"Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep till you're safe inside."
I don't know how or why, but I slept for a long time. I didn't even know where I was, what day it was, who I was. When I woke up, I just existed. I seemed to drift through the few hours after that, still trying to grasp onto reality. I was distant, quiet, neurotic. I was worried about Carl - Hershel and Rick told me he was doing fine - and I just wanted him to be awake and to talk to me. He made me forget what a shitty world this is and the dangers of the undead and even the living. Although, it didn't seem to matter now. Part of me hoped and knew Rick would stand in my defense on Lori's decision to keep Carl away from me. Rick understood.
I was worried about Sophia. I still had hope she was alive but it was fading fast and that killed me more and more every day. Carol needs her, she's something that can't be replaced. Not in this world or this life.
The next day I felt "back to normal." I was more present, out and about, helping, vocal. Glenn had much-appreciatively filled me in on some minor details in the wonderful life of Sir Rhee. He did quite enlighten me on his feelings for Maggie, which made me happy for him since love and relationships seems like it'd be nonexistent in this life. Not only that, but, to put it simply, they banged, which earned him a hard punch in the shoulder from yours truly. An encouraging punch, nonetheless. And, my personal favorite, Lori asked him for pregnancy tests. What a fantastic way to fuel the fire. That was how I break Shane, no questions asked.
By mid-afternoon, I was helping wash dishes in the kitchen with Beth, the youngest of the Greene's. We made small talk. She was a small, quaint, shy girl who had a heart of gold. We bonded over our enjoyment of singing. I told her mine was more of a pastime, nothing anyone really knew about. Her, on the other hand, would constantly sing around and with her family. She was sweet and caring, a great helper around the house. I hoped she'd be able to find some good in this world of fear because she deserved it.
At one point, a gunshot rang through the windows of the house, causing both of our heads to dart up and look out the window. I could make out a stumbling body coming out of the forest, but I didn't think it was a walker. Then I remembered that Daryl went out everyday looking for Sophia. I dropped the plate in my hand back in the sink as I ran outside. As they got closer, I noticed Rick and Shane nearly carrying this person back to the house in urgency. And of course, it was Daryl. His head was bleeding profusely and his side was also stained with blood. I looked up at Andrea, who was on watch and holding a shotgun, as I felt nothing but anger fuel my body.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I bolted for the ladder to the roof. "You could have killed him! I don't know if he's fucking dead! Learn how to fucking shoot, you bitch!" I made it up a few steps of the ladder before strong arms wrapped around my waist pulling me as far away from Andrea as possible. I was kicking and writhing and screaming. My throat began to burn and I was crying. "I swear to God if you kill him I'm gonna kill you, if it's the last thing I ever fucking do!"
She looked utterly terrified. Hell, everyone did. I had an easy temper, but man, this only happened if you really made me mad. And the thing is, yeah I was mad, but I was fucking terrified. Daryl was the only thing I had from my life before all this, the only one I've had all my life. Fuck, I'm in love with him. And if you take that away...I don't want to know what that's like.
I stopped kicking and screaming, my voice just fucking thrashed. Whoever held me loosened their grip, allowing me to fall to my knees. They moved to the front of me, also sitting on their knees. I looked up through my clouded eyes to see Glenn looking back with such sorrow. I hugged him tightly, crying into his shoulder. Loud, hard, pained sobs burned my throat.
"He's gonna be okay," he cooed. "He's gonna make it."
I don't know how long we stayed there, but all I know is I fell asleep, exhausted from all the crying and yelling. My throat stung with every breath, eyes burned with every blink. I awoke on the Greene's couch in their living room. On the coffee table was a small mug with a saucer on top accompanied by a note.
For when you wake up
~Beth
I sat up rubbing my tired eyes. Lifting the saucer, a small puff of steam raised from the hot liquid. Warm tea was left. I took a few sips before letting out a long, slow exhale, eyes closed, taking in every small sensation. Opening my eyes, Rick was sat in a chair a few feet away, much like the night after Shane tried to...you know.
"Doin' okay?" he asked. I nodded slightly.
"Think so." My voice was raspy and coarse. It stung a bit with certain words and accents.
"I'm sorry 'bout what happened," Rick said.
I looked over to him, mumbling a small, "Why?"
"I know how much he means to you. I'd hate to see you lose him." He paused for a moment before adding, "He's doing fine, by the way."
I let out a small breath of relief. We sat in silence for a few minutes while I finished the rest of my tea.
"Sorry I haven't been around much for Carl. Lori won't let me," I said. Rick scrunched his eyebrows.
"Why's that?"
I shrugged. "Said she don't want me around him. Probably thinks I'm too dangerous or somethin'."
"I'll talk to her," Rick said. "Good luck,"
I scoffed. "she's got her mind set."
Rick contemplated about what to say next but Carol walked into the room causing both of our attentions to turn towards her. She looked at me.
"He's asking for you." It warmed my heart to hear that, quite literally. I nodded before standing up. I hugged Carol tightly, resting my head on her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me in return. I pulled away while looking down. Carol placed a hand on my cheek causing me to look up into her caring eyes. She gave a small smile before placing a motherly kiss on my forehead. I mouthed a small "thank you" before we parted.
I walked down the hall to the room they were keeping Daryl. I stood in the doorway for a moment, taking everything in. He was shirtless and had bandages wrapped around his head and abdomen, both slightly stained with blood. He looked exhausted, man I could only imagine.
"You look like shit," he said with a small smirk. I lightly chuckled, looking down briefly before meeting his gaze.
"Feel like it," I admitted.
I slowly sauntered into the room, walking around his bed and sitting on the edge. "The hell'd you do?" I asked.
Daryl looked down, giving a sheepish smile. "I, uh, fell and got an arrow stuck in me. This," he said while point to his head, "was all Andrea."
I let out a small huff of laughter before lightly nudging his shoulder. "You're so fucking stupid," I told him, causing him to smile and chuckle. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few seconds.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I kinda overreacted and just...I don't know. But what I do know is that I really missed my best friend and I'd give anything to have him back."
Daryl kind of just stared at me for a moment before saying, "Nah, you didn't overreact. I wasn't there and I should'a been. But I'm here now, and I ain't goin' anywhere." I smiled and nodded, a few silent tears slipping from my eyes.
"An arrow through the side? Really? God you're so fucking stupid. You fucking cheated death twice in one day," I said with a small chuckle at the end. Daryl did the same.
"Ain't nothin' kill a Dixon but a Dixon," he replied. A tear slowly slid down my cheek as I shook my head with a small smile.
"God I fucking hate you." Daryl gave a small smirk.
"Yeah, I hate you, too," he joked before giving my arm a small nudge.
I pursed my lips in contemplation for a moment, looking back and forth between Daryl's tired eyes. Leaning forward, I placed my hand on his cheek, giving a small kiss to the top of his head just above his bandage. I pulled away a small bit, leaving my face close to his. We looked at each other almost intensely but somewhat lovingly--if that's the right word for it. I glanced at his lips briefly. Fuck it, time to bite the bullet.
I leaned forward, closing my eyes and the small space between our lips and placed mine on his. They were surprisingly soft, and I didn't really expect him to kiss back right away. But yet, here we were with our lips locked, softly puckered against one another's. What felt like a million years was just a few seconds, but those few seconds were pure bliss.
As I pulled my lips back, Daryl's seemed to want to stay connected. Hell, how I wish they could. But I already took a leap and didn't know if I was ready for another one just yet. Neither of us said a word, just left our eyes shut for a moment, taking in every small sensation just shared between the two of us. I brought my hand back down to my lap, staring at it before standing up, and somewhat quickly leaving the room.
I tried my best to sleep that night but I just couldn't. I kept thinking about the kiss and me freaking out and Rick and Carl and Lori and Carol and Shane. I felt suffocated and confined, unable to relax or breathe. Exiting my tent, I went into the house and walking quietly to Daryl's room. I stood timidly in the doorway, knocking lightly on the side of it. Daryl turned to look at me.
"I can't sleep. Can I stay with you?" I asked shyly.
Daryl gave a small nod before saying, "'Course. Come on."
I entered the room closing the door behind me. He nodded me over to his bed as he moved over to make room for me. I climbed under the covers after taking off my boots, curling into Daryl's uninjured side. I rested my head on his chest, lying my hand a few inches away. It all felt natural, as if we'd always done this.
Daryl wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "What's eatin' ya, besides bugs 'n' shit?" he asked.
I sighed. "I missed you, Lori won't let me be around Carl anymore, I threatened Shane and I'm serious about it this time, I'm worried about Carl and Sophia and you. I'm just thinkin' too much."
"Why won't she let you around Carl and why'd you threaten Shane?" Daryl asked for some clarification.
"She probably thinks I'm dangerous or whatever and I told Shane not to make me regret saving his ass at the quarry then this whole thing with Otis happened and I told him I should'a killed him and kinda threatened him a bit."
Daryl let out a small grunt, then we sat in silence for a few more seconds.
"You think we made a mistake joinin' the group?" I asked as if thinking out loud.
"What makes you say that?" Daryl asked.
"I don't know. You'd still have Merle and I know how much he means to you, you wouldn't be hurt. How many times have we almost died already?"
Daryl contemplated his answer for a moment. "You and Merle would'a probably killed each other at this point. But I think we found good people, B. Yeah some are shit bags but most are good people, and with the way shit is and has been, you and I need that."
I thought over his answer, agreeing and feeling less guilty for dragging the Dixon's along with this group.
"Belle," Daryl said. I let out a small hum. "We gonna talk about what happened earlier?" he asked. I shrugged.
"Don't really want to right now," I said. I'll be honest, that's shitty of me since I kissed him but we just need one day to breathe and let shit play out peacefully.
"M'kay," he said.
We stopped talking after that, letting the sound of our breathing be the only noise present. Daryl brought his hand up to hold mine, our loosely clasped hands resting on his chest. And that's just how we laid; hands held, him holding me, me cuddled into him, one of my legs between his. And I was finally able to fall asleep, free of thoughts, worries, nightmares.