The family goes on vacation.
WARNING: Fire, Bad Language, (Probably Rough) Translations, Craziness
"Does everyone have everything they need packed?" Bruce asked as Richard came down the steps with his suitcase.
"Yep!" Dick smiled.
He received a few nods and Damian's "Tt."
"May I suggest that everyone take the weapons they have packed out of their suitcases before we get to the airport?" Alfred more said then asked.
"We go on a private jet anyways." Jason said.
"I still do not want you having weapons." Alfred said, holding his hand out.
Jason and Damian sighed as they had to take out all the weapons in their suitcases.
Cass did so without complaining.
"Utility belts and costumes too. This is vacation, not work." Alfred said.
Steph, Bruce, and Tim took out their utility belts.
Bruce, Tim, Damian, Cass, and Jason all took out their uniforms.
"Seriously? Am I the only one who isn't so paranoid?" Richard asked.
Alfred looked at him and held out his hand.
Richard looked at it before grimacing.
He took a pocket knife out of his right pocket.
"Seriously? You can't say anything, Dickie. You had a weapon!" Jason said.
"I only had one! You all had at least three each!" Dick said.
"Master Damian, I suggest you leave the cookware here also." Alfred said, looking at him sternly.
Damian grumbled as he undid his suitcase and pulled out a frying pan.
"What?" Richard asked, looking at the frying pan.
"I don't have to explain myself to you." Damian said.
"Now, everyone can put their suitcases in the car. Jason, take your guns out." Alfred said.
"We're completely unprotected then!" Jason protested.
Alfred raised an eyebrow.
Damian snorted, "You may be, but I am not."
"You little shi-" Jason started.
"JASON!" Richard scolded.
"Yeah, yeah, Dickhead." Jason brushed him off, putting his guns on the table.
"The one on your ankle too." Alfred reminded him.
Jason cursed and threw the gun down.
"Now you may put your suitcase in." Alfred said.
Soon, they were off to the airport.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They were all on one of Bruce's private jets.
Jason had his legs kicked up as he reclined in his seat.
Tim was tapping away on his laptop.
Cass helped Steph play a strategy game.
Alfred was watching the scenery pass by.
Bruce was reading a newspaper and sipping some coffee.
Richard was asleep with Damian laying on Richard's right side, also asleep.
"How does he snore so loudly?" Jason asked, looking at Richard.
"Let him be. He had a hard day yesterday." Bruce said, not looking up from the newspaper.
Damian made a loud snoring sound as he wrapped his arms around Richard in his sleep.
That had everyone's attention.
"Did Damian just...?" Tim trailed off.
"He totally did!" Jason laughed quietly.
Cass and Steph paused their game so that they could take some pictures of the two.
Alfred's smartphone rang as Steph messaged him the pictures.
Alfred smiled as he flipped through them before saving them to his album entitled, 'The Batty Ones'.
Oh, the scrapbook would be amazing!
He could imagine it now.
A few teddy bears, heart cutouts, and a few choice words, like 'Cuddle' and 'Cute' around these photos.
Yes, scrapbooking would come soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They touchdown in their vacation destination as the sun started to go down.
"Boys, wakey, wakey." Bruce shook Damian and Richard lightly.
Damian used his reflexes to try and flip Bruce, but Bruce being used to this, quickly stopped him.
Richard however was still asleep.
"Dickie, come on, up." Bruce shook him again.
"I have this one, Dad." Damian said, still tired.
Bruce, in slight shock, watched as Damian handled Richard.
Damian sat on Richard's lap.
He then slapped Dick across the face.
"I'm up!" Dick said, sitting up straight with wide eyes.
"Good. Carry me." Damian laid his head on Richard's shoulder.
"I can do you one better. Five more minutes." Dick laid back down.
"No! Both of you, up now!" Bruce clapped his hands.
"Neiiiiiin!" Richard groaned, slipping back into German. (Nooooo!)
"Tt." Damian snorted, "I was promised five more minutes."
"No, we have to go." Bruce said.
He picked Damian up and brought him to his feet, against Damian's protest.
Next he pulled Richard to his feet.
"Bruuuuuuuce." Dick moaned out with a pouty face.
"You can sleep when we get to the hotel." Bruce said.
"Großes Bett?" Richard asked. (Big bed?)
"Ja." Bruce answered. (Yes.)
Dick yawned before nodding.
He took Damian's hand into his and started to walk out of the plane.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bett!" Dick yelled before falling onto the bed in their hotel room.
"Hmmmmm." Damian collapsed next to him.
Dick pulled Damian close and made grabby hands towards the rest of them.
"Seriously, Dickhead?" Jason asked.
"Cuddle!" Richard smiled tiredly.
"Let's just put the bags down and take a nap." Bruce said.
No one would argue against that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Come on boys, get up." Bruce shook them awake.
"Five." Dick didn't even finish his sentence.
Jason just snored loudly before turning over.
Damian cuddled into Richard's arms more.
"Come on; Alfred, Tim, and I are already up." Bruce said, shaking them awake once more.
Dick groaned while Damian got up.
There was no way Jason was getting up at 6 AM.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What's for today?" Steph asked while eating waffles, bacon, and some eggs.
"Sailing and surfing, or any water sport." Bruce said.
Richard's eyes lit up.
"This is a bad idea." Jason smirked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How? Just how?" Bruce asked in anguish.
"I don't know." Dick said in seriousness.
"No, I wanna know how that-THAT- happened!" Bruce said angrily, pointing at the boat.
It was currently on fire.
"When did you become a pyromaniac? First the house, then the car, now a boat?" Jason asked.
"Don't remind me." Bruce shuttered.
"Okay, first of all, it wasn't my fault." Dick said.
"That's a lie! If that slut wasn't flirting with you, this wouldn't have happened!" Damian yelled in jealousy.
"Dami, it was harmless flirting!" Dick said.
"I will burn her to the ground." Damian said with a twisted smile.
"Wait. Damian set the boat on fire?" Jason sighed in relief.
"One, told you it wasn't me. And two, what does that sigh mean?" Dick asked a bit defensively.
"I thought it was weird that you set fire to a boat, but now since we know it was Damian, it's not so weird that the boat's on fire." Jason said.
"That doesn't excuse this behavior! Damian, what were you thinking? Were you even thinking?" Bruce yelled.
Damian didn't look fazed.
Dick put a hand on Bruce's shoulder.
Richard knelt down so that he was eyelevel with Damian.
"Damian. You can't go around burning things down because you're jealous. Give me the lighter." Damian handed the lighter over, "I can't trust you with this anymore. What you did was unacceptable. I'm very disappointed." Dick said, crossing his arms as he stood up.
"I'm sorry Grayson." Damian said, looking down and shuffling his feet a bit.
"Stop saying sorry and just don't do it. Because when you keep doing this, I don't think you're sorry." Dick said.
"I am though." Damian said.
"No, I don't think you are. And I'm upset that you've lied to me now." Dick said.
Damian kept his head down but didn't say anything.
"I think you need a night away from me. You're switching sleeping arrangements with Tim." Dick said.
"WHAT?!" Damian screeched, "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
Dick just walked away.
"Cold." Jason whistled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That night, neither Dick nor Damian got a good night's sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~
"Grayson! I'm sorry! I just don't want them flirting with you! You're mine! And those harlots won't take you away!" Damian yelled as he ran to Richard and hugged his legs.
"Damian. We need to talk about this." Dick said, putting a hand on Damian's shoulder and looking him in the eyes.
Damian nodded and they both went to the bedroom.
The rest of the family got breakfast in silence, straining to hear anything from the room.
After a few minutes, Richard came out with a sniffling Damian.
They both stood in front of the family and Dick gave Damian a small push forward.
"Dami." Richard said.
"I-I'm s-sorry th-that I s-set the b-boat on f-fire." Damian sniffled.
"And?" Dick asked.
"A-And b-being a b-bad son." Damian obviously was addressing Bruce in the last line.
"What else?" Richard asked.
"I-I p-promise not-not to d-do it a-again." Damian said.
"Okay, take a seat now." Richard pointed to the chair next to Bruce.
Dick took the seat between Jason and Tim.
"Waffles!" Dick laughed before piling some on two plates and scooping some strawberries on one and syrup and peanut butter on another.
He placed the one with strawberries in front of Damian and the other plate in front of himself.
Richard dipped a part of the syrup-covered waffle in the peanut butter before he popped it into his mouth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"JASON!" Bruce screamed.
"Not. My. Fault." Jason growled.
"How come he gets to set things on fire?!" Damian demanded to know.
"One, he doesn't. Two, he set someone on fire." Bruce growled dangerously low.
"Yeah? Well tell him I don't fuck around with cheaters!" Jason yelled.
"Just because he cheated at Tennis doesn't mean you can set someone of fire!" Bruce yelled back.
"Stop!" Dick yelled over the two of them, "We can talk about this in the rooms."
"Grayson is right, we are drawing a crowd...again." Damian said.
Bruce let out a tired sigh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This is why we don't go to vacation anymore." Bruce said, sitting in his jet seat.
Surprisingly, the hotel let them stay after what Jason did; the man he set on fire was put out immediately.
However, they drew the line at the accidental fire from Dick.
He knew he was restricted from the kitchen.
But it was 3 AM and he was hungry.