I didn't want to go home and I wasn't exactly eager to face anymore of my past band members just yet, so I decided to go to the only other place I could think of for some peace and quiet: the zoo.
It was eleven o'clock on a Wednesday morning so I figured all of the kids would be in school, most of the adults would be at work, and-at the very least-if anybody did happen to recognize me, the stench of the various animals would cover up my own stink since I still hadn't had a chance to shower. I figured it was my safest option in order for me to be able to stay out of the house but still not end up being bothered by anybody. Plus, it was probably one of the few places anymore that still brought me any sense of joy. And I'm talkin' real joy, not that artificial tingle and warmth that alcohol gave me.
A few of the employees might have recognized me when I went to the booth and paid for my ticket, but if they did recognize me, they never outright said so. As soon as I was allowed through main gates, I immediately gravitated towards the brick building in the center of the zoo where the reptiles were held. I walked the familiar cobblestone path, my body being pulled towards the spot like metal to a magnet.
There was the lion pit to my right, and a handful of rhinos to my left. The giraffes, antelope, and zebras were all allowed in the same grassy enclosure further down, and the elephants were stuck in a sandy area littered with man-made trees that had various ropes and leaves for them to tug at with their trunks. Sure these animals were cool, but I felt like once you'd seen one lion, you'd pretty much seen 'em all. They just didn't hold the same intrigue as my cold-blooded creatures did. I skimmed through this area quickly, not really sparing a second glance as I went.
I don't know what it was about reptiles and amphibians that interested me so damn much, but I'd been obsessed with them for as long as I could remember. Each species was just so unique and living proof of just how far evolution had come. Some were able to camouflage in with their surroundings effortlessly, others had scales that were more for show and decorated with gorgeous shapes and patterns. Some were peaceful creatures that made for easy pets, while others were more exotic and deadly. Their tanks were always representative of whatever ecosystem that they would normally be found in, and it never failed to engross me seeing these animals acting as they would in their natural habitats. It was a rare treat, and a pastime I hadn't publicly been able to partake in for a few years now.
Statues of frogs and various lizards littered the garden area that framed the walkway leading up to the building, their metal surfaces shimmering in the morning sunlight. I stopped to check out a few of them, trying to identify the proper species as I went.
When I entered the actual building, I was engulfed in the familiar atmosphere of the herp house that I had grown to know and love. Dim lighting and air conditioning welcomed me as I stepped through the doors, just as I welcomed the merciful shelter from the unforgiving California sun. The entire building was without lights and the only real lighting came from the walls, which were decorated with various tanks and cages.
I wasted no time in venturing through the exhibits, looking into every window and getting a special peek into each of these animals' lives. There were the green tree frogs, blending easily into their lush surroundings. I always had fun trying to find and count them all, like a tricky game of "I Spy". Then there were the East African clawed geckos, found only in Ethiopia and Somalia. Their tails were short and oddly shaped due to the fat that they store in there, but despite that pretty gross fact I still I found them to be somewhat cute. The fact that they're adorable and pretty easy to take care of, I often found myself debating on whether or not I should buy some of my own whenever I stopped by their habitat. I went on to soak up all of the views of the various boids-boas and pythons-that they held, as those had always been my favorites.
But the real treasure-the real reason people came to the reptile house-was located all the way in the very back of the building. Back where the largest window was located, taking up an entire wall all to itself. That was where they kept my favorite reptile.
"Eunectes murinus," I smirked triumphantly as I came to a stop by a sign that read "Green Anaconda". It gave all of the usual information-its scientific name, its length and weight, what country it comes from, etc etc-but I no longer needed to read it anymore, as I had long ago memorized much of the information by heart.
Instead of reading the sign, I skipped right to the exciting part of just watching this beautiful creature as it slithered through the water. It was all olive-colored scales glinting over a body made up of pure muscle. She was a dangerous predator, and yet there was still something so delicate and graceful in the way that she moved. So effortless and regal-truly one of nature's most deadly creatures.
"Hey, ol'girl," I murmured softly, my voice dreamy. "Sorry I haven't visited in a while."
"That's not a girl."
I jumped at the sound of a woman's voice and whipped around just in time to see a figure stepping towards me. When it emerged from the shadows, I was shocked to discover that it was Al, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes set on me, only-for once-there was no malice in her eyes. In fact, there wasn't much of anything in her eyes. No sign of studying or analyzing my every move. She was simply staring at me, just as I had stared at the lions and other animals before. An empty look, indifferent and rushed, like she had better things to do and better things to look at.
I felt a heavy feeling beginning to take anchor in the pit of my stomach, though I couldn't even begin to fathom why.
"W-what're you doing here?" I demanded, my cheeks growing hot as it began to sink in that she had heard me talking to a fucking anaconda. Not only that, but an anaconda behind a sound-proof glass. Thank god for my hair always falling in my face, or I might have turned an even deeper shade of red if she caught my initial blushing too.
"I work here," she hooked her thumb around the name tag pinned to the chest of her green shirt, holding it up for me to read as proof. "What about you? What're you doing here? Is your friend...Is Steven okay?"
I turned away at that, not wanting to look her in the eyes at the mention of Steven. I was feeling pretty shitty about abandoning him again, but I felt I had no other choice. There was no way I was going to sit there and be berated by Izzy about my poor life choices, let alone struggle through an awkward conversation with Deanna. Still, this was almost just as bad. I had come to the zoo with the sole purpose of avoiding Al, and yet here she was in the flesh. Just my fuckin' luck.
"He's not awake yet if that's what you're asking," I murmured, allowing my gaze to drift back to the gigantic snake floating in its small body of water. Now that I thought about it, such a beautiful killer deserved much more space to roam. Suddenly, this little piece of personal jungle seemed much too small for the anaconda it housed, far too suffocating. I needed to get her out. I needed to get out.
"Oh. I, uh...I'm sorry." Al's apology sounded genuine and I wished I could accept it, but I knew I didn't deserve it. If she was trying to be sympathetic about Steven, her kindness was wasted on me. I'd already decided that this was karma in action. It was my penance, my cross to bear. I didn't need her showing me any mercy.
"Don't be," I ordered with a grunt, shoving my hands into my pockets. "It's all my fault anyway."
"No, I meant I'm sorry for what I said before...and for biting you," she said slowly, as if she was trying to gauge my reaction to each word that fell from her mouth. "I was out of line to have said those things about you. It wasn't any of my business."
I shook my head softly. It hadn't really occurred to me that she was apologizing for that, and I honestly hadn't expected any sort of apology from her to begin with. Just like with Steven, I deserved whatever Al threw at me. I'd been a real asshole towards her pretty much since the day we met, and I'd already kind of decided that I'd continue to be an asshole to her until she learned to back off of me.
Still, I felt like all of my anger had left me the moment I'd started crying like a bitch at the hospital. Maybe even earlier than that, when Axl had left for the final time. I just wanted to drop the subject entirely and pretend like none of it had ever happened. I didn't need Al's sympathy, but I didn't really need anymore of her hate either. At least, not right now. Right now, I was sick of fighting with everyone, sick of despising everyone, and sick of running from everything. I was too tired to argue anymore, and besides, I'd come here for some solace and I was going to get some goddamn peace even if it fuckin' killed me.
"Again, don't be," I assured her. "And again, it's all my fault anyway."
When she didn't respond, I turned to face her again. Her eye brows were raised in shock and she appeared skeptical, as if she was still waiting for me to make some additional snobby remark or hit on her. But when neither came, she took a step closer and cocked her head slightly.
"You like this one, huh?" She pointed passed me, to the green anaconda.
I nodded slowly, the tiniest smirk beginning to form on my face as the subject shifted. "Apparently not enough. I couldn't even tell that she was actually a he."
That finally made Al chuckle a bit, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that she actually looked kind of pretty when she smiled. It softened her face up so much more. Her thick eye brows didn't feel as domineering and her nose crinkled the tiniest bit at the bridge. It was almost as if I was actually seeing her for the first time, and I think I finally began to notice that Al was in fact a woman.
I'm always learning new things about her, aren't I? I mused to myself as she passed me with a skip in her step, marching closer to the anaconda exhibit. She smelled like nature. All of the dirt and rain and pine needles and riverbeds were just resting in her hair, and she was like the Earth itself just revolving right by me. I was beginning to feel dizzy.
"The same goes for Pandora too," Al interrupted my thoughts with a giggle.
"What?" I demanded, my eyes widening in disbelief at the news.
"You didn't know?" Al's tone was teasing, and her eyes were gleaming at me as she grinned at my shocked expression. I realized that she was finally looking at me with some amount of emotion, and that heavy feeling in my core began to lift as she aimed her pearly whites right at me. "Didn't you even take the time to check?"
Even if my hair was covering my face, it didn't stop any of the blushing this time. I was absolutely mortified. Here I was trying to seem like a capable pet owner, and yet I hadn't even taken the time to make sure that Pandora was in fact a female. This, coupled with my lack of finding a proper pet-sitter in the first place, probably made me look like a complete and total idiot.
"I-I mean, not really. She-er, he was just kind of thrust onto me. This girl Lisa, she had no idea how to take care of a snake, so she gave it to me. I guess I just...I don't know. I guess I just assumed. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Al shrugged. She didn't seem to be judging me. In fact, she was acting rather amused by the whole situation. She was probably just happy to have the upper hand again. "I didn't have the heart to correct you. You seemed like you had a lot on your plate. Plus, you never really acted all that serious about discussing snakes with me anyway-outside of the one inside of your pants, that is."
Okay. She was definitely scolding me now. I didn't really mind it though, especially since she was obviously still mostly just teasing me. I had gotten used to this being our dynamic. Her being the no-nonsense mother type, while I played the dumb and horny teenaged son. It worked well for us. Er, sometimes.
"But now you're going around misgendering all of these poor animals, so I guess it's about time you learned," she added with a smirk. "So now you know about Pandora, and now you know about this one too." She nodded to the anaconda.
I was trying to play along, trying to think of some smug comment to make, but I was struggling to keep my head straight. I groaned softly, running my hands through my tangle of curls. The dizzying feeling was getting worse, and I staggered forward a bit as I tried to keep my footing. I could hear the rush of blood as my pulse began to drum in my ears.
"Speaking of, I ought to reprimand you..." I began, my voice a low rumble as I fought to remain focused. There was a sudden heat wave that enveloped my entire body, flushing my cheeks and burning my forehead. I blinked furiously trying to fight back my fading vision.
"Reprimand me?" She cocked her head questioningly, totally blind to my malaise. "For what?"
"You're supposed to be back home...with Pandora."
Al rolled her eyes and snorted. "I told you that she's doing much better. It should only be a few more days now, actually. And I figured I could work two jobs at once, sort of ease my way back into my old job-"
I couldn't take it anymore. I fell forward as my knees buckled beneath me. I heard Al let out a soft grunt as my head fell onto her shoulder and then slid down to her chest.
"Ugh! You're such a pig!"
Al gave me a push and I dropped to the ground like a pile of bricks. I opened my mouth, but only a low moan escaped my lips. Al wasted no time in standing over me, a look of horror on her face...her face, which was now so far away...plummeting into blackness....
"Slash? Slash, are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't realize-! I'm going to call an ambulance! I'll be-shit, I'll be right back!"
I was hardly listening. Gazing blindly up into the abyss, all I could think about was the rushing scent of wildflowers when Al had hovered over me and the wave of peace that came with it as I drifted gently into unconsciousness.
A/N: shout out to Slaxl_is_life for allowing me to add this funny little part in the story between Al and Slash about Pandora actually being a he! (I am like Slash and was also not aware of this fact cuz I'm a bad GNR fan I guess 😅)
Enjoy! Read, comment, vote!