Requests are open! Just pm me :)
WARNINGS: mentions of self harm and depression
Prompt:
Requested by: @super_marvel_
YOUR POV
The smile is forced and my hair is in noose knots. The softness of the crocheted blanket is a prison of chains and this bed is a prison that becomes my coffin I can not escape from. There is no light in the dark cave of my mind. The tunnels all lead me to the same dark entity. I can't move as it stares at me. My breath is in small gasps I can see it in the brisk air of my room. Hello, depression.
I stared at the ceiling fan, heard the blades swirling and humming as it spun. The room was dark and the only form of light was streaming in under the door. My girlfriend was on a month long mission and wouldn't be back for... I don't remember what today was.
My body felt heavy as my depression wrapped itself around me like a warm blanket. I was fine, better. Then it all hit me and the only energy I had was to turn over. The other were worried about me. I guess I would be worried about me too considering I haven't eaten in awhile, mouth and lips dry from lack of water. But worrying about me took too much energy and I wanted to focus on Nat, I was worried about her on her missions. I don't know what I would do if something happened to her.
Depression is persistent. The constant nagging and feeling in the back of my mind. I swallowed thickly, pushing past the lump in my throat. I felt like my head was under water, salty waves entering in my nose and burning down my throat as I was being suffocated from the inside.
I'm going mental with my mental health. My ears perked back a little when I heard the soft knock of Clint.
"Y/n, I made you some tea with honey." Clint said softly, "I know you like when Nat makes it for you."
The gesture was nice, really. But I was too far embedded in my mind and this queen sized bed to move.
"I'll just set it right here for when you want it." The archer sighed heavily before his heavy footsteps echoed down the hall.
With a sigh of my own I mustered up all the energy I could as I sat up, swinging my legs over the end of my bed. Tea sounded nice. The ceiling fan hummed and echoed in my ears I pulled at the ends of my hair, rushing to the bathroom where the coolness hit my flushed skin.
My reflection stared back at me and I looked worse than I thought I did. There was no specific reason I was feeling like this, it just hits me out of nowhere and I lock myself away.
Do it. Cut. Watch the red river flow down your arm.
My reflection snarled at me. Why not? It's not like the jagged lines on my skin would make me look worse than I do now with my sunken eyes and conclaves cheekbones.
I pulled out the familiar shiny blade, the little voice of telling me not to do this, but I pushed that away. I wanted to be better when Nat came home. I didn't want her to see me like this. Doing this could help, will help. Without a second thought I harshly sliced and again and again until I was stepping in a pool of my blood.
Go deeper.
I listened.
"Y/n? Oh my.." I heard Nat whisper but it was distorted.
I felt numb and maybe it was all the blood I lost and was standing in. I didn't even realized I was crying until Nat pulled me into her chest after she bandaged my arm tightly.
"Baby.." Nat sniffled in my ear she rubbed my back.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled over and over again.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. What's wrong?" Nat pushed the greasy strands of hair out of my face.
"I'm a burden to you. To everyone."
"Baby, no." The ginger shook her head, a few tears running down her face, "You are not a burden. You just carry a burden and you don't need to carry it by yourself. I'm here and I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere and we're going to deal with this together."
"It's a sickness." I spat after my blubbering mess.
"Then I have just the medicine to help." Her smile was soft, something I wasn't used too.
My fragile body was hoisted on the counter as I watched with curious eyes as my girlfriend turned on the bath, the hot water soon fogging up the room. Nat stripped out of her mission suit and helped me out of my clothes, carrying my into the warm bath water. I curled into her chest as her delicate fingers threaded themselves in my hair, soaked with shampoo.
"I love you, princess." Nat cooed in my ear every few minutes.