sound of silence.
"I couldn't," Arik began breathlessly, "I couldn't help it. They were destroying you, abusing you. I didn't know what they were going to do to you fully. It was killing me to see each lash crack open your skin. With each crack of the whip, I was losing my sense of rationality and self restraint. I couldn't bear it. So I stopped it and took you away."
"I'm not Erwin. I don't have the same mentality. I failed him because I let my emotions get the best of me. I let my confused hormones take over my mind and body."
Trinity put a hand on his right shoulder, the muscles beneath his shirt and skin tightened. "No one is asking you to be like your brother. Having emotions is a human thing. You are a kind individual from what I've seen and you're a loyal soldier, as well as husband to Ava."
A sad lingering smile spread across Trinity's lips as he continued looking into Arik's eyes. "She's lucky, you know."
Unknowingly, a single tear escaped the corner of his left eye, sliding down his pale face. His heart was falling to pieces just beneath his sternum palate. His lungs felt like they were collapsing, crushing his heart in between.
Is this what a broken heart feels like? Why does it hurt so? I don't know why I'm like this. Can't I just treasure our friendship? Well, he is the first human who has been so generous to me. He offered me a place to stay. Well, technically it was court ordered but nonetheless, he was welcoming. It hasn't been long since I got here so, how am I already this emotionally attached? Ava is lucky to have this gentle giant as her husband. He's beautiful and a wonderful person.
Warm, calloused fingers swiped his tear away. The thumb attached to said hand caressed his cheek. Strands of blond hair grazed his forehead. Warm breath hit his face, heating the skin in contact. Eyes to eyes, breath to breath, and entangled legs in hay. Arik grinned down at the innocent boy beneath him.
"You're so fragile," Arik whispered, chuckling. "I feel like I could just break you even just by laying on you like this."
Trinity giggled, bubbles of hiccups escaping his pale pink lips. "I lived among Titans. Do you really thing I'd break that easily?"
Arik shook his head, a full, heartfelt grin plastered on his face. "No, I guess not."
Arik rested his head in the crook of Trinity's neck, just silently breathing against his pallid skin. He would be lying if he said goosebumps weren't crawling up his back. His fingertips slipped from Trinity's cheek, down the tender slope of his throat, and to his chest. His fingers fanned out on his skin and gently massaged his right side ribs. He skipped over bruises so he didn't hurt him. The feel of his skin was like silk; it was soft, delicate, and sensitive. Arik raised his head when he heard shallow breaths escaping Trinity's lips, slightly worried he was having some sort of breathing issue but was relieved when he saw his head tilted back, eyes shut, and lips parted slightly. He was relaxed and content. Just looking at his face, Arik was able to see his youth and cherub face, all facial muscles in a blissful comatose state. Arik sat up, letting his cape fall back into place, and reached to his neck and untied it. He laid it across Trinity before standing up. A hand surprise him by latching onto his ankle. He looked down and saw Trinity, staring up at him all wide eyed and concerned.
"Don't go." He whispered. "Please?"
Arik looked out the slot on the stall door and saw the sun setting. No one will be back this way till morning. He sighed and sat down, crossing his legs.
"Ok, I'll stay." Arik smiled, his heart pounding in his chest. His body was sending him some pretty obvious signals. He hopes keeping his legs crossed would help. Unfortunately, Trinity crawled into his lap; completely ignorant to Arik's personal situation. He wrapped his arms around Trinity, keeping him close. His body broke out into a sweat, causing his clothes to stick to him.
"Arik? What's poking my lower back?" Trinity blushed, giggling.
"Probably a s-stick in the hay." Arik had to clear his throat to keep his voice from going up several octaves.
Trinity pressed his ear to his chest and listened to his racing heart. "Oh, you're warm. Are you ill?"
Arik wrapped his hand around Trinity's and cradled it against his heart. He wanted this boy. He wanted to take care of him and be gentle. He wanted to protect him from impending danger. He looked into his eyes and leaned down and captured his lips with his.
Trinity, completely caught off guard, froze for a minute but leaned into the kiss, all logical thoughts being shut out. He completely melted into Arik's gentle kiss. Their lips explored each other's before Arik snaked his tongue into Trinity's mouth.
Without realizing it, Arik had laid Trinity back on the hay pile, continuing his kiss without breaking away. His tongue caressed Trinity's soft lips, earning a little whimper. Trinity's hips, instinctively, bucked up into his, desperate to feel pressure on his hardening cock. Arik smiled between sweet mini kisses as he peeled off his shirt. Trinity wrapped his arms around his neck, and legs around his waist, pulling so close that there was no possible spaces left between them. Arik had to refrain from moaning when his body landed on Trinity's. He quickly and carefully slipped his pants off so, now they were skin to skin. Arik's body was desperate to feel Trinity. His hands slowly wandered all over Trinity's curvaceous foreign geography. His fingers grazed every nook and cranny of Trinity's body, not daring to leave out an inch. His giant hands grabbed and massaged random areas of his fragile body. Trinity pulled back from their passionate but hungry kiss and smiled up at Arik, who was grinning from ear to ear as well. Their bodies seemed to breathing in time with each other.
"Oh shit." Arik whispered, his speech coming out in ragged breaths. "I couldn't help it."
Trinity giggled, nuzzling his face into Arik's chest. Arik wrapped his arms around him and rolled them onto their sides. They just laid silently in the hay, legs entangled together. Arik let his fingers stroke the boys soft, spider web delicate silvery hair. He wished he could call him his. In fact, Arik was sort of relieved they stopped their foolish messing around. He internally cursed himself for losing his self discipline. Yeah, he did enjoy touching and kissing Trinity in his dazed state of euphoria, however; realistically, he couldn't go farther. He had a marriage to protect. He had to remain, not only a loyal soldier, but a loyal husband as well. Besides, he was 28 and Trinity was a young age of 17. It wasn't quite right, especially in the eyes of his superiors and in-laws. He won't deny his lust for Trinity, as that is further impossible to hide. But, to spare Trinity and Ava, he can't let this go on, unfortunately.
He turned his head down and opened his mouth to say something but soft, quiet snoring stopped his train of thought before he could even get any words out of his lips. Trinity was fast asleep, his head resting in the crook of his arm. Arik sighed, stroking his cheek before turning his head to the ceiling. The only light illuminating the stall was a torch hanging from the post next to the door. He was most conflicted. He wanted to pick up and leave with Trinity and just move into the countryside. He could spend all day working up a sweat in the fields then come home to Trinity sitting by the fire and make love to him all night. As much as he liked the idea, it was only a daydream.
Arik carefully slid his arm out from under Trinity's head and sat up. He had to go. He didn't want Ava to get worried, about him mostly. He turned his head and looked down at Trinity, who was curled up into a ball, burrowing himself into the warm hay. As much as his heart ached leaving him here, he had to go. He didn't want to disturb him as the boy was obviously exhausted from the physical strain he's been through the last few days. Arik shuffled into his pants and shirt as quietly as he could, slipping on his boots once he was fully clothed. He put his hand on the door but stopped before he could open it. He looked down at the boy in the straw. He was on his side, curled up into a tight ball. His boney arms were wrapped tightly around his sickly thin legs, clutching them to his chest. His silver hair was disheveled and glimmered in the fire light of the torch, sparkling even. Streaks of shimmering tears stained his flushed face. Arik had to turn away so he wasn't tempted to comfort him.
Maybe he's just having a nightmare.
With that in mind, Arik took off, closing the door before he left. Trinity opened one eye, the sound of the squeaking gears turning disrupted his nap. He found himself all alone in silence and despair. His heart twisted into a tight knot. He sank back into the straw, silently weeping himself to sleep.