Sinners (Chapters 1-5) by BlueberriesFromTay
Reviewed by AmyMarieZ
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Overview: Sinners is a dark mystery/thriller about a small town full of mystery and deceit. Each character in the story represents on of the Seven Deadly Sins, and each has a part to play as the hidden darkness within the town slowly reveals itself.
Only a year after they mysterious death of high school student Mara, suspicion surrounding the truth of her death remain up in the air. The reader slowly gets sucked into the story, discovering the darkness that lurks within the town of Aveira.
Structure: Sinners is written in the third limited point of view, switching between characters each chapter. For obvious reasons, I assume the story will follow seven different characters, although I only saw four different POVs in the five chapters I read. While splitting the POV between so many characters is somewhat risky because it becomes hard to define characters as unique, I think it was an excellent choice for this story. It only makes sense that a story with the theme of the Seven Deadly Sins would follow seven separate characters!
The narrative voice of each of the chapters is strong and defined. They each feel set apart based on the style of narration, so they do not blur into one another. As a reader, I can easily differentiate between the viewpoints, so I do not lose any of the characters in the story.
Another thing I think works well for this story is the fact that the author has returned to the same view point (Quinn) rather than cycling through every single POV one right after another. This allows the reader to be introduced to each character gradually and naturally, making for a much more memorable and well-developed cast.
Grammar: Overall, the grammar in this story was very well done. There were hardly any typos, and a lot of thought has been put into making the story a polished piece.
One recurring thing I noticed that wasn't necessarily a mistake so much as it was a bit odd was paragraph breaks within dialog. While it is fine to include a paragraph break within dialog (so long as it is punctuated correctly) the number of paragraph breaks within dialog in this story was a bit much. They became somewhat confusing when they occurred during very small bits of dialog (only three or four sentences). Because the paragraph breaks were unexpected, at times I became confused about who was speaking.
My suggestion would be to keep dialog from one speaker within one paragraph, unless it goes on for a long time (for example a character telling a story through dialog or explaining something that would be difficult to follow without a paragraph break.) Rather than using a paragraph break to indicate a pause in the character's speech, another option could be closing the dialog, including a character action or description, and then continuing the dialog in the same paragraph.
Pace: Sinners is a well-paced story. Individual scenes are balanced between dialog, description, and character actions, allowing them to flow at a real-time speed that is easy for the reader to visualize. The only scenes where I thought the pace was slightly fast were the following two transitions:
The first transition was in chapter one when Quinn left class and then noted that the buses would have already left. The major thing that happened between her leaving the class and the busses leaving was her walking down the hall. I thought developing that action to show how slowly she was meandering or adding an additional action would make time frame a bit smoother.
The other transition was in chapter four when the students moved to the auditorium. I almost missed this transition, thinking it was referring to something that had happened previously. I think a paragraph break as well as another sentence or two between the scene shift could help it flow more smoothly.
The pace of the plot development is somewhat slow, but it feels intentionally so. The build-up of suspense is consistent and creates an ominous feeling. I really appreciate the slow development of this story. I think it adds a lot of depth, and I wouldn't want this to be rushed. The characters and small hints given along the way are hooking enough that a reader will feel interested right from the beginning, even though it takes a bit of time for all of the plot elements to start tying together.
Character Development: The character development in Sinners is very well done. The third person POV works well in this story, giving the reader direct and (seemingly) unbiased looks into the thoughts of each of the characters. By showing the characters' minds through a third person narrative, the dark and twisted nature of each of their thoughts come across unfiltered and in an almost jarring way. It sets the tone of the story very well. Although none of the main characters are likable (some are in fact disgusting and despicable!) I still found the story charming in a dark and somber way.
Given the nature of the storytelling, I think it is fitting to give a review on each of the characters separately.
QUINN (Envy): The first character introduced in Sinners is Quinn, a high school student with an obsessive crush on her English teacher, Mr. Dioli (Enzo). Quinn may appear quiet and studious from the outside, but on the inside dark thoughts run rampant through her mind. She envies any of her classmates who receive attention from her teacher, to the point where in her mind she wishes harm to come to them. Although the sin Quinn represents is clearly Envy, she also shows a lot of Lust, as well as a bit of Wrath. I think the fact that the author has not limited her to strictly one of the Seven Deadly Sins makes her a more realistic and believable character. Many of the sins naturally go together, so it only makes sense that she would show aspects of a few of them.
In the first chapter in Quinn's POV, the narration seems unreliable or biased. As a reader, I believed the way she perceived things going on in the classroom (particularly when it involved the teacher showing interest in her female classmates) was largely in her own head. However, upon reading chapters in other characters' POVs, particularly Sam and Enzo, I realized there really was something going on between the English teacher and some of his female students.
Across the two chapters in Quinn's POV, she is a consistent character and perhaps the most pitiable of all of the characters. It seems like the girl is a victim of her own dark thoughts, because she has yet to actually hurt anyone else because of them. Her envy of her classmates torments her, leading her to hate herself and develop an online alter ego known as Ruby, who is everything she wishes she could be.
The only inconsistency I noted in Quinn's character was when Sam makes a deal with her to help her get a chance to speak with Enzo. Based on Quinn's character and the way she has previously behaved around him, I might have expected her to be a bit more nervous about the plan, but she doesn't seem to be. It's possible she just hasn't thought the plan through fully and is only excited about it. If that is the case, I think her nerves will likely show up later. If not, I think it might be effective to show her as a bit apprehensive about it, maybe even considering what her alter ego Ruby might do to handle the situation to draw that bit of her character back in.
SAM (Wrath): Sam is another student at Quinn's school. After losing her friend Mara under mysterious circumstances a year ago, Sam still holds a lot of anger about what happened, as well as the way everyone else in the town seems to not even care anymore. She lashes out at her classmate Nick when he tries to ask her how she is doing. Her wrath takes control, almost as if it is an entity of itself, and she attacks him.
Another one of Sam's prevailing character traits is her manipulativeness. When she discovers Quinn's obsession with Enzo, she takes advantage of that, threatening to out Quinn if she doesn't help her with her homework. Later, in what seems like a fake attempt at being friendly, Sam manipulates Quinn again, offering to help her meet and talk to Enzo alone. I'm interested to find out what else Sam has up her sleeve, because I've got a feeling this girl has some bigger goals in mind then just passing her classes.
ENZO (Lust): The English teacher Enzo Dioli is a disgusting scum bag of a human being. At first, when I read the chapter where Quinn is obsessing over him, I thought most of what she was thinking about him getting with her underage classmates was fabricated in her own messed up head. However, come to find out it was all true! I was at first shocked, and then I immediately transitioned to disgusted. Not only does the man take advantage of younger women, he's also got an 18-year-old daughter (Valencia), as well as a young son, and a bedridden wife. He ignores his wife because he no longer finds her attractive, forcing his daughter to care for her. Additionally, he thinks about getting with women his own daughter's age practically mid conversation with her. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that he is too lazy to grade his own classwork and makes Valencia do it for him (a bit of sloth in him too...) All in all, if this wasn't a story specifically about sinners, I'd say Enzo was a somewhat unbelievable character. However, because of the premise of the story, I think his character is very fitting.
The author's narration of his chapter was honestly chilling. The way she captured his thoughts creeped me out, as well as angered me, which I'm guessing is what she had intended.
VALENCIA (not POV character): Although Valencia is not one of the main seven in the story, I thought I would include her anyway because I had a few thoughts on her, mainly regarding having trouble figuring out how old she was. Valencia is the only genuinely good character I've seen so far and is a breath of fresh air among the sinners. However, while reading the story, she came across much younger to me than she actually is. One reason was the way she spoke and acted, the other was that there didn't seem to be much description that would firmly hint at her age.
The reason her dialog feels young to me is because she uses a lot of slang, sasses her dad, and corrects his use of slang. These come across as things a 14-year-old would more likely do than an 18-year-old, although of course it depends on the person. Therefore, rather than changing her character at all, I think it might make more sense to provide more obvious hints to her age. By establishing her age early, as a reader I would naturally view her as that age. Even if her dialog seemed young, I would assume it was a part of her personality. I've listed a number of ideas I had of locations where it could be introduced:
One option would be to provide more description about her when Enzo first pulls up to pick her up at Halos. Perhaps describing her outfit could provide clues to her age.
Another option could be being more specific during the first exchange between her and her father. Val says "I hate life," and then Enzo makes a remark after remember his "teenage years." This leads me to believe that Val is a young teen. A simple way to clear this up could be switching it to Enzo remembering when he'd "just gotten out of high school" or when he'd "just turned eighteen" or something to that effect.
Another location to hint at her age could be when Enzo is thinking about how much she looks like her mother. Something like, "ever since she turned eighteen..." etc. could do the trick at making it obvious how old she is.
RUSSELL (sloth): I actually enjoyed Russel's chapter. He's a lazy cop that isn't even motivated to do his job. However, I feel like he has the most potential to improve. Maybe he'll see the light. Eh, probably not. But I'm kind of routing for the guy to clean up his act and solve the mystery of Mara's death.
I thought his chapter was very well written. His exchange with the other cop as well as the people at the burger joint was very believable. I really liked the sense of mystery in his chapter!
Description/World Building: The level of description in Sinners is excellent. I can visualize all of the scenes and characters easily, but the description never bogs down the writing. Descriptions are worked in with the action effortlessly, and the narration flows smoothly. The variety within sentence structure and vocabulary makes for an engaging and interesting read. Some of my favorite descriptions were of the interior of the burger joint where the two cops go for lunch. I could see it in fantastic detail.
The worldbuilding in Sinners is also something I really love. I really get the small-town vibe from the descriptions and scene setting, as well as the character interactions. Again, some of my favorite world building occurs in the chapter in Russel's POV. I like how the mystery surrounding the modeling agency Halo's is portrayed. The establishment definitely has some secrets hiding in it, and this chapter makes me want to find out more about it.
My one suggestion with the world building is more of a thought moving forward. As is, the different character's POV chapters seem to be only loosely tied together. The mystery surrounding Halos is only strong in Russel's chapter, and my hope is that the other chapters will begin to converge a bit more and develop the same level of mystery portrayed in Russel's chapter.
Plot: So far, I've loved the plot of Sinners. It is a bit of a loose plot to begin, focusing heavily on character development. However, I think it works well given that the theme of the story is the Seven Deadly Sins. It seems to be a story about a town that is full of dark secrets, so the development of the people within the town is crucial to the plot.
There are multiple plot points going on within the first five chapters. First, there is the exchange between Quinn and Sam, where Sam plans to help Quinn meet and speak with the Enzo in exchange for Quinn helping her with her school work (although I suspect Sam may have some ulterior motives as well.) There is also the fact that Sam is still grieving over the loss of her friend Mara one year ago. The mysterious circumstances surrounding Mara's death tie in with the cop Russel, who is avoiding doing too much to solve the case. Finally, there is the mystery surrounding Halos, and its owner Serena.
The first five chapters develop a great sense of mystery within the town, and I love how each of the characters' subplots tie together in one way or another. I'm eager to find out more after reading these chapters, particularly about Halos and what it has to do with Mara's disappearance, because I get the feeling that they must be connected.
Summary: Sinners takes the well know concept of the Seven Deadly Sins and crafts a wonderfully dark mystery around a town where characters embody each of those sins. Combining excellent character development, wonderful scene setting and world building, as well as a hooking mystery, Sinners is a wonderful thriller, although it is certainly not for a reader looking for a heartwarming tale!