Honestly, I feel like you're my best friend and I can tell you anything. Therefore I want to tell you about the time I got jumped . . . while I was ass naked.
First and foremost, I would like to point out that this is not an every day thing for me. I usually don't cause conflict while I'm naked. This just so happened to be a bad day for me.
I used to talk to this guy and we'll just call him Ghost. Ghost and I hit it off real well. He was cute and nice as fuck. Did I mention he was cute? That automatically made him fuckable in my book.
We were texting one day and had set up a date where I'd go to his house and we'd "chill" for a little while.
So, I took an Uber to Ghost's house and we did chill, with his dick in my mouth. Honestly, I didn't even plan for it to go down that way. We were supposed to be watching Netflix and eating popcorn. All of a sudden, I was eating dick. Everything just happened so quickly.
Ghost and I were in his room and he was beating my little pussy walls down. Oh My God, this boy fucked me stupid. He was doing tricks I never even heard of. On top of that, a bitch had to find out that she was flexible by letting this nigga twist me up into a pretzel. It was ridiculous.
While I was receiving the second best dick of my life, there was a loud ass bang at Ghost's front door. Immediately, Ghost damn near leaped out of my vagina, slid on his boxers and ran to the living room. At least five seconds later, I heard him arguing with someone. I didn't know who he was talking to but they were calling him all types of dumb, dirty, trifling, sons of bitches. It was getting out of hand.
About one or two minutes later, I hear heavy ass feet stomping down the hall, coming towards me. My first instinct wasn't to get dressed and prepare to haul ass. I just sat there on the bed, preparing for the curiosity to kill me.
Lo and behold, this big, beastly bitch bursts through the door and stares at me. I'm looking at her look at me, while Ghost was looking at us look at each other.
I want to add this small detail because I think it's important; I DID NOT KNOW GHOST HAD A GIRLFRIEND. I didn't ask him either. I feel as thought that piece of information should have automatically filed as 'Full Disclosure', since he wanted to stick inside of me with absolutely no demand on my part. It is not my job to police these niggas into telling me about their significant other. If they just so happen to forget, oh damn well. That has nothing to do with me. But back to the story.
There was completely silence in the room for about five seconds until this monstrous ass bitch turned to Ghost and yelled, "Who the fuck is this bitch?"
While she had her back turned waiting for this nigga to answer her, I slid my naked ass out the bed, and tried to sneak my clothes back on. I had my panties half way up my ass when King Kong turned right back around and looked at me. Then, I just froze.
It was something about that bitch that put the ultimate fear of God in my heart. And, bitch, I don't even believe in God. Granted, I am a big bitch. But compared to me, she's a bigger bitch. I'm about 5'2. Ghost's gorilla was at least five feet, ten inches, and still counting. Plus, the bitch is fat. Now, tell me you wouldn't be scared, too.
At this point, I just knew an ass whooping was coming my way. Homegirl didn't even have to say anything. I threw my hands up and said, "Fuck it, bitch, do you want to fight?"
Without missing a single beat, this Harambe looking bitch tumbled her big ass over Ghost's bed and tackled me. This bitch was swinging everywhere, I didn't know what to block. So, naturally, I covered my titties because I didn't want her to fuck around and snatch my nipples off. Fuck my face bitch, I love my tits.
We're both on the ground and I'm getting in as many good swings as I possibly can. Which is hard when you have a whole building sitting on top of you.
Ghost finally decides that he was going to save me, by trying to pull his pet off of me. Which may seem impossible if you've seen this bitch in person. He has a good foot or two over her and he probably lifts weights. So, it's safe to say he's had plenty of time to prepare for this day.
As a matter of fact, this probably wasn't his first rodeo. While I was on the ground, taking one of the worst Ls of 2017, I was just thinking of how many times this nigga has gotten caught. And this big, Precious bitch had the nerve to be beating my ass. Sick.
Just when I thought Ghost was going to save me, this nigga actually joined in on my ass beating. If this isn't the sickest shit in the world. How do you purposely cheat, get caught cheating, and then help your girlfriend beat up the bitch you cheated with? Niggas are sick, and I was over the entire situation.
Lucky for me, Rasputia had gotten tired and had to catch her breath. I believe that this was the most exercise she had gotten in a long time.
While she was huffing and puffing, I made my escape. I ran out the house, with all my fat rolls and things just hanging out. I did manage to get far enough so that I could hide and put my clothes back on. If that wasn't the wildest shit I've ever encountered in my life, I don't know what was.
After that, I did fuck Ghost again, but it was only to reprimand for emotional and physical distress. Once that was over, I was done with his trifling ass.
I think the moral of this story is that you should not fool around with a man who's in a relationship, unless you're planning on fucking him in a hotel. Or near your local police department. Just in case some shit pops off. Keep some mace, bitch. Learn from my mistake.
Also, the fact that Harambe's sister can get a nigga like Ghost, while I'm still single, says something to me: love is out there, just not for me.
Stay great, and keep fucking these bitch's niggas. Bye.