**Still Sherlock's POV**
I wake up, although im not sure what time it is. I still feel weak, but i know i feel better than before. I can hear the beeping of the machine next to me, which i guess is a good sign. I start to open my eyes, there's not much light in the room so i don't have to adjust to it. There was a lamp on, but that's about it.
I stay there, staring up at the ceiling, trying to regain my energy. I then feel a weight in my hand, that was probably there all this time. I manage to turn my head, and in front of me and see Holland sitting on a chair with her hand in mine. She's asleep.
I didn't want to wake her up, but i desperately needed some water as my throat was dry as hell. I wasn't even sure if i had the strength to move my arm, but i finally manage, and i shake my hand that was in hears, hoping she would feel the movement and wake up.
It doesn't take long. Her eyes open slowly and widen when she see's me. "Sherlock? You're awake! Shall i get the nurse?-"
I cut her off from panicking, "No, i just need some water." I sounded weak. I hated this, feeling fragile and weak. I also hated feeling so vulnerable, and the fact that I was in hospital made me feel embarrassed. I cleared my throat.
"Uh, okay." She moved her hand away from mine and walked towards the sink, grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with water. It was funny really, I liked her hand in mine. She held my hand for a long period of time when I was unconscious, because now my hand just feels cold without her holding it. "Here."
I don't say thank you, but I nod my head at her to give her the message that I appreciate the water. She smiles slightly, and sits back down in the chair.
"Did you stay the night?"
"You don't have to speak if it hurts." She states, "Or if its too much effort. Rest for a while."
"Im fine." I tell her, but in truth, I felt pretty weak, "Did you stay the night?"
"Yeah." She mumbles, "More like four days."
"Oh."
"John and Mary went home, I told them to get some rest."
I remember what Mary had done, and feel angry. But i know there was a reason to what she did, i just needed to figure it out, but at the moment i felt too tired to think, "Did you get any rest?"
"I was just asleep wasn't I?"
"Guess so." I mumble, although she knew what i meant. Sleeping in a chair wasn't good, i wanted to know if she got any proper sleep but decided not to say anything more of the subject as being quiet was much more easier for me. I take some sips of my water and think about what I've messed up.
Holland was the only woman who could see what i do is strange and sometimes dangerous, but yet admitted to liking me. She didn't need the attention from her lovers like other women did, she could see that i wasn't comfortable with that date night stuff. And yet she still liked me for being un-social and the guy who hid his emotions. She literally couldn't care less if I didn't want to act like a normal partner back, so why am I throwing away the one chance I could have with someone who's not a complete idiot and understands me?
I've messed it up.
"Im sorry." I say. Her head rises and she raises her eyebrow.
"What for?"
"...For Janine. I thought i was going to die and the last image you would've had of me was me pretending to be with her for a case."
"Actually the last imagine i would of had of you would be you leaving the building on a stretcher."
"Stop ruining the moment. Im trying here."
The edges of her lips pull upwards into a slightly smile, enjoying the fact that Im actually trying to say sorry to someone for a mistake I made. "I know."
But to be honest, I don't really regret anything. I got into Magnussens office and saw the truth about Mary.
"I am sorry. Truly." I tell her, my eyes fluttering slightly. She smiles warmly again, and leans up to kiss my forehead.
"Rest." She commands softly, and leaves the room to get the nurse. Once again i lose my strength, and i feel myself going to sleep before everything goes black.
**Two Weeks Later**
John and Holland have been in and out. I've seen Mary visit once again with John, but we didn't really talk. Holland visits the most because she doesn't have a job to go to, and when she does visit she makes sure to bring me some proper food, unlike the food i get at the hospital. It's disgusting.
My eyes were close, but i was awake. I was thinking about Mary, and who she really was. The top of my hospital bed has been raised a little now. I finally open my eyes and lift my head from the pillow with a tired sigh at the sound of rustling newspapers. In front of me, Janine was holding up the front page of a newspaper to show me. The headline of the Daily Express reads, 'SHAG-A-LOT HOLMES' and the strapline says, 'Sherlock is as red blooded as they come, claims fiancé'. Then she shows another newspaper – the Daily Mirror – which has a red strapline at the top reading, 'EXCLUSIVE – SHERLOCK HOLMES KISS AND TELL' and a main headline saying, '7 TIMES A NIGHT IN BAKER STREET'. She lowers the papers and showed an inside page of one of the broadsheets. A large photograph of Janine smiling into the camera while wearing a deerstalker hat, and the headline reads, 'He made me wear the hat.'
"I’m buying a cottage." She says while sitting on the side of the bed near my feet, "I made a lot of money out of you, mister."
I lift one of the papers and look at it.
"Nothing hits the spot like revenge for profits."
"You didn’t give these stories to Magnussen, did you?" I question tiredly.
"God, no – one of his rivals. He was spittin’!" She then looks angrily at me, "Sherlock Holmes, you are a back-stabbing, heartless, manipulative bastard."
I press the button on a remote on the bed and the top of my bed rises, pushing me into a more of a sitting position, "And you – as it turns out – are a grasping, opportunistic, publicity-hungry tabloid whore."
"So we’re good, then!"
"Yeah, of course." I smile a little, "Where’s the cottage?"
"Sussex Downs."
"Hmm, nice."
"It’s gorgeous. There’s beehives, but I’m getting rid of those."
I try to push myself higher on the bed but then gasp in pain. What the hell, im sure im on mor-
"Aw, hurts, does it? Probably wanna restart your morphine. I might have fiddled with the taps."
"How much more revenge are you gonna need?" I grimace, then reach across to the machine beside my bed and push a button to release a dose of morphine into the drip in my arm.
"Just the occasional top-up." She looks around the room, "Dream come true for you, this place. They actually attach the drugs to you!"
"Not good for working."
"You won’t be working for a while, Sherl." She jokes sarcastically, then begins softly, "You lied to me. You lied and lied."
"I exploited the fact of our connection."
"When?! Just once would have been nice."
"Oh. I was waiting until we got married."
"That was never gonna happen!" She laughs in annoyance, but her face softens again, "I knew it would never work out anyway. You have cases and John and Mary, and then theres Holly-"
"What about Holland?"
"I've been in rubbish relationships, you being one of them." She starts, "But i know when someone is in love. I can see it in their eyes. It's not desperate or needed lust. Its just passion and love."
I roll my eyes, "Are you done yet?"
"I see the looks you give her, Sherlock." She says. Its quiet for a few seconds, and i just stare at her, "And if you wanna' know, she gives you the same looks too."
She sighs and stands up, "Got to go." She walks over to m and kisses my forehead, then gently wipes her lipstick from my skin with her thumb, "I’m not supposed to keep you talking." She picks up her handbag, "And also I have an interview with The One Show and I haven’t made it up yet."
I look up to the ceiling with a soft sigh. She walks to the door then turns back.
"Just one thing." I look at her as she speaks, "You shouldn't have lied to me. I know what kind of man you are ... but we could have been friends." She smiles at me, "I’ll give your love to John and Mary."
Then she goes out, closing the door behind her. I look towards the door thoughtfully, then look upwards for a moment. I turn towards the morphine dispenser and, grunting in pain, then push the button to lower the dosage. The read-out shows the level dropping back to a lower level. I releases the button with a tired sigh. I close my eyes, and enter my mind palace then start thinking about Mary again.
"So..." I say slowly, probably talking out loud. I start thinking about what i deduced when i first met her. Liar.
She was a liar, and i thought nothing of it.
"Mary Watson. Who are you?"