SO! YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM!
Join the club my friend, it happens to us all.
I really don't know how to write this chapter without repeating the same random stuff I've already said. In all sincerity, the best possible option is to be open about your feelings and surround yourself with good things. Do anything that you enjoy!
*A shoulder angel whispers from far away, "Listen to BTS, they cure cancer"*
So it's actually funny, that I'm texting this guy right now who - ironically, after the last chapter - asked me on a date (More info in one of the last announcements I posted), and we're discussing confidence and our experiences and such. Both of us are very sarcastic, kind of cocky individuals, and we're telling each other how we used to be the shy, quiet kids who never said anything because we thought too much of what everyone thought. And he made a great point: Do what you want because in a minute or so, they aren't going to remember what you just said. (Also he said I'm the funniest girl he's ever met. I am dead now). But I think it's really important to remember that as long as you don't care, no one else is going to.
The more you hone in on one thing, the more attention you're drawing to it. Like if you have a piece of pepper in your teeth. The more you reach up to pick it, the more people are gonna notice. Eventually your gums will start to bleed and then people start asking questions. It's like that with your confidence too. The more insecure you act the more people start to notice. Even if you're the most anxious person in the world, acting like you don't have a care in the world makes you appear more confident. When you do that, you start to notice that not everyone is watching you to see if you screw up. And once that happens, you start to feel confident instead of just acting like it.
That doesn't seem like a very secure method, but - as always - from personal experience, I can tell you it works. After a while I just stopped caring. It's not that easy to just give up all your worries. It is possible though. That doesn't mean that all your worries will suddenly disappear either. Even the most confident people get stressed and have burdens. I have so many things that I stress over, like it's not even funny.
Value Isn't Worth
You're a penny
Shiny, new, blinding
Yet, you frown
and why
No one values you
Lesser, odd, dimming
And, you think
but why
Dollars are valued more
Expensive, crisp, easy
So, you think
why
Dollars are spent on fancy things
They are worth nothing
Valued but
no meaning
Pennies are spent on moments
They are worth it all
Not valued but
more meaning
- a poem by Samantha Bond
In case that poem was gibberish, worth is on how you spend the value. To be more clear, in the eyes of a lot of people you may just be a bystander. They see your value, but not your worth. Value is superficial. People with higher values tend to hide their worth or ignore it altogether. You're worth more than what other people think of you. I have no idea if that makes any sense.
You do not - I repeat - you DO NOT have to think you're better than everyone in order to be confident. Like the quote says, you shouldn't compare yourself to others. I'm not gonna lecture you on how unique you are because I know you've heard that one way too many times and ain't nobody got time for that. But really, comparing yourself won't get you anywhere. You should compare yourself to the person you were yesterday and ask yourself, "What can I do to upgrade myself in a way that benefits me first and everyone else second". In instances like these, it's ok to be selfish.
You have to have to havetohavetohaveto be selfish sometimes!
Some of the things you have a right to be selfish about.
- Time
You get to make time for yourself however you want to. You should not feel obligated to make time for somebody else just because they want you to. This applies to relationships as well.
-Decisions
This is obvious. Nobody dictates what kind of decisions you make. Now, parents can and and always will expect you to follow certain guidelines with your decisions, but your choices, even if your parents are the strictest people on the planet, belong to you.
-Energy
You have a minimum and maximum amount of energy that you give to anything. For me, I'm selfish about my energy when it comes to dieting. I just don't put any effort into it. I have a maximum amount of energy for procrastinating though. I'm really good at that.
-Friends
This one isn't really selfish so much as choices. You decide what kind of people you surround yourself with. The good ones boost your confidence and make you feel awesome about yourself. The bad ones, well, kick them in the rear and say "sayonara sucker!"
I apologize for the short chapter, but I'm incredibly distracted by a dude *giggles in potato* and also it's 12:15am and I'm sleepy so goodbye.
What to Take Away From This: Confidence really is a decision. It doesn't just happen because you want it to. You have to make it happen. If you don't act on your desires, you'll never get what you want.
Thank you for reading, hope your day doesn't suck! -Sam