If heaven's grief brings hell's rain
Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
~"Just One Yesterday", Fall Out Boy
I don't remember much about the day you told me... the events then kind of blurred away everything else. What I do remember, however, is that your fingers were cold and clammy as they held on to mine, and I was too much in shock to hold yours.
I was eighteen, and my heart was broken.
Now and then, if I think hard, I can reconstruct pieces of our conversation.
Sorry
No choice
Miss you
Too far
Love you
Parent's business
Overseas
Skype
Call
Text
And one word that stand out from the rest.
Leaving
I remained stone-still as I went with you and your family to the airport, tried to ignore the luggages staring at me from the backseat. Teary goodbyes. Hugs. A kiss.
And then you were gone.
That day I thought I would never see you again. Once or twice, maybe, but then you would move on. Forget about me. Long-term relationships were too hard.
I was wrong. That was not how I lost you.
I lost you to It.
But I didn't know that at the time. Standing there in the middle of harried passengers with their baggages running here and there, I turned away and let the tears fall.