Nick
Hearing doctors tell you that your son may never wake up or if he does he could have severe memory loss is arguably one of the worst things a parent can go through. It's almost as bad as burying a child because the quality of life your child would have is close to nothing, so it's like they're dead but you can't bury them because they're not technically dead. Demi didn't handle the news well at all & after the doctor told us that Jerry's chances of waking up grew slimmer as the days went on, I had to practically hold her up, in the hall outside Jerry's room.
The doctor walked away, leaving me to hold onto Demi & try to console her, as best as I could. I was hugging her, then she looked up at me with her eyes filled with tears & choked on the words, "He has to wake up, Nick. I can't lose him."
I put my hand on her cheek, rubbing away a tear with my thumb as I stared into her weepy eyes. "He's a fighter." I whispered, nodding my head, slightly. "Just like you. He's going to wake up, Demi."
"What if he doesn't?" She asked in a heartbreaking murmur.
"Don't think about that. We need to stay positive. Our son has got this."
Demi blinked away her tears after hearing me say the words we used to say about ourselves, in reference to our son. We stared at each other for a moment, then Demi's gaze softened, her eyes flashing something I hadn't seen in a while & she seemed to be moving closer to me. I saw the way she had her lips slightly parted & the way she was now eyeing my mouth. She was going to kiss me, so I licked my lips in anticipation.
The moment my mouth was about to touch hers, we heard Mercy yelling for us, from Jerry's room. Demi wiggled out of my arms & hurried into the room, leaving me standing in the hall, dumbfounded that we almost kissed. I composed myself then went into the room to see why Mercy had been yelling for us.
When I saw Jerry's eyes open, staring at Karleigh who was lying next to him, my heart soared. "Jerry." I said in a breath.
Jerry turned his head to look at me as Karleigh got off the bed & Demi approached it. "What happened? Why am I in the hospital?" He wanted to know. It worried me that he didn't remember the accident but it also left me feeling relieved because I imagined it wasn't a good memory.
"What's the last thing you remember, Jerry?" Demi asked, brushing the hair on his forehead to the side, a little. I could hear the relief in her voice but I also heard the fear.
Jerry's forehead creased & he looked like he was trying to think, but I got concerned because he looked like he was getting upset. "Mercy will you go get a doctor." I said in a low voice, glancing at my daughter. When I looked back at Jerry he looked worried. "You've been unconscious for a few days so we need to get the doctor since you're awake now."
"What day is it?" My son wanted to know.
"November 8th." Demi replied in a quiet breath.
"November?" Jerry asked in an alarmed tone. "It's not summer anymore?"
"You remember the summer?" Demi looked over at me.
"I remember going to New York & I remember... you & Mom divorcing. That's a memory I wish I didn't have." Jerry mumbled as he looked around the room. "Where's Gianna? Why isn't she here?"
Demi & I looked at Karleigh, all of us showing our confusion. "Uh, she's at home. Why would she be here?" Demi was the one to ask.
"She's my girlfriend. I figured my girlfriend would be here."
"You think Gianna is still your girlfriend?" I stepped closer to Jerry's bed but glanced toward the door, hoping the doctor would come quickly.
"She's not? Did we break up?"
"Yea, a while ago." Demi explained.
"Do you remember Joe's Halloween party?" Karleigh asked, in a soft voice.
Jerry's brow furrowed when he turned to look at Karleigh. "Halloween party?"
Karleigh nodded, a hopeful expression on her face. "Yea, we had a lot of fun. We hung out all night."
"I don't remember that." Jerry looked down, sounding worried.
"Tell us what else you do remember." I coaxed.
Jerry sighed, letting his head fall back on his pillow. "Um... I remember the fair... " He lifted his head to glare at Demi. "The ferris wheel. And I remember us living together in L.A. But you guys aren't together, so that doesn't make sense."
"We did all live together in L.A. last summer since I was doing the movie promo. You're not confused." Demi smiled at Jerry as she sat on the bed next to him.
"I have all these memories in my head but they're confusing me. I don't know when they were. What happened to me? Why can't I remember what happened?"
Demi took a deep breath before she spoke. "You were in a car accident. You went to pick up your brothers for me & on your way back a car swerved into your lane & you acted quickly by turning the wheel but you hit something on the side of the road & the car ended up flipping over. You have a head injury, but you're fine. You're alive & that's what is most important."
"Avery & Reid? Oh my God. Are they okay?" Jerry sat up a little straighter, his eyes wide with worry.
"They're fine. Already released from the hospital."
Jerry let out a breath. "Thank God."
"Well, Avery thinks you should thank Delaney." Demi smirked at Jerry then she explained herself, while Jerry listened. As she was finishing the explanation, the doctor came in to examine Jerry. I noticed Karleigh rush to Mercy to whisper something, but I kept my attention on the doctor & Jerry. His doctor asked him several questions that he answered correctly, then asked questions about his own life & the people in it. He knew who all of us were but he had details mixed up about things that happened recently. He believed it was summer, but that Gianna was still his girlfriend. He remembered the divorce but didn't remember a lot of memories from the last several months. He remembered my birthday, but not Demi's birthday. He remembered going to Itz but not the Halloween party.
The doctor assured us that Jerry would be fine, even if his memories didn't return. He thought that they might start returning gradually & without any kind of warning, especially if he did memory therapy. He also told us that Jerry needed rest & didn't need to be bombarded with information or it would cause him to get agitated. I had some experience in that area since Demi had a head injury years before, a time I didn't like to think about.
Jerry needed rest more than anything else, according to his doctor, so Demi & I both were going to head home. We said goodbye to Jerry as the doctor was taking his vitals, then we headed to see Ellie. I could tell Karleigh was upset & that Mercy understood the reason because the two of them were speaking in hushed voices while we all made our way up to the intensive care floor in the hospital.
Ellie was talking to a doctor when we approached, so we waited until she was finished, then asked about Mr. Chapman. He was stable, which was good & they thought he might be well enough to be moved to a facility, the next day. Ellie wanted to talk to us, so we sat down in a room near Mr. Chapman's room.
Ellie took a deep breath & let it out, glancing over at Mercy & Karleigh who were nearby. "Are you sure it's okay if Karleigh stays with you, Demi?"
"Of course."
"It's such an imposition. You've got six kids & you're a single mom."
Demi shook her head & reached to touch Ellie's hand. "Karleigh is an amazing young lady & I know she won't be any trouble. And I have lots of help, Ellie. I don't want you to worry."
"After what Gene did..." Ellie's voice cracked as she shook her head.
"It was an accident, Ellie." I interjected rubbing Ellie's shoulder in a comforting way.
Ellie smiled at me, then touched my leg. "Please take good care of yourself. Make sure your Diabetes is always under control. Gene was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when he was seven & his family didn't have the money to get him insulin for most of his childhood so his numbers were always all over the place, which the doctors say can increase the chance of a stroke in later years."
I swallowed, hearing this unsettling information. "I didn't realize that he had diabetes."
"Yea, he didn't tell a lot of people. He was always so quiet about it."
"Well, I will take care of myself." I smiled over at Demi who looked sad, which made me think she was worried that a similar fate could happen to me one day. I was oddly glad she seemed sad because I thought that meant she still cared. "And I will help Demi with Karleigh, whenever she needs me, so please don't worry about Karleigh. She's family. You & Gene are family."
Ellie leaned to kiss my cheek, something she did that always reminded me of my mother. She was like a mom to both me & Demi & I know she felt the same way about us, too. "I can't thank you enough. It will be less stressful if I don't have to worry about Karleigh being at home alone, while I'm visiting Gene or helping with his care. I hope after a few weeks, I can bring him home with a private nurse."
"No worries. Karleigh can stay with me & the kids as long as she needs to." Demi cleared her throat then chuckled. "I guess it's a good thing her & Jerry never started dating. I don't think that she would have been able to stay with us if they were."
"Right." Ellie replied with a nod.
I sat there & listened while Demi & Ellie discussed details of the next few weeks. Ellie was going to be gone a lot, but when she was home for an hour or so, she would see Karleigh. Demi also said she would bring Karleigh to visit her grandfather whenever she wanted. I looked over at Karleigh & saw an expression on her face that concerned me, so I walked over to sit by her & Mercy.
"You okay?" I asked Karleigh & she nodded, but didn't look into my eyes. "Are you worried about your grandpa?" She nodded at my question. "You probably wish you could stay with him & your grandma, huh?" Karleigh nodded again & I sighed. "You're not going to be far. Our house... I mean Demi's house is close enough you can visit your grandpa whenever you want. Maybe Mercy will get her license so she can take you." I glanced over at my daughter who narrowed her eyes at me.
"I appreciate your family so much." Karleigh said, finally looking into my eyes. "I really don't know what I'd do without you all."
"You'll never have to know." I smiled at Karleigh & she returned the smile then I stood up. She jumped up & threw her arms around me & I heard her sniffle so I knew she was emotional. I hugged her tightly, watching Mercy's smile as it turned down a little, like she was sad about something. I figured it was just about Mr. Chapman & didn't question it. "Why don't you girls go down & get something from the snack area by the entrance. You can wait for us down there." I let go of Karleigh & reached into my pocket to get my wallet out. I handed Mercy some money, then watched the girls walk over to say goodbye to Ellie.
About fifteen minutes later, Demi & I were saying goodbye to Ellie then we headed to where we were parked. As we were walking by the chapel, Demi said, "Nick, I need to thank you."
"Thank me for what?"
"For just being here... by my side through all of this."
I rolled my eyes but Demi didn't see it. "Demi, they're our kids. I'm their father. I am going to be by your side for everything big in their lives, whether it's an accident or an illness. Or for their graduation, a concert, a wedding, all of it. I am going to be there, so you don't have to thank me. It's what I'm going to do."
Demi flashed me a faint smile then looked ahead as we continued to walk. "I know. I was referring to when you held me up when I was going to fall & telling me it was going to be okay. You held me when I was falling apart, just like you have always done. I appreciated you being a shoulder to lean on & the way you comforted me & tried to keep me positive."
"I don't have to be your husband to do all of that. I'm always going to be your friend. We started as friends so we will end as friends." Demi nodded then we got into an empty elevator. I heard her sniffling as I pressed the button for the floor we needed to go to. "Why are you crying?"
"I'm just overwhelmed. The relief I feel right now after the waiting & not knowing... It's a lot."
I stood next to her, leaning on the wall of the elevator. "It's more than that. There's something else you're crying about."
Demi covered her face & I heard a soft sob come out of her so I put my arm around her. After a few seconds she took her hands down & said in a shaky voice. "I just miss you being my husband."
I was stunned by her statement. "I don't even know what to say to that. I mean I miss being your husband too & I can be your husband again. All you have to do is say the word."
Demi sniffed hard & shook her head. "Just because I miss you being my husband doesn't mean I can have you as my husband again."
I leaned my head back on the wall in disappointment. "Right. You miss me as your husband & you were about to kiss me a few hours ago, but you just can't be with me."
Demi turned her head to look up at me. "I was feeling sad & wanted to feel good for a moment. That's the only reason I was going to kiss you."
I grimaced then pressed my lips together as a breath came out of my nose & I looked up at the numbers lighting up. "Good to know." I murmured as I shoved my hands in my pockets. "Sorry I assumed anything."
Demi & I didn't say anything else until we said goodbye in the parking deck of the hospital. I walked to my car feeling angry that I was feeling so sad on a day I should feel relief. When I got home, I called family & friends who needed updates, then talked to Ginger for a bit when she stopped over to see how Jerry was doing. After she left I headed to bed since I wanted to get up early to go back to the hospital.
The next day when I got to Jerry's room, he was sitting in a wheelchair, talking to an attractive woman who I assumed was his nurse. Jerry was smiling at the woman & I had to smile because he was back to his old charming self. "You look good this morning." I said as I made my way into his room.
The nurse's smile broadened when she saw me & Jerry looked happy to see me. "Hey, Dad. Mom just left to get some coffee since I'm going to my memory therapy."
I nodded, then stuck my hand out toward the nurse. "Hi, I'm Nick, his dad."
"I know who you are." She retorted with a flirtatious grin as she shook my hand.
"This is Lacey. She's my favorite nurse." Jerry interjected as he looked up at his nurse.
Lacey laughed, then smiled down at my son. "Your favorite? You just met me fifteen minutes ago."
"But you've been my nurse, right?"
"Yes, but you weren't awake."
"I could sense how much you cared for me." Jerry grinned & I saw Lacey blush as she looked at me.
"Your son is quite the charmer."
"He gets it from me." I shrugged my shoulders & smirked at Jerry before looking back up at his nurse. Lacey bit her lip, which made me clear my throat. "Anyway, thanks for taking such good care of my son."
"That's my job." Lacey replied as she looked me up & down. "I could give you my phone number in case you ever need some outside care for your kids or if you ever need anyone to take good care of you." She winked as I just stared at her with my mouth open. I couldn't believe how brazen she was being, especially in front of Jerry.
"Uh... um... thank you for the offer. I would definitely keep you in mind if I ever needed a nurse."
Lacey started pushing Jerry toward the door then she stepped back to whisper, "Keep me in mind if you ever need a woman." She turned to grab Jerry's wheelchair & sucked in her breath when she saw Demi had come into the room. "Hello, Ms. Lovato. I was just taking Jerry to his therapy. He will be back in an hour or so." Demi nodded, looking annoyed as Lacey pushed Jerry out of the room.
"Well, she has some gigantic balls." Demi said, a moment later as she turned toward me, her arms crossed.
I laughed out loud. "What?"
"She hit on you in front of our son. I heard her offer up her private nursing services, but what did she whisper to you right before I came in?"
I lifted my shoulders smirking but chuckled when I saw Demi purse her lips like she was serious with her question. I sighed, knowing I had better be honest with her. "She told me to keep her in mind if I ever needed a woman."
Demi's eyebrows shot up as her lips jutted out, slightly. "Wow. I can't believe her." Demi walked past me to start cleaning up stuff on the table beside Jerry's bed.
"Why? Am I so hideous?"
Demi turned to roll her eyes at me. "No. I just can't believe she hit on you in front of our son & when she knew I was nearby."
"I'm a single guy. You can't be surprised anyone knows this since you put it in your book that sold millions of copies & was talked about on every news site out there."
"I know. I just thought women would be a little more subtle, especially in front of your kids."
I sat on the edge of Jerry's bed. "You're so cute when you're jealous but you're really sexy when you're trying to pretend you aren't jealous."
Demi clicked her tongue. "I am not jealous."
"Uh huh." I looked at my phone, trying to pretend I wasn't thrilled she was jealous.
"Whatever you want to believe... I just can't believe... I mean it hasn't been that long since we split up."
"You're dating, so why wouldn't women think I'm ready to date?"
"I guess you're right. Maybe you & Lacey can double date with me & JD."
I shook my head, glaring up at Demi. "No."
"Why not?"
"It's bad enough I have to watch you date someone from afar, I will not watch that shit up close. And I would never put another woman through the uncomfortableness of that situation."
Demi put her hands up & smirked. "Fair enough. I was joking, anyway. I'd never want to do that. Maybe one day when we're both married to other people." Demi said making me flinch. I hated thinking of her being married to someone else & I knew I'd never marry someone else. "And you better marry someone cool because I don't want to have to deal with a bitch." Her finger was pointing at me but her expression wasn't serious, as if she was joking.
"I'm not marrying anyone else so you'll never have to worry about that."
Demi rolled her eyes & sighed as if she was tired of hearing the same thing, then she walked to a trash can to throw a plastic cup away. "Tell me something. Did women hit on you this much while we were together?"
"No, they knew I was married."
"One knew you were married & still threw herself at you, so I was just wondering if it happened a lot."
I felt a pain in my heart. "I was a rock star so I guess women hit on me, sometimes." I wanted to talk about something other than my indiscretion with Eden.
"I would never flirt with or try to have sex with a man in a relationship." Demi shrugged her shoulders.
"If I remember correctly, you slept with me while I was dating Olivia. You threw yourself at me as a matter of fact." I was trying not to smile too big as Demi glared at me.
"Okay... that was...."
"That was what?"
"You were mine first." Her finger was pressing against her chest & I thought she looked adorable.
A loud chuckle escaped my mouth. "I see. I didn't know there were rules like that."
A few minutes of silence passed then Demi inhaled slowly & let it out. "You had no control over yourself when it came to me back then. How things have changed since then."
I went to argue with her, telling her I still didn't have control, but Mercy & my mom came into the room. Mom had picked up Mercy & Karleigh to bring them to the hospital, which I was appreciative of. Denise was staying at Demi's house with the kids, while Demi was here at the hospital.
Karleigh had gone to see her grandpa so I took an opportunity to talk to Mercy when it was just me & her in Jerry's room after my mom & Demi went to get coffee. "So, what's going on with Karleigh?" I asked my daughter as she stared at something on her phone.
"What do you mean?" She asked, not even looking up from her phone.
"She's not as happy as I thought she would be about Jerry waking up. She seems upset that he thinks Gianna is still his girlfriend."
"Oh that. Well, yea. She didn't like them together." Mercy shrugged her shoulders.
"Is that it?" I nudged her & she nodded again, her eyebrows up. "I think there's something else going on because she was acting weird & seemed very emotional to me."
"Dad, she's going through a lot."
"You see. I know her almost as well as I know you & I saw you two whispering & I saw your expressions. So fill me in."
"I can't tell you, Dad." Mercy rolled her eyes then looked back at her phone.
"Sure you can. I won't say anything to anyone."
Mercy sighed & looked up at me. "You can't tell anyone. Not even Mom."
I pressed my lips together & shook my head. "Never mind. I shouldn't know something I can't tell your mom. I'm trying to gain back her trust so I really shouldn't know something that needs to be kept from her."
"Well, Jerry doesn't remember so it's not a big deal now."
"What are you talking about?"
"At the Halloween party Karleigh admitted to Jerry that she had non platonic feelings for him & he wanted to date but she told him she was still scared because if they broke up she could lose our family. So she said she wanted to wait a while... to take things slow... I don't know..." Another shrug from my daughter, so I sighed.
"And he doesn't remember the party."
"Nope so she's upset because she is afraid she blew her chance with him."
"I doubt that, but I understand her fear."
"I guess I do, too. If it's meant to be it will find a way." Mercy grinned up at me & I nodded, a smile on my face because she said the phrase my mom always said.
Jerry's doctor said Jerry had to stay in the hospital a few more days, then he could be released on the following Monday. His memories were still jumbled or missing the day of his release, but he was handling it like a champ. We also told him about Mr. Chapman, but we were sure to leave out the part about Mr. Chapman's involvement in the accident. Demi & I decided he didn't need to know that bit of information until he remembered the accident at least.
Jerry was having a memory therapy session, the day he was being released, so Demi & I were waiting in his room for him to return. Demi was going to take him home from the hospital, after his release.
"I was thinking about Thanksgiving this year." Demi started, after we'd both been on our phones, basically ignoring each other. Ever since she almost kissed me, she seemed to keep her distance, so I followed her cues & did the same.
Thinking about our first Thanksgiving apart made my stomach hurt but I looked up at her, tilting my head. "What were ya thinking?" I was preparing for the worst, mentally. I was sure she was about to tell me how she wanted to spend the day with JD & our kids, so I could feel my heart racing in anticipation.
"I talked to my mom & your mom & they are both cooking & they talked about doing one big dinner, but weren't sure about us." Demi bit her lip, thoughtfully, as she looked down at her phone. "If you're okay with it, I thought we could do dinner together, with the kids like we've done before. Blanda's family isn't coming home & Kevin & Dani will be in New Jersey."
My eyebrows shot up in surprise as my heart soared from the relief. "I'm okay with it." I was trying not to sound too excited.
"With everything that's happened, I just feel like it's important to be with family. We have so much to be thankful for. And I want to make this easy on the kids, since us being apart is still so new."
"Demi, I said I'm okay with it. You don't have to explain. I'd love to spend Thanksgiving with my kids & you." I said, then something popped into my head that I hadn't thought of at first. "And your new boyfriend." I rolled my eyes & let out a quiet groan before I looked back down at my phone.
"He's not coming."
"He's not?" I tried to contain my excitement at this news, but when I saw Demi's eye roll I knew I was failing. "Did you two break up?"
"No, we just aren't spending the holidays together. He's going to see his family back home. Or where they live."
"Where's that?"
"Up in Canada. Vancouver."
"Nice. You didn't want to meet his family?"
"I want to spend the holidays with my kids." Demi sighed, clearly getting impatient with me.
"I appreciate you including me in plans for Thanksgiving." I smiled at her & she smiled back at me, which seemed to make things okay with us again.
"Of course. The kids come first, right?"
"Yes. They do. And I look forward to it."
"Will you be okay if we do it at my house? I mean I have the biggest kitchen & we can eat on the back patio or in the dining room or people can sit in the kitchen, too."
"I'm fine with doing it at your house. The house I got for you. Your dream house, the one I thought would be our forever home..."
Demi rolled her eyes at me, then shook her head because she knew I was trying to make a point. A few minutes later Jerry came into his room & he was excited because he had a few memories come back to him. "Which memories?" Demi asked.
"I remembered getting my license, something I couldn't really remember before & I remembered Mom's birthday & Grandma's funeral."
"Aww... I'm sorry you remembered something so sad, but I'm glad memories are returning." Demi said as she put her arm around Jerry.
"Me, too." I nodded then clapped my hands together. "You ready to blow this pop stand?"
"Yep."
Jerry went home with Demi & I headed home to my empty house. I was getting the kids the next day after school, including Karleigh, so at least I only had one day of being alone. I wasn't alone long because Skye ended up coming over to work on some music. Writing music was a great release for the two of us & we both thought of it as therapy. It was also therapeutic talking to each other because we both understood what the other was dealing with.
Over the next few weeks, things got back to normal. JD replaced me, once again, as the guy in Demi's life, since our kids were all out of the hospital & mending after the accident. Jerry wasn't allowed to drive for a little while, as per his doctor, so Demi was thrilled about that. His memories were coming back in pieces, but he still didn't remember the Halloween party. He did remember the Halloween party from the year before when he & Gianna dressed up as Ariana Grande & Pete Davidson. They were great costumes, hysterical actually, so I loved seeing the photos again, when Mercy was helping her brother with his memory exercises.
I could tell Karleigh was discouraged whenever Jerry had a memory return that wasn't about her, but she was doing well, considering. She was trying to move on & I could tell whenever I was around the kids. Her & Jerry were back to being just friends, even though my son didn't forget the way he felt about her. I knew by the way he acted that he was in love with her & I knew because it was the same way I acted when I was around Demi when I was his age. I wish I could tell my son that Karleigh returned his feelings, but it wasn't my place & we were instructed not to tell him too many memories that he didn't remember. Showing him pictures was the best way, but for some reason Karleigh hadn't shown him any from Halloween. As a matter of fact neither had Mercy, so I figured it was intentional.
Thanksgiving came quickly & I wasn't looking forward to it, honestly. I was appreciative of Demi inviting me, but I was dreading it because I knew how depressing it would be to have dinner with my family since Demi & I weren't married anymore. The fact that the house I once shared with her, that I bought for us to live in forever, would be where we were having dinner was going to make it worse. The memories of all the Thanksgivings we've had over the years were going to smack me in the face once I entered it, but I knew that was better than the alternative. If I wasn't going to Demi's house, I'd be sitting at home alone, wallowing in self pity & guilt.
The moment I got to Demi's house, I was hit with the aromas of my childhood, thank God. My mom & Dianna had come over to cook early that morning, so the house was already filled with people. When my brothers got there, it was much better because we could watch football or go out to the backyard & smoke cigars while we talked about football. When Demi saw me lighting a cigar, she narrowed her eyes & I chuckled.
"Finally a perk of not being your husband anymore. I can smoke em if I got em." I lit the cigar in my mouth, then puffed on it before letting the smoke circle my head.
With a coy lift of her left shoulder, Demi smirked, "And a perk of not being your wife is not having to watch you get mouth cancer." She turned on her heel & headed to the house, leaving me with my mouth hanging open. My dad & brothers laughed, loudly, finding it hysterical that Demi put me in my place.
I have to admit the holiday with my family was pretty incredible, even though it felt different than any other holiday we shared in previous years. I loved being with my entire family & a few times, I managed to forget that Demi was no longer my wife. Ellie joined us for dinner & then her & Karleigh left to visit Mr. Chapman. Karleigh was going shopping the next day with her grandmother, so she wouldn't be back until Saturday. I was getting the kids on Saturday morning, for the weekend, then taking them to school on Monday morning.
On Monday, I had a therapy appointment, which I was looking forward to, because I had a lot to get off my chest after Thanksgiving. I stayed to help clean up after everyone left on Thursday & also wanted to spend time with the kids without anyone else around. Once I said goodnight to all of my kids, I went to say goodbye to Demi, who was laying on the couch, watching Miracle on 34th Street.
I sat down at her feet & watched her for a few minutes as she smiled, softly at the TV. I knew how much she loved the movie, so I knew she was so into it, that she probably didn't realize I had sat down. After several minutes, I cleared my throat. "Thank you again, Demi. I really appreciate you inviting me over. I think it was good for everyone."
Demi sat up & smiled at me. "It was good & you're welcome. Like I said. We are family. Always will be." She shrugged like it was no big deal, then she crossed her legs. "Earlier, I heard Harper & Riley talking about Christmas & wondering if Santa would bring their presents here or to your house." She took a deep breath before she looked at me again. "It broke my heart, so I was hoping you would want to come over on Christmas eve & spend the night. We can wrap presents or put together toys while we watch It's a Wonderful Life."
"You want to keep up the tradition, even though we aren't together anymore?" I was shocked by her invitation & then when she nodded, my eyebrows went up, hopefully. "What about JD?"
"We're not going to share a bed or anything." Demi chuckled after she clicked her tongue & rolled her eyes. "I just want this to be as easy on the kids as today was. They've had a rough year & I want to keep their holidays as normal as possible. Besides, I need help with their gifts & I want you to be there Christmas morning when they wake up."
I nodded, licking my lips. "I'd love to. Thank you."
"You're welcome." She had a slight smirk on her face, then added. "JD won't even be here for Christmas. He's going to Vancouver & we are certainly not ready to spend Thanksgiving together, let alone Christmas." She ended her sentence with a nervous chuckle as she glanced away.
"I could say I'm happy to hear that, but that would be insensitive, so I won't." I stared at Demi for a moment, with a tiny smile on my face, then I put my hands on my knees & pushed myself to stand up. Demi was trying not to smile at what I said, so that made me happy & I wanted to leave before the moment was ruined. "I should go. I am about to pass out."
"Oh, wait. I forgot." She jumped off the couch & ran into the kitchen. I went to the foyer to put my shoes on. A few minutes later, Demi came to the foyer, holding a container. "I made you a plate of leftovers. I know how you love to have it the next day for lunch." She smiled, then handed me the container.
"That's sweet of you. Thank you. I can't wait to eat it." I grinned at her, then put the container on the table nearby as I went to grab my jacket. After I put it on, I turned to look at Demi. "Goodnight." Before I could turn away, she came to hug me & when she did, it felt amazing. Her hug was tight & she didn't seem as if she wanted to let go, even when I loosened my grip. As she loosened her grip on me, she stared into my eyes, making my heart skip a beat. The expression on her face was similar to the one at the hospital, so I leaned in to kiss her but she leaned back.
"Nick... don't."
I didn't move away from her. Instead, I kept my arms around her & murmured, "See? I still don't have any control when it comes to you."
Demi sucked in her breath as she shoved me away from her. Her hand covered her mouth, quickly as her eyes filled with tears. She shook her head, quickly, "Don't."
"What? What did I say? Why are you upset?"
"Hearing you say that... it just transported me back to when I was desperate to get you to take me back. It just hit me how this must feel for you. I'm sorry. I wish I could... I can't ..." Demi kept shaking her head as she blinked away the tears.
"It's okay. I get it, Demi. I know you can't trust me. I'm sorry I tried to kiss you. I should have respected your space & your generosity. I shouldn't have ruined this day."
"You didn't ruin it." Demi wiped at her eyes. "I will see you Saturday Nick."
I nodded, turning toward the door. "Goodnight. Thanks again." I said as I grabbed the doorknob.
"Nick. Wait." Demi said & I turned around, my heart beating in hopeful anticipation. My heart sank when I saw her pick up the container of food & hold it out toward me. "Don't forget your lunch."
"Thanks." I managed a tiny smile as I took the container from her hand, then I turned & walked out the door. On the short drive home, I tried to keep from feeling the pain in my chest. It was hard to do, though, so I was glad once I got home & was able to climb into my bed & forget the rejection I faced minutes earlier.
The next day I woke up feeling just as miserable as I had when I went to bed, so I made my leftover meal that Demi had thoughtfully given me. I wasn't sure what I would do all day to keep my mind off of the sadness I had in my heart, so I started writing which was always a good way to release some tension. Once I started writing, the words came easy, but I was interrupted by my doorbell ringing.
When I opened my front door, Skye was standing on my porch & I could see she had been crying. "Skye? What's wrong?"
"He's dating someone. I just saw it online. They were caught making out on a beach in Mexico." Skye let out a sob as she fell against me, forcing me to catch her. I put my arms around her after I closed the front door.
"It's a rebound, Skye. That's all."
She stepped away from me, shaking her head. "We're never getting back together." She walked past me toward my kitchen. "I need a drink. What were you doing? Am I interrupting?" She asked, loudly, over her shoulder as she walked.
"I was writing away my feelings." I answered, following her to the kitchen.
"What were you in your feelings about?" Skye wanted to know as she grabbed a beer from my fridge. "You got anything stronger?" She held up the bottle with her head tilted a little.
"Sorry, no." I took the beer from her & opened it while she grabbed another one.
"You care if I write with ya?"
"Nope. You wanna hear what I've done so far?"
"Of course." She smirked then took a swig of her beer.
Minutes later, I was playing what I had already written, for Skye & she gave me some ideas on the tempo & chord changes, so I incorporated them. After that, we started working on the lyrics together. Within an hour, we had an emotional masterpiece that was catchy as hell & I was extremely proud of it. The song was called, 'Lonely' & it was about being lonely with someone, sharing that feeling of being alone with them, so you wouldn't feel so lonely.
Skye & I both were anxious to release the song, for different reasons, of course. I wanted to release it because I loved it & she wanted to release it because it sounded like she was moving on & she hoped her ex would get jealous. We talked about releasing the song around Christmas, because it seemed appropriate.
Skye ended up passing out on my couch after several beers, but not before she tried to talk me into having sex with her. She would have convinced me, if I wasn't so desperately in love with Demi. Skye just wanted to feel good & had me thinking I needed to have sex, but I didn't give in, even when she tried to kiss me. We laughed about it minutes later, then turned on a movie, which is when she fell asleep.
A weekend with my kids & Karleigh was just what I needed to distract me from the agony I was feeling from not being with Demi this time of year. I knew the holidays were hard on people & I was starting to understand why. Even though Demi included me on Thanksgiving & invited me to come over on Christmas Eve, I was still feeling incredibly sad for what I was missing on the daily. It was my fault, of course, but it didn't change the way it made me feel. I wanted my family back together & the holidays was just a painful reminder that we weren't.
By the time Monday came around, seeing Dr. West was of the essence, because I was close to the edge of a breakdown after dropping the kids off at school that morning. Hearing their chatter about parts of their lives I didn't know about because I wasn't around them everyday, was making me crazy, so I was desperate to talk to Dr. West. She could tell I was coming unglued, when I walked into her office, so we got started right away.
After I practically sobbed to her for twenty minutes, she leaned on her hand & watched me, thoughtfully. "Nick, I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it's not healthy to not be considering moving on or even thinking about getting back onto the dating scene."
I couldn't believe what she was telling me. "Why would I want to move on when I know I'm not ready?"
"Because you're hanging onto this hope that Demi will take you back when that just might not be the case."
I stared at Dr. West, trying to read her face. Why was she telling me this? Had Demi been confiding in her about never wanting to be with me again? Or had she told Dr. West that she was in love with JD? These thoughts drove me more crazy than I had been before I walked into her office. "Why are you telling me this?" I finally asked.
"It's my job to get you to see reality. The possibility of Demi & you being back together may not be an option & I think the more you ignore that, the harder it is on your mental health because of the repeated rejection."
I hated to admit she was right, but she was the professional. "I can see that. I really can, but at the same time I don't want to hurt another woman because I'm too hung up on my ex wife."
"That's understandable, but you can just get out there & go on dates. Don't commit to anyone. Don't make promises to any women. Just go out & have some fun."
"I have been."
Dr. West scowled at me as she tilted her head down. "With friends? That's not what I mean. Go on actual dates with strangers. Get your feet wet."
I shook my head. "I don't think I can. I don't want to even think about that small talk, getting to know each other kind of crap or the awkwardness of whether or not to kiss her at the end. And then God forbid what to say to her if she wants to have sex on the first date."
Dr. West chuckled as she jotted something on her pad of paper. "You're a single man. You can have sex." She looked up at me, her expression thoughtful. "When's the last time you had sex, Nick?"
I felt my face turn red as I let out a nervous laugh. "Uh... New Year's Day."
I almost laughed at how big Dr. West's eyes got. "You haven't had sex in almost a year?"
I leaned back on the couch & ran my hand over my face. "Demi was the last person & we weren't having sex after she found out I cheated. I haven't had sex with anyone since." I shrugged my shoulders, my arms out wide. "I see the irony, believe me, but I love my wife. I don't want anyone else. I wish I could take back what happened. I don't know why I was so stupid to believe Eden over my gut when it came down to my own wife. I wish I knew why I was able to have sex with another woman when I am so in love with Demi." I covered my face & leaned forward, letting out a groan of frustration.
"I know exactly why." Dr. West said, nonchalantly, which made me drop my hands from my face as I stared at her in disbelief. What did she know & why hadn't she said anything to me before today? How the hell did she know why when I didn't?