Sierra
"Okay ladies and gentlemen, that'll be all for today. Great group discussion on self-love and how important it is to take care of ourselves. You all deserve a round of applause." Stacy says as she claps enthusiastically, like a drunken air-head. I roll my eyes and refrain from clapping like a moron. "You all have a great afternoon, and I'll see you tomorrow morning for another session. Chris would like for you all to report to the day room, thanks." She adds as we all begin to get up to leave.
I take my time leaving the group therapy room. I've trained myself in walking slowly to where ever I need to be. In this place, time drags on-so I figure I may as well too. There's no rush to get anywhere in here. I shuffle slowly toward to the door to leave, filing in behind Lara and Michelle. I'm typically the last to leave whenever we have a group session, but today Nick is behind me. He keeps his distance as he should.
"Have a good one, Stacy." I wave as I walk out of the room, not bothering to linger for any response from her. What will I do with myself for the next couple of hours before dinner time? I mosey down the hallway behind the rest of the miscreants and I end up catching up to and walking beside Michelle.
"Hey, Michelle." I say, drawing out the hey. She looks over to me warily but keeps her pace. She is clutching the ugly half-bald Barbie doll she always carries around with her. "Well aren't you going to say hello? It's the polite thing to do when someone says hey to you." I say as though I'm some sort of authority on the issue.
"Hi, Sierra." She says apprehensively looking over to me. When our eyes make contact, she quickly averts hers. I reach over and snatch her Barbie and hold over her head teasingly.
"Give it back!" she whines as she jumps up trying to reach it. She's at least a foot shorter than I am, so it's painfully easy to play keep-away with her. I chuckle to myself as tears begin to fill her frustrated eyes. I know we've only got about twenty seconds before we're in eye-shot of the nurses station so I toy with her a bit longer. I lower the toy and raise it too high for her to reach as she jumps and jumps trying to reach it. "Now!" she cries. I keep moving down the hall at the same slow pace, and she follows along with me desperate to get her toy back.
I smirk and just as we reach the area where we're visible to the nurses station, I drop the toy into her outstretched hands without another word and take a hard right into the day room leaving her hugging her beloved ugly Barbie. I look back toward her where she stopped in the hallway and offer her a smile and a wink. She sticks her tongue out at me and beelines for her room. I laugh inwardly and direct my attention to the day room.
My eyes wander over the usual suspects seated around the room and rest on the new girl sitting back in the corner alone. She's poking at the food in front of her, no doubt debating on whether it's actually edible. She keeps her eyes fixed on the pitiful tray and doesn't seem to notice I'm watching her.
I meander my way over towards her. I knock Daniel's hat off his head playfully as I pass by. It pisses him off but I don't care. That was the point. He huffs as he picks up his hat from the floor and dusts it off. I give him a look that dares him to say something to me. He replaces his hat and just stares straight ahead. Good boy.
"You're wondering if it's worth the risk, am I right?" I joke as I take the seat opposite Alma. I flash her my warmest smile. "It's not worth it, but it's sustenance. Which is something you need, unless you're like Lara over there..." I look over to the left side of the room where Lara is sitting with a couple of others. Alma's eyes follow my gaze. "She's one of those bulimic girls. She doesn't need sustenance. She throws everything up that she eats. What's the point of eating if you purge it all afterwords?" I wonder aloud, shaking my head. "Such a waste."
Alma stays quiet and avoids eye contact with me as she slides her vegetables around on her plate with her plastic fork. I play with a strand of my blond hair as I stare at Alma. I wonder what's going through her mind. If I were her, being a first-timer would scare the shit out me. I bet she's terrified of this place judging by her squared shoulders and the stand-offish vibe I'm getting from her.
I try to think of something to say that can put her at ease, but I'm coming up short. Comforting people is not my forte. I'm usually a chaos-inducing headache to most. But I feel a weird need to help her relax a bit. Maybe if I can get her to ease up a little, I might be able to get on her good graces. And on her good graces, is where I need to be after my disaster of a first impression earlier this morning.
I hear footsteps coming up behind me and whip around to see who's coming my way. It's Chris carrying a folder in his hand. "Hello, Sierra." He greets me and looks over to Alma. The green polo he's wearing today does absolutely nothing for his blue eyes. It makes them look dim whereas they're usually a bright blue. Poor color choice, Chris.
"Alma, did anyone give you a new patient folder last night when you first arrived?" He asks, eyebrows raised. She shakes her head. "Here you go." He hands her the folder. "It's just basically patient's rights and responsibilities, program information and more info about our facility. If you have any questions after going through it, you know where to find me." He tells her as he turns to head back to the nurses station.
I watch him, and he stops short of crossing the hallway and turns back to us. "Dinner in an hour, guys... and gals." He smiles and retreats into the nurses station. I keep my eye on him as he sits at his seat at the big desk that lines the observation glass window.
I turn back to Alma who's flipped open the folder and is leafing through the folder contents as if she is looking for something in particular. "Do you need any help with anything?" I offer.
She looks up at me, shakes her head, and fixes her attention back to the papers inside the folder. Wow, she blew me off. All right then. I know when I'm not needed. I get up and walk off toward another table with a huff. She'll figure it all out on her own. I smile to myself as the realization hits me that she isn't going to discover the half of what this place is like sorting through some folder with the word 'tranquility' on the front. This place is anything but tranquil.
I take a seat at an empty table a few over from Alma. I make sure I pick a seat that faces her, so I can watch her. She's interesting. And I also think it unnerves her a bit that I keep watching her, I get a little kick out of that.
I see her sigh and close the folder. Apparently, she didn't find what ever she was looking for. She stares across the hall to the nurses station. I reach into my pocket and pull out my worn deck of cards and begin to shuffle them, sneaking glances over her way. Yep, she's still staring that way.
I watch as her eyes follow movement inside the nurses station and then it hits me. She's watching Chris. Whenever he gets up and moves about the station, her eyes follow. Aw, that's cute. I giggle inwardly while I continue to shuffle the deck. I don't play cards. I just shuffle them. It keeps me busy, and I've become quite good at it. Also, I'm pretty sure it irritates some of the other people around me, the constant shuffling sounds, so I'm all for it.
I look around the day room to see if I'm wearing on anyone's nerves and come up disappointed. It doesn't seem like anyone cares I'm making all this noise. In the otherwise quiet space. A couple other small groups of patients are chit chatting, Alma's staring all starry-eyed at Chris while he's working, and I'm over here wanting some attention and nobody seems to care. Story of my life.
I get an idea. I load my cards into my right hand and bend the deck as hard as I can in my palm. Without warning, I squeeze my hand and release the flood of cards into the air. I laugh as a few of the cards hit Alma and break her trance. Michelle, a few tables over looks at me bewildered, I smile at her, "52 card pick up!" I shout and jump out of my chair to go collect the cards. Michelle giggles and covers her mouth trying not to show her amusement. I wink at her as I rake up a bunch of my cards from the floor.
Alma is staring daggers at me. She's clearly not amused.