Tyler told Josh everything that he had been bottling up these past few months. Tyler was surprised he didn't shed a single tear, but he still felt sad about it. Josh comforted him, giving his best friend a few hugs and telling him that things would work out. Tyler almost wanted to believe him, but he told himself that anything of that sort was too good to be true.
"You have no way of contacting her at all?" Josh asked curiously, Tyler shook his head.
"I've tried calling her, believe me. She never answered though. I'm assuming that means she just doesn't want to talk to me," Tyler explained, laughing humorlessly to himself.
Josh paused for a second, looking up toward the ceiling and thinking to himself. "Have you tried going to her house and asking her sister?" He asked, his eyes meeting Tyler's again.
"No. If she still hasn't returned a single call to me, I think that's her telling me to take a hint," Tyler scoffed. He stuck his hand in the pocket of his hoodie, pulling out the small notebook he had brought with him.
"So you just have absolutely no clue where she went?" Josh asked.
"Nope," Tyler responded, popping the 'p'. He flipped through the many pages filled with song lyrics and ideas he had. Other pages had Jenna's little drawings on them from whenever she would steal his notebook, and the most recent things were Tyler's notes to himself. He kept flipping through, seeing if Jenna had drawn anything else towards the back that he hadn't seen yet. But the back of the notebook was completely empty. Just blank lined paper.
"I give up," Tyler sighed, shrugging his shoulders. He stuffed the notebook back in his pocket, slumping back onto the cushion of the couch. "I'm just going to accept the fact that I'm going to be moping around about her forever."
"Hey, listen to me," his friend said, getting his attention. Tyler's looked up, meeting Josh's bright brown eyes. "She'll come around. And if not, you won't be sad forever. I can promise you that, Tyler." Tyler knew that he was probably right. He wouldn't be sad forever. But at the moment, it definitely seemed like it.
"Thanks Josh. I'm gonna go, it's getting late," he said, standing up from the couch. Josh stood up beside him, patting him on the back. Tyler mumbled a 'bye' as Josh walked him to the front door.
Tyler walked down the stairs and went to his car, opening the door. He sat down and stared out the window, not bothering to start the car.
She had to have left something for him. She couldn't have left without any explanation at all, could she? She told Tyler that he was her best friend, so he had to mean something to her.
Tyler looked around his car, moving around the scattered stuff he had stored in the console. Nothing looked as if it could have been a note.
He then picked up an empty sunglasses case, but it didn't seem to be completely empty. The sunglasses were definitely not in there, but there was a small piece of paper. Tyler never recalled putting paper there, he didn't have any reason to. He opened it and pulled out the small piece of folded paper. It looked like it had been ripped out of his notebook. He unfolded it, noticing a long note written in pink ink.
Tyler, it read. First and foremost, I know you're probably wondering why I put this in your sunglasses case. I wanted to put this note somewhere where I knew for sure you would find it, and you wear your sunglasses everyday, so I thought it made sense.
Well, she was kind of right. Tyler always wore his sunglasses whenever he was driving, or whenever he was out in the sun. He thought they made him look cooler, so he made sure they were always around him. But he lost them weeks before she had left, so ever since he searched his entire car, he hadn't bothered to touch the case. She must have not known.
I know I could have left you a text or something, but that didn't seem enough for me. I just wanted you to have this note, something you could hold, something in my handwriting so you could know that it's completely from me.
Anyway, I know you're probably confused. You think you did something wrong... right? You didn't. I know you Tyler, you have to stop being so hard on yourself.
I left because everything is too much for me here. With school, my sister, with you and me... you know? I hope you get it.
To get to the point, I'm at my aunt's. She lives in Ohio, but a few hours away. I'm going to come back sometime, don't worry.
Come back? When? She had been gone for months, how much longer could she be gone? However, it still excited Tyler for some reason. He would get to see her again. He wasn't sure when, or how, but he would. He had to see her again.
Also, you deserve an apology. I'm sorry. I shouldn't just leave you like this, without even being able to tell you. But I'm just afraid of the things I'm feeling. I've never felt this strongly before, and I'm scared of getting hurt.
I'm still thinking about you, though. I promise.
Jenna
It was as simple as that. A single note that he should have been able to find months ago. It could have saved him from a whole lot of confusion and worrying and hoping.
Even though she said he wasn't the reason why she left, Tyler knew he had something to do with it. Her feelings for him had to have changed, and she didn't want to deal with it. She didn't want to risk it because she was afraid.
Tyler was glad that he at least knew one thing now. Whatever he had thought she felt for him wasn't completely fake. It was real, it wasn't in his head. She felt something for him, and knowing that gave him comfort.
•••••
It had been about a month since the first time they kissed. Tyler wished for just one more kiss, a hug, even something as simple as her fingers brushing against his skin. But he hadn't been able to see her as much when she moved back with her sister. Jenna figured they needed to make up, so she went over and talked with her. Her sister agreed to let her hang out with friends as long as she promised to keep up on her work.
Although her stay at Tyler's apartment came to an end, his thoughts about her had still been nonstop. He already thought all about her before their kiss, but now it seemed constant. Before he went to sleep, he thought of her. How pretty her blue eyes were, or how much he secretly adored her teasing. He fantasized what it would be like if they were together, if they belonged to only each other. He felt stupid for it, but he couldn't help it.
He had to tell her how he felt. Of course, she must have known he had feelings for her. It was only obvious. But nothing was going to happen unless Tyler decided to take a leap of faith. So the next day, he planned to do just that.
He called Jenna, telling her to meet him at park. When he finally arrived, he walked to the spot they usually met at, which was near the tall tree that they would always sit on.
He saw the pink haired girl making her way towards him, her hair bouncing off her shoulders as she walked.
"Hey," she smiled as she stopped in front of Tyler.
"Hey, I-uh, kinda wanted to talk about something today," Tyler explained nervously, wondering whether or not he should really do this.
"Alright," Jenna said casually, taking Tyler's hand in her own. She walked a few feet over to the wooden bench and sat down, Tyler sitting down next to her. She looked at him, her crystal blue eyes digging into his soul. How was he going to start this? His heart began to beat ten times faster, and Jenna must of noticed his unease because she squeezed his hand. "Don't be afraid, Ty. You can tell me," she said, giving him a comforting smile.
Tyler took a deep breath, running his free hand through his hair. "Okay... so I just- I basically just need to get this off my chest," he started, his voice beginning to tremble. "I know that you probably know that I like you. I'm not good at hiding it. B-but, I don't just like you," he explained, his words jumbling together. Although she still held a small smile on her face, Tyler could still see the spark of confusion in her eyes.
"Jenna I'm... I'm," he tried to say, his mouth slightly opened as he searched for words. He was sure that his body was shaking at this point. "I'm in love with you," he finally managed, his eyes hesitantly looking up at her. Her smile had disappeared, and her eyebrows were furrowed together, as if she couldn't fathom what he was saying.
She bit her lip, shaking her head to herself. She stood up from the bench, taking a few steps back and looking down at him. "T-Tyler, you- you can't be in love with me," she said. Tyler quickly stood up beside her.
"W-why?" He asked in disbelief. Was this really what she thought? That nobody could love her?
"Because I'm me, Tyler! I can't be in love with you! You can't be in love with me!" She exclaimed, tears brimming in the corner of her eyes.
"Well, I don't know what else to tell you, Jen," Tyler scoffed, shaking his head in confusion. He could feel the tears behind his eyes. Don't cry, he told himself. Not in front of her.
"Tell me you're lying," she said, pressing a hand to his chest. Tears fell down her cheeks. "Please, Tyler. Tell me it's a lie."
"I'm sorry, Jen," he said in a soft voice. "I can't lie to you." She quickly took a step back from him, closing her eyes as the tears dripped down.
"I have to go," she said hoarsely. She hastily turned around, but Tyler gently grabbed her hand before she could leave.
"I'm sorry," he said desperately. Her eyes stared into his, telling him no, I'm sorry. "Please, Jenna." He now felt the small drops of water drip down his cheeks. "Don't go," he pleaded, his eyes begging her to listen.
The next few seconds were silent as Tyler searched her ocean blue orbs. He tried to find anything that indicated that she wouldn't leave him, that she could just forget this ever happened and stay with him. But all he could see was sorrow.
"I'm sorry, Tyler," she managed, her voice muffled by the soft cries. And with that, she took off, walking away as fast as she could. This time, Tyler didn't stop her.
He watched the wind blow her bright pink hair around as she turned the corner, completely leaving his sight. That was the last he saw of her.
He knew this was a mistake. Not even the fact that he told her, but the fact that he had those feelings in the first place. He knew that he should have stopped trying from the moment that she told him she would never fall in love. But no, he had to go and try to make things work. He ruined something amazing because of his selfish ways.
"You're so stupid," he muttered to himself, kicking around the small pebbles on the pavement. He closed his eyes, allowing his tears to freely fall. "So, so stupid," he repeated, laughing miserably to himself. He blew it, and he felt completely hopeless.