The warmth from his body sent comfort through me. It was the first night back at Hogwarts after the holiday break, and it was cold and snowy. But the thing is, I wasn't cold; Severus is and will always be my warmth. The soft snores left his mouth while I stared at the beautiful ring on my finger.
***********************************
Harry has been acting weird all night. Mione said he had just been worried about Voldemort, but it seemed like something else. His green eyes met mine now and then; there was something in his eyes that I couldn't read. It made me wonder if it had anything to do with Severus thinking about me. I would understand that it would bother him what his professor thought about me, his girlfriend. Fred, George, and I are planning some pranks for Ron; the thing these twins come up with astounds me.
"Lily?"
I see Harry fiddling with his hands while looking down at me. Fred and George snicker at Harry's behavior; there must be something going on here that is way over my head. I looked at Mioine, and she was smiling, but when she saw me looking, she turned her head to her book like she wasn't paying attention to what was happening.
"Yes, Harry?" I ask while getting off my bum.
"Would you like to go on a walk?" he questions while holding his hand out for my own.
I grab his hand and look back to Fred and George.
"Don't worry, your pretty little hair, Lily; we will cover for you; go have fun, you two love birds." The two obnoxious twins tell us while exiting the room with papers of pranks.
Harry wastes no time and leads me to the door while we are excited about Grimmauld's place. The air was quite nippy, but what do I expect for it to be in London and winter? Everyone was in the Christmas spirit; the trees were lit up in windows, and you could see snowflakes fall on the tip of my light, pale skin. Harry led me to a small park where the snow lay gently on the ground. We sat down on a bench close to a bare tree. Each unique snowflake drops down on us, melting on our warm yet still-cold skin.
"Lily, I love you," Harry says while he grabs my cold white hands.
"As I love you, Harry," I say while forcing down my guilt.
He seemed to gain confidence because he got up and went on the ground to stand on one of his knees, making his black pants gain specks of white. He reached into his pocket to pull out a small box big enough for a ring. My mind was spinning in an infinite amount of directions. This couldn't be what I think it is, could it? He opens the box to show a beautiful ring. My voice got caught in my throat, and I couldn't even tell Harry he was being irrational!
"Lilly, I think you are truly amazing. You are perfect, even if you say you are nowhere close. I now believe in fate because I think that brought us together. We are meant to be together, Lily. This may be unbelievable, but this is not an engagement ring. Mione told me you would flip if it were, but this is just a promise ring, a promise for us to stay together to the end, whenever possible. So Lily Duchannes, do you promise to stay with me forever?" Harry tells me while holding on to me with one hand while the other holds the ring of promises.
Could I promise Harry forever when another man holds my heart? Harry may be right that fate brought us together. I couldn't believe what was happening; my mind was bouncing back to Severus and then to Harry. This is too much to handle. Maybe I could just run for it and never return, obliviate Harry's mind so he would forget everything about me, yet something was stopping me. I was in love with Harry, that's what it must be. Yet I can't help but ask myself how I loved Harry when my heart was so true to Severus.
It must be what Sirius told me just yesterday. Severus was in love with Lily Evans. I was so much like Lily Evans, yet I am not her. I can't help but fear that Severus is in love with the fact I am so much like Lily and that he does not love me for me. Would he disgustingly look at me if I were to change my hair? I know Harry would love me anyway I look, yet I don't know if the person I would give my whole heart to feels the same way.
Harry started to get nervous about me not answering his question, which gave me so much to think about. He started shaking my hand, and his eyes kept a steady hold on mine, but his eyes showed fear; I wondered if he could see my guilt.
This is where I should tell him I have been cheating on him and break his heart into pieces while I walk away. What I did was nothing of the sort.
"Yes."
I wouldn't think Harry's smile could get any bigger. He slipped the ring on my finger before picking me up to spin me around while kissing my cheeks. He put me down after I stopped giggling at his silly outburst. His green eyes looked into my green eyes before he leaned down to kiss me.
"Happy Christmas, Lily." He whispered in my ear after our kiss.
"Happy Christmas, Harry."
***********************************************
I hear Severus grumble behind me; I quickly hide my hand. He turned me around to face him and see his black eyes. They looked so beautiful, yet something else looked different like he was hurt.
"I see Mr.Potter gave you a ring." He said harshly while grabbing my wrist to see the ring Harry had given me.
My body was shaking, not because I was scared of Severus; I was afraid this would end us. Yet I have this feeling it needs to end. I nod my head to the count that nothing will come if I open my mouth to speak. His eyes darken as he notices my head nod. He pushed me back from him while he sat up. The hand holding mine was now getting pushed through his dark, greasy hair.
"You- you were just going to keep this from me!" He yelled loud, loud enough to make some of the frames on his wall start to shake.
He got up to go to the mini kitchen he had, and I followed him like a lost puppy. He stopped at the stove and turned around to face me. His dark eyes showed tears in them; that broke me; I felt like I just shattered into a million pieces. A lonely tear drop slid down his pale face. I tried to wipe it off his face, but only to get pushed away.
"So you and Potter are going to live Happily ever after, isn't that lovely." He spoke, venom dripping in his voice.
"What was I supposed to do, Severus, tell him I was cheating on him with his Professor?!" I screamed at him while pushing on his hard chest.
He laughed; it wasn't the nice laugh I always loved to hear. No, this one was cold and evil.
"No, you could have just said No, Ms.Duchannes." He said, but this time with my last name.
That ripped my heart to shreds.
"Oh, so we are back on a name basis, are we? I didn't want to see him hurt, Snape; I still care about him."
He looked at me as if he could kill. I have never seen him this mad at me before.
"Yet you don't care If you hurt me."
Those words were all it took to break me. I was trying to stay strong; if I broke down in front of Severus, I would look weak, and for me to want to be with Severus, I would have to be strong, not some weak child. At that moment, I realized I was just a child who had no idea what she wanted. He looked like he was heartbroken to make me cry, but that was only for a mere second. He returned to the bedroom but only returned with my robe.
"I think it is time for you to return to your room now, Ms. Duchannes."
I grabbed my robe and took off. I could barely see where I was going because of the tears in my eyes. It was dark out, so I had to pull out my wand to use it for a light.
"Lumos."
I quietly walked back to the Gryffindor common room, trying to muffle the sounds of my tears. Most of the portraits yelled at me to turn off my light, yet I did not mind it. The lonely Hogwarts halls made it worse, reminding me I was alone. I have to remind myself that I still have Harry, but it feels like my whole heart is missing without Severus.
When I got to my room, I noticed Hermione awake, sitting on my bed. She was looking at me as if I was fluffy. She would most likely lecture me on how I was supposed to be in bed and not lurking in the castle. She began to open her mouth before she noticed my tear-stained cheeks. I don't know what happened, but she hugged me and went to bed. I have never seen Mione leave without speaking about how wrong it was to do something, no matter how bad it was. Did she know what was going on? Of course, she couldn't; no one did.
My bed felt warm, but not as it did in Severus's arms. My head was hurting like crazy. I kept thinking about how mad Severus was; how he looked at me still gave me chills. Every thought in my mind was everything about him. I was truly stuck in my mind.