Chapter 25 - Fools
Today was the day. Alex's birthday. He was turning the big one-eight. Officially and legally an adult.
My legs couldn't stop shaking in the last period of the day. I couldn’t even write due to my palms excessively sweating. Alex, of course, didn't even show up to school at all.
Rian earlier this morning was ranting about how angry he was that the gig Alex mentioned to me was now today, and it was completely unexpected for the band.
Now that it's towards the end of the school day, my thoughts have been piling on each other. The fear of rejection if I approached Alex was the biggest one so far. The what 'if' he's already in a pissed off mood due to the schedule change of their gig mortified me.
I knew that if they had a gig tonight that it was best for me to try to talk to Alex before they leave. This was once again all confusing. Alex wasn't just another boy but certainly like a strange creature like most of boys are. Like a finger snap, he broke my heart. I was puzzled how to even approach Alex, nonetheless even know how to speak to him. This was a complete and utter disaster.
The heart palpitations I was having left me to not do anything but shake in my seat. Luckily, Mr. James wasn't here at school either.
It felt like this class was forever lasting, and the clock kept ticking slower, and slower. I nearly dozed off when I couldn't take it anymore. But after hours it felt like, the bell jolt me awake.
I raced out the door, boldly pushing my peers away with my bag barely even on my shoulders. My legs couldn't keep up with the pace my mind was set to. All I knew was that my legs were my only transportation to go to Alex's apartment.
My heart thumbed million times per second it felt like. Almost like the beat of a drum to a rapid speed song.
I made it to the parking lot within short minutes. My breathing had barely caught up for the split second stop I took to scan the parking lot in front of me.
My eyes land on Jack, who was nonchalantly leaning against his car while fiddling with his keys.
I had already made it a priority to get to Alex as soon as possible. I needed to stop the ache in my heart, and allow my lungs to breathe once again. And if that means getting a ride from Jack, so be it.
My whole self and soul was going through pure agony. All of it made me truly realized that I was reliant on Alex for my emotional needs. My mind was pulling in a different direction then my heart which was tugging at a different direction.
But somehow, my legs carried me to Jack, who looked surprised to see me at first but quickly recovered with a goofy smile.
"What can I do for you?" His smile was contagious but I was too determined to get to Alex to even return the smile.
Briskly, I yanked out a random piece of paper from my bag along with a pen. I scribbled down words and for a second I hardly believed myself that they even made sense. But somehow, Jack easily read it. I assumed that he writes in messy form - perhaps that's how he understood my urgent writing.
"Sure, I can give you a ride." He cheekily said.
We're on our way in his beat up car, swerving uncontrollably. My grip on my seat left my knuckles colorless. Jack was blasting some pop punk song while terribly singing along. But that wasn't the only thing terrible - his driving also.
Completely reckless and not paying attention. Not to mention the roads were iced and the snow storm was rolling in. There was already three inches on the ground.
For a second, I honestly believed that I was going to die right here in this very exact car with Jack Barakat. It would be tragic, but yet again, I'm with Jack, and he’s too goofy to deem my death to be tragic if my death was with him.
He rambled on and on, throwing up his hands in the air while he spoke. It made me nervous to see just one hand on the steering wheel. "My parents gave me this car because they knew I was a bad driver. But you know what? There are other worst drivers than me. Like homeless people! One time I had this encounter with a homeless person and by the end of the night we were eating pizza but then it got all weird when he asked for a blowjob." His rambling kept getting awful by the second.
If I wasn't so frightened by his driving I may would have laughed by his story of the homeless man he encountered. But it was impossible to laugh or even smile the slightest when I also had Alex on my mind. He's always on my mind but today, he was on mind in a bad way. I needed to see him and hear him speak, even if the things he yelled at me were hurtful.
It was a mystery of how I made it out in one full piece; alive, but we made it. And by made it, I mean somehow Jack pulled up to Alex’s apartment building without crashing at all.
I wasted no time getting out of his car and out into the unforgiving freezing weather. I walked through the gloomy lobby to the elevator. My fingers rapidly pressed the level three button, thinking it would make the elevator faster.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon." I chanted under my breath. It was almost as if Alex's apartment was a magnetic, pulling me in with great force.
Finally, I've reached to my mind-set destination.
My breathing hitched deep in my lungs while my fist was raised but still. Before I could even knock, of course I was stalling. I knew that I had to do this; be the bigger person. That’s what relationships are right? It’s about compromise and communication.
Damn it, I wished I had a woman figure in my life.
My fist delicately knocked on the door, but I hit a little harder when no response came after the first try. I begun to panic, and questioned if he was even here.
He has to be; Jack even told me he was here.
With another hit with my fist, and the deciding it was going to be my last attempt, the door swung open.
My jaw is dropped from the person before me. Quickly, I recover but still astonished of the man in front of me.
Alex looked dreadful. His eyes blood shot red and heavy bags underneath them. The clothes he wore reeked with the strongest smell of alcohol. His expression looked like he had no idea what was even going on, he was clearly that drunk to comprehend.
I took matters into my own hands, grabbing Alex's arm and swinging it over my shoulders, balancing him on me.
His steps were unstable and uneven with every step we took towards the direction of the bathroom.
"Whatta you even doing here." His sentence was slurred and thick. "I don't even deserve you." He poked my cheek.
I ignore him once we reached to the shower. Stripping him down, he stopped me at his boxers.
"Whatta are we doing?" He attempted to wiggle his eyebrows.
I scoffed from his appearance. He was wasted and the more I was around him, the more I could smell the stench of alcohol.
Turning on the shower, keeping it cool, I also get out a towel and wash cloth.
"You're going to take a shower okay?" I sternly said, hoping he understood.
"Why are you even here? After what I d-did," He hiccupped and tried to hug me but I couldn't bare the smell of him.
"Alex. Take a shower. We'll talk afterwards." I said before I closed the bathroom door behind me.
The uncertainty of leaving him alone while being that intoxicated filled my mind and added more to my worrying. Images of him slipping and banging his head in the shower played into mind. But there was no way I was going to help him take a shower even though my heart was telling me to take care of the vulnerable boy that I love.
As the minutes past and the sound of the water pattering, it eased to hear nothing besides that and no screaming from Alex.
I went to his room - it looked like a tornado went through it.
His albums were scattered everywhere along with sheets of paper thrown all of over the place. His bed was unmade, and the drapes to his window were torn and barely hanging on.
"Jesus," I whispered to myself.
I quickly took a sweater and gym shorts out of his drawer for him. Before leaving the room, I grabbed all the empty beer bottles that sat on his side stand.
Shaking my head, I threw them out in the kitchen, and had sneaked into the bathroom to place his clothes on the toilet seat including a water bottle.
Thankfully, he seemed to be in one piece just by seeing his shadow through the curtains.
I spent the rest of the time waiting on the couch, my head perked up once I finally heard the water stop.
My breathing quickened and exhilarated from the creaking of the door opening. The humidity rolling into the living room from the bathroom caused the tiny hairs on my arms to stand up.
I read somewhere that taking a shower to get sober helps, but it doesn’t take the alcohol out of their system. I can only hope that Alex is at least alert now.
"I don't get it." He slurred his words once again, but not as awful as before. He had the water bottle in his hand. His hair dripping wet and fortunately he was able to put his clothes on correctly.
I watched him carefully while he roamed around the apartment. He took sips out of his drink here and there. He stared at the painting on the wall for a good five minutes then moved on.
I expected him to be furious, considering I was always saw him as an angry drunk. Perhaps throwing bottles or screaming unforgettable words. But not today he wasn’t. Today he was a moping drunk.
“Laila,” He whined. Walking towards me, he had his arms out and his lips pouting like a little kid whining to his mom. “take a nap with me, Laila Rose.”
I deeply sighed. There was no possible way of saying no to his face while he stood there in front of me with his arms out, pleading to be held.
There were too many things to be discussed about but it wouldn’t hurt to put that on hold for a short but needed nap. Heavily sighing once again, I give in.
I push myself off the couch and let Alex drape his arms around my stomach, leaning against me while we walked. His body chucked down on the bed carelessly while I crawled into the already messy bed sheets right next to him.
It was clear to see that Alex missed me just like I did and just as miserable. The glassy thin layer of his red eyes held so much and the way you could tell by his body language that he needed me to hold him.
And that’s exactly what I did. Alex for the first was the little spoon. My body molded to his brawny back, my tiny arms wrapped around his waist. The warmth quickly spreads between us, my skin heating up to his. He pushed himself further backwards, wiggling a little.
I knew what his drunk self was trying to do, but I let him be with the silence between us being too deadly to break. The numbing stillness left for only to hear Alex's heavy breathing and the moving feeling of each breath that went in and out of his body.
My chest was up against his back, my cheek pressed against his shoulder blade. It was different. Our rolls have been reversed and now I know what it's like to be Alex - to hold someone in a intimate manner. I loved this but yet hated it with a burning passion.
We shouldn't be doing this. We should be talking to one and another, not taking a nap.
The words he screamed at me kept replaying the more the time passed. It was noticeable that Alex easily passed out.
"I can't fucking believe this!" Alex slammed the front door shut. I was left to just stand there in front of him, not able to comprehend what had happen over at my house.
The raging of Alex mortified me. His face furious with red and his eyebrows furrowed. I take notice of his fists that were to his side, his knuckles blanched.
"How pathetic are you and your family?" He screamed, spit coming out the corner of his mouth. My mouth is opened but with nothing coming out but a weak noise from the back of my throat - it was barely even audible.
His words took a bullet into my heart, and left my mind screaming back at me to say something. They were destructive, pealing myself in half.
"Your family has some nerve! And you!" He pointed at me, accusing me of doing something wrong. As if I was guilty when I was nothing but innocent. "You can't be serious with all this bullshit?"
"Your family is an abomination!" His nonsense was getting to the best of him while the room rapidly grew intense. The thumbing of my heart rung through my ears while I stood there hopeless and torn.
I kept myself quiet but my body was fueling with anger and boiling to the top. My eyes darted at him and my face scrunched up with rage. My temper was at its breaking point, but yet my heart was still being shot at.
"You know what Alex?" I snapped. My wrath took him by surprised, his eyebrows raised and his arms swung open, questioning what I was about to say with anticipation.
I licked my lips, struggling to find words to fit my desire of throwing back bullets to him. "You!" I pointed at him while my legs stormed to him. Getting close, his body towered over me but I didn't let that get in the way of the words I wanted to hurt him with. "You are the pathetic one! You can't even control your own anger let alone keep your dick in your pants to a married woman!"
I deeply sucked in air, after what I said, I was still fuming but I knew what I said was terribly wrong of me. I knew that I shouldn't have. I loved him, but my anger was making me forget that I even did.
His face softened from the hurtful words that came out of my mouth but he wasted no time with recovering his rage. "Fuck you!" He spat, his hot breath trickled down my face, making me realize how really up close we were to each other.
I jerked away, not able to take the venomous scene anymore. The fury in his eyes only made me want to run. But I didn't want to do that. I always ran away from my problems but I didn't want to run away from this one; I needed to fix it, because it was worth the repairing.
But right now, I was too outraged to care, and wasn't thinking properly. "Fine, then! Fuck you too! I can just leave." I marched right passed him, gripping the knob to the front door.
I glanced back at him, he already ran to his room, not even trying to stop me.
I shook my head, and left the apartment with my head in the clouds.
Alex shuffled a little in his sleep, making me snap of out my thoughts. It had to be at least an hour since he's been sleeping - which was good. Hang overs take time along with getting it all out of your system.
I had laid there still, without moving a muscle. With morose floating in the heavily weighed air, all I wanted was for this day to be over and for Alex and me to be whole again.
He twitched again. His large hands covered mine that were holding on to his waist. I knew that he was awake just by the adjustment of his breathing and the way he was moving.
A groan suddenly filled the atmosphere, and another.
I sighed, getting up to get some medicine for him.
Returning with some pain reliever pills and another bottle of water, I watched him sat up on the bed, unraveling the tangled sheets from his legs.
He whispered a faint 'thank you' when I handed it to him. I awkwardly sat beside him, with my hands on my glued together knees.
The gulping from his throat only kept the silence between us broken until he ran out of water. He sobered up a little, there was a small difference but at least I knew that whatever was coming towards us, he was going to have sober thoughts.
That's what everyone says right? Drunken mind means sober thoughts being revealed.
He cleared his throat, placing his bottle on the side stand. My torn down and sleepy eyes couldn’t bear to look at him. They dodge every sight of him possible.
With another clearing of his throat, he spoke. “I don’t understand why you would be here.” I could feel his eyes burning on me, but I refused to even look at him, I’d break down the second if I did. “You didn’t deserve what I said to you.”
My heart begun to swell, the sadness in his voice was too much to bear. The painful silence between us was worse than the words we threw at each other yesterday. I wanted to end it, but just didn’t know how.
“I’m the one who should be apologizing.” I faintly said, staring down at my shaking hands. It was true. The words that I spoke were just as harmful as Alex’s words. “I just want us back.”
At this point I was being completely honest, even if there was that small pinch of anger within me from how Alex treated me a week ago. It was the love I had for him that kept me going.
Truthfully, I think no matter what happens in the future, I’ll find myself crawling back to him, like I am right now.
Finally, I look at him. His hair is still damp from his shower and completely tousled from sleeping with his hair being wet. The pair of bronze eyes of his was slightly glazed with red, but it was promising of knowing he still had the alcohol in his system.
“I shouldn’t have said those words. This whole week I was a total wreck. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or do just about anything. You were constantly on my mind and the way you looked when I screamed at you still mortifies me and is painted in my mind and it’s like I’m always staring at that one painting in the art museum. I hate it so much.” He said it all on one breath. “Dammit, Laila, I’m so fucking sorry.”
Tears were forming in my eyes. And as an apology accepted, I kissed him, hard.
My arms wrapped around his neck while scooting closer to him. Our lips moved in slow motion, devouring every second of it. I could taste the alcohol on his breath but I didn't care at all. His wet tongue found its way through my lips and took all dominance.
His arms snaked around my waist, pulling me onto his lap. My hands fumbled with the back of his soft hair, causing a faint moan erupt in the back of his throat.
Deepening the kiss, our bodies molded against each other and fell back onto the mattress. With my being on top of him, my legs straddled his hips.
Again with this whole kissing ordeal, I loved every piece of it, but yet that nervousness was still there, but the more I grew comfortable, the less it was still there in the pit of my stomach.
Alex took a sudden action, placing wet hot kisses down my neck - reminding me of the hickey that had finally disappeared.
The eagerness between us was rapidly heating up. The passion between one another was easily felt by how Alex's lips found mine once again. His hands roamed my body, raking down my back and dangerously hanging around my waist band.
After a week from hell, it all didn't matter anymore just by this moment. Alex and I were whole again and clung on to each other tightly, knowing that if we ever let go of each other like we did last week ever again, we won't make it.
Pulling back from him, I stared into his eyes. Our dense breathing was off beat and uneven. He glanced down at my lips then back up to my eyes.
"Happy birthday," I breathed with a small smile.
He laughed with a smile pulling at his lips.
I rolled off of his body, falling down on the mattress right next to him. I'm easily and simply content with just laying here all day, but then I remembered Alex has a gig tonight.
"What time do you leave?" I groaned, snuggling into his bicep, not wanting to move an inch off this bed.
"It's not me who's leaving, it's us. I want you to come to the gig." He glimpse at me with a smirk.
It warmed my heart to hear that he still wanted me to go to his gig. I craved nothing more to go and see them live. To see Alex perform in front of a crowd that is there to see the band.
And yet here I was, so lucky, to have the lead singer in my arms.
Later on, Alex sobers up enough to do normal things, but nursing his hang over hasn't been the easiest. We laid on the couch for the most part, listening to the radio, and watching the snow come down harder outside of the window in the living room.
Somehow Alex had food in his fridge. He told me that he's been more frequent on going to the grocery store unlike the pass where it would be weeks before new food showed up in his apartment.
It made me think while we ate our dinner. He lives all alone now that his roommate moved out. Wouldn't he get lonely?
Although Alex seemed to be the lucky one out of this, getting his own apartment that he doesn't have to pay for, but really he's not. I'd be too depressed if I ever went home to an apartment that was completely still and nothing going on.
But then again, he has the band. I'm positive they come over whenever I'm not around.
"Whatcha thinking about?" He said, sucking on some of his pasta.
"I wonder how you even survive in here." At this point, there was no need to lie to Alex of what is on my mind.
"Easy. I shop for food with the money I get from gigs and since the shitty record label company we have, takes basically any money All Time Low makes off of our sales, I basically have to live off of pasta." He lifted up his fork that had a mountain of spaghetti. "And so then for water, well, that comes along with the additional bills that I don't pay. Then of course, shelter, as you clearly see, I have. And that's how, I, Alexander William Gaskarth, survives."
I shake my head from his whole explanation of 'surviving'. It was definitely not what I meant.
"That's not what I meant." I cock my eyebrow. "I meant survive as in like how can you live in this lonely apartment."
"Before you, I'd probably would have quit the band already and let myself get addicted to this lonely apartment."
I gulped. What would have had happened if we broke up from our outrage last week? I shivered.
After a while, it was time to meet the boys. Apparently they had taken care of setting up the set for the gig. So all Alex had to do was to show up.
I excitedly pulled on the hem of my sweater while we drove in the car. The twitching of my legs was non stopping. I tried to patiently wait by staring out the window but after a while it gets boring of just looking at whiteness.
Luckily, the drive was a bigger improvement then the ride with Jack. At least I didn’t have the fear that of being on the brick of death this time.
"Why are you so nervous?" Alex asked, following with a raspy laugh. He placed his warm hand over my knee after taking a left turn onto another road.
"I'm not nervous..." I paused. "Just excited."
"Hmm," He hummed.
"Aren't you nervous?" I returned him with.
"I'm always nervous." He deeply sighed along with sinking into his seat.
A pang surged through my heart from the remembrance of him suffering from panic attacks regularly. If I could, I'd take the pain away.
Somehow, it still amazed me that I've only seen him have a panic attack once out of our whole relationship so far.
I had the urge to know and it was going to eat me alive if I didn't ask. It was now or never.
"How come I only seen you have one panic attack?" I asked.
He hummed a little, shaking his head. "You somehow calm me down so easily. You're like the medication that I've been searching for my whole life."
I stayed silent for the rest of the time. Letting the bittersweet words sink into my mind, you're like the medication that I've been searching for my whole life.
God this boy was surely something else...
We arrived at the venue just at sundown, although the over cast sky made it hard to tell if there was even day light still around.
There was a smaller crowd hanging around outside, chattering amongst each other.
Before I got out of the car, Alex stopped me by grabbing my elbow. "Two things. One, people might either ask me for autographs or pictures so if we ever get separated, go back stage. Second, there will be groupies."
My heart took a quick stop at the word 'groupies'. Not on my watch...
We walked hand in hand up to the small venue, already there were a couple of kids calling Alex's name. The smile that was brightly shown on his face displayed how much he loved this. That every long and tiring band practice was worth it because of this, the tiniest fan base they had formed ever since their EP and latest album that they released this past summer.
It was exciting to see Alex in his element, communicating with others along with enjoying himself. It was obvious that this was his passion and forever will be his life time devotion.
Finally, we got out of the freezing and wet cold weather that left my cheeks stinging. The inside of the building was jammed pack like a package of sardines. Every inch was taking up by sweaty people in the crowd that were anxiously waiting for the band. Some of the kids in the crowd were chanting loudly already.
“C’mon, we need to get to the backstage.” Alex loudly said into my ear. Still holding my hand, he led me to the backstage. There was barely any space to squeeze through with the four walls caving in and having so many people scrambling around.
The heat was an incredible difference from the coldness I experienced from outside. But this type of hot was muggy and was already making me sweat. I took off my jacket after Jack came up to Alex and me, telling us that they were on in less than ten minutes.
Alex had to check his black fender guitar, it was the first time seeing this electric guitar – it was beautiful. He carefully tuned it as if it was his baby, gently and with precision.
It was undeniably hot to see Alex like this, and I’m not talking about the condition of the room. His chocolate colored hair made having bed head hair a good thing, tousled and sexy. His muscles showed greatly with the shirt he wore that didn’t have any sleeves. With a few beads of sweat dripping off his forehead, I nearly melted.
Alex wasn’t kidding when he said that there was going to be groupies. They were eyeing him with drool slipping out of their mouths like he was a piece of meat. They wore these obscenely short shorts. Normally I wouldn’t care what a girl wore, her body right? But in this case, it made me fuel with anger and insecurity.
They had bigger breast and butts, and then there was me, Laila Grey, who didn’t have anything special. I didn’t wear things like that only because I’d hate to have attention that I would get if I did – even though it seems that I wouldn’t have anything to show off if I did compare to them. But still, they got people’s attention, and there was no doubt in my mind that they were getting Alex’s.
Somehow, Alex noticed and stopped fiddling with his guitar. He unexpectedly smashed his lips onto mine. Clearly he was doing this just so the groupies know that he only had one person in mind. His rough hands snaked around my back while he deepened the kiss.
Our blissful kiss was interrupted by the clearing of someone’s throat. We instantly pulled away from each other with cheeky smiles. As Alex talked to the manager of the venue, I couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of the groupies looking infuriated from the scene of what they wished was there.
Shortly, the boys take the stage. The crowd roared in enthusiasm and hands wavered through the audience. Rian’s drumming filled the room at full volume, blasting into my ears and making my heart thumbed.
No longer wanting to be on side stage, I maneuver through the crowd to get a decent spot. They already had begun the first song. The screaming of the fans pierced my ears but I didn’t care, I loved it. It was breathtaking to be in the crowd. A crowd that happened to contain people who had the similar love and passion for music like me, a crowd where there were kids who actually listened to the bands on their tees, a crowd where they didn’t judge and let the weird be weird.
It was all exhilarating. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as the energy in the room bounced off the walls. Sticky bodies pushed against me while I kept my eyes on Alex.
He sung his heart out like always, with a full raspy tone of sweetness. His large hands moved swiftly on the strings keeping the riff up to the song. Jack was goofing around, stomping his feet. Zack, who was slapping his bass, sung a few backup vocals.
I felt entirely free and open. While the crowd swayed left to right, my heated cheeks begun to sting from smiling too hard. Everyone around me knew all the lyrics to the song by heart. It awed me at the pinnacle of my expectations for the gig. It was everything that I least expect it to be.
My eyes were glued to Alex still after fifteen minutes. Jack was making some terrible boner joke while Alex took a quick sip of water but nearly spitting it out once Jack got to the end of his story about how he ended up at a motorcyclist bar.
The ringing in the ears and the tiredness in my legs didn’t stop me from having an exceptional magnificent time.
After a few songs, Alex introduced another song that strikes my attention.
“We’ve been recently writing new songs for maybe an upcoming EP.” He spoke into the microphone, the crowd cheered at the news. “This song we are about to play might be record, or not. But anyways, this one is called Jasey Rae, hope you like it.”
I let the lyrics that he sung sync into my mind, allowing myself to devour the harmony of the mood.
My heart took a leap at the repeating of ‘I want you to mean it,
Jasey.
You're dressed to kill,
I'm calling you out,’
My mind begun to spin at the wondering of whom this Jasey Rae girl could possibly be, perhaps just another groupie?
I watched Alex preciously while he sung more into the lyrics.
“I've never told a lie,
and that makes me a liar,
I've never made a bet,
but we gamble with desire,
I've never lit a match,
with intent to start a fire,” He sung with his eyes closed shut and the heart ache tone of his voice that was booming from the speakers made my body ache.
The set was over before I could make sense of it. I stepped back stage, waiting impatiently to see Alex. The crowd seemed worse around here. Alcohol and cigarettes were going around. Even underage teenagers were visibly drunk.
I panicked when I couldn’t find Alex after ten minutes of searching. My sore legs carried me to a beat up wooden door that had multiple stickers on it. A big sign read ‘dressing room’. I was surprised that a crappy venue like this one even had a dressing room.
With taking a chance, I cracked the door open, hoping to see Alex.
The noise of wheezing and coughing made my eyes bulge out, along with the sight of Alex crawled on the floor, holding him for dear life.
I ran up to him, wrapping my arms around him protectively.
Another wheeze escaped his trembling lips. There was no doubt in my mind he was having a panic attack.
Out of all times, he’s having one in this shitty dressing room that was nearly smaller than a walk in pantry.
The dark walls seemed to cave in as my mind begun to whirl while I tried to think of ways to get him to calm down. It frightened me to see his hand tightly grasping his chest.
“Alex, baby,” I soothingly said. “Look at me, please, baby.” My hands cupped his face. Once I got a sight of him, I notice the tears collecting at the brim of his camel eyes. His wet lips opened, permitting his wheezing to leak.
“Laila,” He mumbled, his chest was still at a dangerously constant pace.
“I’m right here,” I told him, brushing his hair backwards into place, but not like his hair is always in place anyways.
“I thought I lost you, and, and, and,” His words were filled with sadness and couldn’t keep up with his breath. “I needed to see you, and when I couldn’t find you, I just, I don’t,” He took in another long breath.
“I know, baby, I know.” I said gently. With my arms still wrapped around him tightly, I let his back press against my chest with his body being in between my legs.
He had no need to say no more. I knew. I could tell and feel it in my gut.
His breathing settled down with the rhythm of mine, softly and patiently taking time to get his pace at a healthy level.
“Thank you, Laila.” He whispered.
“There’s no need to thank me. I’m just glad you’re okay.” I kissed the top of his head lightly.
We sat there on the cold hard floor for a while. Allowing the crashing and chattering from outside of the door put us into a mood of not wanting to do anything. I was exhausted, and I’m certain Alex was too.
“There’s an after party, or something like that. But I’m assuming you wouldn’t want to go.” He chuckled a little.
He knew me too well. He was right about me not wanting to go any type of party at all.
“I don’t want to go to it either,” He added. “drunkies and groupies aren’t my scene.”
“And yet you have an album called the party scene.” I retort with a small giggle.
“It happens,” He teased, shrugging his shoulders.
Later on, we finally arrived back to his apartment completely worn-out. Alex was sweet enough to make some bed time tea. While he did that, I remembered to get his gift out of my book bag. I stuffed the box much as I could and somehow it all fit – after taking a few folders out that I wasn’t too pleased about.
I sneaked up behind him, with the large box behind my back in my hands.
Once he turned around after pouring his tea into a cup, I yelled, “Surprise!”
The wrapped box appeared in his view, in front of him. My cheeky smile caused him to give me a suspicious look but still having a smile. “For me?” He grabbed the box cautiously.
“You are the birthday boy, aren’t you? You dork.” I shook my head with a wide smile.
He started to tear the wrapping. His face lit up so brightly that I swear the whole city could be blinded by it. “Holy shit,” He opened the box, taking the record player out of it carefully. “Wow.” He examined it like he was worshiping it.
Laying the record player and its spare vinyls on the counter, he leaned in for a kiss.
The simple kiss led to a deeper and more meaningful one. His hands were all over me while mine stayed wrapped around his neck, my toes on their tips due to his towering.
Somehow, in the middle of his tongue devouring mine, he must have noticed my weak legs giving up. His hands gripped my butt, causing me to squeal but recover with a moan, and then, his large hands gripped the back of my thighs and lifted me up.
Wrapping my legs around his waist, he placed me on the cool countertop. This allowed me to get where I wanted him to be, easily accessible to his lips that I forever wanted to taste.
His hands rubbed against my thigh, causing friction not only on my thighs, but something deeper within me.
Sadly, he pulled away. “Our tea is getting cold thanks to a girl who is distracting me.” He smirked.
“Hmmm, oh really?” I questioned him, fiddling with the loops of his pants.
“Yup.” He popped the p. I watched him return to his cup. He sat down on the couch in the living room.
Following his lead, I get under the blanket with him, snuggling closer to him.
After a few sips, I couldn’t keep it in my thoughts any longer. “Is Jasey Rae written about a groupie or something?
“No, that’s The Girl’s a Straight-Up Hustler.” He chuckled. Staring down at his cup, his laughing took an immediate stop.
“Oh,” I slumped.
“I’m going to be completely honest with you, and not because you’re my girlfriend and that I feel like I have to.” He said. “I feel like I can trust you and that you won’t turn your back on me or judge me either.”
I nodded my head with eagerness. His words made me anxious.
“I wrote the song after the married woman, that, well you know.” He glumly said. “Her name is Jasey.”
For some strange reason, I felt jealous that Jasey was able to impact Alex’s life so much that he wrote a song about her. This was indeed love kicking in, and it’s kicking in hard.
“I know what you’re thinking.” He said. “Trust me when I say that you’ll never want to be written like the way I wrote about Jasey in that song. And you never will be written like that in any song.” He paused. “Unless you go breaking another lead singer’s heart then I can’t help you much out on that.” The sassiness and cheekiness he had caused me to smile at how ridiculous he was.
God I loved this boy so deeply much. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. It was going to burst out of me anytime now. I had to tell him. He captivated me in every way possible and it was constantly on my mind, nearly on the brick on being unhealthy, but that didn’t matter. I loved him. I needed to know if he felt the same way because I sure as hell did.
But what if this feeling isn’t love? What if I’m wrong?
I shook my head at my thoughts. My body and entire mind was right, this is love. I’ve never experienced it before and now I truly know how it’s like. I finally know the feeling of what other couples get, along with the fake feelings that are portrayed in the movies, and the rave of what everyone speaks about ‘love’.
But amongst them all, my love for Alex was much different, but somehow similar.
I watched him take another sip of his tea. He looked so cozy in his plaid fuzzy pajama bottoms and band tee shirt. His finger tapped lightly against his mug, while his other hand was rubbing his sleepy eye.
“Alex,” I whispered. My nervousness wasn’t allowing me to speak any louder. What if he doesn’t love me back?
“Hmm,” He hummed.
“Do you know what they say about fools?” I asked.
He tilted his head back against the couch, closing his eyelids softly. He looked unquestionably peaceful. “That they believe in love?”
I nodded my head even though he couldn’t see me right now. “Yeah, I’m kinda starting to think I’m a fool.”
His eyes shot open with his body jolting at my words. “Where are you getting with this?” He raised his eyebrow.
“That I’m so madly in love with you.” I held my breath while I waited for his response.
“If that makes you a fool then that makes two of us.” He said.
And right there and then, I knew that was his way of telling me that he loved me too.
_____________
A.N
I'm starting to picture Laila as Taissa Farmiga more and more and less of Elle Fanning. *heaily sighs*
High school makes me want to curl up in a ball. But in good news, in October I'm going to a publishing workshop convention with my teacher and a few other classmates!
This chapter is long as heck, vote an comment please because we all know you have those Lailex feels.
Chapter dedication ;SmittyWerbenManJeson (you win a free Alex Gaskarth doll ;) )
- Kc Aug 31 2014