That night, Rhett keep me warm. He held me while I slept. He made no effort to leave or shy away.
He sat with me on the bed while he explained how he felt about himself and where he had been for the time we were apart.
He knew he had gained weight and he was ashamed but he said he'd work on it if I worked on my issues.
I agreed to but I wasn't sure how long it would take for me to build back an appetite. I was also concerned about wanting the matches. I knew they were there, but I let them go for tonight.
Rhett knew it would be hard for me too. He said that I could break the habit but it would take time. I probably would relapse at some point but he promised to be there for me when it happened.
He told me he wanted me to be comfortable in my own skin even if there were scars.
So I slept naked that night, free to the world.
It all felt so dumb now. Hiding it from him. Now that it was all said and done, I felt so much better.
Laying with Rhett was a beautiful thing, but waking up to him was even more special.
"Morning," he yawned, cuddling up to me.
"Good morning," I grinned.
He looked so tired. We had been up late talking, so I was too.
"How'd you sleep?" he asked, trying to sit up.
I stretched my arms out, remembering I was naked and laughed, "Very well. But I might need some clothes now."
He laughed, "You sure?"
I cocked a brow, "Are you implying that I should not put on clothes?"
He shrugged, "Maybe, but that's just because I like looking at your birthday suit."
I shook my head, "Oh shut up, you little -"
He stood then, running to the bathroom to escape the punches I was throwing at him.
I ran after him, only to be cut off by the door being slammed shut.
He laughed on the other side, claiming to be using the toilet.
"Sure," I giggled and then stepped into my boxers.
I began to pick up the clothes and tidy up my room when Rhett opened the bathroom door holding a box of matches and a lighter in his hands.
It felt as if Rhett had just found my deepest darkest secret all over again and it sucked.
I had forgotten to push them back to the back of the cabinet after yesterday.
"This hurts me too, Link. It hurts me to see these and know what you've done with them. It does. It's not easy. But I want you to do this. I want you to throw them away. It'll help, I promise."
I was speechless. I couldn't bring myself to say okay. I didn't say anything.
"Link," he walked towards me, "This is for the best, okay?"
I took a deep breath, taking in everything that was happening and nodded, "O-okay."
I took them from him. They fit in my hands just right. It kind of felt like I was throwing away a part of me. And I guess I was. I had let the matches take over my life in a negative way, but still, in some way. It wasn't that I didn't want to throw them away, it was just the fear of needing them, I think.
Rhett grabbed me by the waist and led me to the bathroom.
There, I stood looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn't keep my eyes of the scars. They were now memories and I hated them.
"They make me ugly," I said, out loud. Rhett was starring too, "No, no they don't."
"Then what do they make me?" I rubbed my fingers along them, feeling their coarse texture.
"They make you strong," he started. He put his arms around my shoulders, holding me in place as if I were so thin, a gust of wind would push me out the door.
"They make you brave. Maybe not in the way you want to be, but they do. They show that you've had some hard times and that's okay. But the point is, that right now, you are overcoming everything that you've been struggling with and throwing away the things that have hindered you from being the person you once were. So no. They don't make you ugly. They make you human, and being human is quite okay in my book."
I couldn't help but smile as he spoke to me. It was like he could take a world, snap his fingers, and change everything.
I instantly dropped the box of matches into the trash can, along with the lighters I had collected. I then pulled the spare box from my cabinet and did away with that to.
Rhett grinned while I did this and began to kiss me like I had just won the fucking Olympics.
And in his mind, I probably had.
--
For breakfast, Rhett took me to the Waffle House. He knew today was about getting me started on a path that I wasn't physically ready for, so he called out of work and planned to spend the rest of the day with me.
We sat in a booth across from each other. The waitress handed us our menus and I quickly started to feel overwhelmed with this whole situation.
Rhett thanked the lady and she left to get our drink order.
He smiled up at me, "Okay. What are you feeling?"
"Doubt," I said honestly. He shook his head, "No doubt. Just take your time, order what you want and only what you want. Order what sounds good."
I nodded and took a look over the menu. I knew I didn't want eggs. Just the thought of those made me sick. Maybe toast? I like bread.
I need to prove that I can do this, I thought. Maybe some bacon? I love bacon. I shook my head. The grease.
I sighed, "I don't know. I don't know what I can eat."
Rhett took my menu, "You can eat anything. You just think you can't."
I put my head in my hands. He tapped my shoulder, "Hey, you can do this. I promise. How about a sampler? It comes with everything. Whatever you don't eat, I will."
I agreed, only because I was tired of talking about it. I didn't want anything. I wasn't hungry.
The woman came back and Rhett told her our order. Then she was gone and in five minutes, a steaming plate of breakfast food was sitting in front of me.
Eggs, toast, bacon, sausage, pancakes, grits, there were even tomatoes on the side. I didn't like those even before I couldn't eat.
Rhett took those and popped em' on his plate of pancakes.
Rhett smiled, "Okay. Just go at your own pace."
I nodded. I felt like a little kid again being told to eat. It was pathetic.
I started with the grits. They seemed to be calling my name.
I took one bite and my stomach rumbled. I never realize how hungry I am until I get a taste of something. I took another bite, and then another. They were actually pretty decent.
But I needed to try something else. So I moved on the the sausage. I knew the grease would get me. I knew it would throw me off, but I tried. I got one piece down and decided not to go back.
I then ate my toast with ease. It was bland and flavorless, which seemed to be something I appreciated now.
Rhett was happy with me, "Dude, you're doing so good."
I grinned, although I was a bit embarrassed.
I went back to the grits. I didn't quite finish the bowl, but I was close.
That was all I could manage. It was way more than usual, I thought.
Rhett was still chomping down on his food and he even started to pick from mine.
"Rhett, you know I'm not tying to be mean," I started, but he cut me off, "I know. I don't know. I just struggle to stop."
"That's okay. At least you can eat. I don't want you to get the idea that you're fat and you stop eating like I did, so eat what you need and then just a little more. Just be aware, okay?"
He sighed, "Is that why you stopped eating? Because you thought you were fat?"
I shook my head, "No. No. I just lost my appetite. All I ate was peanut butter crackers for at least two weeks straight. Every once in a while I would eat some noodles, but I just couldn't get the stuff down. I don't know."
"We're two very opposite people, huh?" he said then, taking a sip from his orange juice.
I smiled, "That's why we're perfect for each other. I'm a strong believer in the phrase "opposites attract."
He laughed, "Good. I am too." He gave me a wink and then asked for the check.
Rhett then decided to take a trip to the grocery store, "You need food in your house."
I sighed, but he was right. So I went along with it.
I grabbed a few things I thought I could get down and Rhett picked out some things he thought were good for a person trying to recover from an "eating disorder" he called it.
Those words made me shiver. I didn't like thinking that's what I had, but maybe he was right
He made it easier though. He made it easier to walk into a place, buy food and really expect to eat it.
He kept me laughing which stopped me from thinking about how easy it would be to just not do this.
At the checkout, I placed all the food on the counter and looked back at Rhett. He was starring at the candy bars with such a concentration, I couldn't image what was going through his head.
"What's your favorite candy bar?" he asked then. I shook my head, "Oh, I don't want one. I'm really full from breakfast."
He disagreed, "Just tell me."
I shrugged, "Just pick something." I was too busy putting my bags into the cart to think about it. In the end, he placed a Kit-Kat on the counter.
The man rang it up and then I paid. That was the most I had spent on anything in a while.
Especially food.
Once we had packed everything into the trunk of Rhett's car, he pushed the buggy back to the stand and I buckled in.
A minute later he handed me a Kit-Kat.
"Rhett, it's so early for a -"
"Link, you're gonna have to eat snacks, even when you don't want them. You have to make yourself crave things."
I groaned, taking the candy bar from him.
I hated that I was annoyed. He was just trying to help.
"I'm sorry," I said, opening the packaging, "I'm just not hungry and I'm afraid of getting sick."
"I know. It's okay though. I'm here."
I ate the candy bar slowly as we drove home. It tasted so good, but it felt awful in my stomach.
I tried to ignore it, but as soon as we pulled into the driveway, I opened the door and dry heaved. I expected all of my mornings meal to come up, but I was glad they didn't.
"Whoa," Rhett unbuckled quickly, and took my hand, "Let it out if you need to."
I shook my head, "I think I'm good."
We sat there for a few minutes, waiting to see if I actually would throw up, but I was fine.
Rhett gave me a bottle of water and I gulped it down. I was fine.
"I'm really proud of you for doing this Link," he said, grabbing the groceries from the car. I grinned, pushing my glasses up, "Thank you. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for you."
He looked happy.
And he had every right to be.
----
Well, not sure if I love this one or hate it.
Tell me how you feel down below.
Thanks for reading! I love you guys!
And thank you for being your mythical best!
-Robin