My apologies if this is trash.
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Carl and I walked side by side up the stairs in the old abandoned mall. There were a couple walkers here and there, but for the most part, it was cleared.
Me and Carl got separated from the rest of the group after Terminus. Carl was being a real ass about it, telling me it was all my fault.
"I can't believe this," he huffed as we reached the top of the broken escalator. I rolled my eyes at him and frowned. "It's all your fault." He had been going at it like this since we ran off, and quite frankly, I was getting sick of it.
I had been bottling up anger this whole time, trying not to explode on him. I know that he had just found Judith, and now he lost her again. It had to have been hard. But at least he still had a little sister. A father, a family.
I've always felt like an outcast in the group ever since they took me and my family in. Herschel was my uncle. Well, great uncle. And Maggie and Beth were my cousins. Carl and I got along really well back at my farm, but over the past couple of months, he's grown very bitter towards me. Towards everyone.
Everyone except Judith.
"You're so..." Carl started to say something as he stopped in his tracks, sounding very frustrated and whiny. Like a little kid. I stopped walking and turned around to glare at him with a hurt expression on my face. I felt tears prick the back of my eyes, but I didn't dare cry in front of him.
"I'm so what?" I asked lowly, my voice cracking in the process. The tears brimmed my eyes and I could feel my cheeks flushing as I tried to hold all emotions back. I bit down on my tongue hard to keep from sobbing in front of him. In all honesty, I miss Carl a lot. The old Carl.
Carl stared at me with a blank expression. After a few seconds his eyebrows furrowed. He shook his head and scoffed. "What's the matter with you? You look like you're about to cry," he taunted. I inhaled sharply, turning around and quickly storming off into the nearest shop to hide and cry in.
My vision blurred and I couldn't do anything but blink the tears away to clear it. I knew Carl was watching me from behind. Probably sneering.
I furiously wiped my eyes and let my shoulders rack with a silent sob, wanting him to see how he was making me feel.
I walked into the shop, which happened to be a clothing store. I heard a groan coming from the dressing room and pulled out my knife. I was sobbing hysterically now. I didn't care what was going to happen. The walker could bite me and end this life for all I care.
I lost all my family, except for Maggie. I lost my group. And worst of all, I lost my best friend. And said best friend is blaming everything on me. Making me feel way more worthless than I ever had before. The walker trudged out of the dressing room and tried reaching for me. I gave it a look of pure disgust and screamed, "Fuck you!" Before I stabbed it repeatedly in the head.
I heard footsteps come running into the store and then a very familiar voice. "Y/n!" Carl's voice called. I didn't move. I just cried.
"What the hell are you doing y/n?!" Carl raised his voice.
I turned around and looked at the taller boy. He stared at me angrily for a few seconds, breathing heavily as he waited for a response from me. "What am I doing?" I shrieked. "What am I doing?!" I asked louder. "Gee, I don't know Carl. I'm just contemplating whether I should end my life before you or someone or something else does because obviously all I'm doing is making this shit world even worse!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, not caring how many walkers I would draw, or how hoarse my voice was going to be, or how taken aback Carl would be.
He flinched and looked surprised. "You're the one who got us stuck in this situation in the first place!" He shouted back, a little quieter than I had been earlier.
"Is that so?!"
"Yeah it is!" He took two steps closer to me, our faces just inches apart. We stared at each other with pure rage. The only thing that could be heard were our ragged breaths.
It took me a minute to finally come to my senses and speak my mind to him. Well, more like scream my mind.
"I'm not the one who decided to run the opposite direction as everyone else! Rick, your dad, yelled at me to run the other way with you," I poked his chest as I said 'you', "Rick had Judith! They're safe! We're safe! We're going to find the group! But there won't be a 'we' at all if you keep treating me like shit!" I paused for a moment, taking a break to gather my thoughts once more, but not giving him a chance to speak. My voice quieted down so I wasn't screaming anymore. Just talking very sternly.
"Do you even know how terrible you've been making me feel for the past three months over something that doesn't have anything to do with me?" I questioned, honestly curious if he knew. I saw his expression soften for a second, then turn stone cold again.
I averted my eyes from his as I let more tears fall. "Every time I was alone Carl...every time...I thought about taking this knife," I held up my knife, "and slitting my own damn throats all because my best friend, the one I loved the most, hated my guts for no reason. You've been through a lot of shit Carl. But not as much as I have." I looked up at him again and see his face shift from anger, to sorrow, to heart break.
"Y/n, I-" he started, but I cut him off.
"Save it!" I snapped. He shut his mouth as a tear slipped out of his eye and down his cheek. "I've had to kill more people than you have. I had to watch Beth go through depression and fucking cut herself and not be able to do anything about it. I had to watch Maggie jump for joy when we found out Beth was alive and the hospital. I had to watch Maggie go through a depressive state. I had to be the strong one for both of them. I'm 15 years old. I'm not an old wise woman. I had to kill my family when I came home from school because my bus left me the day this started and I didn't have a ride so I didn't know where my family was. I shot my dad, my little brother, my sister, my nephews. My fucking dogs, I had to shoot my dogs to take them out of their misery. I had to kill Andrea because none of you were strong enough to. I had to shoot Shane. I had to shoot Sophia. I had to shoot Beth's boyfriend! I had to comfort little Judy when you were too busy lashing it on your sleeping father after the prison went to shit. And worst of all, I had to have my best friend hate me for all of it. I had to sit here and let you hate me for nothing." I pulled up my sleeves and showed Carl all the red and white lines.
"This is the pain that you have put me through in the past three months Carl." I didn't want to make him feel so bad. I just wanted him to know he truth.
Carl gaped at the cuts that littered my arms and everything that I had just said. He looked at me square in the eyes. That only seemed to make him feel worse once he saw the pure agonizing pain that I felt. He sniffled, which I found quite adorable, and shook his head. He pulled me into a bone crushing hug and kissed the top of my head.
I hugged him back with as much force as he buried his head into my shoulder and began sobbing. I couldn't help but sob too once I heard him. We pulled each other closer and squeezed tighter than I thought humanly possible.
We stayed like that forever. He kept sobbing a billion apologies, and I managed to get out a few 'it's okay's' and 'I forgive you's'. We stayed that way so long my feet started to hurt from standing so long.
After what felt like hours, we pulled away to look at each other's puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.
I gave him a weak smile and leaned my forehead into his chest, wrapping my arms loosely around his waist. He started to rub my back. "I'm so fucking sorry y/n. Words can't even describe how bad I feel. I love you so much. I always have and I always will. You mean the world to me. I would do anything for you. Anything at all. You are one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. I hope you know that. I'm so sorry for being such an ass these past few months. I was just looking for someone to blame for everything and you were right there. I should've been smarter. I should've been a better friend. I don't know how I can make it up to you. I love you y/n. God, I love you more than anything..." he finished speaking with a very shaky breath and I could feel him lean back against my shoulder and let a few more tears out. While he was speaking, I was balling my eyes out with the hugest grin on my face.
I pulled away from him and lifted his head up to look at me. "I love you too, Carl. I always did. And I'll never stop. I'd die for you. You don't have to make anything up to me because you already have, just by being here, and being my friend again." I finished with a few happy sobs. I stood up on my tippy toes to press a soft kiss to his cheek and he placed a hand on the small of my back, and pulled me into him.
He leaned down to my ear, his hot breath fanning against my neck and tickling me. "Could I make it up to you by being more than a friend?" My heart stopped. I could feel a deep blush on my cheeks and I knew he could see it. I had liked Carl since the day I started hanging with him. I've been hiding my feelings for five years.
Then my heart sank as I thought more about this. He was probably just saying that now because he felt bad.
He pushed some of my hair out of the way and placed a soft, small kiss on my jawline. I whimpered a little and tangled my hands into his long brown locks of hair.
He moved from my jawline to my neck, to my collarbone, back up, and then to my cheek. I knew what was next and I pushed him away gently before he could reach my lips. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned around. I opened my eyes and sat down on a bench by a bunch of lace bras and matching underwear, forgetting I was in a Victoria's Secret.
Carl came and sat next to me. He wore a very concerned look on his face. "What's wrong? Do you not lie me that way? I'm so sorry I just, um, I've always wanted to, you know, kiss you and I love you so much and I just-" I cut his rambling off with a sad sigh and turned to him.
"You've always wanted to kiss me?" I whispered, my voice barely audible.
Carl's eyes widened as he realized what he had said and his face turned a bright shade of pink. "Umm, well, you know I just-" he stopped and sighed heavily. He brought a hand up to his neck and rubbed it nervously.
"You weren't just pretending because you felt bad, were you?" I asked almost silently. He looked at me and his eyes widened.
"Of course not! I-I...I love you. Like, as more than a friend. I have for five years." My jaw dropped and my eyes bugged out.
"You're joking!" I laughed. I can't believe we've both liked each other this whole time.
Carl looked confused. I thought he was super cute when he was confused, so I didn't mind. I chuckled at him and he said, "No I'm not joking?" In almost a questioning matter.
"I've liked you since the day I met you," I spilled, my heart doing somersaults in my chest.
"Really?!" Carl exclaimed excitedly. "Dammit, I knew I should've made a move sooner!"
I laughed at him again.
Once we both calmed down we just stared at each other intently in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence though. It was comfortable.
He started to lean in, and my heart started pounding. I closed my eyes and felt his smooth, warm lips push against mine. We stayed that way for about three seconds.
He pulled away, and I whined at the loss of contact. I saw him smirk at me and lean back in. I hummed into the kiss, then suddenly I felt his tongue swipe against my lower lip.
I sucked in a breath, hesitant at first, but then I gave him access.
He grabbed my hips, and I entangled my hands into his hair again. He pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him, one leg on either side of his legs.
I tugged on his hair a bit and he let out a soft moan. He moved his hands up a bit, accidentally going under my shirt and tracing my bare skin. I pulled back and grasped his hands which were still on me. "Sorry!" He mumbled, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. He tried to move his hands but I pulled them back onto my bare waist and looked into his eyes.
He looked at me lovingly, and it was this moment that I knew he was the one, and that I was going to be spending the rest of my life by his side. I smiled at him and brought my hands up to his shoulders and he wrapped his arms around my bare back and leaned in to kiss me sweetly one last time.
I laid my head and his shoulder and we sat that way for a while, just enjoying each other's presence and listening to each other's heartbeat.
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Soooo this sucked. I wrote this a long time ago sooo hehehe.