I always wonder why I remember those kinds of memories. I don't know why but when I do, I feel all these negative emotions that I feel so guilty about.
Jealousy is one of it.
I can't explain it properly but I feel jealous whenever there's a memory where Lydia talks about my brothers and cousins like she's been through a lot with them. I don't know who this girl was but why does she talk like her life was better than mine? Here I am, sinking into this black, cold abyss and in my memories, she's always happy. So, so happy.
She'll say that my brothers loved her more than me. I can see some memories where my brothers would blame me for whatever happened to Lydia but all I could do was tell myself that it's only my brain messing with me. I always tell that to myself but I am slowly believing that it's true because if they loved me then they wouldn't do this to me. If they loved me then they'll never be so cold when I ask them who this person is. Maybe I'm just annoying and Xendrix is right. He always sound right. He always persist that he's right.
And I believe him now.
Because I am just a brat who depends too much on my brothers and that I am to whiny for my own good, I am a burden to them. I make their lives heavy, I get it. I know. And Lydia should've been here so that their lives won't be like that. Maybe Lydia should be the one who should replace me because unlike me, who's so annoying, she's the perfect one. When they tell me that I'm exactly like her I always thought that I'm not. I'm not like her because I can't do the things that she could do and that makes me burn with jealousy. With anger.
With sadness.
With guilt.
But look at me, I got what I deserve right? I was too nosy and this was my punishment, right?
Right? This is what I deserve.
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"Here we are, kiddo. Home sweet home."
I nodded, feeling way too tired to answer Tyler right now. I know that my brothers, even Daniel and Xendrix, are worried but they don't need to look at me like I'm going to keel from exhaustion or something.
The weather is getting cold, I thought, it'll be winter soon.
I let out a shaky sigh as I look at the familiar house, I call home. I grimaced all of a sudden. This is the same house that she--
Sam, don't go there.
Forcing a smile, I turned to look at my brothers. "Thanks guys."
They all shared worried looks but Xendrix was the one who stepped forward.
"You're welcome, Samantha." He answered, kind of robotically, but it nevertheless surprised me.
I nodded slowly, not sure what to say next. I walk towards the house, feeling sick all of a sudden. I don't want to be here because it reminds me of her.
Opening the door, I was immediately hugged, causing me to stumble back with a grunt.
"I'm so glad that you're safe, sweetheart." Mom said, hugging me tightly. Behind her was dad, I avoided making making eye contact with him because I know that it'll upset me.
I'm too mad and tired to deal with this right now.
"Hey mom... " I mumbled, feeling impatient for this right now as I hug her back awkwardly.
After a while, she let go of me. It didn't go unnoticed that she glanced at Isaac with a small frown but she smiled again. "Oh sweetie... You're freezing. How about we take some blankets and let's get you something to eat, okay? We can even watch a horror movie, sounds good?"
"I'm going to make my best homemade lasagna, kiddo." Dad piped in with a grin but I can see that they're just trying to be comforting. I know that but I don't need it. I'm not going to die or something so...
"No thank you." I whispered. "I only just want to go to bed."
I was about to walk towards the stairs but dad grabbed my wrist gently. It was as if his touch was on fire because my whole body screamed. I look back at dad and anger bubbled inside of me.
"NO! Let go of me!"
He immediately did so. I held my wrist, my breathing quickened as they all stared at me in worry.
I gulped down some air, trying to calm myself because it'll make them worry more if I pathetically fall down and faint again, right?
"I-I'm sorry..." I said, looking at the floor as if it was so intriguing to me. "I n-never meant to yell at you, d-dad... "
What's wrong with me?
"Hey, it's okay, Lydia, no harm was done... " There it was again. That name that I've always been hearing.
I nodded, trying, with all my power, not to shout that I hate that name.
"I just want to rest... That's all."
"Sam--"
"Is that too much to ask, Lucas?" Tears started to prick my eyes as I look at him tiredly.
"Is that too much to ask?" I repeated in a much more quieter voice.
"But we're just doing what's best for you." Noah said making me clench my fist angrily all of a sudden. It's as if something inside of me popped. Poof.
Why are my emotions going haywire?
Why am I like this right now?
"But I guess you guys made the wrong decisions for me, right?" I scoffed, glaring at him with hatred. "Because I ended up in the hospital."
He flinched and look down with guilt swirling in his eyes.
"Samantha." I flinched when mom called my full name.
Oh no.
I look at everyone and they all stared at me in disbelief. I can't believe it myself as well. But I just snapped. I couldn't control it. What is wrong with me? I'm a terrible person now.
I sniffled, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, mom, I-I'm so sorry Noah, I don't know what came over me... I-I'm sorry... " Tears started to fall down of my cheeks as I apologized over and over again. It's my fault that I'm like this. It's not theirs. It was my fault that I ended up in the hospital.
It's my fault not theirs.
Isaac then hugged me making me emotional even more. The only sounds in the house were my cries and sobs. No one uttered a word and no one stopped me. I just...let it all out.
"It's not your fault... " Isaac hushed. "Shh... It's okay... We'll fix this together."
"And we'll do it step by step. Baby steps." Kyle reassured.
But Daniel popped that statement with a needle.
Daniel spoke up. "She was Xendrix's twin."
I look at him confusingly, my eyelids felt heavy and I feel more tired than before. "W-What?"
"Lydia." Daniel answered, with no hint of any emotions.
My eyes widened and I look at Xendrix who was already looking at me. There was so much pain in his eyes and there's so much hidden story in his life.
She was Xendrix's twin sister.
She was freaking related to me.
Of course she f*cking is. She's super close to all of them that they considered naming me after her.
She was the greatest.
This girl is my cousin and she's trying to kill me. She drowned me, left me in the basement where it's dark and cold. She is the one who has a good relationship with my brothers too. She stole their hearts without doing any effort.
She's the one who makes my nights a living hell.
"She's like my other half... The one who's totally opposite of me, she's like you and she's lovely, cheerful... She's the best sister I could ever asked for and..." Xendrix whispered feeling hesitant and worried. He was fidgeting, looking at anywhere besides me.
"And she's still alive... "
She's alive.
She's freaking alive.
She is still alive.
Of course she freaking is...
I think I'm gonna to collapse again...
Oh my freaking goodness...
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*Hides behind a big boulder* Wait! Wait! Please don't hate me! I always wanted to do a cliffhanger so yay for me!! ≧ω≦
I feel like this chapter is rushed and I hope that you have a good grasp of what Sam's going through here right now.
And Yeah I know, I know... Some of you guys were already trying to guess who this is and now you finally got your answers! I guess some of you people got it right!
So good for you lovely people! ~♥~ ^o^
Hope you guys enjoyed it!