I walked silently into the kitchen and grabbed the sharpest knife from the rack. I cleaned it and prepped my wrist. I decided to do it in the bathroom upstairs. I opened the door and sat on the floor. Each imperfection was a cut. Short. Cut. Unlovable. Cut. Stupid. Cut.
Ten minutes later I had at least ten cuts and decided it was enough for tonight. I tried to stand up but got dizzy and slammed into the floor. I heard someone coming. Shit. What do I do? The door opened and revealed a sleepy Brennen. "Hey are you-" he looked at my arm and saw all the blood and immediately opened the door all the way and sat down next to me and grabbed a damp cloth and held it on my arm. He tried to look into my eyes but I closed them and put my head on my knees. He gently took the knife from my hand and set it on the floor next to him. I tried to control my breathing but failed and started to shake violently. He left and came back with a sleepy and confused Colby looking at me on the floor shaking. "The hell did you do to her Brennen?" Colby said coldly. "I heard a loud thud and came to see what it was and saw her on the floor with blood dripping down her arm and a knife in her other hand." Colby looked at me to confirm this and I looked away, ashamed and embarrassed. Still shaking I put my head on my knees and felt pressure on my arm again. I bit my lip and looked up to see Colby and Brennen staring at me to see if I was okay. Brennen left and came back with a first aid kit. I looked at them, "I'm fine guys. Don't worry about it." Colby looked at me "Obviously you're not fine if you're cutting yourself." I looked down and Colby picked me up and set me on the counter like he did in the kitchen earlier. I looked at the clock. 2:38 a.m. I knew I should have been more careful. Colby pulled the cloth off my arm which was soaked in blood, Brennen looked at me and came up and held my hand. He put his head on my shoulder, "it's gonna be okay" he said quietly. I felt that he was saying it more for himself than for me but it still felt nice to be held. Colby had a look of jealousy flash through his eyes as he watched Brennen while he bandages my arm. I was still shaking but it wasn't as bad anymore. Brennen stood in between my legs and I put my arms around his neck to hug him. He put his arms around my waist gently and whispered in my ear "you're so beautiful" I blushed, knowing Colby was gonna be pissed I pulled him closer and we stayed like that for a few minutes. I finally let go, but Brennen kept his hands on my waist. He gently pulled me down and brought me into a bear hug. I put my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat which calmed me down from my panic attack. "Thanks Brennen" I said just above a whisper and gently kissed his cheek. Colby scowled and went back into his room. I followed and waved a goodbye to Brennen. "Why did you do that?" Colby asked angrily. I shrugged "he was making sure I was okay. Are you jealous?" I said with a sarcastic smirk. He made room for me on the bed and said "whatever just get in here and cuddle me." I walked to the bed and laid my head gently against his chest. He put his arms gently around my waist, and pulled me so I was laying on top of him. I smiled in content and put my arms around his neck. I fell asleep soon after and was greeted with horrible nightmares.
I was standing on a bridge, my hands lightly gripping the ropes on the side. I looked down to see fast moving water, slowly I climbed up on the ledge and sat down. I heard sirens and looked around realizing there was a crowd of people watching me. People were trying to talk to me but it all just blurred together. I started to have a panic attack and slipped off the edge. I didn't even scream as my body quickly fell closer and closer to the deathly cold water. I hit the water with a loud splash and sunk. I couldn't move because the pain was so intense, it was almost a 200 foot drop. My eyelids grew heavy as I ran out of oxygen. Then there was darkness.
I gasped sitting up on the bed shaking, as I pulled my knees into my chest and put my head down softly crying. Colby didn't even move, I got off the bed still crying and shaking and roamed the halls looking for where Brennen was. Elton had told me that Brennen was staying here for a week or two because he was looking for a new apartment. I opened the door at the end of the hallway by the stairs and saw Brennen watching TV in his bed. "Um, Brennen?" I said quietly. He turned his head to look at me and said "Hey, come here. Are you alright?" I shook my head and walked over to him and sat in his lap facing him. I put my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear as he drew circles on my back. I started to fall asleep again, not shaking as much, when the door flew open. I turned to see Colby and then put my head back down. "Bella what the fuck are you doing in here?" I just held onto Brennen tighter as he kept whispering "it's okay, you're okay." I heard Colby walk towards us. He sat behind Brennen so that he could see my face. "Are you okay?" He whispered. I shrugged and put my head back on Brennens shoulder. I heard Colby mumble something and then walk out. "I had a nightmare." I say finally causing Brennen to pull me away so he could see me. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked gently. "In the morning," I say. "Can we go to sleep?" He nods his head and I climb off his lap as he lays down. I snuggle up close to him, scared I'll have another nightmare, as he starts to play with my hair and draw shapes on my back to calm me down. I'm then met with a dreamless slumber.
(A/N) idk if this is any good but it'll get to the Colby stuff soon so don't worry ;) if there's any spelling mistakes please let me know. K thanks💕