Hannah.
I had the next three hours to myself while Grandma was out with Grandpa, trying to work out my car situation and figuring out what should happen with school after today's, "incident."
I took the opportunity to lock up my room, after setting the house alarm so I'd know when she was back, and crawl into the darkness of my closet to load up my IM blog, chat website.
Thankfully enough I'd recovered some since I've gotten home, but knowing full and well that I couldn't talk to Grandma about any of it, I loaded up the website and cuddled into my pile of clothes sitting in the floor of my closet.
Hello there, long time since I've been here, or so it feels like. What brings me back you might be asking? Whelp, turns out, not only does my stress & drama lurk in the depths of my brain, or cloak the emotions of those around me, but now, it's followed me to school.
Yup, I'm back at school, surrounded by kids who mock, taunt, and rudely pity others based on who they are, whom they were, or what they look like. Not only was I dreading coming back to that God awful school, but as I fought ever memory, panic attack, and awkward silence, I was started to slide in again. I thought, maybe if get there, to feeling comfortable back in that place.
... Just up until my classes actually started. I thought I could make it the rest of the year in silence, medication, and good graces of silence from everyone around me. I should've known I'm not that lucky. Never was, and probably never will be. It's good to dream though, isn't it?
I kept going, making small changes & edits as I went, until the smidge on the corner of my screen lite up orange. An IM? I paused, saving my work and staring at the orange IM square, sitting, unopened, at the bottom of the screen. Should I open it? I was chewing the inside of my lip, deciding, and with a calculated amount of pros and cons, finished publishing, signing off, and went ahead to click the IM that'd shown it had been sitting for almost ten minutes.
AnonymousXx : Hi.
DreadedLife: Hi.
AnonymousXx : You write really well, I like reading your posts. Makes me feel like I know you.
DreadedLife: Thanks. I like your comments, makes me feel like I've known you..
-Pause- Seen 5 Minutes Ago.-
DreadedLife: Hello?
My brow was wrinkled at the tiny screen, anticipating the response. Did I scare them off?
AnonymousXx : I'm still here..
DreadedLife: Oh.
AnonymousXx : I think this is the longest you've been online, what's the occasion?
DreadedLife: Grandparent is gone, and I'm in hiding. Let's just say my window of opportunity is rapidly shutting itself..
AnonymousXx : Ah, I see. Well, if you'd like to log on again at any other opportunities, and not post anything, I think I'd like to talk to you again. Actually, talk.
DreadedLife: You think?
I was gnawing off the top corner of my lip, just staring at the screen. Was he flirting with me? The damaged goods? I waited, seeing the words pop up on the bottom that showed he'd read it.
AnonymousXx : I'd like to talk to you again. Who knows, this might be my window of opportunity too..
I gulped and a shiver ran down my arms, electrifying my finger tips and making me suddenly paranoid someone was going to catch me in my act.
DreadedLife: Ok, Mr. IM, next time.
With a little bubble that popped up, reading, "read" I logged off and re- hid the tablet, emerging from the closet and crawling to my bed, where Grandma would know where to find me without question.
For some reason, even though if knew is have to relive today with Grandma, my heart was acting as a hummingbird, and I was laying there, calm.
((I'm sorry it's a short one!!!))