Game 2: Billy vs. Chelsey
Flex, Bulls Coach: The mark of a good coach is how well he can maximize the talent of every single player on the floor and inspire them to fill the role that they play.
Stan Sykes, Cuddlebunnies Coach: It was like the first Iron Man movie where Tony Stark made a suit of armor out of scraps and killed some low-level actors who are probably tired of only getting roles as terrorists. That is what Billy pulled off.
Davy Hatch, Tigers Coach: As I said when Billy was making his comeback, I'm sure everyone in these interviews is going to suck Billy's weird, probably misshapen dick about what a great coach he is.
Miles Eckert, Knights Coach: Yeah, Billy's got a weird dick, we've all seen it.
Billy Taylor, Bloodthirst Coach: Who is saying what about my penis? Whatever. What I'm here to talk about is the game between Chelsey and me. The timing was...not ideal. Both JJ Perez and Matt Timland were playing in a travel baseball game that was deemed more important than the second game of a recreational basketball league.
Tara Marcus, Gamblers Coach: These are the games that you steal. Chelsey knew that going in.
Priya Shah, Scorekeeper: Chelsey had the win wrapped up before the game started. The only decision she had to make was which Slayback to play first. A real Sophie's Choice.
Flex: An easy trap for kids to fall into is thinking that since the other team does not have their best players, they can sleepwalk through the game and still win A lot of times this is something that ruins easy wins. Chelsey is smart enough to make sure her players avoid that feeling.
Chelsey Oakley, Falcons Coach: Billy still had Cole Bector, plus the rest of his team is solid. I gave my team a short breathing exercise to not worry about who they are playing but the game itself.
Davy Hatch: Chelsey is such a fucking hippie, man.
Priya Shah: Wait, that's not what that phrase means?
Zeke Fielding, Ref: To put it plainly, Chelsey had two great scorers in the Slaybacks that had to match up with the scoring of Cole Bector, which in a scenario where you have two against one, you always take the two.
Billy Taylor: The good news is that with only seven kids showing up to the game, Cole could play a whole lot of the game, the hard part is what to do with those two five minute stints where he was sitting.
Charlie Zhang, Timekeeper: In the pregame huddle, Billy preached synergy to his players, playing for one another, filling their role and executing it to perfection.
Tara Marcus: As the kids went out for the opening tip, Billy was just yelling about "synergy." Whatever that means.
Stan Sykes: No, I don't know what it means. I don't think anyone does.
Jenna Marshall, Ref: Nope, not a clue.
Davy Hatch: Synergy is a lie preached to us by our corporate overlords to get us to buy into a toxic environment of a sinking work-life balance, normalizing twelve hour work days as we go further and further into a corporatocracy. And Billy clearly supports this. Billy is a dystopian ruler and I will not stand for it.
Flex: Chelsey ended up starting Alex Slayback.
Priya Shah: Oh my God that is a horrible decision! Who would ever make that choice! William Styron is a psychopath.
Davy Hatch: Oh, I'm an anarchist. I don't believe in government.
Flex: So through the first quarter Billy and Chelsey played each other into a near draw, 10-9 after the first quarter in Chelsey's favor.
Jett Cordova, Hurricanes Coach: So after the first quarter, Cole comes out of the game and you can see dollar signs in both Alex Slayback and Chelsey's eyes. Billy didn't look remotely alarmed.
Scott Dorchester, Supervisor: So when I was making teams, Billy was very insistent that he got this seventh grader, Bobby Zheng. It seemed a little weird at the time, seeing as how he normally lobbies me to get the better-known players so I figured what the hell.
Tara Marcus: Coming out of the timeout before the second quarter, Billy is telling his team to play man-on-man defense, which in a rec league is generally stupid since half of the kids don't know how to actually play defense. When you play a zone you can just stick a kid in a spot and call it a day.
Jett Cordova: Guarding Alex Slayback is this nerdy looking, rec-spec wearing boy named Bobby Zheng, who looked like he would be better suited for a squash match than a basketball game. This is who Billy wanted to play defense on a Slayback.
Zeke Fielding: Alex demands the ball the second he sees the matchup and takes one dribble to his right and gets his pocket picked right away. Bobby is taking off with the ball towards the basket unopposed.
Flex: Blows the layup.
Billy Taylor: You can maximize kid's strengths with good planning but you can't erase a weakness in five minutes.
Stan Sykes: The next five minutes were more or less hard to watch. Alex felt his pride had been knocked down a peg and demanded the ball again and again only to have Bobby knock the ball loose and waste a possession because we can barely dribble much less make a play.
Charlie Zhang: And back and forth the two teams went.
Tara Marcus: After subs, Billy was able to keep Bobby in the game and bring Cole back in to face off again Pat, who if we're being honest, is the better of the twins.
Jenna Marshall: Oh, Pat is much much better, but I'm sure that will come up during Chelsey's fourth game.
Jett Cordova: Even with Cole back in the game, Billy let this little runty kid Aditya Maka bring the ball up and try these passes that were absurd.
Chelsey Oakley: This kid would bring the ball up, drive to the hoop without a prayer of getting a shot up and make a pass that would almost certainly get picked off. I thought Billy was going to lose his mind.
Priya Shah: But he wasn't. He sat on the front end of the picnic table that Charlie and I sit at, crossed one leg over the other and leaned back.
Chelsey Oakley: Each time Aditya turned the ball over and Pat would lead the fast break going the other way he would just take a breath and yell "synergy."
Davy Hatch: Chelsey practically sleepwalked into a 23-14 lead at halftime.
Jenna Marshall: Billy's halftime...
Jett Cordova: If you looked at the halftime of this game, you would not be able to guess that there was actually a game of basketball happening. Chelsey is back on her mindfulness breathing bullshit.
Stan Sykes: Meanwhile, Billy's players are all over the place. Aditya and Cole are in the woods passing the ball around trees, Bobby is in the garden on the other side of the court trying to catch butterflies. Bryce Betts is sprinting up and down the parking lot and the other three are taking turns shooting threes and rebounding.
Davy Hatch: It was like watching Charlie Sheen running a basketball camp.
Zeke Fielding: The next quarter and a half pretty much maintained the trend. Bobby was doing his best to stop the Slaybacks from scoring while Chelsey's team tried to work around him. Aditya kept trying crazy passes all over the court, Cole Bector scored whenever it felt like Chelsey was about to pull away to keep it close, and Bryce Betts-
Flex: Bryce Betts is still just running up and down the court like an idiot. Billy has no problem with it.
Tara Marcus: Going into the last five minutes of the game, down 35-28, Billy rolls out the lineup of Cole Bector, Bobby Zheng, Aditya Maka, Bryce Betts and their big man Kevin Saunders.
Flex: The first three plays went like this: Bobby sets a screen at the top of the key for Aditya who drives to the lane and threads the needle to a cutting Cole Bector for an easy layup. Then, Bobby Zheng completely picks Pat Slayback's pocket, gets the ball and throws it way up ahead to a sprinting Bryce Betts who took off the second the ball got knocked loose. Two more points. Pat comes back and tries it again only to be smothered until passing it off and someone takes a bad shot to be rebounded by Kevin Saunders. It was remarkable team basketball.
Billy Taylor: Synergy.
Stan Sykes: Billy Taylor was able to build this. In a cave. With a box of scraps.
Priya Shah: Billy ended up winning 40-37. Or was it 42? I don't know I lost track in the scorebook, but all that matters was that he won.
Flex: His win should have been the talk of the night. But as the game was ending, a presence walked up that cast a shadow over the court.
Jett Cordova: The Dreamshatter arrived.
Final: Bloodthirst 40, Falcons 37.