Chapter 44 - Darkness Turning Into Light
Kate Beckett's POV
The bullet sunk into my chest and I landed on the floor. The pain was impossible to ignore, yet I couldn't scream. It was the worst feeling I had ever had. I looked around and found the one face I wanted to see. The face of the person I had saved. The face that had made me feel loved again. The face I had come to love so deeply that I didn't even know what to do with myself. I could see his lips moving but I couldn't make out a sound of what he was saying to me. I was starting to see black dots all around and I looked at them, desperately trying to make them disappear. I didn't want them to cover Rick's face. But it was too late, and I was too weak to fight against them. The darkness took over and I didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel my own body. I couldn't feel the pain I knew I should be feeling if I was still alive. I was dead and there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to feel the pain again. I never wanted to go back to feeling the pain I knew I was going to feel once I returned, if I returned. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't fight, what if I didn't fight the darkness? What would happen then? Who would really miss me? Rick were better off without me, and my dad? He would only be disappointed to find out I ended up the same fate my mom did. Lanie and Jenny would be pissed, for sure. But they would get over it, they had Javi and Kevin now. So why should I fight? Back there I was just hurting, ever since the death of my mom I had been like a walking dead. And the few last days I had would be the best ones in my life, that was something Lanie would be able to tell Rick to give him comfort. That at least he made me feel alive again. I wanted to go back to him but I wasn't sure if I could. The darkness became even darker and I looked around, nothing seemed bright anywhere. Why keep fighting when I could stay here and not feel a thing. Not feel the sting from the bullet. Not feel the pain that had been in me since the day my mom passed. Not feel the disappointment from my dad. Not feel the hate I might get from Alexis. Not feel the guilt I felt sometimes looking at Rick. The guilt that told me that I would've killed him unless I had fallen into him at that club. And if I stayed I wouldn't feel the guilt from killing all the people the agency had told me to kill.
"Kate" a voice appeared and I tried to open my eyes.
I managed to open them and looked around, the place was dark. Suddenly the voice were there again, saying my name over and over. I looked around, trying to figure out where to person behind the voice where. But I couldn't see anyone. At first the voice were just that, a voice. But the longer it kept saying my name it changed into a more familiar, woman's voice. All of a sudden the voice changed my name, it didn't say 'Kate' anymore, but 'Kaite'.
"Mom?" I whispered, my voice raspy and I looked around.
To my surprise there was a light in front of me and someone came walking from the light. I held a hand in front of my face to try protect my eyes from the bright light. I got used to the light and looked at the figure in front of me.
"Mom!?" I yelled and ran towards the woman in front of me.
I bumped into her open arms and she hugged me tight while I cried into her chest. She stroke my back and hushed me, just like she had done when she was alive. When she was alive?
"Am I dead?" I asked and looked up at my mom's face.
My mom laughed and shook her head.
"Not yet, silly. Now, tell me how you got in this mess" she said and pointed to a red couch that appeared in front of us.
We sat down and I wouldn't let go of her hands, I didn't want her to disappear again. She wiped away my tears and kissed my forehead.
"What happened?" she asked and I looked down at our hands.
"I got shot" I choked out.
My mom nodded.
"And why did you get shot?" she asked and I wrinkled my forehead.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
She sighed and looked at me, wiping away the new tears. I couldn't stop the crying, no matter how I tried.
"That shot wasn't meant for you, so, why did you get shot?" she asked and my mind was confused.
"I don't know" I choked out and she shook her head.
It almost felt like she was disappointed with me but I really had no idea what she was after. What did she mean by 'why'?
"Of course you do, silly. Why did you throw yourself in front of that man? Why did you risk your own life saving his?" she asked and the puzzle was finally complete.
"Because I love him" I whispered and she smiled at me.
"So what are you supposed to do now?" she asked and I looked at her with a confused expression.
"What do you mean?" I asked and she kissed my forehead again.
"Keep fighting, Katie, he needs you, and you need him. I can wait, I'd love to wait" she said with tears running down her cheeks but still having a smile on her face.
"Rick" I whispered.
I slowly watched as my mom disappeared with a proud smile on her face. Her hands weren't holding mine anymore.
"Rick" I mumbled and suddenly I couldn't see a thing anymore.
A stinging pain appeared in my chest and I felt the warmth of to pair of hands around my left hand.
"Rick" I mumbled again and this time I could hear my voice for real.
The grip tightened a bit and then I felt one of the hands leaving my hand just to be felt stroking my right cheek.
"Kate? Can you hear me? Please open your eyes" a familiar voice begged desperately.
I tried my best and my eyes slowly fluttered open. The first my eyes could focus on was Rick's face being a few inches away from mine. I could hear him loose his breath before he smiled an incredible smile, telling me he couldn't believe what he was seeing. His eyes got watery but he blinked away the tears. I bit my lip, I had caused that pain that now rather quickly left his eyes.
"You're okay" he said with a relieved smile.
I nodded and he leaned down and kissed my lips. His kiss made my heart race, and I gasped at the pain it caused me. He immidiately pulled away.
"Sorry!" he exclaimed and I smiled at him.
"It's worth it" I said with a raspy voice.
He smiled back and pecked my lips one more time.
"Is she awake?" a woman's voice said and I recognized it from have heard it only once before.
Rick pulled away but kept holding my hand. I saw the woman stand in the opening of the hospital room and not so suprising she had as red hair as her granddaughter had.
"Hi" I said shyly and she smiled wide at me.
She walked to the opposite side of the bed Rick was on.
"Hello Katherine, I'm Martha, it's lovely to finally meet you, even if the circumstances isn't so lovely" she said and took my right hand to shake it carefully.
"Maybe I should go get your dad, oh and both Lanie and Jenny are here too" Rick said and I looked at him with wide eyes.
"My dad's here?" I asked and he nodded with a smile.
"I can go get him, you stay here with her" Martha said and left the room.
After a few minutes my dad came through the door and he went to my side and kissed my forehead.
"Hi, dad" I said awkwardly and Rick gave my hand a last squeeze before leaving us alone.
"Don't ever do that again, Katie. I can't imagine loosing you too" he said with a scared face.
"I know, I'm sorry. I just felt closer to her doing it" I said, getting tears in my eyes. "I miss her dad."
He started getting tears in his eyes too.
"I know, I know, Katie, me too" he said stroking my cheeks.
We sat like that for a while, no talking, just being there for each other.
A/N:
The NEXT chapter will be the LAST!! I'll post it tomorrow! Really hope you all enjoyed this chapter! xoxo