With a hundred pairs of eyes on me, the cafeteria grew smaller and smaller as time dragged out. Voices slurred and faces blurred as I took a shaky step forward. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. My feet felt like lead, stumbling across the floor as I felt the blood from my face stagnate, pooling at my weighted feet.
My shoulder bumped against the crowd of people who seemed so much taller than I was, their eyes piercing and their smiles mocking. Elbows stabbed into my sides and words scratched at my ears, all the while my body feeling like it was trying to wade through thick tar that started to dribble down my throat, suffocating me.
I could feel the panic start to pulse, my breathing laboured as I struggled to suck air up into my closed throat, ears ringing.
They know. They all know.
It wasn't supposed to be like this. They weren't supposed to find out like this.
It was supposed to be on my own terms, on mine and Nico's terms, but someone had taken it upon themselves to reveal what was rightfully ours to reveal. I wasn't ready for people to know, but I was getting there. I was going to be ready to come out to the world, but that day wasn't today. I knew that, and Nico knew that, and I'm sure that the person who unleashed my secrets into the universe knew that too. They just didn't care what damage it would do.
As I neared the exit of the cafeteria, a rigid weight snagged itself around my ankle, pulling my body into the air before crashing onto the ground. The cacophony of noise quietened to an intrigued buzz as I groaned, knees and wrists aching from where they caught the brunt of the fall.
Tears stinging my eyes, a pair of black leather shoes with the buckles undone stepped in front of me, kicking at my chest like I was a bug.
"Oh, oops," a sickeningly shrill voice drawled, voice dripping with malice. "I almost stepped on trash."
Swallowing my pain, I grit my teeth and peered up, Alyssa's heavily contoured face staring down at me. Though her painted lips were spread in a bright pink grin, her eyes were cold. Holding her phone in a lacquered hand, she made a show of looking at it, a friend of hers snickering as she peered over Alyssa's shoulder. Flicking her hair over her shoulder before giving me another pointed look, she smacked her lips, gum squelching between her molars. Slowly, Alyssa bent down, grabbing my box-brown hair in her hands and jerking my head up, pulling harshly this way and that as she peered at my face.
Letting out a disgusted "tsk," the girl quickly dropped my hair, my scalp burning, before turning her phone screen towards me. Eyes wide and trembling, I looked at the picture blinking on her screen.
'Nicolletta's' was spread across the screen in vibrant writing, but was partially cut off as the picture was zoomed in on a pair of figures sitting in a booth, eyes closed and lips locked tight. One with jet black hair, tattoos creeping up his arms, and another with his face partially hidden but visible enough to identify. Curly brown hair, a smattering of freckles across his nose and a light pink dusting his cheeks, the grainy image wasn't blurred enough to lie.
Me and Nico. There was no doubt about it.
My mouth opened, but only choked sounds came out.
"You know, I always thought there was something off about you," Alyssa said, eyes narrowing. "But who knew you'd turn out to be a fucking fag."
Fucking fag.
"I-" I started, mouth moving pathetically as the words buried themselves into my chest, searing and painful.
"And for Nico to go for someone like you," Alyssa said, her words oozing with bitterness, "well, your ass must've been a really good fuck. What did you do, huh? You don't look like it, but you must've done some freaky shit for him to even look at you."
"It's always the quiet ones, man," someone sneered, the group surrounding us laughing with venom.
"I didn't..." I choked out, shaking my head desperately. "I didn't do anythin-" As I tried to speak, all the fear and panic that had been simmering began to boil over, the tears spilling as they slipped past my shattered defences. "I-I..."
"Ugh, the twink is fucking crying," someone spat. "He probably cries like this when he's taking it in the back."
"Ew, gross, Daniel," the guy's friend said, gagging.
"I can't," I said, voice weak and shaking. Wobbling to my feet, I kept my head hanging low, too rattled to even care about the tears washing across my ghostly cheeks. I yelped as I moved forward, body blocked by the crowd of people that had enclosed me.
"P-Please, I can't, I'm sorry," I cried, words interrupted by my hiccuped breaths. "Please let me go, I can't."
"You-" Alyssa started, her hand rising as she hissed. Before she could do anything, two hands grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me along through a gap in the crowd. Looking up fearfully, I almost collapsed when I saw Benny's livid face glaring at the people in front of me, his skinny arms doing their best to help me wade out of the throng of people.
"Benny..." I murmured, my friend dropping his glare to look at me. Though his face was defiant, his hands on my shoulders were shaking.
"I know," he said, swallowing thickly as the two of us pushed through the crowd. "Let's get out of here first, we can figure things out afterwards." Benny's voice was breathless, sweat sticking to the hair falling across his forehead, his face red like he had run a marathon.
"Y-Yeah," I said, nodding frantically. As the two of us neared the automatic doors of the cafeteria, Alyssa's sharp voice rose above the tremor of murmurs and poorly-hidden gossip.
"Where do you think you're going, you fucking homo," Alyssa spat, one of her friends - Daniel - stepping forward, his arms reaching out to latch onto the back of Benny's shirt, Benny's eyes widening in panic. Suddenly, a chorus of shocked gasps and a pained grunt washed over the canteen, Benny and I turning sharply. My breath was knocked out of my already pained chest when I saw Daniel splayed on the floor, hand on his face and thick blood dribbling from his nose. His figure was soon obscured by a familiar back, muscles strained and shaking as it tried to rein in the anger rippling over every dip and curve.
Nico stood there, right hand balled in a tight fist, his group so tight that his fingers were white. His left arm was a different picture, outstretched from his side in front of me, a tattooed shield standing between me and the world.
"Nico," I whispered, legs trembling. Everyone's eyes were no longer on me, focused with rapt attention on my boyfriend. I, like them, couldn't look anywhere else, especially when Nico turned, his eyes afire and jaw tight with fury. This was the second time I had seen him looking like this, his visage at the bowling alley morphing with the one before me now. Taking my tear-streaked face in, Nico's expression dissolved into one of fear, trepidation, concern. His arms, which had just moments before been rigid with anger, slackened, tentatively reaching out towards me.
Nico's eyes bore into me, asking me a silent question that I had to answer. The automatic door at my back opened and closed lazily, matching every strained breath that I took. His hand moved closer, my body static. Fingertips brushed over my cheeks, wiping away the tears.
It was not meant to be like this. I was not ready. I knew it, and Nico knew it. But a decision had been made for me, and now I could either accept it, or run away from it.
The sliding doors opened and closed. Open. Close. Open.
Close.
As the door scraped together, I crashed myself into Nico's arms, wrapping my own around his middle. Head buried in his chest, muffling my cries into the front of his jumped that smelled a little like nicotine, I let everything go.
Nico's arms, wrapped around my so tightly, blocked out the sounds of shock echoing around the cafeteria. If there were any sceptics in the crowd, who didn't believe what they saw in the single, grainy photo spread across everyone's phones, they couldn't deny what was standing right in front of their eyes.
"Hey," Daniel's crude voice seethed from behind, his large form rising from the ground. Droplets of blood were scattered across the front of his crinkled white school shirt, and more in a linear smear across his face after wiping it gruffly with the back of his hand. Nico growled as Daniel's bloodied hand dug into his shoulder, whirling him around. Pulled from my grasp, Nico gently pushed me away protectively, Benny gripping my shoulders again.
Seeing Nico turning towards him, Daniel let out a smirk, giving Nico a once over, eyes looking at him like he was a piece of dirt.
"We could see it in the fag over there, but to think that you'd be one of them too," Daniel said, looking around at the crowd. Some were nodding in agreement, others just had their mouths hanging open in shock, while the remainder nervously cast glances between me and Nico.
Nico's lips pulled back in a snarl, body rushing forward. Daniel barely had time to make another snide comment before Nico had gathered his shirt up in his hands, pulling the athletic male upwards with force. Daniel winced as Nico's fingers dug into his chest, the collar of his shirt cutting into his neck.
"N-Nico," I said, reaching out to grab onto the back of his shirt, fear seizing me. "Nico, don't-"
"What did you call him?" Nico said slowly, voice dangerously calm. Daniel visibly gulped, but steeled his nerves, a nonchalant expression on his face as he grinned up at Nico.
"You didn't hear me?" Daniel chuckled, grabbing onto Nico's wrists, arms flexing as he wrenched his hands off his chest. Brushing off the front of his shirt, body movements slow and cautious, Daniel looked at me and snickered, his mouth moving slowly.
"I said f-a-g," Daniel said, tongue clicking.
The moment the echo of his slur dropped on the floor, Nico's fist lashed out, the sharp movement shaking off the feeble grip I had on his shirt. While I stumbled back with the sudden motion, Daniel was not taken by surprise and was ready for it this time, his jaw tensing as he blocked Nico's fist with his forearm. Nico grunted as Daniel tackled him, the two of them crashing onto the ground.
"Nico!" I yelled, Nico struggling as Daniel used his higher position to send punches towards his face.
"Not so cocky now that you're just a dick-loving fag," Daniel chortled, Nico grimacing as Daniel's fist landed on the side of his face, his other hand holding him down by the neck. Nico's eyes grew dark at the derogatory slurs spewing from Daniel's mouth, his arms attempting to block Daniel's blows, his movement limited by the weight of the man above him.
"S-stop," I pleaded, jelly-like legs tripping towards the two boys on the floor, my eyes only on one. "Stop hurting him!" Frantic, I latched myself onto one of Daniel's arm that hovered mid-air, needing both of my lanky arms to disarm him. Nico's eyes widened as he saw me gripping onto Daniel's arm for dear life, never having been in a fight in my life, my face twisted into sheer terror.
"Wes, get back!" Nico forced out Daniel's pressure against his throat, Daniel's eyes snapping towards me. Annoyed, Daniel released Nico's neck from his hand to grab me by the front of my shirt, shoving me harshly against the ground. The air was knocked out of me when my back collided with the hard floor, the ceiling spinning.
"You're fucking dead!" Nico shouted, voice wild and animalistic. Tilting my pained neck upwards, I saw Nico's body surge with power, his leg kicking up as his arms, no longer impinged by Daniel's frame on top of his, flipped the two of them over. He didn't give Daniel even time to register that he was the one now on the ground, Nico's fists slamming into his face and chest without relent. Daniel's mouth opened without a sound as he copped blow after blow, his hands unable to defend himself from Nico's rabid fists. Blood flowed, Daniel spitting out blood and his nose running red again. Daniel's eyes began to glaze over as his hands drooped, the strength leaving his body as much as his blood did.
"Nico, stop," I cried, crawling forward. Pulling my arms around Nico's back, eyes squeezed shut, I hugged him tightly. His fists slowed, his red and bruised knuckles dropping to his sides. "Stop, please, it's done." Voice soft, I buried my head against his shoulder, which was shaking in violent anger beneath my forehead.
"Wes, he said-" Nico started, turning is head towards me. His words were interrupted as the crowd began to disperse, people hastily glancing behind them. It was obvious what had caused the change, when a group of suited teachers stormed into the cafeteria. Peeling myself from Nico's back, I turned towards the teachers, a new kind of panic building.
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" the Principal Myer's gruff voice shouted, his hands dabbing at the sweat on his rounded face with a yellowing handkerchief. Seeing Nico above a barely conscious and bloodied Daniel, the principal's face turned purple with anger, jerking his fat finger towards us.
"Nicolas Beckett, this is the last straw. My office, now."
A few teachers moved to push him away from Daniel's groaning form, some others helping the boy to the nurse's office. Nico slowly stood, his handsome space beginning to bruise and his split lip oozing, turning towards the principal with an expressionless face. Nico turned his head slightly to look at me, blue eyes tormented with worry. Seeing Nico's gaze and finally realising my presence, the principal glowered.
"And you," the principal said, his harsh voice making me flinch. "I am disappointed that you're involved in this mess. You're coming with us too."
~~~
I sat outside the principal's office, leg jumping up and down and teeth nibbling on my already obliterated fingernails. From behind the closed door of the principal's office, muffled shouting could be heard. I strained my ears to try and hear what was going on, but could only make out a few words.
Trouble-maker. Last chance. Useless.
My concern for myself was trumped by my worries for Nico. It wasn't a secret that his presence at the school was on thin ice; his track record of failing subjects, smoking on campus and ending fights was well-known. No matter how sweet he was at home, or how gentle his caresses are or soft his words in private, even I couldn't make excuses after seeing him lose all sense of himself in the cafeteria. I didn't blame him, but I could be scared for him.
It's because of you.
My mind screamed the words at myself, stomping on my already weary spirits.
I jumped when the sudden sound of a door slamming against a wall erupted from my right. "Where is he?" a female voice breathed out, the receptionist gesturing towards me with her pen. Looking up, I swallowed fearfully when my mother's frantic figure rushed towards me. Her brown hair was tied back in a tight bun at the base of her head, the way she wears it during a shift. Usually neat and carefully manoeuvred into place, pieces were coming loose across the crown of her head, the bun beginning to slip from its tie.
Seeing me, her momentarily lost steps focused, her legs making a bee-line towards me. Standing up as she neared, I couldn't make eye contact as she gripped my arms, tears in her eyes. Her slender arms shook me back and forth, her head drooping as she tried to look at my face.
"Wesley, what is wrong with you?" Leanne cried out, angry and anguished. "You've... you've never caused trouble like this before. I can't believe that you'd be involved in a fight, I didn't raise you to be like this!"
As mum's words slapped me in the face, the principal's door opened and Nico walked out. Seeing his black and blue face, some bandaids scattered across his sharp features, mum's face darkened. Nico looked at the two of us, his face showing that he clearly wanted to say something. In a standstill for two moments, he decided against saying anything, the principal calling my mum and I in at the same moment.
"Wesley, go in and explain yourself," mum said firmly, pushing me towards the door. As we stepped past Nico, I brushed my hand across his forearm, squeezing once and giving him a lingering look.
'It's okay," I tried to tell him, Nico's relieved face telling me that he received the message loud and clear. Touching the back of my hand before I was pulled away, Nico's image disappeared as the door closed between us. Turning around, I carefully took in my surroundings. Principal Myers sat at his heavy dark wood desk, glasses perched on the tip of his chunky nose as his fingers palmed through some files in his hands. Ms Levenson sat in a chair to the side, her eyes looking at me with worry.
"Wesley, Mrs Dillon," Principal Myers said gravely, my mum clearing her throat as we sat down on the uneven chairs on the opposite side of his desk.
"It's Ms Waites, actually," she said, shaking her head as she moved onto the topic at hand. "Whatever Wesley has done, I'm sure there are circumstances around the situation that can explain things." Turning to me, mum gave me a stiff nod, urging me to explain things.
Before I could speak, Principal Myers raised a hand to stop me.
"Mr Beckett has already explained his side of the story. It appears that you only got involved because you were trying to stop the fight, correct?"
Mum's mouth opened in surprise, but her angry expression quickly morphed into one of relief and pride, frown curving upwards into a smile.
"That..." I started, brain scrambling for words. The principal's words rung in my ears. They were full of lies, Nico's falsified version of events making guilt wash over me. It was me who was at the centre of the fight, me who got Nico involved. I may not have thrown any punches, but if it weren't for me, Nico wouldn't have hurt and been hurt. But now, in this dark office filled to the brim with bitterness and distrust, Nico had lied. Nico rarely lied, and in this instance, he did it to protect me.
After everything he's said to me about honesty, was I just going to sit here with the taste of his lie on my mouth?
"That's not true!" I said, standing up. Ms Levenson's brow quirked up as mum gave me a shocked stare, Principal Myers narrowing his eyes.
"Care to explain then, Wesley?" the stocky main asked, eyes hard.
"I-It was my fault. The fight," I said, Principal Myer's brows crinkling. "Daniel was... saying things about me, and Nico only got involved to help me. Things weren't meant to escalate that far, but Daniel kept-"
"Did Daniel throw the first punch?" Principal Myers asked, giving me a hard stare. Flinching at his question, my brain whirled back to the events of the canteen.
He hadn't.
My hesitation answered my question for me, Principal Myers humming to himself.
"And, who is sitting in the nurse's office with a broken nose and severe facial swelling?" the principal asked again, his tone answering his own question.
"N-Nico's hurt too," I retorted weakly, mum's hand hastily pressing against my knee, warning me.
"Ah, yes," Principal Myers said, voice flat. "A few cuts and bruises, but only caused because of a fight he started. Wesley, you do realise that this isn't the first time Nicolas has been in this sort of situation? He has been warned numerous times before, and like I said before, this was the last straw for him."
"Last straw?" I asked, my hands gripping onto the hem of my jumper as my leg shook. "W-What does that mean?"
"It means, Wesley, that he has been expelled from our school," Principal Myers said, his cold face breaking out into a satisfied smile.
No.
Images of Nico flickered in my mind; our warm cuddles in the pool shed, our arguments over music in the car ride to school. Walking down the halls side-by-side, grinning at Nico's snoring during biology class. All of these memories invaded my mind, my body collapsing into the chair, unable to support my body.
Nico. Expelled. Because of me.
Unable to say anything, my mind a mess, mum leaned forward in her chair, to speak for me, hand tightening on my knee.
"Principal Myers, if that boy is getting expelled, is Wesley..."
Because of me.
Sighing, Principal Myers looked towards Ms Levenson, who pushed her glasses up with her forefinger, speaking for the first time.
"Wesley is a fantastic student. He's a hard worker, and that work pays off in his results. He has a bright future ahead of him, and this momentary... distraction shouldn't hinder that," Ms Levenson said, mum slumping with relief.
"Oh, good," mum breathed, thanking the two teachers gratefully. "Wesley.... He's been going through a hard time. The situation at home is... difficult, at the moment." Mum's hand stroked the back of my hair softly, Ms Levenson and the principal giving us apologetic looks.
"We understand that, Ms Waites, and we are also aware of Wesley's potential. But still, he was involved in the events today, and there are always consequences."
"Oh," mum said, fidgeting as she waited for their verdict.
"Since this is his first offence, we'll be giving him a warning, and a one week suspension," Principal Myers said, mum's brow furrowing.
Suspension? I get a suspension, and Nico's expelled? No, that's not right.
"A suspension? Isn't that a little harsh?" she said, looking at me. "And won't that disrupt his studies? He'll miss important classes, won't he?"
"He'll receive all the coursework and will be expected to complete it all during that time," Ms Levenson said, mum nodding. "Ms Waites, Wesley is a capable student, it will be good for him to refocus on his studies at home, and come back refreshed."
"Yes, I suppose you're right," mum said, nodding. "So, is that all that there is to discuss today?"
"Yes," Principal Myers said, getting up from his chair to open the door for us. "We'll be contacting you if any other issues arise, but you are both free to go. Wesley, you will receive the coursework for next week via email."
Barely able to respond with a nod, mum quickly ushered us out, not saying a word as she pulled me to the car. The drive home was silent, the tension thick and suffocating. When we arrived home, mum immediately turned to me, tears in her eyes.
"Wesley, what is wrong with you?" she asked for the second time today, voice defeated. My own pathetic, useless voice whispered inside my head.
Everything.
A/N: This was a long one, but I hope you enjoyed it! My chapters are usually around 2000 words, but this one is almost 4000! After leaving you hanging last week, I hope I made up for it with this extra long (and early) chapter~ You guys deserve it, since you've honestly showed so much support for this story, it makes me shed happy tears <3
Also, I've seen quite a few comments saying Wes is a disaster gay, and I can't help but wholeheartedly agree. He's honestly a mess, but he can't help it when the world is out to get him.
And finally, thanks so much for reading! I'll try to get another chapter out ASAP, but just as a head's up, my exams are fast approaching so there might be a bit of a delay. I do apologise :')