THERE was simple silence for the next week and a half. karlie was staying with josh. taylor? she hadn't even really known. she hadn't seen the apartment since she said goodbye to taylor. the past week was a constant cycle of waking up, going to work, eating dinner, and falling asleep. it seemed like she didn't even know taylor anymore, they weren't addressing the elephant in the room. if anything, taylor didn't even text her; she probably was doing just fine with that gigi. but still, karlie felt she was entitled to her anger, she saw her potentially ex girlfriend kiss another woman. although karlie was angry at taylor, she knew she couldn't live with josh forever.
josh was always karlie's good friend. they'd known each other since high school and he always had a big heart which is why he let karlie crash after confessing her dilemmas with taylor with him. josh worked at a local restaurant, waiting tables which wasn't the most promising position. the younger girl told him about the job at the local café, telling him that she would try and find him a position. he had gotten an interview and she was ecstatic for him. the least karlie could do was help him find a more easy going job after all he's done for karlie.
she glanced up at the clock, it was 8:45am. she quickly finished her yogurt and quickly through on her all black uniform and her purse, muffling a "goodbye!" to josh, dashing through the door.
—
karlie was making an iced tea for a customer when cara popped through the door, "hey girlie. there's something in the office for you. it's a letter, i think? you can check when you're done with your shift," she said, grabbing a coffee to hand to a waiting customer.
a letter?, karlie thought. who sent letters these days? maybe... no it couldn't. was it from taylor? she didn't even tell her that she even had the job at this café. she shrugged. whatever it was had to wait till the end of her shift. she looked at her phone: three more hours. she shut the lid of the iced tea, heading over to the espresso machine to make a latte.
—
after a couple of hours, karlie was exhausted and sticky from all of the sugary drinks that she worked with. she almost forgot about the letter. but when she went into the office to grab her bag, an envelope caught her eye. loopy handwriting was scrawled on the front, a tiny "karlie" embellished on the front. this was taylor's penmanship. the envelope was simple. her heart was rushing. she thought that with all the views an streams taylor was getting, she'd be too focused on that. last time she checked (which was that morning), it had five million views on youtube and eight million streams on soundcloud. she even saw tweets of some higher-up people like fucking ed sheeran asking her to send in more songs for review and a consideration for a possible record deal.
but, taylor hadn't completely forgotten her if that was the case. she stuffed the envelope into her purse, zipped up her leather jacket, and waved a goodbye to the staff. she walked quickly to her car, driving towards josh's, waiting to read taylor's letter.
she reached the front door and opened it up. josh wasn't home yet. which was expected, he said he was out with a couple of friends. she set her jacket and purse down, sitting down on the stools near the counter. her hands trembled, as she reached for the envelope. she took a breath and opened it, a white piece of paper, falling out. it was all handwritten:
karlie,
first, i would like to thank you for the flowers and the letter. you've always been so kind hearted, always putting others before you. i wish things panned out differently...
the younger girl was shocked. she forgot all about those and the letter she wrote. it was fascinating how quickly things escalated that day. she cleared her throat and read on,
i know you're wondering how i managed to find your workplace. i came in when you happened to not be working and asked for you. one of the baristas said they'd hand it to you. so, there's that.
i hope you're doing okay and taking care of yourself. please don't let my mistakes interfere with your health. i want you to know that i broke it off with gigi... she was just a nobody and i didn't love her like i love you. i was stupid and too blindsided to realize what i was doing was so utterly wrong. i betrayed you, i know that. and, i'm terribly sorry. i threw away years of our relationship - of our home together. it pains me, too, knowing that i hurt you. i don't know how else to put it. words can't capture how sorry and how regretful i am of what i did to you. i wronged you in so many ways, i left a dent in our relationship. new york was so busy, so loud, so different from here, karlie. there is so much more glamor, more livelihood and i got so caught up in that. the city life doesn't even share similarities to connecticut and i was so immersed in all of it.
kar, i know that you still love connecticut. but i feel like my heart once belonged here, now it doesn't. my gut it's telling me to pursue something else in new york - whether that be singing or journalism. i received a few callbacks for internships. i think that we need to do our own thing for awhile, you know? find something that will bring us contentment and joy. i'm never home anymore, we barely talk, karlie. but, this doesn't mean i love you any less, that doesn't mean i'm trying to forget you because you are a part of me. you will always be. but, i feel that there's a pull for me in new york and if i stay here any longer, i think i might just fall into this endless pit of lost opportunity. i don't want to say goodbye - and this isn't a goodbye. it's a "until next time", yeah?
one thing i owe to you is the music. i checked the email. i think that maybe i should post a few more songs in your honor. you were right about it. i need to push myself - to give myself the chance to express my true passions. i denied myself of these things for too long because of my fears and my anxiety. thank you for pushing me past my comfort zone. because if it, i think great things are coming.
i found an apartment in new york. something temporary until i find my place. i think that it's only right if i take care of our - or your place now. i covered rent in our flat for seven months - trust me, it's the least i can do. i pulled my name from the rental agreement and cleaned out my stuff already. i'm staying at a hotel and i leave connecticut in a few days.
one thing i ask is that you don't worry about me, don't lose yourself over me. you are a breath of fresh air, the sliver of sun on a cloudy day. if anything, please be happy. i want you to find someone that might be able to give you the stability and loyalty i couldn't. like i said, i still love you and i always will. you were my first love, karlie. i'm so glad i met you. thank you for everything. i'll see you soon.
love,
taylor.
karlie sat there, in shock. she didn't expect this to hurt in the way it did. she reread the letter again, again, and again until the words weren't even clear. she didn't even realize she was crying until her tears fell onto the paper, smearing the ink.
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oh lordie that hurt. sorry yall. but it was gONNA HAPPEN fhfjcj ALSO ty for 750 reads??? AGH I LOVE U GUYS.
all the love,
kaela 🌷