A/N: Alrighty...another long ass chapter. This has a little bit of angst, but that is only to be expected. Lots of Camren moments in here. Small Adrianne/Kim, kinda Camila/Clara, even a little Frankie.
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Camila and Lauren met up with Michelle and Ariana for breakfast the next morning for a bit more of an intimate gathering. Clara would have been invited but she pushed the 'friendly' boundaries after the show. Lauren thought she and Ariana were going to end up in a smack down over something that everyone else was ignorant about. Lauren was fairly certain she knew what it was about but didn't want to push the envelope any further and kept her mother by her side when the five of them went out for dinner afterward.
But Clara offered to sit this meeting out. This was about Lauren and Michelle and she didn't think she could control herself around the other woman. Now that the tears were done and the initial shock had warn off, the real relationships could form and shine. The breakfast had gone smoothly, with polite comments of how Ariana enjoyed the show, followed by Michelle's critiques of the whole production. Ariana accepted blame for her critical eye. Stating she watched too many musicals at home.
But despite the polite surface, there was still that awkward tension between the two brunettes and Lauren was, by Camila's standards, paying too much attention to her and not Michelle. Feeling the need to solve that problem, Camila left after breakfast to help Clara finish moving the furniture from Lauren's old apartment into the loft in Kim's building. Kim and Adrianne were already helping and she thought she could be needed there. This left a reluctant Lauren to tag along with Ariana and Michelle as they explored the city, bonding without being distracted.
Lauren had bought Michelle a small camera that looked like hers but wasn't nearly as complex, just a simple point and click. She was running around Central Park taking pictures of everything she could see, much like Camila had when they were in Miami. She couldn't wait to see a little Camila running around doing the same thing.
"You really didn't need to do that." Ariana said, pointing at Michelle, as the women walked slowly along the sidewalk.
Lauren shrugged. "I wanted to. And if she breaks it, there's like, a three year warranty on it. There's also an 8 gig card in there, so she'll never fill it up." The two women strolled in silence as they watched their daughter from a distance. "I want to thank you for allowing me to meet her. I know you didn't have to. You could have simply told Michelle that I lived far away or that you didn't even know who I was."
"I wouldn't lie to her like that."
"I'm sure. I was just using that as an example." Lauren assured her, not meaning to offend the women.
"Well, she was asking about you now and I just wanted to learn from my mistakes with Camila. I thought it would be easier for you to form a relationship with her after only ten years instead of any longer." Lauren mashed her lips between her teeth to keep her from saying something she was going to regret. No, she wouldn't regret it. She would only regret the impact that it might have on the possibility of seeing Michelle in the future. "You're struggling, and I'm assuming it about my comment in regards to Camila."
Again Lauren didn't say anything. She didn't need to.
"I understand you love her. But this is just what we agreed on, to appreciate each other from a distance." Ariana watched as the raven haired woman unknowingly started shaking her head. "What?"
"A sixteen year old girl who had her heart broken agreed to that because it would make you feel better, not her. She didn't agree, she caved...for you. Just like last night. She loves to preform but she felt bad for you last night, because you wanted to be up there and she wished you could be. She felt guilty because her dream worked out and yours didn't."
Ariana stood still in confusion. "But she doesn't even know me. We've had maybe four conversations that never lasted longer than five minutes. Why would she care about me so much? Especially after everything I have 'done' to her."
"Because that's Camila. I was horrible to her in high school, called her humiliating names, and spread vicious rumors about her...and yet here we are, absolutely in love because she forgave me. She forgave me and gave us a chance to build a relationship, and she would do the same for you."
Ariana steadied herself and prepared her words. She was wanting to be heard very clearly. "I don't want that relationship though." Lauren dropped her brow and was thankfully left speechless, other wise she would have verbally bitch-slapped the woman. "That's what you aren't understanding. I'm the type of person who can't settle for half way. I need it all or I need nothing, an emotional detachment. I have made my peace with my decision years ago. I gave up my daughter. I didn't want the teenager-"
Lauren had enough. This woman had no emotional attachment what so ever to her biological daughter, and admitted as much. Lauren threw up her hands and turned around to leave but saw Michelle taking pictures of the clouds and stopped. She was torn. Walk away to show her loyalty to Camila and lose Michelle or stay and potentially keep putting Camila in this same situation every time she was to see her daughter. Her mind and her heart were screaming at each other. Her heart was saying run, run back to Camila. She's more important to you than anything. But her mind kept replaying Camila's words when they were in Miami and the other day when they were in the studio. Lauren wasn't listening to what Camila wanted, she wanted to give for their relationship. She wanted Michelle to be in Lauren's life, knowing that meant Ariana came along with it. Lauren was going to hate herself no matter what she chose.
"Are you leaving?" Michelle asked as she trotted up to Lauren who had made it several steps away from Ariana. "I thought you didn't have to leave until after lunch time. I was wanting to show you some of my pictures."
Lauren knelt down and straightened her daughter's coat, sniffing back her tears. Even though she had never touched her daughter except those short few minutes before they took her away, Lauren's maternal instincts were impulsive. She had to keep herself from reaching out and pulling the little girl into a hug. How could Ariana not feel the same with Camila? It just baffled her as she looked into those big green eyes staring up at her in worry. "No, I'm not leaving. And I would love to see your pictures."
"Why are you crying?"
Lauren couldn't look up at her daughter's eyes anymore and turned her attention to her coat again, and just shook her head. "I'm fine. So...did you want to head back to the studio and print some of those out?" She asked in a more chipper tone, pointing at the camera.
When their eyes did finally meet, Lauren knew that look. She knew that look because it was hers. "I'm not ten yet, but I'm not stupid either. Why are you crying? Do you and my...my mom have a fight?"
"No." She shook her head. "We may not agree on a few things, but it wasn't a fight. Just a really hard decision I had to make."
"A decision not to leave?" Michelle had wisdom in her eyes and she was right. She may only be nine, but she was very intelligent. Lauren guessed she was probably as much of an observer as she was. She had a feeling that Michelle was able to draw the parallel between her and Lauren and Ariana and Camila. She saw that Camila wanted Ariana, just like she wanted Lauren. But it wasn't returned and that it hurt Lauren in the process.
She nodded her head. "Yeah. The decision not to leave. So, what do you say about looking at those pictures?" Michelle smiled and grabbed Lauren's hand. They still had a chance. She wasn't going to be like Ariana.
~/~/~/~
The goodbye had been hard, but not heart breaking. Ariana had asked if Lauren would consider coming to visit in Miami during the summer and she agreed. There were plans set, so she knew this wasn't going to be the last time she ever saw Michelle, but it was still difficult to let her go. Worse yet was the feeling she had been carrying around in her stomach all morning, slowly chewing at her insides and making her feel nauseous.
"Hey, Baby." Camila cooed as she saw the pathetic look on her girlfriend's face as she walked into Clara's loft. "I know it was hard, but at least you met her." Clara kept to her boxes and gave the couple their moment as Camila folded her arms around Lauren's neck and the raven haired pulled her uncharacteristically close, running a hand up her back and into her hair. "What's wrong?" Camila whispered, knowing that this wasn't Lauren just being upset over Michelle and Ariana leaving. This was something deeper.
"I betrayed you."
"What?" Camila asked in a whisper, pulling away to look at the raven haired but Lauren held her in place.
"I was only doing what you told me to do, but I feel like I betrayed you."
"Okay, Lauren, I need more than that." The brunette urged her as she finally pulled away to look at Lauren. She was crying,desperately trying to wipe away the evidence. "What did you do?"
"It was Ariana. She said something and I started to walk away because your my top priority. I care about you above everyone else, but I remembered what you said about allowing yourself to be hurt...I don't want that, but you do. And I don't know."Lauren pressed her palm to her forehead and paced back and forth. "I want to make you happy, but how can I do that when it requires you to be hurt?"
"Just calm down for a second." Camila tried to hold her still, cupping her hips. "What did she say that made you so upset?"
Lauren shook her head and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "It doesn't matter. She said it and it pissed me off. That's all that matters. I was leaving." Lauren admitted. "I turned around and I was leaving, but I saw Michelle and I remembered what you said, so I stayed. I wanted to but I didn't want to..."
Camila forced a little smile as she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed the raven haired lightly. "I understand that you felt the need to defend me. But when it comes to my relationship with Ariana, the rules don't apply. You and I, and most anyone else, are never going to agree with what she did and is doing, but we can't change her decision. I'm done trying." Camila stopped Lauren from interrupting with a finger to her lips and waited until the photographer deflated before she continued. "Despite how much you want to and how hard you try, you can't always give me everything I want. Besides, I don't need Ariana to fill that mother role...I have yours." The brunette smiled over her shoulder and Clara nodded her head in pride and agreement.
Lauren dropped her forehead to Camila's and sighed.
"Let it go, Baby. If we stop bringing it up to her, she should stop saying shit that's going to upset you."
"You make it sound so easy to sit back and watch you be ignored."
"Actually," Camila began as she turned around, pulling the raven haired over to the sofa. "If you hadn't been so distracted, you would have noticed that I was doing most of the ignoring."
"Let it go, Sweety." Clara offered her daughter. "If Camila says to let it go, then let it go. I know it's hard, but would you rather upset her by ignoring her wishes?"
"No." She answered with certainty. "I don't want to do that."
"Good. Then we agree." Camila stated with a nod, before laying on her back and resting her head in Lauren's lap, sighing as Lauren ran her hands over her hair. "So, how did the goodbye go?"
"Not that bad, actually. She wants to schedule another visit in the summer. I figure we will get to see each other at least twice a year, maybe a quick visit when we head back to see your parents. It's something at least."
"And it's better than nothing. It seems the whole thing went smoothly." Camila added.
"It really did. It was actually helpful to have all of those articles in the paper about us and our past. She knows what happened, why I had to give her up. And Ariana raised her to know that I loved her, but I just couldn't provide her with everything she needed. There wasn't that whole awkward 'why did you leave me' or 'did you not love me' line of questions. She already knew all of that."
Camila smiled and lifted her hand, running it over the photographer's cheek. Smiling back, Lauren turned her head and kissed Camila's palm. "I need to tell you that I'm proud of you for listening to me, even though you really didn't want to. It means a lot to me to know that you're listening and really trying to allow this to become a more balanced relationship. I thank you."
Lauren bent down and pecked her lips. "Anything for you. But I have to admit...that was pretty shitty."
"Been there. Try sitting back and letting my dad rip you apart. It's not fun."
The raven haired shrugged. "It's still easier to handle when I'm the one getting hurt."
"And it always will be...for you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah...I guess that's my selfishness showing through. Anyway, new topic. I'm needing a break from the emotional roller coaster of the last forty-eight hours until at least tomorrow. Deal?"
"Deal." Camila agreed and Clara echoed. "So what do you have scheduled for tomorrow?" The brunette asked as she rolled over on her side and settled into Lauren's lap some more.
"I'm going to be working with Adrianne. I want to sit down and work on a learning schedule for her. I'm good at teaching when the opportunity presents itself, but I have issues with continuous teaching. What about you?"
"I'm going to leave you two to it and talk with Scott. I want to really pick his brain about taking time off from the stage. I'm thinking the whole thing through and getting all of the opinions I can. I want to talk with Ally about it as well. Then I have the show. Oh! Also, Frankie wants to talk with you about your office. He insists on having something to do with whatever you are planning." Lauren growled at the encroachment on her territory. "I know. I told him that room is your baby, but maybe it will sound more final coming from you."
"I will make my claim be known. I might let him help me choose my desk and some book shelves...maybe that make him happy."
"If he's going to help with that, what does it leave you to do?"
"The walls are mine."
"The walls...hmm...I am anticipating a photo-mural."
Lauren smiled and ran her fingers through Camila's hair, watching the brunette fight off sleep. "Yeah. But a little bit different than the one in my old apartment."
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"Lauren...Lauren..." Frankie called out as he frantically followed the photographer around the studio while she ignored him with a smile on her face. "I'm sure you're enjoying this, but I'm being serious. I need to know what you are doing with the walls so I can decide better on what style and color of furniture to put in there. You are making my job nearly impossible." He spit out his frustrations quickly.
"He is such a drama queen." Adrianne teased playfully, popping a grape into her mouth as the pair approached her sitting at the work table.
Frankie rolled his eyes and lift his nose as he looked her over. "I'm passionate."
The apprentice arched an eyebrow and smirked. "Dramatically so."
"Play nice you two." Lauren warned as she booted up the computer at the workstation. "I still get a say in what desk and bookshelves you choose." The fashionable man pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm paying for them and I'm paying for you, so I get a say. You can pick out what ones you like, I just get the final say."
"Shockingly, I like working with Camila more. Who would have guessed she'd be the less up tight one out of you two?"
The comment left Adrianne chuckling and nudging Lauren on the shoulder. "Is it weird that half the world sees you as up tight and the other half sees you as a push over? I guess it all depends on who's asking."
"Well, I'm asking." Frankie interrupted. "And as your designer, I need to know these things."
"I'll show you."
Frankie paused, slightly deflating in his aggravation. "Show me what?"
"What I'm going to do with the walls."
He shook his head and propped his elbow on his hip, waving his hand in the air. "You paint them. That's what you do with walls. Now, what color?"
"Sepia tone."
"Brown? You're painting your office walls brown?" Frankie asked in horror before he pulled out his phone. "I'm calling Camila. There needs to be an intervention here."
Lauren turned around quickly and snatched his phone, holding it behind her back as he looked at her with wide eyes. "I said sepia tone and you can't call Camila."
"And why not? And what's sepia 'tone' versus sepia..'sepia'?"
"It's a surprise." Adrianne stated as if it was obvious. "And 'tone' would indicate that it was an effect, not a color."
Frankie was still lost but Lauren pulled up a file on the computer and his face washed over with realization. "Oh...oh, wow. I...Can I wrack your brain for other clients? I mean...you and I could go in on this together because I know a lot of people who would love this type of thing in their homes. And with your never ending collection of photographs...this could be very lucrative."
The two photographers laughed among themselves as Frankie pushed them aside to look at the file closer. "He may have a point there, Lauren. That is another road you could go down to get you away from the demanding magazine companies...you know, if you were wanting to."
"You too you know." The raven haired reminded her. "You are responsible for half of this." Adrianne shrugged and both women turned their attention to the approaching foot steps. It was Kim with a tray of coffee in her hands. Lauren turned back to Frankie but caught sight of Adrianne holding the other brunette's gaze. There was something to that look. "I see you two are heading in the right direction."
Adrianne dropped her eyes to her hands and blushed. "Shut up."
"Coffee for everyone. Caffe Latte for Frankie, Iced Caffe Latte for Lauren...in the winter..., mine, and Caffe Mocha for you." The assistant handed the cup to a beaming Adrianne and kissed her lightly on the lips before she relinquished it. It was the first kiss they had shared in public. Short, simple, sweet, but there. Kim had moved up the pace slowly, holding the older woman's hand as they strolled the streets after Camila's show, all the way to the restaurant where they had their third date. It was a slow pace but continuously moving forward. She didn't want Adrianne to become complacent or to back away, so she kept inching forward.
Lauren tried to ignore them, giving them some privacy, but the growing smirk on her face gave her away and earned her a kick from Adrianne. "Shut up."
"I didn't say a thing." The raven haired stated, keeping her eyes glued to the computer screen that Frankie was still studying.
Kim's smile faltered, still unsure of how Adrianne and Lauren's relationship was working. She knew Lauren had ended things from her end, but the assistant still wasn't sure how flirtatious this playing was from Adrianne's end of things. Until, that is, she felt the woman's hand firmly on the small of her back. Adrianne had just made a move forward, smiling up at the assistant. The apprentice pulled her closer and then down to sit on her lap. This was a big step forward but she seemed comfortable in making it.
"Slow?" Kim whispered as she relaxed into her new seated position.
Adrianne nodded, answering back in a light tone. "Slow...just a little faster than crawling though." Kim beamed and turned her attention back to the photographer and her designer, knowing that if she kept looking into Adrianne's eyes, she was going to move a hell of a lot faster than crawling.
"When are you getting this done?" Frankie asked as he finally pulled away from the screen. "Because I already have something in my mind that would fit the antique feel of it. It would be very serene, very...lost in a dream state."
Adrianne arched an eyebrow again. "See. Dramatic."
"Hey." The raven haired interjected to prevent another spat. "That was kind of what I was going for, thank you. But I've got them coming tomorrow. Plenty of time for you to find what you want and get my okay on it." She said sarcastically.
The man waved his hand in the air, ignoring her comment. "Whatever. I'm off now because I know exactly what I want."
"You mean, what I want." Lauren restated and he nodded, grabbing his offered phone.
"Exactly. What I want."
~/~/~/~
"Hey, Baby." Camila called out as the elevator doors opened and she walked into their apartment. That was by far her favorite feature in the whole place. She felt like a celebrity when she walked out of it. Well, she was, but she actually felt like it then. "How was your day?"
"It was productive. How about yours?" The raven haired asked as she pulled Camila into a light kiss before nuzzling into her neck. The brunette just giggle and locked her fingers in Lauren's hair, holding her lover close to her.
"It was good. Ally is all up for me doing whatever I want."
"Of course she is. She just wants you to do what will make you happy in the moment." Camila groaned and Lauren backtracked. "But I'm also supporting you on what you decided would make you the happiest."
"Thank you. Scott is on your side though. He knows I'm unhappy, but he wants to come up with a way to minimize the shock of it all." Lauren held her tongue and just nodded as they pulled apart. "I know what you're thinking. I really do. That's why I'm waiting to make my decision final, but I'm actually kind of excited about this." She really was and the giddiness was showing on her face. Not even Lauren could deny that.
"Then that is what you should do."
"I might just." Camila teased as she moved towards the kitchen but Lauren caught her by the hand and pulled her back. "What?"
"So, you remember when I said that I was going to make up for my surprise backfiring?"
"Baby, it didn't backfire."
"Yes it did. I know you are trying to make me feel better, but it really did. However! I have a little bit of a surprise for you, trying to make up for it." Lauren gushed as she pulled Camila up stairs.
Camila's eyes shifted between the raven haired and their surroundings, trying to figure out what the surprise was before she was told. That's just how she worked. She loved surprises but had this uncontrollable need to figure it out first. Her eyes traced over all of the boxes that the photographer had spent part of the day moving to their appropriate rooms so they could go through them one by one and get their home in an order that they both could agree on, but she saw nothing extra. "What's the surprise?"
"It's out side. On the back terrace." Lauren responded, motioning for Camila to head out first while she threw on her coat.
The brunette smiled nervously and exited through the glass door, wrapping her coat close around her as the wind picked up lightly. Her eyes instantly fixed on a large ornate mesh metal box in the middle of the terrace. "What is it?"
"It's a fire pit." Lauren answered flatly as she motioned for Camila to have a seat on the loungers that Frankie already had delivered. The brunette did as she was asked and watched as Lauren put in a few logs in and fought with the wind to light them. Once they did light, Camila was instantly warmed by the wave of heat it put off. It was actually quite peaceful to see and hear the crackling fire that late at night. "Also..." Lauren added as she grabbed a remote sitting near by. She pushed a few buttons and light instrumental music started playing through discreetly placed speakers. "Nice, huh? I had the system set up with speakers out here."
Camila smiled adoringly at her lover and nodded her head. "It is very nice. Very romantic." Lauren beamed at the approval. "But what made you think to buy a fire pit of all things?"
"Well, we don't have a fireplace."
"I didn't think a fireplace was one of your requirements for finding an apartment for us." Camila stated as she stared at the fire grow in intensity and Lauren moved to set the remote down on top of the stereo.
"It wasn't. It was one of yours." The brunette arched an eyebrow and looked up at Lauren in confusion. Clearly the raven haired must have been hearing things, but before she could argue Lauren continued her explanation. "Roaring fire, sappy music, roses..." She turned around to face Camila with a bouquet of roses in her hands and the brunette stopped breathing for a second as she took the flowers from Lauren"...and a princess cut diamond in a white gold setting with pink diamond inlays."
Camila was shaking, not from the cold, but from anticipation as the raven haired pulled out a box from her coat and knelt on the ground in front of her. "Lauren..."
Lauren smiled and cleared her throat as she saw Camila begin to tear up already. "I was wanting to wait another month or so, but I couldn't. I had also hoped to maybe talk to your parents about it when they came up to visit for New Years. I know I'm only on so-so terms with them, but again...I couldn't wait any longer."
Lauren cleared her throat again as Camila wiped away the tears streaming down her face. Lauren wanted to look into her eyes deeply as she spoke what she had rehearsed, but she didn't have the strength. If she did, she was never going to say everything that she wanted to say. The emotion would have been too much.
"I...I don't even remember what it was like not to have you in my life. It was only a little more than month ago, but I honestly can't remember it. I..." She paused and shifted on her knee, moving slightly closer to Camila as she struggled to compose herself. "I wake up every morning, craving your touch. I have to hold you closer and tighter to try and convince myself that you're really there. I spend my day continuously looking at the studio entrance to see if you are walking in, even when I know you are at a show. And when I get home, I'm stir crazy, always looking at the clock and counting down until you get home too."
She paused and took a deep breath, steadying her voice as much as she could but it still quivered with a mixture of nerves, cold, and extreme joy.
"Camila Cabello, you are the love of my life, the only one I have ever truly loved with my entire heart. The only one who makes me feel that I am truly living. The only one who could get Lauren Jauregui on her knees." The brunette laughed lightly as Lauren opened the box and took out the ring. It was perfect, absolutely everything she had ever dreamed of and Lauren had remembered every detail. "You are my hope, my cause, my life. Will you do me the honor of wearing this ring, of taking my name, and showing the world that you have chosen me as the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Will you marry me?"
Camila nodded her head as she slid off the edge of her seat to kneel with Lauren on the ground. "Yes." She answered through her tears and beaming smile as she watched Lauren's trembling hands slide the ring onto her finger. "Yes." The brunette looked at the ring for only a second before she cupped Lauren's face and pulled her into a kiss, holding the connection as long as she could before pulling away in joyous sobs, matching Lauren's. They held each other close, cheeks mashed together, fingers laced in hair, hearts pounding together in time. "This is real right?"
"The ring?" She asked in disbelief.
"No." Camila pulled away and laughed. "I'm talking about you just proposed to me. This is real? It's not a dream?"
"It's real." Lauren assured her pressing her forehead to Camila's. "It is very real."
"...the ring too?"
Lauren smiled and moved to nuzzle into her fiance's neck. "The ring too."
"But how could you get it made so quickly? I just told you what size ring I wore like, two days ago." The brunette could feel that Lauren grinned devilishly against her skin as she looked at the flawless ring. "Lauren Jauregui..."
"While you were at rehearsal last week, I went to your apartment and took one of your rings down to the jeweler's and had it sized."
The brunette playfully slapped her shoulder. "And here you had me thinking that you just got the information and I shouldn't be expecting anything yet."
Lauren pulled away and pecked Camila's lips. "Well, if you were expecting it, then it wouldn't have been much of a surprise. That's how this is suppose to work."
"I would have just been impressed with you actually proposing." The brunette confessed as she wiped away both her and Lauren's last few tears. "But now we need to get you an engagement ring."
"I know. You were so set on me being the one to propose that you didn't even ask me what I wanted." Camila blushed and diverted her eyes in embarrassment. "So, I guess we will have to do that. But right now...there is something else we have to do."
Camila arched an eyebrow in response to Lauren's smirk. "And what is that?"
Lauren jerked her head towards the door. "Why don't you come into the bedroom and I'll show you."