Without You

Nightmare Come True

*Chapter Sixteen*

Kevin sat down on the bed and dropped his head; running his hands frantically through his dark spiked hair. He just had to wake up; this wasn't really happening. He felt like he had just gotten kicked in the stomach and was trying to gasp for air. This couldn't be real...it just couldn't be. Nick's gotten angry before, but he's never actually walked out on them. What was going to become of them now? Everything they worked so hard for gone; fifteen years down the drain. And for what? Over a girl? Or was it something more? Something not even Kevin could see?

Howie sat down next to him; he was silent for a few seconds before placing his hand on his shoulder. Kevin glanced up to see his brown eyes glistering; neither one of them knew what to say. What were they going to tell their fans? They couldn't possibly tell them the truth...but how long could they prolong this? Was this truly the end for Backstreet?

Their heads jerked up when the door opened; hope filled within them. Maybe Nick realized the mistake he's made. The optimism quickly deflated as they watched Leighanne walk in. Like a positive magnet to a negative; she instantly was pulled to Brian.

Her arms constricted around him and she felt his body stiffen as a sob escaped. She could only imagine the pain he was in. This band was more than just a music career; it was his family. She pressed her lips against his forehead as she did her very best to console him; she knew no amount of words would be able to heal the ache.

"What are we going to tell JR?" Asked Howie in a low tone so that his voice wouldn't break, "I mean, maybe we can talk to Nick...maybe if AJ – "

"You mean if he apologizes?!" Interrupted Brian as he pulled from his wife's hold, "You know damn well that will never happen! Hell, he had it out for Nick the moment he smartened up and stopped going out night after night."

Kevin looked up at his cousin and nodded as he heavily sighed, "I hate to agree with you, but you're right."

"I know I am," he continued. "I mean think about it; he's finally happy and I don't know if it's envy or what...but AJ couldn't have that, so what does he do? He hits him where it hurt the most; he made him miserable and us in the process. He's the real reason why Nick left...I know you guys think it was that girl that got into his head, but it's not. You think if AJ treated Leighanne like that I'd just stand around and do nothing? No fucking way. Nick couldn't take it anymore and in all honesty I can't really blame him. I'd be at AJ's throat too...a guy can only take so much. He kept on pushing him until he met his limit."

Leighanne looked to her husband with such love in her blue eyes. She ran her hand up and down his muscular arm, "I did overhear him saying some pretty vicious things about his girlfriend. He knows that Nick has a temper, I think he wanted to see how far he could push him."

"Oh he pushed him alright," uttered Howie. "Pushed him right into getting a black eye."

Kevin ran a hand over his face and let out a loud groan, "I know...what AJ did was uncalled for. I'm not proud of what he did, but Goddamnit, we're brothers! We can't let something like this ruin years of friendship. Maybe Nick just needs time to cool down. Let's not do anything rash like going to the media until we're absolutely certain."

Howie looked up at him and asked, "So what are we going to do about Canada? We can't just show up without Nick, but there are a lot of people expecting us. JR is going to be fuming if we cancel."

"Well there isn't much we can do, is there?" He groaned and shrugged, "I don't know...I guess we'll have to tell him and the fans that Nick is sick."

Brian looked up at him and shook his head, "So how many times is that now? Every time Nick pulls something, he's always sick. Fans are going to start thinking he has some immune deficiency or something."

Kevin looked at his cousin and shrugged, "What do you want us to say? That Nick is dealing with some personal matters? Yeah right, once that gets out, rumors and stories would be spreading like the black plague. This way we can at least keep the media at bay, until we know for sure what Nick wants to do. I know him...he just needs time to cool down. What we really need to do is talk to AJ."

Howie shook his head as he looked at the other two, "I hate to say it, but nothing you say will make him apologize. He's hot headed; he blames that girl for everything, he thinks she's the cause of Nick's change of behavior. She kinda is...he stopped going out once he met her and AJ resents her for that. As long as she's with him, he'll never change his attitude."

Brian sighed and looked at the others with sad eyes, "Not to be a Debbie downer, but I don't really count on the band working things out. I really think this just might be the end of Backstreet."

Leighanne looked at him with her tear-filled eyes and shook her head, "Baby, don't say that. You don't know that for sure. Like Kevin said, give him time...he has a lot going on in his head right now." She laced her fingers with his and gave a gentle squeeze, "I think maybe we should do the same. Clear our heads. What is it that you want to do? Did you want to go back home to Georgia and just unwind until things are in better perspective?"

"I think maybe we should stay locally for a while," said Kevin. "When we cancel our promo, people are going to be talking. We'll have to call a few radio stations and tell them that Nick is sick and make up some lame excuse that we're working on rescheduling. If we all go our separate ways, I think it'll be too suspicious."

Howie eyed him carefully, "Okay...and how long were you thinking we stay?"

He shrugged, "I don't know...a few weeks...maybe more. We just need to see what page Nick is on before we just get up and leave."

Howie stared at him perplexed, "You want us to linger for a few weeks?"

"What do you care?!" Snapped Brian, "It's not like it's putting you out. Hell you live right in Orlando!"

Howie was surprised by the sharp tone in his voice, "I'm not saying I don't, I'm just confused to why we need to stay. Nick already made his choice. If he wants to come around, he knows where to find us."

Kevin sighed, "Look I know that Nick needs his space to clear his head, but I rather be somewhat close by for when he decides to start thinking rationally again. I know he'll come around...it's in my gut." He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he pulled it out to see it was JR. He groaned, "Crap...well here goes nothing." He cleared his throat and answered, "Hey JR, I was just about to call you. So something pretty unexpected happened...we can't make it to Canada."

AJ sat in his rented black jeep; his hands on the steering wheel as thoughts raced through his mind like some sort of track. His battered face throbbed as fresh blood continued to ooze from his nostrils and lip. He's seen Nick angry, but never to this extent. Sure they've gotten into fights, but blood was never shed...not like this. However, each time he antagonized him, he had the other guys to protect him from his wrath. He removed the beanie from his head and ran his hands through his receding hair; ruffling up what hair he had left. Throughout the years dying it different colors had finally taken its toll...he was nearly going bald at only thirty. He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that his left eye was swollen; almost shut. He groaned. He knew he deserved this beating; he really pushed Nick over the edge this time.

Where was he going to go? What was going to become of Backstreet? Were they really over? Everything they've done, everything they've put into this band....was this it? All because of that one girl? He knew it wasn't just the girl...it was everything. He felt his stomach twist and turn. He fucked things up, fucked them up so bad he didn't even know how he was going to pick up the pieces. Kevin usually was the voice of reason, but that reason was now out the window. Nick wanted nothing to do with them, all because of him. He inhaled deeply as he felt a sob catch his throat.

He knew he couldn't just sit in the garage all day, but where was he going to go? Should he just check himself into a new hotel for the night? Maybe just book a ticket back to LA. He knew being alone would be his greatest enemy; he'd devour a bottle of Captain Morgan within less than an hour. Fuck where was he going to go? Maybe visit his mom? She was only in West Palm Beach. He pulled out his phone and scrolled through the names, he was about to call her until he came across her name.

Kenzie.

She was probably the only thing that could help him right now. He needed her company...he needed her. He quickly sent her a text message. He actually liked knowing she wasn't a fan; he liked knowing he could confide in her without worrying about her gabbing to the world. He really loved that he could spill his guts to her and she would only look at him like some other guy. He used to want women to look at him like he was some sort of sex God, but now...now he just wanted to be looked like a regular guy. That was something Kenzie did for him. She gave him a feeling he never thought he'd feel again...

Hey babe you doing anything tonight? Listen I hate to ask this from you but do you think I could crash at your place? For like maybe a day or two? Something pretty bad happened...you'd really be helping me out 

He knew if she didn't reply within the next half hour, he'd have no choice, but to visit his mom. He couldn't go to LA feeling the way he was...he knew what would happen. He loved his mom more than any other person on the planet, and he promised over his grandmother that he would never touch coke again. He would do anything to keep that promise. He felt his phone vibrate and he quickly glanced down to see it was Kenzie. Relief washed over him as he read her reply; despite his face aching, he smiled. He placed his phone in the cup holder and started the car, pulling out of the garage. At least he now had a destination.

Kenzie put her phone down; she couldn't help but feel concerned for AJ. His text message...it worried her. What could have happened? She thought he was going to be going to Canada in a few days? Was that out the window? She felt as her stomach tugged and anxiety swam within it. She saw a flashing light and glanced up and saw that Vicky was doing a few solo shots. Kenzie ran her hands through her blonde hair; she knew leaving because her boyfriend...was he her boyfriend? Or maybe he was just a friend...a friend with benefits? Whatever he was, he needed her. Leaving because her man friend was having some sort of crisis was unprofessional. However what she was feeling; the anxiety that coursed through her was unbearable. She needed to make sure he was alright. She obviously would have to make up some excuse why she needed to leave. She already knew Vicky was going to be furious.

She took a deep breath and walked up over to the photographer; she didn't need to act because she was already distraught. The fib however was going to eat at her; she hated to lie about things such as this.

She watched as he took shots of Vicky trying to look luscious; her dark silk hair sprawled down her back as she was in a crawling position. She looked great. She really was a beautiful woman, she just wished her inner beauty matched her outer.

She cleared her throat and uttered, "Mark...I really need to talk to you about something."

He glanced down at his favorite blonde and he saw the look of distress in her green eyes. He quickly looked up at Vicky and said, "That's great, Vick! Let's take a five minute break."

She glared up at him with her hostile chocolate eyes, "Already?!" She snapped, "But we just started!" She stood up and rolled her eyes, "Whatever." She walked over towards the small frig in the back and pulled out a bottled water.

Mark shook his head and his attention went back to Kenzie. She looked flustered; her big eyes full with anxiety as her teeth tugged her lip, "Hey, what's going on? Is everything okay?"

His russet eyes filled with so much concern it gave her a warm feeling. Out of all the photographers, he was her most favorite. She cleared her throat and shook her head as she looked up at the middle aged man, "I'm afraid not." She took a deep breath as she knew the lie she was about to tell was going to haunt her, "My mother just called me...and well my grandmother was rushed to the hospital. She said it's urgent and I need to be there...they don't know how much longer she'll have."

He ran a hand through his dark brown hair; thin strands of gray were apparent like tinsel on a Christmas tree. Losing her would mean the shoot would have to come to a close, unless he could get someone to replace her. He knew he couldn't protest no matter how much he wanted to. Not while her grandmother was on her deathbed. His hand went to her bare shoulder and he gently caressed it with his thumb, "I'm so sorry, Mackenzie. You go see your grandmother."

She looked up at him apologetic, "I won't be putting you out or anything, right?"

He faintly smiled and shook his head, "No, sweetheart. Family is more important. Don't worry. Text me and let me know how everything is...and if you need anything, let me know."

She felt her lips twitch. Mark was so kind; it was obvious he had a small crush on her, but despite that, he was never unprofessional. "I will...thank you so much." She embraced him tightly, "I hope to work with you again."

He smirked, "Don't worry, you can count on it."

Vicky watched as Kenzie ran out the door in such a hurry it made her concerned. She quickly walked over to Mark, "Uh...where's she going?"

She was surprised Kenzie hadn't said anything to her; if something was bothering her she knew she could talk to her. They were best friends, weren't they? She was trying to come up with a perfect reason to bring up Nick. If she was still seeing that Adam guy, which she was certain she was, it would be easy to get them to double...if he had a girlfriend or not. Each time Vicky tried to talk to her, it was as if she had an excuse to leave. It was bothering her. Were they not friends anymore?

He pulled out his phone and scrolled through his phone for possible models to replace Kenzie. "Her grandmother is sick," he replied as he came across a name and hit the call button. He put his phone to his ear, "Hi Samantha, it's Mark Peckin..." he laughed, "Yes, the photographer. Listen, we just had a call out...are you free? You are?! Fantastic...when can you get here? Awesome, see you then."

Vicky stared up at him staggered, "Wait, what? Her grandmother is sick? That's why she left?"

He nodded, "Yes...Samantha Specktor is going to replace her. So the shoot will still carry on."

She let out a loud groan, "Her?! I loathe Sam."

Mark was getting tired of her complaining and glared at her, "Well tough...if you want to get paid, you'll work with her. I have a few phone calls I need to make...she'll be here in twenty minutes." He then hit a name on his phone again and walked away, "Hi, I'd like you to arrange a dozen white roses to a Ms. Mackenzie Kindlesworth."

Vicky ran a hand through her dark hair as she thought about Kenzie's grandmother. She left so she could see her? She thought she already died while they were in modeling school. She remembered when Kenzie had to leave and visit her family for the funeral. Unless it was another grandmother, but what were the chances of that?

Nick was driving aimlessly down the freeway; tears sprang from his eyes, impairing his vision. Thoughts whirled around his head as he stepped on the gas; speeding down the road like some speed demon. Those vicious words that escaped his mouth kept haunting his mind.

Fuck...what was I thinking? Falling for a fucking fan, you're just like everyone else. You don't want me; you've never wanted me. It's the fucking title you crave.

He inhaled deeply when he felt himself trembling; all he wanted to do was break down and cry like a child. He aggressively wiped his blurred eyes and as he looked up, he saw a trailer truck slowing down, as it was about to make a turn. He slammed on his breaks, causing the car to skid and nearly colliding head on to the back of the truck.

He sat there for a few minutes as his life had just flashed before his eyes. He dropped his head against the steering wheel and tears made their way down his face. This wasn't how it was supposed to be...this wasn't what was supposed to happen. Everything was hitting him at once; he just didn't know how to handle it. He felt like his airway was being compromised; he couldn't breathe. The pain he put Kimberly in; it was eating at him, he almost wished he did just crash into that truck. Then this feeling would be gone. What did he have to live for now? He had no band; his career was down the drain...sure he had his solo, but that was never going to be anywhere near as successful as Backstreet. Everything was so messed up...what he would do to go back to last night. Back when things were perfect; when she was still his. He heard a few cars beeping and he glanced in his rearview mirror to see a line of cars behind him. He quickly hit the gas when he saw the truck was out of sight and he floored it.

Nick drove to the airport, turned in the rented Eclipse and took a flight to Key West. He knew if he drove, it would be complete torture with his thoughts. He would probably end up crashing into a tree. Even the one hour plane ride was tortuous.

He walked into his empty house; loneliness hit him like a ton of bricks once he closed the door. He was hoping the next time he would walk through this door she would be by his side. He wanted to take her so many times, but he lived nearly six hours away. God, what he would do to have her company. He was barely ever home and he couldn't take care of his animals so he gave them away to good families. But coming home to an empty house was depressing, especially when being alone seemed to be his greatest enemy.

He sat down on his white leather couch and dropped his head. He ran his hands through his hair as everything settled in; everything that's been said and done...nothing that could be fixed. He grabbed his phone and wished so desperately he could just call her up and tell her how sorry he was. How much he loved her and that he can't deal with them being apart...she was the one that breathed life into him...without her, he was just an empty shell. He felt as a dark cloud began to roll over him. He scrolled down to her name and wanted to hit call...just once. He knew she probably wouldn't even pick up, how could he blame her? What he said to her...hell, he called her a fan...he even accused her of using him! He opened up his pictures and came across one of their selfies; she was kissing his cheek. He wanted to go back to this...he couldn't deal with this feeling; it was swallowing him. He didn't want to go back to his old ways...fucking every girl he could and ingesting every alcoholic beverage just so he could numb himself. He didn't want to be numb...but he didn't want to feel like this anymore. Fuck, it hasn't even been two hours since they split...if he was feeling like this, what was going to happen tomorrow...or the next day? How was he going to cope?

He stood up and walked down the stairs into his basement where his studio was. He walked over to the computer and plugged his phone into it. He clicked the mouse on a folder and opened a file. Tears stung his eyes as music filled the room. He felt his chest twinge. The song that he wrote for her played. This pain was unbearable. He quickly shut it off and sat down on the computer chair. He needed a distraction; he needed his music. He could feel his emotions building up and he grabbed a pen. He began to write down what he was feeling; he felt like he was a prisoner. He felt as if chains were being wrapped around him...suddenly an idea came to mind. He was scribbling down lyrics as if they were nothing; it amazed him how easy it was to write while in pain.

He was pulled from his trance when his phone went off. His heart went into his throat, was it her?! He immediately pulled it from his pocket only to see it was his cousin. Disappointment filled within him as he answered it, "Yeah?"

The voice on the other line laughed, "Don't sound too happy to hear from me. What's good cuz?"

Nick loved his cousin; he was more of a brother than anything. Besides Angel, he was the closest to a family he had, "Sorry, I had a rough day. What's good with you?"

"Just stuck at an airport...finally I'm on my way home. Just thought I'd call you...Angel might have had something to do with it," he said with a snort.

He groaned, "Oh, I'm sure she did."

Jason was surprised by his lack of enthusiasm; usually Nick would be laughing and making a stupid joke. "Yeah...she texted. She told me you have a new girl, a real girl. As in girlfriend." He coughed out a hard laugh, "Dude, when did this happen?"

He knew Angel wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut for long. He took a deep breath as it felt as if salt was being poured all over his bloody wounds. He leaned back in the chair and cleared his throat as it began to close up, "Yeah...about that. We pretty much called it quits today."

The line went silent for a few seconds when Jason heard the anguish in his cousin's voice. He's never been upset about a girl; not like this. Usually it was no big deal, he just moved onto the next...but this was different.

"You okay?"

Nick choked on a sob and uttered, "Nope." He cleared his throat again, "Listen, don't tell Angel, okay? I just don't want to deal with her right now...I just...I just need time to myself. You know her, she'd be smothering me and shit. I don't need that."

"Yeah...yeah, no problem. So hey, I'll be home in like two days. Did you want company?"

Nick put his hand over his eyes when tears yet again rolled down his face. He shook his head and murmured in a broken voice, "No, Jay...thanks though. Listen, I'm gonna let you go. I'm kinda working on something. Talk to you soon."

Jason felt concern fill within him. He's never heard him like this before; his voice was cracking and that just wasn't like him. He may only be his cousin, but he considered him more like a best friend, "Okay man. Well, I'll be in touch."

Without a reply, Nick ended the call and tossed his phone on the black chair that was a few inches from him. He wiped his runny nose with his fist and continued to work on the song that he decided to title Prisoner.

Kenzie hurried to her apartment which was about half an hour away from the shoot. As she drove, she kept on racking her mind to why he would send her that kind of message. Anxiety traveled down to her core; she hated feeling like this. She hasn't known him for very long, but she did care about him. Thoughts of that night swam through her mind as she asked herself what if Nick was right? What if she was just flavor of the week? What if he's been with other girls while he was seeing her? Obviously they weren't official...hell she didn't even know if they were dating. She tried to do everything to stop her mind from thinking ludicrous thoughts, but she couldn't help it. She liked him and a lot. She hasn't like anyone in a while. Not like this.

She walked into her apartment and glanced around to see it was a pigsty. She had dishes in the sink, papers on the table and her white rug very desperately needed to be vacuumed. She hasn't had company in weeks, other than Vicky. Each time she would visit AJ, it was always at the hotel or they'd go out; they never went back to her place. She quickly ran around like a chicken with its head chopped off and cleaned as fast as she possibly could. How nice would it be if she could just pull a Samantha from Bewitched? Her head jerked up when she heard a knock at the door. She grabbed the blue dish towel and wiped her hands; the dishes were washed and were now sitting in the strainer as they dried. She didn't get to vacuum, but she cleared all the papers from the table. She was sure he wouldn't care about her rug anyway.

She didn't get a chance to change; she was still in her modeling clothes, wearing simple light blue hip-huggers and a pink spaghetti strap tank top that showed off her fit stomach. Her blonde hair was down and due to the large amount of hairspray and mousse, it looked wild.

When she opened the door, she had to hold back her gasp. It looked as though AJ had been through a boxing ring.

He saw the way Kenzie was staring at him. He could only imagine what was going through her mind. Did she think he got into a car accident? Or that he was mugged? Maybe even gained up on? He was still baffled that Nick could afflict so much injury alone. He knew he was fired up, but never did he think he had this kind of wrath in him. She didn't say one word; instead she pulled him into her arms and held him close. He weakly smiled and embraced her; it felt nice to be in her hold. He needed this, he needed her.

Once she released him, she backed up and allowed him to walk inside. He went over towards the couch and sat down. She shut the door and accompanied him; not even knowing what to say. What in the world happened to him? Did he get mugged? This certainly looked as if it was caused by more than one person.

"I'll be right back," she uttered before running into the kitchen. She grabbed a red face cloth and wrapped a few ice cubes in it. When she returned, she sat down next to him and carefully removed his sunglasses. He closed his eyes when they were off his face and she had to hold back a sob as she saw how truly badly he was beaten. She swallowed hard as she gently pressed the ice against his face, causing him to flinch. She looked up at him apologetic, but he faintly smiled and allowed her to take care of him. He missed this; he forgot how nice it felt when a woman wanted to care for him. She took a deep breath as she asked, "What...what happened to you?"

Where was he to start? He swallowed hard before replying with, "Nick and me...we got into a pretty bad fight."

She looked up at him revolted, "Wait...are you saying he did this to you?!"

He just silently nodded.

She was absolutely thunderstruck; how could Nick do this to him?! From his battered face, it looked as if he attacked him like some animal. Wasn't he supposed to be his friend? She felt as anger flared within her. She then quickly recalled the night when she first met Nick; it was quite clear the two were not friends...maybe they used to be, but obviously not anymore. How he walked in on them and the way he spoke to her; like she was some whore. She wasn't by any means a Backstreet Boys fan and maybe that was one of the things that lured AJ to her. She knew nothing about the band; she knew nothing about Nick, but what she did know was that he was a complete asshole. She just couldn't understand why he was so adored. After she began to see AJ, she searched information on the band and learned that Nick was the heartthrob; that girls would do nearly anything for him. It was nauseating; his fans were disgusting for the way they threw themselves at him, like he was some sort of God. He was a fucking Backstreet Boy! Not a rockstar. Her thoughts then went to Vicky; she acted like he was some sort of God. She didn't understand how she could be so infatuated with him. It bothered her immensely how taken she was by him when she didn't even know a thing about him. Hell she barely even knew him herself, but she did know one thing and that was he was not a good guy. He was nothing how fans portrayed him; it was obvious he was a terrible person...a person she loathed.

She cleared her throat before asking, "What caused him to do this to you?"

His eyes met with Kenzie's; she was being so gentle, carefully pressing the cloth against his swollen face. She had so much care in her green eyes; he knew if he told her the truth, that care would disappear. If he told her Nick beat the shit out of him because he wouldn't stop antagonizing him about his girlfriend, she wouldn't look at him the same anymore. If she knew how many times he mocked and called his girlfriend fat and a whore she would look at him the same way his former bandmates have. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt.

He cleared his throat and shrugged, "Nick wanted to quit the Backstreet Boys...I said some things I shouldn't have. Punches were thrown and it got out of control. Needless to say, the band is no more."

Her pink glossed lips parted; the band was broken up? She saw the look of pain fill his brown eyes and he closed them tight. She wasn't sure if it was the residue from the ice or was that a tear that rolled down his face? She quickly put the cloth down and once again pulled him into her embrace. His face went into the crook of her neck as she coddled him. His tattooed arms wrapped around her; squeezing and that was when she felt him tremble. Her hands ran up and down his back as she tried to console him; she felt tears swelling in her eyes from his state. She couldn't imagine what he must've been feeling. When she researched the band, she saw it said that AJ joined when he was only fifteen...he was thirty now. They were all he knew and now what did he have? Nothing. She would make sure to be there and help him through this transition.

His hands slowly moved into her pink tank top and ran up her bare back. He looked up at her; his eyes glistering. Her thumb gently grazed across his split lip, "You can stay here as long as you need," she whispered.

This feeling he had inside of him; this comfort it felt so alien to him. He wasn't used to it, but it felt nice. The rage he felt for Nick; the sadness he felt for the band was slowly disappearing. He looked into her eyes before gently pressing his lips against hers, "Thank you," he murmured. "Kenzie...thank you."

She smiled and shook her head, "Baby, you don't have to thank me. I'm just glad I could be here."

His arms tightly constricted around her waist, lifting her so that he could place her back against on the couch. His body climbed onto hers, "Me too." His mouth engulfed with hers once more and passion began to take over as his hands moved in between her legs, unsnapping her jeans. "Let me just show you how truly thankful I am..."

Kimberly jolted awake when she heard the downstairs door slam. Where was she? Everything was a blur. She looked around and that was when she realized she was in her bedroom...alone. She glanced out her window and saw the sky was pink; the sun was setting. She immediately reached for her phone to check the time; she saw it was nearly seven-thirty. She's been asleep that long? She didn't even remember passing out. Suddenly pain began to fill her chest like water rushing in. She kept on wishing and hoping that everything that happened was nothing but a terrible nightmare. Yet no matter how many times she prayed, she remained in the present...in this Hell. Last night was nothing but the past; a mere memory. She felt just like Bella Swan when Edward Cullen left her; the pain was unbearable. The hole in her chest just kept on growing. Her thoughts were her greatest enemy as she recapped those horrible things he said to her. They were like a knife stabbing her over and over again.

Fuck...what was I thinking? Falling for a fucking fan...man...AJ was right.

She pulled her knees up to her face and closed her eyes as tears forced an escape route. Was that all she was to him? All their time together and he still looked at her like just some fan...not a girl he was with, but a fan?! And then there was the whole AJ was right... he would never know just how malicious those few words were. Maybe it was better this way.

Her head felt as if it wanted to implode; crying all day until she fell asleep had really taken its toll. This excruciating headache was her punishment for falling in love...falling in love with Nick Carter. She should have known better. She was such an idiot. If only she could go back in time and never step foot in that God damn mall...but did she really want that? Despite the pain, the memories she had with him were something people never got to experience at all in their lifetime. He might not have felt the same; there was no possible way he could have. It was all a charade, but aside from all that, the love she had for him...to know it was possible for her to feel such a way about another person, it made the heartache seem somewhat worth it.

Her body jerked when she felt her phone vibrate; she quickly grabbed it, begging and pleading that it was him. Despite his cruel words, she wished so badly that he would message her; tell her how utterly sorry he was for breaking her heart. Tell her that everything he said was out of anger; nothing he said was truthful. That he didn't look at her like she was just some fan, but a woman he's fallen in love with.

When she opened her phone she felt her heart shrivel up like a grape in the sun. It wasn't him and it would never be him. Everything he told her was very much the truth and she had to learn to accept that.

Don't tell me that you forgot about me already? I know your man is keeping you pretty busy but come on, I was here first! 😛 Hehe, you know I'm just playing but seriously though try to hit me back before tonight. I wanna buy my plane tickets ASAP Love you and talk to you soon! ❤ 

She once again felt as her chest throbbed; each reminder of him was going to kill her. How was she going to go on feeling like this? Each time she would turn on the radio, she'd hear his voice...each time she opened a magazine, she'd see his face.

She inhaled deeply as she tried to hold back the sob, but it escaped in full force. Tears flooded down her face like two small streams. She cleared her throat before scrolling through the names; she abruptly stopped at Nick's.

Just push it...make the call a voice told her. Make this pain stop.

How she wished she could. Calling him would only add to the torment; she could barely even handle this as it was. She swallowed hard as she continued to scroll through the names until she landed on Toni's.

It rang only once when she heard her best friend's cheerful voice; a voice she missed so much. She needed her, needed her more than ever. Why did she have to live so far away? She knew if anyone could help her with this breakup, it would be her.

"There she is!" She sounded so energetic and happy.

Kimberly cleared her throat as she felt it once again close up; her tone was much softer and not nearly as spirited. "Hey...I'm sorry I missed your text earlier. Today...well..." her voice cracked, "Let's just say it hasn't been good."

The line was quiet for a good few seconds; Toni quickly picked up on the sadness in her voice almost immediately. "Hey what's wrong? Did something happen?"

She bit on her lower lip as she tried to hold back the sob that was caught in her throat. She closed her eyes tight, but tears still managed to rush down her flushed cheeks, "Me and Nick..." a loud wail escaped her, "We broke up today."

"Oh God...Kim...I'm so sorry," Toni's voice was soft and compassionate. "What...what happened? You texted me last night and seemed so happy. Please...please don't tell me after you said you loved him he broke up with you. If he did, I'll fucking kill him!"

She shook her head as she tried to find her words; even though it wasn't as if she would be able to see her through the phone. "No...it wasn't because of that. Hell, he even said it back..." she choked on more sobs, "But I don't think he was sincere. I mean how could he be?! God Toni, last night was so wonderful and then today...it was his friends. They got into a huge fight over me...I don't know. It was so bad...and today when he dropped me off, he accused me of something. It just blew up...I'm just...God...I can't even think. I've never been in this much pain over a guy before."

Toni could feel her eyes sting as she heard the anguish in her best friend's voice. What she would do to be there for her; to comfort her...and to really give it to this Nick Black. "I'm so sorry, Kim...I know it hurts. God...I wish I could be there for you. What...what did he accuse you of? Don't tell me it was sleeping with one of his friends."

"No," she choked out. "Nothing like that...it's a really long story." She wanted to so desperately tell her the truth about her relationship; tell her that there really was no Nick Black it was Nick Carter all along. Yet even though they were split, she felt compelled to keep her promise. She loved him, despite the pain he was putting her through, "I'll tell you when you get here...when is that exactly? I miss you so much."

Toni felt liquid roll down her face as she heard her friend's longing voice, "I miss you too. Two weeks from Saturday. I actually found a great price for a round trip, I'm gonna buy them as soon as we get off the phone. I just wanted to make sure the date was fine with you."

"I don't care when or what time you get here, I just need you here. Living with Vicky is just...Toni, I can't do it anymore...especially now that I'm actually gonna be home all the time again."

When she was dating Nick at least he would steal her away, kidnap her and take her to Angel's, but obviously that won't be happening anymore. What was Angel going to think of her? She adored her and now their friendship was over. She knew there would be no way she'd stay in contact with her brother's ex-girlfriend.

She sighed and murmured, "I know." She wasn't going to give her the whole I told you so lecture like she normally did, "We'll talk about everything when I get here...hey, maybe I can even persuade you to move in with me."

A small laugh escaped her and that caused Toni to weakly smile, "You know I would love to, but you also know my situation. Money isn't exactly on my side and it's just complicated, but hey, I'm gonna let you go. I need to do a few things. I'll talk to you soon though, okay?"

"Okay Kim...call me anytime, you need me. I love you."

"I love you too," she muttered.

The phone then went dead.

Toni ran a hand over her face; what she would do if she could leave right now and go to Florida and see her best friend. She's seen her depressed, but never like this and that scared her. She knew sometimes she didn't know how to handle stressful situations and that usually led to bad choices; including moving in with a psychopath. She didn't care what it took, she had to get her out of there...she would love California. She had nothing left in Florida; the only thing that seemed to be holding her back was that Nick guy. Now that he was out of the picture, she had no reason to stay.

Kimberly sluggishly stood from her bed and her legs felt limp. She slowly made it to the bathroom and walked down the narrow hallway; she cringed as she felt the familiar sensation in her ovaries. She tried to ignore the reasoning behind the current ache, but she couldn't erase the memory. She sat down on the toilet and did her business, doing her very best not to cry as she recapped the night of passion she and Nick shared. The restaurant, but it was the beach that hit her. It was where she accidentally let her feeling slip, only to find out he felt the same. Tears slowly rolled down her face as realization hit her. He lied. There was no way he could love her. How could he say those words back? If he truly did love her, he never would have thought she was one of them; a groupie. Never would he have thought she only wanted him for his Goddamn title. She could give a flying fuck if he was a Backstreet Boy or not...she almost wished he wasn't. She wished when she met him at the mall, he was just a normal guy buying clothes, not a musician that was doing a stupid meeting and greet. God what she would give if Nick was just a regular guy that worked a regular job. If that were the case, this situation wouldn't even exist and she wouldn't have to hide him from Vicky...or from the rest of the world for that matter.

Once she left the bathroom, she headed towards the staircase. She gripped the wooden railing as she hesitantly took one step at a time; her legs felt like they were going to buckle from underneath her at any time. She needed some sort of Aspirin or there was going to be brain matter all over the place. She's had headaches in the past, but this one felt like little gnomes were inside her skull using a jackhammer.

When she walked into the kitchen she saw Vicky; she was wearing insanely revealing clothes. Her jeans just barely made it to her hips and her red thong straps were exposed. Her white tube top barely even covered her perky breasts. Her long dark hair looked fierce and her makeup was on cue; she obviously was just coming back from a photoshoot. Despite looking gorgeous, she seemed extremely agitated. She was leaning against the refrigerator drinking a Samuel Adams.

She snapped her head up when she saw Kimberly and her eyes narrowed, "So, I see that you decided to sleep in your own bed for once. Must be nice dating a rich guy, huh? Bringing you out to nice places, you're barely even home anymore," jealousy was screaming in her voice. "Fuck, why don't you just move in with him?"

Kimberly grabbed some Advil from the top of the microwave before glaring at her roommate. She filled a cup with water and took three pills; praying it would make her headache go away...now only if there was something that could mend her broken heart. She glowered at Vicky; she didn't even realize how close that could have happened. Nick asked her to move in with him...imagine if she said yes? Where would she go? Obviously she couldn't stay with him since they were no longer together. Back to Massachusetts so her parents could look at her like the failure she was?

She tried to ignore the pain in her voice as she hissed, "What the hell are you talking about?" She felt her head throb as she raised her voice, "I don't know what the fuck is up your ass, but I always come home. Sure, last night was the first night I didn't, but who even cares? Last time I checked you weren't my keeper. What is it to you anyway if I come home or not?"

Vicky was taken aback by her hostile response, but scornfully smiled, "Well, aren't we defensive. Is something wrong in paradise?"

She rolled her eyes; debating if she should even tell her. Maybe if she knew that she was hurting, the old Vicky would come out...maybe she'd actually treat her like a friend instead of a parasite.

"If you must know, Dave and I broke up." She felt her chest throb. Despite not using his real name, it still was unbearably painful.

Instead of seeing care fill her coal eyes, she watched as a smug smile appeared, "Oh really? Well that's too bad...but it was only a matter of time, really. I mean no offense, but look at you and then well....look at him. He's hot, rich and well you...you're not exactly eye candy. Hell, I'm shocked he put up with you as long as he did. But you live and learn, right?"

Kimberly felt her chest tighten from her cruel words, but despite them being cruel, they were truthful....more truthful than Vicky could even realize. It was only a matter of time until he got tired of her...Nick was attractive and wealthy and then there was her. She was a nobody. Hell, look where she lived, where she worked? Maybe this was for the better. Maybe he finally realized what he had gotten himself into and he knew he had to get himself out; that was why he said those malicious things.

She couldn't hold back the tears as they rolled down her face, "Thanks," she said in her broken voice. "For clearing that up for me. You're a great friend." She grabbed her cup of water and gradually left the kitchen as she retreated back up the stairs.

Vicky felt a small stab of remorse when she saw the agony she was in. She almost felt bad for saying those things, but how the hell could a guy like that be interested in someone like her? It made no sense. She should be with a guy of that stature not her!

She tried to shake those feelings, "Don't get upset because I'm only stating the truth!" She called out.

Kimberly ignored her and entered her bedroom. She placed her drink on the nightstand and laid back onto her bed. Her face caught the pillow once again; her body trembled as cries escaped her. She gripped the cushion, holding it tight wishing and praying this pain would subside. It hasn't even been a full day and each moment felt like a decade. She's never fallen in love before and now that she has, it was the worst feeling she has ever endured. The saying was true: Love is like Heaven, but hurts like Hell. She was in Hell; this had to be Hell...was there no escape from this purgatory?

Hours turned into days and soon days turned into weeks. Two weeks to be exact. Kimberly felt like an empty shell; the life she once had within her slowly begun to disintegrate. She worked as much as she possibly could; if Sharon asked her to stay, she wouldn't hesitate. She needed to work otherwise her mind would be free to think and that was the last thing she wanted. The nights were the hardest; that was when he would come into her thoughts and when the tears would fall. Nick hasn't attempted to contact her, but yet why would he? He finally realized what he had in front of him...a fan. That's all she was to him; a girl he made fall in love with him. Maybe this really was some sort of bet with a friend he had...like in that movie She's All That. They were to see if they could make the ugliest girl into prom queen and maybe they wanted to see if they could convince the girl who had the heaviest shield to let her guard down so they could break her all over again. Well she was broken; broken beyond repair.

She worked day and night; anything Sharon needed to get done, she was on it like a spider to a web. At least when she was at work her subconscious was distracted. It was when she was home when her thoughts would come out and ambush her. Her mind never stopped thinking, never stopped wondering. She never slept anymore; she would stay awake for hours staring out into the darkness and wondering what he was doing...wondering if he fixed things with the band. Or if he found someone new. Was she prettier and skinnier? When she thought such things, her chest would pang repeatedly as if someone was stabbing a newly sharpened blade into her thorax.

Kimberly was at her desk, organizing all the orders that she just had printed out. She grabbed the light blue folder and neatly placed them in. Sharon would be requesting them shortly. She glanced to the clock and saw that it was only in the middle of the shift and nearly all her work was done. What was she going to do with the rest of her time? She needed to do something or her worst enemy would come out and antagonize her once more.

"There you are," said a cheerful voice.

She glanced up to see one of her favorite people. Shayla. Her blue eyes were gleaming from lights that were far too bright for the small office they were all jammed into. However it was still a million times better than working with Greg. She'd take this over packaging any given day.

She smiled up at the gorgeous dark haired beauty, "Hey, Shayla. What are you up to?"

"Well actually, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat? I'm starving!"

She hasn't had much of an appetite lately, but her work was nearly finished. She could already hear her subconscious starting to torment her. She weakly smiled and nodded, "Yes, I would like that a lot actually."

She stood up and walked out with her. Since she began to work in the customer service department, she and Shayla have gotten quite close. She was really starting to consider her a good friend. That was something she didn't have many of.

Shayla looked at Kimberly and chewed on her lower red glossed lip, "So...I've kinda wanted to ask you something."

She felt her insides tighten from the tone of her voice, "What's that?"

"Are you doing okay? It's just...the past couple weeks you've kinda been a zombie...you haven't really been yourself. I'm a little worried. I hope I'm not stepping on any boundaries or anything."

She looked up at her and saw the concern across her pretty face. It was comforting to know she was worried for her. Lately she felt so alone, it was nice to know there were people that still cared about her. She sighed and just shrugged, "To be honest, things have been a little rough lately."

Shayla glanced down to her stunning necklace that read Baby Angel made from diamonds. She remembered seeing it on her for the first time; she smiled so bright when she was asked where she got it from. She said her boyfriend surprised her with it and she was just glowing, however lately that glow had faded. She hoped nothing was wrong with her relationship; the way she spoke about him, she was so happy. She hasn't really heard much about him recently though and that worried her.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

She looked up at her and slowly shook her head, "No...I'm afraid not."

She decided to bite the bullet and ask, "Is everything okay with Nick? I haven't really seen him around here and..." she abruptly stopped herself when she saw tears glistering in her jade eyes and realized she just put her foot in her mouth. "Oh God, I'm so sorry." She tightly embraced her, "Kim...ugh, I'm so sorry. I never should have said anything. Just know I'm here for you okay?"

She felt as her insides began to constrict and her chest felt like it was bleeding all over again. She inhaled deeply to restrain herself from crying, "Thank you," she whispered. She pulled from her hug, "It's just been really hard...I thought he was the one, you know?" She felt as a tear escaped and hit her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away, "It just happened so sudden...and now...I just don't know..."

Shayla silently nodded, "I understand."

"Parton me, ladies," said a deep voice.

They both looked up and saw Greg standing there. Kimberly immediately looked away; she didn't want him seeing her like this. She didn't want to give him any reason to speak to her...she didn't want him seeing her at all. She loathed him to the core; it wasn't hard to see. He knew this and kept his distance on most days...he was terrified of Nick. He almost put his face through the wall and he wouldn't do anything to provoke him. He could sense he had a serious temper problem and he would do nearly anything to stay clear of him.

Shayla detested him; Kimberly told her a few stories that could get his ass behind bars. Her eyes burned at him like two hot coals, "You may proceed," she hissed. She wrapped her hand around Kimberly's wrist; her birthday gift dangling from it. She never went anywhere without her jewelry, "Come on, let's go to this diner I know of."

Greg noticed her makeup was smeared and he looked at her somewhat inquisitive. He licked his dry lips, "Kim, you seem upset...you okay?"

"She's fine," growled Shayla who tugged at her and he watched the both of them walked down the narrow hall until they were out of the building.

"Interesting..." he muttered to himself. Something personal was going on with his favorite employee.

His head then shot up as he heard a loud shout, "GODDAMNIT!"

He walked down the corridor and popped his head into the customer service department to see Sharon frantically typing away on one of the computers. Her hand ferociously running through her bright red curly hair that looked more like fire.

"Sharon," his low voice filled the room. "Is everything okay?"

She pulled her blue eyes from the screen and heavily sighed, "No, it's not." She slowly stood up and once again ran both her hands through the mass of crimson ringlets as she felt frustration overwhelm her, "Have you seen Kim or Shayla?"

He nodded, "Yeah...they just walked out for lunch...Kim looked pretty upset."

Sharon gathered the scattered papers from the desk and stacked them neatly into a pile. She silently nodded, "I know she is," she murmured. "Poor girl is having a pretty bad breakup." Greg tried to keep his facial expression in check as he felt his lips twitch, "She's been asking to work anytime I need her. Hopefully the offer still stands, because the way it looks, I'm going to need her to stay a few good hours tonight. Betsy really messed up on all our orders and the paperwork is just one giant cluster! Ugh!" She felt as aggregation was getting the best of her, "As much as I hate to do this, I'm going to have to let her go." Her eyes then darted at him, "Or I could just transfer her to your department."

He coughed out a loud laugh, "What makes you think I want her? No offense, but I don't want your sloppy seconds."

Her red lips parted as she stared at him appalled that he'd speak to her in such a way, "Don't use that tone with me, Gregory! You're the one that needs help in your department." She shook her head and wished she never even brought it up; Kimberly told her stories how he would scream at her for simply not having a stamp on a package. As much as Betsy wasn't her favorite employee, she didn't want to throw her in that kind of environment. "Anyway, if you see Kim, tell her I need to talk to her." She let out a soft groan, "She's going to hate me for this, but it's overtime."

"So how late are you going to make the poor girl stay?"

She shook her head and let out a soft sigh, "With how much work needs to be resolved...probably not until ten or eleven." She pursed her lips and thought aloud, "Maybe I can have Shayla help her."

He quickly shook his head, "No will do...I overheard them talking and she mentioned having a date tonight."

Sharon eyed him suspiciously, "A date? Tonight? That's odd...I thought Rob worked the overnight on Wednesdays." She shrugged, "Well like I said, if you see Kim before me, tell her I need to speak with her."

He nodded with a smile, "I'll do just that."

Her eyes flickered at him once more when he saw the wary smirk; it sent an unnerving feeling shoot through her. She ignored it and walked out of the department, "I'll be back. I have a few errands to attend to before my meeting." She then was out of his view.

Greg felt his lips curl. So she no longer that that boyfriend of hers, did she? He licked his chapped lips and walked into his division with a grin; finally it looked as though things were turning around for his benefit.

It was refreshing to be able to go out with another female and talk about her breakup. For the past two weeks, she's been bottling it up and she felt like she was going to explode if she didn't get her emotions out. Sure she had Toni, and she was always there to lend an ear, but she was all the way across the country. Shayla was there in person. She told her about her breakup she had before she met her fiancé Rob. However their situations were very different. Shayla's ex-boyfriend was unfaithful and she caught him in lie after lie. Leaving him was probably one of the hardest things she's ever done, but she's grateful she didn't take him back. If she did, she never would have met Rob; they met at a work function. He was too shy to go up to her so she made the first move with the help of Sharon. They've been together for nearly three years now and she couldn't be happier.

"So tell me," uttered Shayla as she forked her Greek salad. "What happened between you and Nick? I mean...you always seemed so happy. I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty envious."

She sighed and took a sip of her water as she wished she could tell her the true reason. She wished so badly she could tell her close friends that there was no Nick Black, but Nick Carter. She hated she had to hide this; especially from her best friend. Toni still thought Nick was just a guy she met at a mall. She wished that was how it happened; that Nick wasn't famous, that no one knew of him and that he was only hers and not the world's.

"We were happy...at least I thought we were. So his friends came over one day. Nick asked me to step out so he could talk to them, but I could sense something was wrong, especially from the way they were staring at me. So I stepped out...well I was really curious to why they were looking at me like that. I mean, what did I ever do to them, you know? So I listened to their conversation and my God, Shayla, I can't tell you the things I heard." She swallowed the lump in her throat as she remembered the nasty words she heard through the door, "The way they were talking about me...well it was really more this one guy, Alex. He was being so nasty and mean...I never even did anything to him!"

Shayla looked up at her somewhat rueful as she watched her relive that terrible night and she shook her head, "I'm sorry you had to hear that. I can only imagine what you were feeling...I hope that Nick at least defended you."

She nodded as she took a bite out of her turkey club, "Oh he did...he was very protective. That's why I know he really cared about me. From what I heard, AJ..." she cleared her throat, "I mean Alex, didn't like me because I took his best clubbing buddy away." She shrugged, "I guess Nick stopped going out after he met me."

"Which he should have!"

She nodded, "I know, but Alex had some stupid grudge on me because of it. Well they got into a fight and I mean a fight. Nick beat the shit out of him! The worst part of this was they all worked together and he was so angry that he quit! He quit because Alex was saying those things about me...he quit because of me! Now he has no job...he gave up everything for me. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

Shayla studied her chastened facial expression and shook her head, "Kim, you didn't tell him to quit...he did that all on his own. This isn't your fault. Nick is a big boy and can make his own choices...this was one of them. You can't blame yourself for that."

She batted her runny eyes with the napkin and heavily sighed, "If that's the case, why do I feel like it is? He worked so hard and now it's just gone. Like those years he put in meant nothing." She cleared her throat, "So when he was driving me home I couldn't keep my mouth shut, I told him what I heard and we got into a fight...it was bad. He told me it was none of my business and ugh...he wasn't acting like himself. Finally after things were said that couldn't be taken back, I told him to leave and that I never wanted to see him again." Tears slowly rolled down her face, "I knew this would be painful, but nothing like this."

"It sounds like neither one of you wanted it to end...have you tried talking to him since then?"

"I didn't want it to...but God...Shayla, what he said." She inhaled deeply as her subconscious repeated his cruel words Fuck...what was I thinking? Falling for a fucking fan. She knew there was no way she could tell her that was what he said; she wouldn't even understand. She shook her head, "No...I mean I was kinda wishing and hoping he'd call or something, but he hasn't. It's probably for the best. He's better off without me."

Her blue eyes grew wide with disbelief, "How could you even say such a thing, Kim? You're a catch; any guy would be so lucky to have you. He's probably feeling the exact same way you are...he's kicking himself, but too afraid to call. Maybe scared you'd ignore his calls. Guys are if not more afraid of rejection than girls. Look, I wasn't there, but from what you tell me, it sounds like what he said was out of anger. He loves you, I know he does. I've seen him come in here to visit you. Look, I hope I'm not putting my nose where it doesn't belong, but I think you should give him another chance. Call him."

She sighed and shrugged, "I don't know..." she glanced to her phone and saw the time, "Crap, we need to head back. Sharon is going to start wondering where we are."

"Hey, what are you doing after work?" She asked, "I was thinking maybe we can do something together. I know being alone right now isn't the best thing for you."

She looked up at her caringly and weakly smiled, "Thanks, you're a great friend." She nodded, "Yeah, I'd like that."

Kimberly missed Toni immensely and she was so thrilled that she would get to see her in a few days, but having Shayla there was making things bearable during this time. It was nice to have a girlfriend that was local; she enjoyed having her around...she needed her.

Sharon spotted them once they walked into the building and smiled apologetically as she walked over, "Did you girls have a good lunch?"

Kimberly smiled, "I did. I thought you said you had a meeting today?"

She smiled, "Yes, I did. It was short, I was surprised. So, did Greg talk to you?"

She stared up at her confused and shook her head, "No, he didn't. Why would he?" Sharon knew that she tried to avoid him at all costs. Why would she want him to speak to her?

Sharon pursed her bright lips that seemed to match her hair, "Oh...well he said he'd talk to you if he saw you. I guess he didn't."

Shayla raised her dark eyebrow as she studied Sharon. Why was she acting so peculiar? She knew that Kimberly loathed Greg; the horror stories she told them was disgusting. So why would she even ask him to talk to her?

"Well he did see us. He stopped us before we could grab lunch."

Kimberly nodded and mumbled, "Can't say he's my favorite person."

She missed how Nick would give her surprise visits; each time he stopped in, he always made sure to wear sunglasses and a hat so that no one would recognize him. When Shayla first saw him she was quite taken by him; she told her how attractive she thought he was. She would make jokes that she didn't even know how Kimberly could walk...if Rob looked like that, she would never leave the bedroom. She felt a small stab in her chest as she thought about him; she missed the way he would walk into her work, bring her lunch from her favorite deli. Or he'd bring her flowers out of the blue...or he'd just stop in because he missed her. However, she knew the real reason why he would make spontaneous visits was to keep Greg in his place. Nick would glare at him if he saw him anywhere near her; he'd be sure to lower his glasses just so he could see the scowl. Nick was her protector; he made sure she felt safe and now that he was gone, so wasn't that comfort level. For the most part Greg kept his distance, but lately he's been hanging around the office. Now that Nick was no longer part of her life, she didn't have that protective shield; she was vulnerable. She prayed that Greg would never catch on that they broke up...if he ever found out; she knew the outcome would be disastrous.

Sharon recalled the terrible things she told her in confidence and as much as she wanted to get him for harassment; there was no proof. There was nothing on the tapes; the only time she caught him was when her then boyfriend was an inch from his face. She has never actually seen Greg yell at her or treat her badly.

"I know he's not," she murmured. She let out a sigh as she looked at her; it looked as though she has been crying. She knew how crazy in love she was with that Nick guy and getting over something like that, was going to take a lot of time. "Kim, I have a huge favor to ask from you. It would help so much if you can do this."

She stared at her dubious, afraid of her request, "Ummm...what is it?"

She let out a soft groan as she said, "Today while I was checking the orders, I saw that the dates and files are all mixed up. Betsy punched in the wrong numbers and it's going to take hours to fix. The orders need to be out by Friday and if we don't fix them now, there's no way they'll be ready. So could you stay late and reorganize them, please?"

Shayla looked at Kimberly and saw the look of obligation across her face. She's done plenty of overnights and knew how to do the orders quickly; she'd get it done in no time. "Don't make Kim do it," she protested. "I can do it, it won't take me long."

Sharon looked to her and smiled kindly as she knew she was willing to give up her date, but she wouldn't have that. Plus Kimberly wanted the hours and it would help keep her distracted from having any sad thoughts. She shook her head, "That won't be necessary, Shayla. You already help me out so much."

Kimberly really didn't want to have to work until eleven, but she desperately needed the money. She wanted to get out of the apartment; living with Vicky was starting to feel like a death sentence. She knew the only way she'd be able to afford that was if she put in as much overtime as she possibly could. She redundantly nodded, "Yeah...yeah I'll do it."

Sharon's blue eyes lit up like two Christmas lights and she felt as relief washed over her, "Thank you so much, Kim! You really don't know how much you're helping me by staying."

She weakly smiled, "It's no problem...plus I really do need the money. I've been searching for apartments in my price range and so far I've found nothing."

Shayla couldn't help but feel somewhat offended. Why didn't she want her to stay? Was there something wrong with her work ethic?

She looked up at Sharon and rolled her eyes, "Okay, so this is like the fifth time that Betsy's messed up our orders. How much longer are we going to have to put up with her?"

Sharon could hear the hostility in her voice; she knew she didn't like Betsy much. Ever since she began to train her last month; she told her she wasn't any good. Of course Sharon always liked to give the benefit of the doubt.

"Tomorrow I'm going to have a serious talk with her."

"Come on, that's all you've been doing! Look, I don't want to be mean, but the girl can't do her job. She sucks...she has since day one. It's not fair that we have to keep cleaning up her mess."

She heavily sighed, "I know, Shayla...relax. I plan on letting her go. Obviously this kind of work isn't cut out for her." She glanced to Kimberly one more time, "Thanks again, Kim."

She slightly shrugged, "It's fine."

Sharon smiled once more before walking away.

Shayla watched as she walked away. She felt her gut tugging at her. Why didn't she want her to stay? Was she angry with her? She felt as anxiety was getting the best of her; she needed to know or it was going to drive her insane.

She looked to Kimberly, "I'll be right back," she uttered before sprinting over towards Sharon. "So I'm just curious...why didn't you want me to work for Kim tonight? Do you not think I do a good job?"

She immediately stopped in her tracks and turned to her. She couldn't hold back the laugh when she saw the fear behind her blue eyes, "God, Shayla, no! You're one of my best workers."

"Then why did you turn down my offer? I mean if it's because Kim needs the money or even a distraction, I totally get that. But the way you said it wasn't necessary, it was kinda like whoa, okay then."

She shook her head, "No, nothing like that. Don't take this so personal. I only said no because I didn't want to ruin your plans with Rob."

She looked at her staggered, "What? My plans? Rob and I have no plans...he's working the overnight. You know that. Why would you think we had plans tonight?"

Sharon's heart froze for a moment. Why would he tell her that if it wasn't true? It made no sense. She looked at her who was staring at her confused and she shook her head, "I must have just got my information mixed up...or the person that informed me did. Well, do you want me to tell Kim that she doesn't need to do it if you rather the task?"

She shook her head, "No it's okay...Kim needs the money a lot more than I do anyway. So who told you I had a date?"

"No one," she quickly said. "Don't even worry about it. Like I said, the information was just misinformed." Her phone then began to beep and she glanced down at it and groaned, "Ugh, they are holding another meeting about our quotas. I'll be back in a few hours...will I see you tomorrow?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I'll be here."

She weakly smiled, "See you then."

Shayla watched as Sharon walked out the door, but she kept on wondering; how would she have heard that she had a date? Did Rob say something to her? Was he not working the overnight? A small smile teased her lips; maybe he had a surprise for her.

Minutes were passing by like hours. Why did she have to agree to this? She ran her hands aggressively through her long hair as she tried to reorganize the orders. She felt like she was trying to master a jigsaw puzzle; the stress was starting to overwhelm her. She silently cursed Betsy. How hard was it to put in the correct numbers? She glanced to the clock and saw that it was only a little past six-thirty. This was going to be one long night, but she knew she needed this. It wasn't just for the money, but to keep her mind in check.

Her hand went to her necklace and she closed her eyes as she remembered the way he gave it to her. How he said she was his only Baby Angel. Tears emerged, but she quickly wiped her eyes and shook her head to try to rid the memory. It's been two weeks and instead of getting better, it seemed as if it was getting worse.

She felt her body jolt when he heard an unexpected voice, "Hey, Kim." She looked up and saw Sharon who was sheepishly laughing, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to tell you that I'm taking off. I know I've said this a lot today, but really thank you for doing this for me. How about you take the day off tomorrow?"

She smiled appreciatively, "Thanks...but I can't really afford that."

She shook her head, "Don't even worry about it, I'll still pay you. Consider it as me doing a favor for you since you're doing one for me."

Never has she had a manager that was so upright and caring. She didn't even consider her as just her supervisor, but a friend.

She nodded, "Thank you, I'd really like that. I'm trying to get things ready for my friend from California for when she comes to visit Friday."

"Oh yes, that's right! You're going on vacation, I nearly forgot. Well, I hope you have fun...you certainly deserve it. It looks like I'll be seeing you in a few weeks then."

Kimberly smiled and nodded, "That you will. Thanks for giving me the overtime...I really need it."

"Oh it's no problem at all. I should be thanking you! You don't even realize how close I was to pulling out my hair! Well, have a great night...and really Kim, thanks a million!"

She softly snickered and shook her head, "It's really no problem at all."

Sharon walked down the hall and was about to leave the building when she heard the toilet flush. She paused and turned around and watched as Greg walked out of the bathroom, wiping his nose a few times and sniffing as if he had some sort of cold. She walked over to him, "Greg." His head shot up and he looked different, but she couldn't really place her tongue on it. His eyes were dilated and it gave her an uneasy feeling. Was it from the lights? Lord knows the lights gave her constant headaches or maybe from the obvious cold medicine he was taking? "What are you still doing here? I thought you normally leave at five?"

"I usually do," he replied as he stepped into his department which was a few feet from the restroom. Sharon watched as he walked over to the conveyor belt and began to tape a box, "As you can see," his tone sharp. "I'm pretty behind. You took my only help...so now I'm fucked...so thanks!"

She was surprised by the anger in his voice, "Excuse me?!" She snapped, "Do not go speaking to me like that. Kim requested to leave...I can't really blame her. She's much happier in my department. I offered you Betsy."

"I don't want fucking Betsy! She sucks....she can't even answer a God damn phone right." He shook his head aggressively, "Whatever, Sharon. I don't care...I'll just have to stay late. Thanks again!"

She folded her arms and shook her head at him, "You're walking on thin ice, Gregory. That's all I'm going to say. Maybe you should learn to speak to your employees like they are humans and not machines. You'd be surprised by how much a little motivation can get you." Her phone began to ring and she saw it was her husband, "I need to go...hopefully you're not stuck here for too much longer. Have a nice night."

"Oh yeah, I'll have a great night! You too!" He spat.

She rolled her eyes and picked up the phone, "Hi, Mike...yeah I'm just walking out now. Okay, I'll see you in about twenty minutes. I love you too." She walked to her car and felt as her stomach tugged from apprehension. She took a deep breath and tried to ignore the unusual feeling as she drove off.

Kimberly was starting to see spots as she continued to stare at the computer screen. She had to continuously blink her eyes to stop herself from seeing double. She glanced to the clock and saw that it was nearly ten-thirty. She was almost finished. Thank God! She could feel her body cramping. She stretched and felt her muscles ache and bones crack. At least she would have tomorrow off and get paid for it. That was something she hasn't had in a while. She ran a hand over her face and groaned. She continued to gaze at the monitor and clicking away at the mouse as she went through file after file.

Soon this would be over and she'd be home in her bed...with her thoughts running wild...wild about him. She felt depression sink in as she knew it would be another restless night of tossing and turning. Memories of them together would replay over and over in her mind until her subconscious decided it was enough torture and allow the sandman to put her to sleep.

He stood in the doorway and watched as she lazily clicked away on the mouse. He smirked as he watched her run her hands through her long hair; it just reached the middle of her back. He wanted to run his hands through it; pull at it as his mouth engulfed with hers.

He watched as she heavily sighed. He licked his lips before uttering, "Working hard I see."

She felt her blood run cold as a low voice filled the room. She glanced over and saw Greg standing in the doorway. He was staring at her with intense eyes. What was he even doing here? She tried to level her breathing and nodded, "Yeah..." she lost her voice and cleared her throat. "Yeah, Sharon asked me if I could stay late to work on some things. What...what are you doing here so late?"

He lifted one shoulder and shrugged, "Needed to finish up some work...since Sharon took you away from me I've been swamped." He stepped into the room, "Speaking of which...why is it that you decided to leave in the first place?" Her body tensed up as he walked behind her and he coughed out a hard laugh, "Oh yeah...that's right." His hands went to her shoulders, "You and your boyfriend decided to grab me by the balls..." his grip tightened, pulling her back, causing the black cushioned chair to lift. "Well, tell me, Kim." His voice hard, "Where is that boyfriend now? Something tells me I don't think he'll be able to interrupt me like last time, now will he?" He released the chair, causing it to fling back and she crashed into the desk, knocking over the monitor; shattering across the concrete floor. He then grabbed the back of her neck, "There are so many things I want to do to you."

A bolt of adrenaline rushed through her body like electricity. She quickly skimmed her desk and saw the marble paperweight. She grabbed it and slammed it as hard as she could against his throat and jumped from the chair. He tumbled back and coughed hard; his hazel eyes sharp as he watched her run for the door. He jolted over towards her and jerked her arm before she could even make it out the room. He aggressively slammed her up against the cold cement wall and without any hesitation slapped her hard across the face; she felt her right side burn. Blood dripped from her lip as she looked up at him; his face was hard as stone and his eyes they were dark and enlarged. They were glossy as if he was drunk or high; he looked like a demon had possessed him.

She licked her bleeding lip and swallowed hard before uttering, "What do you want from me?"

She knew the answer. God she wished Nick was here. If she told him that she had to work until eleven, he'd linger out in the parking lot or come in to keep her company like he had done a few times before.

He laughed and shook his head, "Well, since you had that fucking bodyguard, I could never talk to you." His hands gripped her shoulders so that she was pinned, "So I had a little birdie talk to me. Apparently it looks like you don't know how to keep your fucking mouth shut, do ya?"

She looked at him staggered; what was he even talking about? A little birdie? She shook her head, "What...what are you talking about?"

He laughed again and turned his eyes away for a few seconds. Then without warning she felt another smack across her face, "Don't fucking give me that! You told your new buddy Shayla all about me, didn't you? Well guess what? She went right to corporate!"

Her breathing increased. No she wouldn't do that? Why would she do that? She knew she wanted him fired, but to do that? She felt as her knees wanted to give out.

"Oh yeah, I was contacted and now they're doing a thorough background check on me. Trust me when I say, they're not going to like what they find...so tonight is going to be my last night. Apparently you can't have a criminal record to work here. So I'm going to lose my job because of you."

She felt like she was in some daze; this couldn't be real. What was he saying? What was he so afraid that they'd find? He was a criminal? She felt as fear washed over her. What has he done?

She tried to find her voice as she said, "I had to tell someone...you sexually harassed me! If Nick hadn't stopped you..." she abruptly stopped speaking as recognition hit her and she realized what he intended on doing. She no longer was safe.

He coughed out a hard laugh, "That was not sexual harassment." His face moved closer towards hers, "Don't lie to me, Kim. You've wanted me the moment you saw me. Why else would you take on this job? Don't worry baby, this time we won't have any interruptions." His mouth pressed against hers, but she tightened her lips; refusing the kiss. His large hands slowly made their way around her neck; they cupped her throat and before she knew it, she was struggling to breathe. She felt a sharp pinch and realized it was his enormous class ring, "Don't fight it," he breathed. He loosened his grip as she gasped and once again he pressed his mouth against hers. She cringed when she felt his tongue force its way down her throat. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he moved his body against hers, kissing her. His hands slowly moving down to her breasts, "Mmm, I've been wanting to do that for some time now."

She could feel as bile began to rise from the back of her throat; she wanted to be sick. There was no way around this; she couldn't fight him off, he was much larger than her. He was going to assault her, assault her in the worst way possible, "Please," she choked out. "Greg...don't."

"Shh," he whispered as his fingers played with the clear buttons on her silk light purple blouse. "Don't be afraid of a good thing." He glanced around and grinned, "Come, let's get you more comfortable."

She struggled against him as he yanked her arm. She used her body weight to pull back. She knew it was hopeless, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"No, please," she sobbed.

His eyes grew narrow as he tightened his grip and pulled harder, causing her body to jerk. He smirked and shook his head, "Don't fight it. You want this just as much as I do."

She fought against him as he aggressively dragged her over towards her wooden desk. He swiped his free arm over it; tossing nearly everything on the floor before throwing her down on her back. His hands once again roamed her blouse and she used her fists to try to beat his hands away. She kept on trying to roll off the table or get up. He thought it was hilarious and simply was pushing her back down as if she was making no attempt at all.

"Greg," she wept.

"That's right," he murmured as his hands slipped inside her top and tore the fabric open. "Keep on saying my name like that." She was wanted to vomit when she heard him moan. His hands gripped over her lace white bra, "God, I can't tell you how long I've wanted to touch you. Ever since you walked into my office wearing that white shirt and that skirt...remember that? It was when I first interviewed you. All I could think of was I wonder how she looks underneath...now I'll finally get to see." He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a box cutter; with one swipe he cut in between her breasts causing the bra to fall open. A stinging sensation hit her as blood oozed when he accidentally cut her; nothing too severe just a scratch. He ignored the blood and cupped her breasts; squeezing them tight as he groaned, "Fuck yes," he muttered as he bent down and placed his lips upon her nipple.

She could barely breathe and she felt herself hyperventilating as she cried uncontrollably. This couldn't be happening; it just couldn't be. This had to have been a nightmare.

Please she prayed let me wake up, I need to wake up. This can't be happening...God no, it just can't.

She felt his lips leave her breasts and up her chest to her neck. The urge to get sick was overpowering her, "Please," she wept through her broken voice. "Don't do this....I won't...I won't say anything. Just please, stop."

He brushed back her hair that began to stick to her face caused by her tears. He smiled down at her and shook his head, "Why are you fighting this? Just look at how your body wants me."

His hand slowly ran down her frame; tracing over her curves with his fingertips. He stopped at the rim of her black skirt; it just reached above her knees. Since the first moment that he's seen her, he's been imagining what she would feel like, taste like. He was determined to find out and he grabbed the hem of the skirt and pushed it up to her waist. He saw that she was wearing a black thong and he felt his pants tighten. He placed a hand on both of her knees and heard her let out a loud sob as he spread her legs.

"Shh," he soothed. He slid up her leg and traced over her underwear. He let out a loud moan when he felt that she was damp, "Mmm, look at that...your body is just aching for me."

She felt his fingers press against the only thing that was protecting her core. They then slowly moved into the fabric and she felt her womanhood being violated as his hand moved within her. She jerked up and screamed, "NO!"

"Come on, baby," he purred. "Just enjoy the feel of me...just imagine what's to come." With just using one hand, he pushed her down and held her there as he moved his fingers into her center.

Tears flooded down her flushed face. She saw that his arm was in her reach; she leaned up and as hard as she possibly could, she bit his wrist, causing him to let out a loud yell. Once her teeth parted from his flesh, she watched as blood formed around the wound. He glared at her with his sinister eyes and she didn't feel one, but two blows to the face. She fell back and thought she could see stars; everything was spinning.

He removed his hand, only to snap off her underwear using his blade, "Think you can bite me," he hissed. "You want pain? Well baby, I'll give you pain....but first comes pleasure."

She could feel as the fight in her was slowly being defeated. Her body ached; her strength was weakening. The adrenaline was wearing off and she could feel herself become limp. Then she felt him spread her legs wide open. Tears streamed down her face like the Nile.

"Good God," she heard him say. Her head was still spinning; she could barely move. How hard did he hit her? "You're perfect." Her body jerked when she felt his lips upon her forbidden area. "You taste the way I imagined you would. Delicious."

She had to regain control, she couldn't let this happen. She refused to let this happen. Her legs felt so heavy, but she gathered enough strength to kick him from her. As tight as she could she closed her legs, "GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" She cried as she jumped from the desk, only for her legs to buckle beneath her.

Greg laughed at her sorry attempt to escape, "You really like to play, don't you? Don't worry baby, we have plenty of time for that." He grabbed her by the waist, lifting her with barely any effort at all.

She began to scream as loud as her lungs could go. Someone had to have heard. She fought through his hold, only to once again be thrown back on the desk.

"No one can hear you. It's only us in here. Baby, scream all you like....I inquire it!" His lips met with her ear and he huskily whispered, "Scream for me."

She spit at him, "Do what you want. I'll never scream for you."

He wiped away the residue of her saliva and she felt yet another blow to her face. "Oh we'll see about that." His hand wrapped around her neck, "I wonder if you're one of those girls that can get off from suffocation. Let's see, shall we?"

He squeezed her throat; he watched as she fought him. He felt himself getting turned as she clawed at his hand, doing everything she could so he would release. It was when her lips began to turn blue when he loosened his hand. She fell into an aggressive fit of coughs as she gasped for air.

"Are you done now?" He asked as his hands slowly moved down to her legs that were tightly pressed together. "Don't be like that," he teased.

His hands pried her legs apart and each time, she would attempt to close them, he would repeat the process. Until he placed his large hands on her inner thighs so that it was impossible for her to close them. She sobbed when she felt his mouth over her. She cried in pain as he had his way with her. He moaned over her as his fingers slammed within her core. His tongue flicking all over her most tender piece of flesh. He nibbled her roughly. There was nothing pleasurable from this. She prayed it would be over soon. It were as if her wish had been granted and he pulled from her swollen center.

"I made you so wet," he groaned. "Now it's time for the real fun to start."

That was when Kimberly heard him unlooping his belt. This was it, he was going to rape her. She couldn't stop him.

NO!

With an ounce of energy left, she quickly skimmed around the desk. There had to have been something she could use to stop this from happening. She saw a pen lying on the edge. It wasn't much, but it would have to do. She reached to grab it and that was when she noticed her naked wrist. Her bracelet was gone! It must've unclasped when she tried to fight him off. She felt him aggressively grab onto her hips and she knew within any moment he was going to be inside her. She stretched her arm out as far as it possibly could go, but still she couldn't grasp it. It was as if God was on her side; she barely tapped it with her finger and the pen rolled into her hand

Greg hovered over her; she felt the tip on her opening. She ignored the minor pain and shot up before he could insert himself within her. With all her might she jabbed the utensil into the side of his neck. Blood gushed out like some cheesy horror movie and his hand immediately went to the wound. He stumbled over his pants that were down to his ankles and fell backward. She jumped off the table like a rocket and ran as fast as she possibly could; her body slamming through the front doors of the building.

She raced to her car, but her head quickly jerked up as she racked her mind. Her car keys were in the building! She frantically pulled at the door handle and sent out a silent prayer as it was unlocked. Once she was in the safety of the vehicle, she locked the doors and patted around for her spare key. She found it hidden in the passenger visor; her hand was trembling so much that when she tried to insert it into the ignition, she missed three times. Once the Volkswagen started, she sped out of the parking lot, causing the wheels to let out a high pitch screech.

She could barely even see the road as her vision was impaired. She aggressively wiped her eyes as she sped down the street; going well over the speed limit. She was almost hoping that she would get pulled over. The drive seemed to last for hours instead of only a measly thirty minutes. Once she pulled into her driveway, she opened the glove box and pulled out her wristlet and phone where she left after lunch with Shayla.

She took a deep breath and got out of the car and ran into her apartment; locking the door behind her. Fear began to get the best of her and she looked around...what if she was followed?! What if he was waiting for her? What if she didn't hurt him as bad as she thought? For the first time she prayed her roommate was home.

"VICKY!" She screamed. No answer, "Vicky, are you home?!" Still nothing. She opened her phone and texted her.

Where are you?! Can you please come home?! I just got mugged. I really don't want to be alone... 

Why did she lie? Why couldn't she tell the truth? She almost got raped by Greg, and he nearly succeeded! He was so close...all because Nick wasn't there. She felt as bile began to rise up her throat as she still felt his fingers and tongue. She booked it up the stairs and dropped her head in the toilet as she heaved. She couldn't stop quivering.

This didn't really happen she tried to tell herself.

She was just having one bad dream...she needed to wake up...she had to wake up. She heard her phone buzzing as it vibrated on the floor and she quickly grabbed it.

OMG! Are you okay?! I can't leave I'm at a party with Ian. I'll be home later...just lock the doors...shit I'm sorry. Hope he didn't take too much from you 

What the hell was she thinking asking Vicky to come home to comfort her? She should have known better. She went through her contacts, scrolling through the names and stopped when she landed on Nick's. God she needed him...needed him more than ever. Her trembling thumb nearly hit the call button, but she tossed the phone on the floor. She couldn't do it. Why would he care anyway? She was nothing to him...oh wait, she was a fan. That's all she was to him and all she'd ever be. She pulled her knees up to her face and wrapped her arms around herself as she sobbed. Praying and pleading that she would just wake up from this nightmare. Her core ached so badly. It felt as though he ripped her apart down there.

She heard her phone go off again and she reached over and saw that it was Shayla checking up on her.

Hey girl! Hope the night shift wasn't too bad. How weird is this? Sharon didn't ask me to work because she heard I had plans with Rob but he's at work. Wish I could have been there to help you. Oh well, next time :) Anyway, just letting you know I'm thinking about you and everything we talked about. Let's make a girl's night, okay? I promise things will get better I know break ups are ever easy 

She knew she couldn't stay here alone; she needed a friend. Shayla was the only one she could count on.

She cleared her throat before hitting call, "Hi Shayla, I'm sorry to be calling you so late...but can you...can you come over?"

She immediately sensed the distress in her voice, "Hey, what's wrong? Did something happen? Did you contact Nick?"

"No," she wept. Why did she feel the need to hide what Greg had done to her? What was she afraid of? That if he found out she opened her mouth, he'd hunt her down? He was a criminal after all...maybe he was a serial rapist or even a murderer. "I was...I was walking to my car and I got mugged...Shayla...he tried to rape me." Loud sobs escaped her, "I'm so scared..."

"Oh My God!" She screeched, "I'll be right there! I'll call you as soon as I get there. Make sure you lock your doors. Don't worry...you're going to be okay, I promise."

The line then went dead.

Her face fell into her hands and she sat there sobbing for what seemed like hours. She slowly stood up and looked herself in the mirror and she barely recognized the person staring back at her. Her lip was swollen and bleeding; dry blood stained her chin from when it dripped down. There was a massive bruise wrapping around her neck with an indentation that was cut into her flesh. She touched it and flinched; it was his ring when he squeezed her to force her mouth open. The left side of her face had a large gray bruise forming that met with her eye. She glanced down to her wrist and let out a loud wail as she knew she lost one of her most treasured gifts from him. At least she had her Baby Angel necklace. She slowly unclasped it and placed it on the small counter where her makeup was.

She stripped from her clothes and set the shower; scalding hot water hit her skin. She felt filthy. She grabbed a sponge and scrubbed her body; she dropped to her knees and cried as she relived him forcing her legs open to taste her. She couldn't stop thinking about it. If only Nick were here...she needed him. She's never needed anyone like this before. He wasn't here because of her. It was her fault this happened...everything was her fault. She really was trapped inside purgatory.