Chapter II
"Did you say
Please just follow me?
I thought you wanted me
'cuz I want you
all to myself!"
-Marianas Trench "All to Myself"
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After Josh left, I felt so much better. We didn't kiss, or say we loved each other, I just cried into his tee, and he just held me and stroked my hair and said "shhhhhhhh, Lav, it's okay, it's gonna be okay."
The very next morning I picked up my cell and texted Matt:
Matt you lying son of bitch. I saw you yesterday. This is good-bye. Don't mention this to any of the boys; only Josh and you and me know. I intend to keep it this way. Don't keep in touch.
With hatred,
Lavender (don't even fucking think of calling me Lav anymore. you lost that privilege when you decided to cheat.)
I know, saying it on a text wasn't exactly very brave, but I was afraid that he would try to persuade me to come back and that I would fold. And I think that some small and quite honest part of me was afraid that he wouldn't.
Later, I arrived at Josh's house for band rehearsal as usual. Even with the tension between me and Matt I still wanted to be there for Josh and Ian and Mike; they enjoyed practicing in front of an audience, and, I was proud to say, valued my opinion. I saw Josh, and smiled at him. He returned the smile. I was still confused as to what was between us, but he was still there for me.
Upon seeing me, Matt grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out to the side of the house. I flashed 5 fingers at Josh. That was our code for "if im not back in five, come get me". Used mostly when we were little and exploring what we were convinced was pools of quicksand and nests of killer bees. He flashed back five fingers and then pointed at me, meaning "if you are not back in five, I'll come get you." it was used mostly by me in his heroine days, when I was worried that he might overdose.
Once in private, Matt turned to face me.
"Look. I got you're text. I am so sorry. You know how seductive she can be."
"Actually, I don't." I replied coolly.
"Lav. Please."
"Lavender" my voice would have froze fire.
"Lavender. I want you back." his eyes pleaded with me "You don't understand. She just came at me. And, before I knew it........we, you know....." Matt was now looking everywhere but me.
"Josh would never have done such a thing." It sprang to my lips before I even knew what I was going to say.
"Josh?" he said, visibly puzzled. "Have you been cheating on me?"
The hurt in his eyes made me want to punch him. So he can cheat so long as no one cheated on him, could he?
"No Matt." I could cool the sun with one sentence now "that's your job in case you forgot."
He was looking at me oddly.
"But why have you come to rehearsal, then, if not for me" Matt asked.
This was too much "You self-absorbed asshole! I came for my friends!"
"Aren't I one of them?"
"No, Matt" I said sadly "Not anymore."
By the time rehearsal had ended, I had made my decision about Josh Ramsay. I decided that I loved him and wanted to give him a chance. But before I could call him and ask him over, the phone rang. And it was him.
When the doorbell rang and I opened the door, my breath was taken away. He looked gorgeous in a pinstriped black top, black slacks, white blazer, and red tie. His black and blue hair was swept over one eye, and his piercing blue eyes were lined with eyeliner.
He let out a low whistle when he saw me. I supposed I looked equally good in a black, form-fitting sequin dress, black pumps, downed hair, and smoky eyes. Smiling, I invited him to my room.
"Josh" I said at the same time as he said "Lavender."
We both laughed.
"you first" I said nodding toward him.
"I want to change your mind about letting me in." he said.
"Josh-"
"No." he interupted "Listen before you tell me to go."
"I wasn't-"
"Ssshhhhhh. Listen"
And he sang me a song.
"I call it 'All to Myself' " he said nervously after finishing. "I wrote it for you, Lav. Please, give me a chance, I love you."
"I love you too." I said and leaned in for the best kiss of my life.