Hi y'all. So, my school has the Sadie Hawkins Dance comin' up and a friend of mine and I are going to go as strictly friends so we can make fun of the other people who are actually "dating" and for the food. Plus we had nothing better to do. But I kind of want to ask my long-time crush because I've had some really nice conversations with him but I'm scared that if I ask him he won't talk to me ever again. I feel like Dawn from Waitress, I want to put myself out there but I'm too scared of rejection. I mean it will be a cold day in hell when my crush, let's just call him Cello, even thinks about liking me back. And even if he did, I'm scared of what that would mean. Right now I'm being bullied by his friends and he doesn't seem okay with it and when he knows about it stops them and apologizes for them but it's really bad and they won't leave me alone. Bullying is why I started writing in the first place and the fact that it has gotten worse is stressing me out. That and the fact that I'm so confused about who I like, and if he likes me back. I find myself anxious about every school day and I thank God that today was Friday because I got shoved against a locker in the hall, had an upperclassman scratch me with a pencil so hard I bled, got elbowed in the back multiple times and was bullied at lunch, again. I have wonderful supportive friends who try and protect me but I tell them that I can handle myself and that it doesn't bug me because I hate relying on someone else and I feel like a burden. I'm really confused and anxious and I just feel so lost right now. What am I supposed to do? I don't want to let down my friend but I really like Cello, but his friends are jerks and won't stop bullying me. I really wish I could disappear or read minds because either of those would make this all a whole lot easier and make me less anxious. Now I always have this little churning pit of anxiety in my stomach and it's making it hard for me to focus and write well. I'm really sorry.
I'm really sorry for unloading on you guys but I feel safe with you all, like I know you guys care. Next preference should be coming soon! Love you cinnamon rolls!💙