Park Jimin's POV
"Tae!" I exclaimed as soon as he picked up his phone. [What?] He asked.
"Let's go out."
[Go out? Hmmm, okㅡ wait, what?! You wanna go out with me?! Fuck, dude, you're gay?!]
"Pabo! I'm asking you to come with me to the club!" I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see me.
[Oh. But didn't you know? The club has closed probably two weeks ago? The police found out that it's not just a normal strip club but makes prostitution a business too. Too bad I didn't even had a chance to have a private dance with Iris all these years.]
The club is closed? Jiwon has no home and no work. Dawon is discharged in the hospital. Where can she possibly be? I'm sure she's still here in Korea but with her having not much money, how is she surviving now? Why didn't she tell me when I'm so much ready to help her? I have the wealth and I can provide her anything that she needed but why didn't she ask for help?
"Jiwon, where are you?" I muttered as I stared at the white ceiling of my room after ending my call with Taehyung.
Days had pass as I searched around the whole town for her but she's nowhere to be found. She also resigned from her work in the ice cream shop and I already have no idea where I could possibly find her.
Everyday, I always keep on hoping that I will see her and clear everything between us. I want her back. I want her so bad knowing that she still loves me. Her phone is always out of reach. I couldn't contact her number but even so, I kept on giving her and sending her text messages of how much I love her and how much I miss her.
She left me and it hurts so much but her love makes me keep on going. She told me that she loves me but she wanted us to part because I deserve better. I don't have to find someone better when she's the already the best. I worked so hard just to have her and I promised to never let her go. I won't let her go unless I see her happy with someone else or if I know that she is hurting because of me.
I haven't told anyone about our break up because other than my father resting and preparing himself for his operation, I am also busy running the company after releasing our new product which is a variety of flavored beers. Other than hotels and resorts, we actually do sell liquors and that's how our company started.
My grandfather used to have a thing for alcoholic beverages and he loved tasting different varieties of them especially wine which was how the company started and after then, when my father took over and since he also finished engineering, he started to also make hotels and resorts as another business and made Mr. Lee Yangwon, which happens to be Jiwon's father, as our architect since his works and designs are well-known and praised by many people.
[Dude, you're flavored beer is a hit!] Hoseok exclaimed as soon as I picked up his call. I am currently inside the office while reading some files about the said product.
"I'm glad. Hopefully that can bring back the sales of our company." I sighed. Everyone knew about the sudden drop of our over-all sales and it affected us so much since it dropped by 40%. Abeoji worried so much about it as it has never happened before in the company which made him stay here to try fixing the problem by himself that made his already weak heart even weaker. But I'm glad that after I took over, the problem was resolved although not yet completely. Thankfully, I have my sister as my guide too.
[How about a drink tonight, partner? Let's celebrate!] He emphasized the word 'partner'. I chuckled. Hoseok's family owns a bar which we used in our graduation party and he just started to take over it two months ago. We have decided to become their supplier of liquor.
"I'd love to but I can't. I'll be busy." I sadly smiled and leaned my back against the back rest of the chair, sighing. [Aigoo, our Jiminie's a very busy man now. It just feels like yesterday, you were inside the library in front of the computer while reading an article about how to make a nerd like you.] He laughed on the other line that I could imagine him opening his mouth wide. My small smile turned into a frown because of the memory of how I worked so hard to get her. I did get her, but she's suddenly letting me go now. [When's the wedding?] He asked. I suddenly feel like crying and I don't know why. Fuck, I should've proposed to her already shouldn't I? But I want to be stable first before I marry.
"I haven't proposed to her yet," I said while clearing my throat that suddenly felt sore as a lump started to form inside. I'm going to cry again. We're done; for her, we are, but not for me. I won't declare our break up unless I know that she doesn't love me anymore or until I know the real reason why she broke up with me. "Anyway, I'll call you sometime if I'm free then let's have a drink." I immediately ended the call. I saw her picture as my wallpaper which suddenly made me feel the pain on my chest as if my heart was being squeezed. I sighed and bitterly smiled at my phone, my tears already pouring down my eyes. "I'll find you soon, baby. I won't stop until I see you again."
***
Lee Jiwon's POV
My body jumped, flinching after I felt someone hug me from behind while I cooked breakfast. Base on his smell, I already knew that Chanyeol was hugging me from my back and it's not like anyone inside the house can do that to me other than him. It's always like this in the morning if he is home ever since we started our relationship. He's really nice and sweet.
"Morning, babe," he greeted and kissed my cheek. I smiled and greeted him back after as I flipped the pancake on the pan.
I do smile at him but sometimes its more of a fake smile whenever he tells me of his love verbaly and I have to reply those words that I don't mean in a romantic way. I do love him but I just love him as a friend. He's trying his best to make me happy though and those actions of him are enough to make someone fall in love with him but I just couldn't especially when we started and I was cheating on Jimin. The burden in my chest became less after I broke up with him since I'm not cheating anymore yet that doesn't remove the fact that I am a cheater. But I did this because of Dawon. I don't blame my brother because afterall, it's still my decision. I was blinded by Chanyeol's helping hands when I was already feeling very down and hopeless.
Being with him gave me the contentment, but not the happiness of being contented when I'm with Jimin. He always tells me stories but I only listen to him. I can't just lift up my spirit that fast now that I broke up with Jimin. I needed to be with Chanyeol as a payment but maybe, I'll learn to love him soon. He's not hard to love. He's charming, smart, caring, handsome ㅡ I think he is perfect to be honest, and it's just that I'm still madly in love with Jimin that I can't find myself to like him back yet.
He settled himself down on the dining table, patiently waiting for the coffee that I am making for him before we both start our breakfast. It was my dream to serve Jimin like ㅡ ugh! I should stop thinking about him! He hates me now, definitely. How can he still love me when I ended up becoming a gold digger and hurt him big time.
"Here's your coffee, babe," I smiled at him after placing down his coffee on the table and sitting in the chair opposite to him.
As usual, we peacefully ate our breakfast before he left for work. He placed a kiss on my forehead before he left. I sighed and prepared Dawon's breakfast. Ever since I brought him here, I started making organic food for him. I brought him here because I wanted him to go out of the hospital since he's gone sick and tired of just laying there everyday. Chanyeol said it was okay and it will also kind of help him clear his mind before he is finally scheduled for the transplant.
Sadly, we weren't a match and I don't really know how to speak with my father to let him do the test and see if he will fit as a donor for Dawon.
"Noona," Dawon greeted as soon as he saw me. He looked so weak and he has grown a lot thinner than before but his smile was still so bright and precious ㅡ the smile that keeps me going just like before. "Here is your food," I said and placed the tray in front of him after helping him sit down on the bed. "Uh, Noona, I've been wanting to ask you this." I tilted my head. "What is it?" I asked.
"Why are we here? Why can't we just go back to our apartment?"
I sighed and I smiled at him sadly. "I was so focus on you that I forgot to pay our rent. But hey," I pinched his cheek after seeing his face frown. He is probably feeling upset now because he thinks that it's his fault. "It's not your fault that we lost our home. It's mine."
"But why are we here and not with Jiminie hyung?" Fuck. My tears start brimming down my eyes. I can't tell him just yet. He'll just feel more upset if he knew that Jimin and I are over and if he finds out that I did it for him. I did it for him because I was stupid.
"Your Jiminie hyung is busy running his company but Chanyeol offered us to stay here. He's a great friend, Dawon. He even visits you in your room when I'm at work, right?" He nodded before having a bite of his food. "He's really nice, Noona." I patted his bald head. Through out his chemotherapy sessions, his silky and thick hair has fallen off that we ended up just shaving all of them because it would be easier that way.
I waited for him to finish his meal before leaving his room with the dishes. Two weeks and three days since that day when I completely lost everything (except Dawon), it has been a lot more boring for me. I always stayed here in Chanyeol's house, doing random stuff to entertain myself since other than me and Dawon, Chanyeol often goes home late from work. Well, he is a doctor afterall.
Lazily, I slumped down on the couch and opened the television. Shifting channels for a couple of times, I sighed and turned the television off after finding nothing interesting to watch. I just cleaned the whole house yesterday already to entertain myself. I can't do that again.
Next week, he's going back inside the hospital again to continue his treatment which means that I'll be left alone in this house again when Chanyeol is not around. I sure can stay with Dawon, but I want to find a job and work yet my problem is Jimin. What if he sees me? I can no longer show myself to him. I cheated and replaced him for someone else. I'm a gold digger, a user... name it, but I did that because I was so desperate to save my brother's life and I also didn't want to be a burden for Jimin. It's a stupid decision that I half regret.
Well I guess I somehow really turned myself to someone I didn't ever want to become. I'm a disappointment. Hell, I'm so disappointed with myself.
My tears once again started to fall. I feel useless and hopeless. I hurt the man that only loved me and made me happy just because of money. I do have my reasons, but I am no longer different from the people that I was trying not to be. Being a stripper wasn't enough, I guess. I feel like I really have already lost my dignity.
"I'm so sorry, Eomma," I cried and hugged my knees. I hid my face as I started crying out loud, letting go of all the hidden pain on my chest. "I'm a disgrace. I failed, Eomma. I'm a disappointment." I started hitting my head with my fists. I'm hurting and drowning from the misery that life has given me but I am the only one to blame of this pain. I did this to myself. I was stupid but there's no turning back anymore.
"Fuck, do I even deserve to live? I hurt Jimin and I'm also hurting Chanyeol for loving someone else. Why did I do this?" I asked myself as grabbed a handful of my hair. "Eomma, I'm not the Jiwon that you raised. I'm a bad person. I'm not different from Appa."
I'm tired of crying and asking myself with the questions that I already know the answer. This has occured because of my stupidity. I have no one to blame other than myself.
Wiping my tears away, I stood up and got the thing that I bought at the pharmacy yesterday as soon as I remembered it. It's been two weeks and a few days after that night. I don't feel any signs, but maybe it created a gift and a wonderful memory. Maybe I am already carrying Jimin's child.
I took the pregnancy test out of the cabinet where I hid it and followed the instructions as said and impatiently waited for the result.
Tears once again escaped my eyes once the result was visible. I bit my lip and stared at the result, my eyes not believing it.
One line... it means it's negative. I'm not pregnant. But how come? He released inside me but I was sitting on top of him for a long time. Fuck. I don't get it. Why didn't I conceive his child? It's not like I'm barren or either him. I don't understand. Is it because it was not yet my ovulation period? Is it because it only happened once?
I smiled sadly. Maybe we really aren't destined to be together that's why it didn't develop. Come to think of it, if I'm pregnant, won't Chanyeol suspect of my pregnancy? Maybe I didn't conceive for the better. I sighed and threw the test in the trash can. I'll try doing another test next week to be sure.
I held my necklace that was given to me by him. I always wear it wherever I am because in that way, I'll still kind of feel that he is with me. "It's negative, Jimin." I sadly smiled again. "You must also be waiting but sadly, it didn't grow. I'm sorry."