Taehyung's POV.
I wake up in the bathroom, red everywhere.
It is splattered against my clothes, the tiles and my skin.
Jin will kill me for getting the bathroom dirty.
My vision is blurred, and my wrists feel as if they had been on fire.
Memories of the previous night flood into my mind and I find myself smiling eerily. The pain...the pain had been strangely comforting. As if it were made for me. As if I was destined to feel such thing.
I deserve the pain. I deserve the blood.
Because I am simply bringing everyone down. I don't deserve to be here.
I deserve to die.
Glad we're on the same page. V drawls.
I smile,"Thank you."
V frowns. For what you dumbfuck?
"For teaching me the truth of my existence. I don't deserve any of this."
For some reason V stays quiet, disappearing into the depths of black in my mind.
I glance down at my wrists.
What I see horrifies me.
Long pieces of flesh had been peeled revealing alien looking like veins below. Smudges of red paint my pale skin, hands of the colour streaking off to the tips of my elbows.
I always knew I was ugly. Very ugly. But what I see before me disgusts me.
I stumble to my feet, the world wobbling dangerously. With trembling fingers, I pull open the drawers, blindly searching for the medical box.
My hands hit the green box and I yelp as a wave of pain flashes up my wrist from the simple gesture.
You deserve this. I remind myself, firmly.
Damn right you do.
For some reason V's voice is shaky as if he is uncertain about something.
My eyebrows pinch together and I can't help but feel concerned for the taunting voice in my head who had made sure to dedicate its life to torment me.
"You okay?"I murmur quietly as I apply gauze onto my arm, after running it under water, occasionally wincing.
Yeah, why do you care? V snaps, a hint of caution and surprise in his tone.
"I'm sorry."
He mumbles something incoherent and disappears before I can question him any further.
I stay in the bathroom for maybe another half an hour, bandaging up my wounds and scrubbing away any trace of my date with the small metal last night. Tears flood down my cheeks at every pressure I apply to my arms.
It hurts like hell.
But I don't regret it.
Because it made me feel good. As sadistic as it sounds, something about the crimson blood and the fire that ignited on my skin intrigues me. Temps me.
I want more.
I want to feel the rusted metal against my scared skin, reopening the cuts as blood spilled against the white of my clothes.
I bit my lip, drawing blood as I refrained my from lunging at the razor again.
We had a vocal session today and from what I predicted with the aid of the light spilling into the toilet, I was very near late.
________________________
We arrive at recording studio near half past ten.
The members are once again chatting among themselves, completely ignoring me.
Every member except one.
Jungkook.
He is sitting a few seats from me, his eyes occasionally drifting to my heavily fatigued state.
I find myself staring as well, eyes trailing down his well built arms. He is wearing a white tee today because of the heat and I can see a glimpse of his toned chest. He had paired the outfit with black skin tights that complimented his thick things. I blush at my thoughts, quickly glancing down at my phone as I scroll through my apps.
What's wrong with me?
Everything. V adds in quickly, his lips curling in a cruel smirk.
I ignore him.
That's Kookie! Innocent Kooks!
Through my peripheral vision I can see him open his mouth as if he was about to say something but then decides against it.
A feeling of disappointment and slight curiosity pummels at me.
"Taehyung."
My skin tingles at the way he says my name, his voice husky and deep.
Luckily the members do not notice us, either on their phones, earphones jammed in or joking with another .
"Y-Yes."
Why am I stuttering?!
His eyes trail over me, an unknown emotion stirring in the depths of the soft brown.
He cleared his throat, a hint of pink tinting at his cheeks as he notices that he had stared for much too long,"Why are you wearing a sweater in this weather?"
"W-What?"
I am caught off by his question and I glance down at my arms, the black sweater I am wearing seeming to have suddenly tightened around me as if it is strangling me.
He throws me a lazy smile, stretching his arms and folding them around his head,"It's so hot. How are you wearing that?"
Freak.
Why is he so nice?
I am suddenly scared that this is all a dream and I am soon to wake up to a Jungkook who couldn't care less if I disappeared off the face of the earth.
"Oh really?"I say, laughing nervously as I brush the bangs from my face,"I find it c-cold."
He frowns, a look of concern etched onto his handsome features.
"Are you sick or something? Do you want me tell Bang PD."
I shake my head,"N-No. I'm fine."
Please help.
He throws me a doubtful look,"You sure?"
"Yeah."
No, not at all.
He pursed his lips, a flash of anger running past his eyes but it is gone as soon as I blink.
"Whatever."he grunts.
And he's back.
The Jungkook I know. The Jungkook who hates every single cell of my body. The Jungkook who is cold and indifferent.
My eyes tear from the amount of hate I can detect from his tone.
Silent sobs erupt from my mouth, and I press my palms against my lips, smothering the sounds. I turn my head away so no one can see my tear streaked face.
And that is what I do for the rest of the ride.
I hide my cries.
But when we stop at the studio, I force on a wobbly smile, my lips stretched out almost painfully as I try and display the boxy smile that ARMY seem to love while the members hated it.
I am thankful to be part of the group which has one of the most supportive fandoms. ARMY is absolutely amazing. We would be nothing without them.
And at the moment they are the only things that are stopping from me ending my life for once and for all.
So I smile. I smile for the people who look up at me. Because it didn't matter if I was hurt.
No one spent enough time to see through the fake smile to see the pain I experience. That didn't matter though.
I was useless anyway.
But for now I will smile.
Even if it's pretend.