Hey there~
the success i felt after finishing another chapter before this month ends lol
So here you go, thank me later ^^
***
Friday 31 August 2018
9:00pm
Outside the Kim House
Heart broken.
Rage.
Fear.
Darkness.
Too much feelings are filling Jungkook once he got out of the house. well, he has been sacred most of his life so nothing is new, but what fears him the most it may never come to an end when his hand lands on Hoseok's cheek.
He shouldn't have done this.
-"i shouldn't have d-done that" he stares at his hand while walking
For hours, Jungkook's walk was fast yet fragile, he doesn't where to go at that moment, Jeremy was fighting in him so hard to get what he has lost years ago, to return what belongs to him yet Jungkook was disappointing him by defending himself back to stop more blood from floating and continue the mess with the revenge, to do the right thing as a cop before it's too late.
But who is he now to decide?
the lost boy Jeremy
or the tighten officer Jungkook?
The look of Hoseok's eyes minutes ago says it all, for the first time in years Hoseok has never looked at him that shocked and dark anger, he wasn't expecting that, neither him. they suppose to stick together, to protect each other just like weakest moments but what happened? What hurts the most are not the words but the honesty in them that woke up the person who are supposed to be directed to and force the hand to be smack his skin but not a surprise there is a fight inside of Jungkook right now,
as the one who slapped Hoseok was Jeremy.
That's what hurts.
When anxiety and fear grab him by the tongue and dry his own mouth, he doesn't panic anymore. For several years he has been there before, he know the feeling, and knowing it makes it less scary now. Jeremy made all the stronger for the battle scars so instead of letting it take him down, the courage he needs the most wasn't there so he creates his own from the shield he was living in years.
He tells himself everything will be alright, he reminds himself that he is a good person unlike whoever ruined his life, he do good things, he has a heart full of love and there is world is full of good people out there. Yes, Fear can only hold him back, stop him from reaching his rights. he can't say it never comes again, but each victory gets a little easier.
This is when Jungkook appears.
The fearless boy who came out of the shadows and joined the military to become the youngest officer of his group who blend courage, honesty and braveness. he handles the duty officers, the shouts, the tough activities for four years to develop his mentality and so his physical structure and accept his new self every time he looks at the mirror.
-"i can't lose" he mumbles in shaky voice force to be strong
Once he checked his watch, after calming himself down hope grows just by thinking of Y/n.
-"i need to do this"
According to Jungkook to have a great romantic relationship, we need to learn how to be alone to know how to stick to someone. You must be truly yourself and able to love and hold onto who you are, and so must your partner. Otherwise you both fall as you seek to please and keep the other in fear of losing them, crippled by a fear of being alone. So, master that, feel solid ground, and anything is possible.
This is why he accepts himself as Jungkook and ready for their future but in order to do that,
he must throw Jeremy away.
-"i am away for three hours!" he gasps checking his phone "she must be worried, i should have never come! i can't believe i am late on my first dat-"
-"JUNGKOOK!"
Suddenly he turns in teary eyes at Namjoon's voice who is inches away from him joggling and clenching his hand on his chest almost out of breath. Regard what happened, Good thing he sticked to the second option and hasn't called him by his old name.
-"did he actually run all the way behind me?!" Jungkook was angrily astonished
-"stop kid"
Jungkook ignores him and continue to walk.
-"i said STOP!"
-"What? You want more? Haven't you got enough?" Jungkook fastens his walk speed
-"Yah don't act stupid now and c-come back h-here o-or..."
Suddenly Namjoon's loud voice disappears following by a hard fall on the ground! Jungkook heard it and turns his head with frowns brows finding out that the thing that fell was Namjoon,
He doesn't move.
-"hyung... hyung? HYUNG!"
Jungkook ran to Namjoon who began to stretch his long fingers over the street ground in pain
-"Hyung? are you okay? What's wrong??!" Jungkook breathes out hugging Namjoon's back
-"f-fine" namjoon breathes out weakly then continues with an ironic way "j-just don't a-act like we are filming a drama scene"
Namjoon's body was trembling in jungkook's hands, he wasn't the same as he saw at the hotel, something was wrong.
-"easy, let me help" he leans a hand around Namjoon's waist
Jungkook has noticed the sweat on Namjoon's forehead and the effort he was making just to move his arms to get up, as a good observer it's something has to do with the 'medicine' that Mr. Kim was talking about, definitely something was wrong and smells fishy.
-"help? Can't lift m-myself up an-anymore?" He asked not waiting for an answer as he tries to stand up but failed and fell in Jungkook's arms
-"got you!" Jungkook almost gasps catching him then looked around him seeing a lonely bench "i guess you need a hand in this one, sit" Jungkook rested his body gently on it
-"m-more in need for a cigarette that this old man refuse to g-give me, have some kid?" Namjoon jokingly asked throwing his back on the bench then exhales loudly as Jungkook was facing him with palming face
-"you know i don't smoke" Jungkook frowns at his hyung's attitude
-"right, too bad for missing the great parts in life" he chuckles
-"why you are following me?" Jungkook impatiently went straight to the point
-"i would ask too, why you are running away?"
-"i am not"
-"then what exactly you are doing? A picnic for three hours straight!?"
-"you saw what happened, nobody needs another show and I heard enough" Jungkook states in a sad frown
-"so you decided to flip the table? Leaving us in the middle of the road... for y/n?"
-"I am doing this for her" he confesses
-"not at the expense of others, of Hoseok , of Mr. kim, of me"
-"I don't know if i will be able to come back knowing she is waiting for me,
I can't come home when I've had someone's blood on my both hands"
-"that person took Jeremy and our lives" Namjoon said
-"that person is... is..." Jungkook finds had to say the name "is..."
-"that person is the same person who points gun at you when you had five years old to kill you and your mother"
-"i know that as Jeremy, but law is wrapping me as Jungkook"
-"so Hoseok is right about the law?"
-"NO! i m-mean... B-but that doesn't mean i need to be like my uncle to take my-"
Jungkook paused, before his face fell faster than a corpse in cement boots. In that instant his hair arms stood up in chills and mouth hung with lips slightly parted and his eyes were as wide as they could stretch, he noticed it,
The Blood,
That was coming out of Namjoon's nose
-"N-N-Nam-" Jungkook's eyes widen at the unexpecting scene
-"what?" Namjoon was confused until he felt the red liquid was coming out of his nose "ah shit here we go again" he wipes it with his arm ruining his beige jacket "great, how am i suppose to clean it now?"
Namjoon was focusing on the blood that painted his precious jacket and wasn't paying attention to the raven eyes that were watching him in shock and fear but once he noticed them he only sighs
-"you don't need explanation for this"
-"is there any way not to share what you are going through?!"
-"yes"
-"yes? i need to know what's going on?"
-"you were talking about your-"
-"forget him now" Jungkook half shouts "hyung, I've been watching you lately and something is wrong and i have to know, what you are trying to hide? you look like-"
Namjoon smiled knowing that Jungkook couldn't say the word so he decided to help him up repeating Hoseok's words
-"like i am dying?"
-"like you are sick" jungkook fearfully answered
Namjoon wipes his face one more time with his thumbs before speaking, before revealing the truth directly for the first time to Jungkook.
-"only the short version"
-"i want the full-"
-"Arrhythmia" Namjoon cuts him off
-"arrhy-army- arr- arh-" Jungkook blinks as he is trying to spell the word and miserably failed
-"patience Lord-" Namjoon covers his forehead in disbelief "are you trying to force me to curse you or you've become that stupid?"
-"you know i can't think as Jeremy anymore"
-"so you decided to be dumb and drop what you've learned all your life needy?!"
-"just explain what is it because the word makes me nervous" jungkook sharply said in high tone
-"heart disease, means when your heart got irregular heartbeats that you feel you'll collapse?" Namjoon smiled "they can be too fast or too slow, depends on the statement and has so many indication or something like that I haven't read that much"
-"why would you-"
-"because i don't want to read how i am going to die kid"
-"but at least read what may cure it! wait, w-what's yours?"
-"according to the doctor in the prison she showed me the results before i leave, my heartbeats are way too fast, i guess the destiny hates me now" he informs then painfully smiled again
-"how long?" Jungkook gulps to hold his tears back
-"couple of years, months, i don't want to know"
-"i mean how long you've had it? we still got some time to find a cure, right?"
Namjoon remains silent.
-"you do know that death doesn't get invitation to steal out souls, it's a blink of an eye"
-"w-why you haven't told me when i came at the hotel?" jungkook asked in a crack voice
-"would it make a difference? Unless you need time to process-"
-"do they know?" Jungkook asked refers to Mr. Kim and Hoseok
-"........"
-"and you haven't told me!!?" He shouts while standing up
-"come here" Namjoon pulled Jungkook on the bench to sit again "i haven't wasted my time on you so you can cry like a baby right now and ask stupid questions so stop them and BE A MAN!"
This is when Jungkook rubs both of his eyes and asked another question, the serious of them all.
-"do y/n know?" Jungkook's eyes widen
-"she must never know!" Namjoon clenched Jungkook's arm even though he was weak
-"so you decided to hide it from us both? Is this how you work things out hyung?! you know that it's easy for me to know from police's files"
-"please don't act tough now Sherlock Holmes"
-"why do you want to do such thing to y/n?"
-"......"
-"i know how much you mean to her and by that you will-"
-"because i know what will happen to her if she finds out" namjoon smiled in teary eyes "i won't forgive myself if i was the reason for her misery, i wasn't that good friend in the past and left her alone facing this cruel world and now look at her, she is barely living and you want her to know? She deserves better,
and certainly not me"
Namjoon's words let Jungkook's heart sinks in deep ocean, he got the chills just by the thought of what he is living but when Namjoon closed his eyes to stop the tears but failed, he knew he was in deep pain.
Mentally pain.
At that moment, that flash of anger Jungkook over the disease protected him from the pain that was waiting for him yet he wished he would relive the whole tensed situation to ask Namjoon when he walked that day at y/n's house for the first time, he would definitely try to summon more strength and courage to ask.
He failed himself, and Namjoon too. When he decided to quit the plan in order to protect them and save his future with y/n he thought he was doing the right thing, but in fact he was killing what's left in his hyung. He never understood before why sacrifice must needs strong souls to do it; he do now.
Change plan.
Jungkook have something new to work on, to watch for that flash of darkness and strive to be better. Now he knew, the problem was never Jeremy, but Jungkook. He thought to be better, he must be able to walk alone. Then he can be who he needs to be, who everyone needs him to be but when he was about to do so, he left some people behind.
Jungkook's anger was just that, a flash of fire to cover his own weakness and his weakness was Jeremy.
This is all my fault. He thought
-"t-the reason is..." Jungkook asked in deep crack voice
-"alcohol? Smoking? I don't know" Namjoon lies
-"no wonder you look tired"
-"bitch i look amazing don't underestimate me" he smacks Jungkook's head
-"do you still want to joke? Hyung y-you are d-..." jungkook paused feeling air stuck in his throat unable to control the poker face anymore
And he is back at his level of weakness, forgetting about the date, about the time and the slap and about anything around him. The person who has always been next to him despite prison is living real hell and this is what makes him want to sob on his shoulder but stepped back so he doesn't add more to his sorrows, it hurts him, because he damn knows he can't help in this one.
-"human can't die twice" Namjoon chuckles "they only live once practically. Not all people who can joke around are happy kid, people are silently suffering, time steals their days of happiness in exchange of tough tests, Destiny is playing with me right now and i can't let it win" Namjoon said before coughs covering his mouth with his arm "we are virgos, and virgos are stubborn so for the last fucking time wipe those tears and stop this drama!"
Jungkook lets out a low sob lowering his head but Namjoon lifts his chin with a finger
-"do you really love her that much?"
-"more than you do" jungkook confidently wipes his eyes to clearly look at Namjoon
-"yeah but that doesn't mean i will forgive of what you've done" Namjoon glares
-"you know i can't hurt her and whether you are convinced or not, she is not for anyone but me"
-"too confident but too stupid to see that you are dragging her with us!" Namjoon angrily said "not the right time to take any official step and we've talked about this, it is too dangerous!"
-"this is why i quit the plan"
-"and congrats for killing us all"
-"i am saving you too though, i don't want you guys to take your revenge by someone's neck anymore"
Namjoon lowly snorts, it's like they haven't talked about it before and worse, there are things Jungkook doesn't know about, the things behind the prison walls; why Namjoon has the tattoos and the piercings and become sick, why Hoseok is having panic attacks and ready to split someone into half because if Jungkook does, he would be frightened from what will Hoseok do to take Chungha's revenge.
-"what's funny?"
-"your face"
-"i am serious!" Jungkook frowns at him
-"you act like the one who knows what's right and wrong, what we need to do and what may hurt us when everything hurts anyway! You were about to die in a second years ago but we-" he paused to lick his lip angrily "we were dying inside the prison for WHOLE three years, we couldn't sleep or eat when you were in military prepare yourself to be a new strong version of yourself and don't forget you were the one who gave us hope. You can't take it back now, i don't have any more explanation right now because my brain cells are damaged but hear me out, Jeremy"
The tone of calling his real name hits his heart dropping his persona to show his self, he is listening
-"i am listening"
-"i am not asking for the sake of what's stabbing me or what burn Hoseok's stoned heart" he points at his heart "but as a favor for the times i have been protecting you when no one was and for living in peace my limited days don't stop and leave"
-"........"
-"we need you, we need Jeremy to rest our souls in peace, to live the rest of our lives in peace because we don't know what we have to do if this won't work without you, whatever was said, whatever was happened inside Taehyung's house, please don't turn your back at our deeply pain"
jungkook stares at Namjoon for so long without saying anything, he doesn't want to be a bad person and leave them when it's not their fault in the first place but at the same time he is too scared to lose Y/n and most importantly himself, the plan is like poison to his future as they suppose to kill to get their revenge.
it's insane.
He remains silence for so long that Namjoon was patiently waiting for an answer; yes or no, at least to give him an answer and end his suffering and finally he talked
-"when we'll meet to start with the plan?" Jungkook calmly asked
-"you serious?" Namjoon couldn't believe his ears
Jungkook nods adding sparkles at Namjoon's tired eyes
-"um tomorrow at 8 pm, we need to get ready and set the plan"
-"fine i'll make sure to be on time" he dryly nods
Suddenly Namjoon stood up to embrace his kid with warm emotional hug even though his body was cold as ice yet his eyes are able to form happy grateful tears.
He actually convinced him!
-"thank you Jeremy! Thank you you sweetest kid of the world! thank you for helping us find ourselves again! you won't regret it because you will sure get your rights too" Namjoon said in crack voice but sooner Jungkook breaks the hug
He wasn't smiling neither swallowing the thanking, in fact, he was wearing a poker face
-"not for you" Jungkook coldly runs a hand through his hair "i'll rejoin on one condition, or else forget about it"
-"condition?"
-"yes,
Go and tell Y/n the truth"
-"w-what?"
-"you heard me. she has the right to know about your disease so don't take it from her, You are doubling her pain by hiding it, if you think you are protecting her then you are absolutely wrong so you better go because i won't forgive you if something happened to her, Kim Namjoon" Jungkook said with eyes full of fire
-"look at him shamelessly calling my name~"
-"save it. just what must to be known and since you have decided to sacrifice then i must do it as well"
-"huh?"
-"me and Y/n suppose to be on date which is few hours ago and apparently it's unofficially cancelled it so go and stay by your friend's side if you want me to re-join you and you got the perfect time to talk and tell her anything you want just don't lie or tell half of the truth, be honest Hyung"
-"you can't do that!"
-"watch me"
Jungkook lets out his phone to type something then shows the screen with a challenging brow at Namjoon that said three messages to y/n to cancel the date.
-"what the fuck Jeremy!"
-"shhhh" jungkook points at his pouty mouth "now go back and get your stuff before she sleeps"
-"you do realize she is sad now, is this how you promised to protect her?!"
-"i know but at this moment..." jungkook sadly replied "...you'll make up to her better than i do"
-"i am- i can't g-go" Namjoon hesitates to talk
-"she is your friend, i am the person who know it the most remember? she will be glad if her friend is beside her after so long, if you want to make something good for her,
Give her love before it fades away,
we are not sure if we will be back again so we need to make something good for the last time, right?"
-"i raised you well" Namjoon proudly smiled
-"the little bird fights its way out of the egg, and a falcon was born to get the swan, Crab" jungkook smiled wide leaving Namjoon to blink with several question marks above his head
-"is that a spell or you are trying to say something?"
-"nothing, i just made a point" he said before leaving
-"you are coming with me?"
-"i need to go to the police station" Jungkook lied "i need to take care of an important case"
-"i thought you said you had a date though" Namjoon raises a brow
-"you easily forget, i had before now it's cancelled, besides i can't forget my duties as officer Jungkook and leave all work to Baekhyun"
-"right"
-"are you sure you will be fine if i leave you alone?" Jungkook's eye soften at his hyung
-"shut up, i am totally fine" Namjoon chuckles while standing up
-"sure you are" he fakes a smile
-"see you tomorrow also... Thank you"
-"just take care"
and so Jungkook left on his way while Namjoon left on another one to get some of his clothes and personal stuff. Jungkook's eyes twitched,
this is when the mafia thriller music has started.
Jungkook turns his head at where Namjoon has left to make sure he is away to pull out his phone again,
and to erase all draft messages he was about to send to Y/n.
-"i will send them at the right time but first i need to do this, forgive me Y/n but i must do it for the sake of your friend and our future so my plan works"
and so he dialed the police station number
-"hello, this is Jeon jeremy
i am calling to inform about a murder that will happen within 24 hours at my house"
***
He said what he said!
want to know what will happen next?
wait for the last chapters of the ff
see you next chapter :)