8
Hindi ko mapigilang maawa kay Rome dahil si sinabi ni Bryant. I saw how his back stiffened while he consoles our other two sons. Humihikbi pa si Bryant sa aking balikat at ayaw ng bumitiw sa akin.
"Alis mo siya Mama. I don't like him." He seriously said. His small eyes, which he got from Rome, became smaller. I brushed his tears away before kissing Bry's nose.
"Bryant, baby listen to me." Anas ko. Humihikbi pa rin siya pero nakinig na siya sa akin.
"Bread man is a nice person okay? He won't hurt you."
He pursed his lips and hugged me tighter. Hindi na ito nagsalita kaya dinala ko na siya sa kanyang high chair. I sat him there and took his bib. Kinalas ko iyon para mailagay noong huminto ako.
"Do you want to put this on him?" I asked Rome. Bahagyang nanlaki ang mata niya bago tiningnan si Bryant.
"I-is it okay? Baka umiyak ulit?" nag aalala niyang sabi. Ngumuso lamang ako at kinuha ang kamay ni Rome para ilagay roon ang bib.
"Baby, Uncle bread man and Mama will put your bib on, okay?" paliwanag ko sa bata. His eyes were guarded while staring at Rome.
"Mama.." tawag sa akin ni Bryant. I held Rome's hand tighter. Naramdaman ko ang sagot niyang pagpisil rin.
"Ian.." tawag rin niya sa akin. Bahagya pa akong natawa dahil pareho ng tono ang mag-ama.
Lumapit kami kay Bryant para ilagay ang bib. Dahan dahan pa si Rome sa pagkakabit habang si Bryant ay nakatingin sa akin. I smiled at my son who was just staring at me.
Noong maisuot ni Rome iyon ay bigla na lang siyang bumuga ng hangin. He looks so relieved while looking at my eldest son. Nakatitig lamang si Bryant sa kanya bago naagaw ang atensyon niya sa inihain kong pagkain.
"Let's eat Kuya." I told him. He took his spork and started eating. Si Rome naman ay nanatiling nakatayo sa harapan nina Chasin at Neron na tahimik ng kumakain ng niluto niya.
"Kumuha ka ng upuan doon Rome. Saluhan mo kami." Utos ko. He looked at me before he gave me a breathtaking smile. Bahagya pa akong natigilan noong makita ko kung gaano kalaki ang ngiting iyon. It was as if I laid the world on his feet. Pinapakuha ko lang naman siya ng upuan.
Mabilis siyang kumuha ng stool bago niya ako pinagkuha ng pinggan. He sat beside me and we ate together with the kids. Maya maya lang ay sumandok siya sa isang kutsara bago iyon itinaas.
"Here comes the airplane." Anunsyo niya. Chasin and Neron opened their mouths while giggling. I looked at Bryant who was looking at Rome's spoon.
"Vrooom." Rome said bago niya ibinigay kay Neron ang laman ng kutsara. Bryant giggled before pointing at Rome.
"That's not the sound of a plane." Reklamo ng anak ko. I bit my lip silently and looked at Rome. Nakanganga ito bago sumandok ulit. Hindi na naman niya napigilan ang ngiti niya.
"Yesh. It's bam bam!" sabat ni Neron na kumakawag pa ang paa. Napailing na lamang ako at pinunasan ang mukha nitong puno ng kanin.
"No it's not. It's swoosh!" Chasin countered. Napakadaldal naman po.
Patuloy sila sa paglalaro. Maging si Bryant ay nagpasubo na rin kay Rome. Noong isang kutsara na lang ang natira ay tiningnan ko ang ama nila.
"Now who should I give this to?" he asked the kids. Sabay sabay na ngumanga iyong tatlo. Sheez, ang sarap nilang picturan. My heart swelled just by looking at my children with their father.
"Mama!" Neron said. Lumingon ako dito.
"What baby?" I asked. Tinuro ako ni Chasin.
"Give it to Mama."
"Yes! Mama didn't eat an airplane yet." sagot namin ni Bryant. Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko noong nilingon ako ni Rome.
"Here Mama." Aniya, hindi mapigilan ang ngisi. Damn it!
"Rome.." tawag ko rito. He held my chin and tilted my head upwards.
"Say aah Ma." Aniya. Pinamulahan ako ng mukha bago ako ngumanga. Sinubo niya sa akin iyong kanin bago tumawa ng malalakas ang mga bata. Agad ko namang iniwas ang mukha ko sa kanya matapos iyon.
"Masarap si Mama." Aniya. My head snapped. Ano raw?
"What?"
Nagkamot siya ng batok. "Masarap ba Mama? I cooked that." May pagmamalaki niyang sabi. I stared at him. Iyon ba yung sinabi niya kanina? Hindi ko na lamang siya sinagot pa.
Naubos ng mga bata ang pagkain nila dahil sa ginawang paglalaro sa kanila ni Rome. Noong matapos ang tatlo ay pinabayaan ko silang maglaro sa sala. Kinuha ko lamang ang mga pinagkainan nila bago iyon dinala sa lababo.
"I am the dinosaur!" sabi ni Rome sa malaking boses. Tumakbo iyong mga bata para magtago habang hinahabol sila ng kanilang Papa. Napailing na lamang ako habang natatawa. I never heard the kids laugh like that.
"Youw not a dinosaw! Dinosaw have tails!" Neron said. Nagpunas ako ng kamay at sinilip silang tatlo.
"What am I then?" Rome asked, katulad ni Neron ay hinihingal din. Chasin jumped up and down before raising his arms.
"You're bread man!" anunsyo nito. I laughed out loud kaya napatingin sa akin si Rome. He grinned before sitting down. May sinabi siya sa mga bata na matamang nakikinig sa kanya.
"Shall we?" he asked. Kumunot naman ang noo ko.
Naglakad ang tatlo palapit sa akin bago hinila ang aking kamay.
"Mama, you sit here." Utos ni Bryant. Umupo naman ako sa sofa habang nagtataka.
"Why?"
"Mama we're going to sul..uhm.."Neron stopped. He looked at his brother's silently asking for help.
"Surprise you!" Chasin said. I smiled wider and kiss his cheeks.
"Bread man!" Bryant called. Lumabas si Rome mula sa kwarto dala dala ang isang gitara. My brows furrowed while looking at him.
Lumapit sa kanya iyong tatlo habang nakatingin sa dala ng Papa nila. Bryant touched it and his eyes widened.
"What's that?" Chasin asked. Umupo si Rome para magkapantay silang apat.
"It's called a guitar."
"Gataw?" Neron said. Tumawa si Rome bago ginulo ang buhok nito.
"Guitar baby. Gui-tar."
"What?
Bryant and Chasin stared at Neron before they looked at Rome. "It's guitar Neron." Chasin said before walking away. Si Bryant naman ay talagang interasado sa gitara ng ama.
"Do you eat that?" Neron asked again. Umiling na si Rome.
"No. It's used when you sing, right bread man?" Bryant said. Rome looked at me, halatang namangha sa sinabi ni Bryant.
"Yes. Where did you learn that?"
"Spongebob." Sagot ng anak ko bago tumakbo papunta sa akin. Tumayo na rin si Rome at hinawakan si Neron sa kamay at dinala sa akin. Pagkatapos ay umupo siya sa sahig bago ako tiningnan.
"What are you doing?" I asked him. Nagkibit balikat lamang siya bago sinimulang kalabitin iyong gitara niya.
"There are words that I should have said before Ianna. There are things that I should have done for you but I didn't because I was afraid. I'm sorry Ian." He said. Nag iwas lamang ako ng tingin at yumuko.
"Just like my father, I vowed to myself that I will only sing for my greatest love." Aniya. Marahas akong napalingon sa kanya. He closed his eyes and started humming.
Nangilabot ako habang pinapakinggan siya. My heartbeat was thundering and I don't know what to do anymore. Hindi na ako mapakali sa sofa. Damn it.
I don't love him anymore. Matagal ng nabura iyon. Hindi na. Wala na dapat. No, Ian. Stop please. You've been hurt too much, you can't go back there..please. Ayoko na.
'Much as you blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way that you feel
Had no example of a love that was even remotely real
How can you understand something that you never had?
Ooh, baby, if you let me, I can help you out with all of that'
Kinagat ko ang labi ko habang nakatitig lamang sa kanya na kumakanta. Why is he singing that? Why is he singing for me? I am not his greatest love. I am nobody's greatest love! No one chose me before! Not Mama, not even him. Binigay ko lahat para lamang maubos sa huli. Hindi ko na kayang maulit pa iyon.
I felt the hands of my kids while listening to their father. Kung alam lang nila, their Papa hurt me so much back then. He destroyed me. He turned his back on me. He chose another girl. Hindi ko na kayang bumalik sa panahon na iyon. It was too much.
'Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Girl let me love you
I know your trouble
Don't be afraid, girl let me help
Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself'
He opened his eyes and I was greeted by his green eyes, eyes that looked exactly like my sons. Nanikip muli ang aking dibdib habang patuloy lamang siya sa pagkanta.
I don't want to repeat the same mistakes again. I am afraid to love again because he might not love me back. I am afraid to trust because he might shatter me at the end. I am afraid to try once more because I can't bear if I will be hurt again.
Tumayo na ako mula sa sofa kaya biglang tumigil si Rome sa pagkanta. Ibinaba niya ang gitara niya at mabilis na nilapitan iyon ng mga bata.
"Yan." He called me. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko para piglan ako.
"Rome, please." I almost begged him. Hindi ko na nga alam kung ano bang ipinakikiusap ko. I just want him gone.
Hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong braso bago ako tinitigan. Nag iwas lamang ako ng tingin para hindi ko siya harapin.
'I can see the pain behind your eyes
It's been there for quite a while
I just wanna be the one to remind you what it is to smile
I would like to show you what true love can really do'
"Alam ko na wala akong karapatang hingin ito sayo Ian, but I want to start again. I want to have a chance to prove to you that I have changed---"
"You're going to hurt me again." Madiin kong sabi. I saw how pain flickered in his eyes but I couldn't care less. Mas nananaig sa akin ang takot ko. Paano kung masaktan ulit ako? Saan ako pupulutin?
"Yes. Yes, I will. Hindi ako perpekto at kahit na gawin ko ang lahat, masasaktan at masasaktan pa rin kita. At masasaktan mo ako. But I promise you, that even though we would hurt each other, we would still hurt together." Deklara niya. I shook my head. Tumulo na ang luha ko at agad niya iyong pinunasan.
"Don't cry. Your tears would kill me baby." Bulong niya. Naramdaman ko ang init ng labi niya sa aking noo bago niya binura ang mga luha ko.
'Girl let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself
Girl let me love you
I know your trouble
Don't be afraid, girl let me help'
"I want to have a life with you, with the kids Yan. I want to correct everything that is wrong. I want to try once more." Aniya. Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya at niyakap ng mahigpit.
I closed my eyes as another tear fell. Hindi ko sinagot ang yakap niya. Pero hindi ko rin naman siya tinulak palayo.
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Song Used:
Let Me Love You - Jacob Artist cover