March 25th 2005
Ancient stories tell of men who turn into creatures who prey on humans and animals alike.
You never believe they are true. You never think that it was real. You don't think it would ever happen to you.
My whole body felt different. I felt angrier. Like i wanted to explode, even resting I could feel my heartbeat and my body temperature rising. I was unstable.
Sam or Jared were always with me.
I had a great deal of difficulty controlling my temper. More than Sam or Jared, I frequently phased accidentally. Sam unfortunately had to stay very close to make sure these out-of-control moments happened in private. After Emily was injured by Sam, I tried to take my temper problems more seriously, though I still found control more difficult than any of the others.
I never wanted to be apart of this. I didn't ask for this.
I can't stop thinking about her. It's been over two weeks since I last saw her. Sam forbid me. He thought I would hurt her, I still cant control it. I want to see her so bad, I think I love her. I mean, I'm only 17 but you just know.
I paced my hallway, back and forth. Back and forth. I had 19 missed calls, I knew they were all from her. She couldn't be involved in this.. this is not what I want for her.
My mother Laurel even left and is now staying with her sister in Port Angela's. I'm not sure if she left because she didn't know how to deal with my whole situation, if she was scared, or if she couldn't deal with facing Adeline anymore. Every time she came looking for me, she lied to her and told her I left town for a while, or that I was gone out. Being selfish and all, I never really thought about the toll it would take on my mom.
Most nights she would sit with Adeline on the swing outside on our porch until she stopped crying, enough to drive home anyway. She really felt for her, and when Adi would leave, she would continue to sit on the swing and cry.
I would listen helplessly in my room. It made me more anger than sad. I mean, I miss her but I will put her safety first.
I wanted to call her. I've picked up the phone so many times, but always hang up. She can't know.
I looked at the alarm clock on the side table next to my bed, 10;13 pm. There hasn't been any night this week that Adeline didn't show up wanting to see me. I wondered if she would show, my heart ached every time, but every time I was a little happy knowing that her love for me was that strong.
I don't think my head could handle another night. I threw on a pair of joggers, sweat pants and a hoodie. I was going to go to Jared's, where I often spent the night. Being watched, monitored, like some high school kid in detention.
I locked the front door behind me, and starting accelerating toward the forest behind my house.
Without turning around, I knew I wasn't alone. I could hear her mighty little heart pounding out of her chest, her dramatic inhale of air as she saw me.
I didn't move from my back on position. I froze in time. Just listening.
Don't stop Paul. Keep walking. Your doing this for her. To protect her.
I started walking again, she didn't follow. She was crying, the muffled words that I could just barely pick out.
"Paul, If you walk away; No more excuses, no more chances, we are done"
That was all I heard as I descended into the darkness of the trees.
I'm Sorry.