Kageyama Tobio isn't fazed by much.
He knows he's a genius, nobody has to tell him so. He knows he's good looking, although he never really cared for that sort of thing. The only thing he cares about is volleyball. That's where his life ends and begins. That is the defining line.
Which is why, when he tossed the ball to a teammate that wasn't there, that became the moment when he understood fear.
To be afraid— that's something people feel. People feel. Not Kageyama. But he understood then, that he was people too. And that he was alone. That no matter how good his tosses, they meant nothing if there is no one there to spike them. He meant nothing, if he is there alone.
So, when Coach told them they were going to face a team that one of Kageyama's middle school teammates was part of, all of that came back to him. Kageyama had been adapting well, here at Karasuno. He'd almost forgotten about his fear. Because, somehow, he'd found a way to fly— with Hinata.
Hinata.
How Kageyama hated the little shit.
He was all energy and no coordination, all talent and no basics. He was short, he chewed with his mouth open, he smiled at nothing and everything, he was incredibly loud, his serves sucked balls, he was short (that can't be repeated too many times). Kageyama hated him.
But Hinata tried. Hinata tried so hard it hurt to watch. And he jumped, he jumped so high he almost reached Kageyama.
And they flew together, despite their differences. And Kageyama forgot he was ever alone, because finally there was someone there who would die rather than never reach him.
But that practice game reminded him that he could be.
Kageyama could be alone.
And at first, he'd thought that was his ultimate and only fear— for there to be no one to receive his tosses. But then he realized that there was something worse— for Hinata to decide to never jump for him again.
So Kageyama ignored him.
Because, for the first time, Kageyama wasn't afraid. He was terrified.
And then, Kageyama was in that game. And the ball was thrown his way. And he knew he would have a split second to decide to wether toss it to Hinata or not. And he wouldn't, if it gave Hinata the choice to leave him.
Kageyama would rather lose the game. He would rather lose every game than give Hinata that choice.
He would rather lose every game than see an empty space where Hinata's supposed to be.
But then the little shit's screaming:
I'll always be there to hit it, you fucking idiot! Because I can only fly— I only want to fly if you're there with me!
And how could Kageyama then, in his right mind, not toss the ball in Hinata's way?
So he did.
And he hadn't meant to toss it so fast, so strongly. He had been driven by emotion, by relief, by Hinata.
Kageyama was always led by Hinata.
And he'd thought, for a mili second, that it would be too fast for Hinata to hit. But Hinata jumped anyway. And Kageyama felt it would be alright if Hinata didn't hit it, because Hinata was there regardless.
But Hinata hit it anyway.
And then, all Kageyama could think of was:
God, how could I be without him ever again?
And before he knew it, he was striding Hinata's way. He was picking him up by his shirt.
And he was kissing him senseless.
Time didn't stop, that's a sentence too ridiculous for Kageyama to say. No, time didn't stop. Time kept going. It kept going, and it felt like an eternity and an instant. And it was too much and too little.
And it was right, as volleyball is.
As things that are too good to be false are.
And then Hinata's pulling away to catch his breath, because he had responded to Kageyama's lips as though he was a dehydrated man in need of water. And all Kageyama can say is:
"Call me a dumbass again and I'll throw you in a trashcan, moron"
And then Hinata's smiling. And it's a ridiculous, dumb, stupid kind of smile.
"I'd like to see you try"
And Kageyama's about to try something else when another voice is shouting:
"What the fuck?!"
And the spell is broken.
Because Kageyama just kissed Hinata.
He kissed the dumbass.
.
So, several things happen moments after the non-gay smooch.
Ryunosuke is still babbling away, the team is still wordlessly staring, and Kageyama and Hinata are still frozen in place, when a player at the other side of the net stupidly says:
"Did we really just lose that last point to a pair of faggots?"
Ryunosuke's excited babbling comes to a halt.
Then he proceeds to break the guy's nose.
That's enough of an ice-breaker for everyone to start moving again.
.
Hinata's stupidly hoping it doesn't happen, because he can't deal with it right now. He's still trying to process that he kissed Kageyama (how isn't the world ending?) and liked it.
He liked kissing a guy.
Faggots
But of course it happens. And of course it's Tsukishima who brings it up.
"I never thought the idiotic duo might be getting it on in the down low. Congratulations you two," Tsukishima says when they're changing in the locker room, with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. Hinata opens his locker so hard it hits him in the face.
Of course it happened.
Hinata's surprised no one brought it up earlier.
Still, he can't help the pit that forms in his stomach.
Did we really just lose that last point to a pair of faggots?
"Kei!" Yamaguchi protests, hitting him on the shoulder. "Can you shut up?'
Then Ryunosuke is turning around, shirt at hand. "But they are," like that isn't the most ridiculous statement of the year.
"They are?" Nishinoya screeches, like someone just told him oranges are purple.
"We're not!" Hinata and Kageyama scream at the same time. At hearing Kageyama's voice, Hinata turns to him without thinking twice. Since they came off court, Kageyama hasn't looked at him. Now his nostrils are flairing, and his eyes are sharp: he looks mad.
Hinata's grip on his gym shirt tightens.
"So what? You just kiss someone you're not dating?"
The words are out before he can stop them, and they're loud, resonating on the walls of the locker room. Everyone stops what they're doing, turning to look at Hinata. He's never sound that angry before.
Did we really just lose that last point to a pair of faggots?
A pair of faggots.
Faggots.
Kageyama's expression changes from mad to confused. And Hinata knows he's not making sense, because he and Kageyama are not dating. But Kageyama has no business looking so mad at the implication. Would it be so bad if they were?
Faggots
"What, so you liked it?" Kageyama asks him.
Hinata's mouth closes with an audible snap. His eyes are wide, and he feels his face heating up. His mind goes back to Kageyama tossing him the ball, Kageyama's lips on his, Kageyama glaring at an opposing team, Kageyama doing his best at their middle school game even though he was sure to win, Kageyama yelling at him and saying:
As long as I'm here, you're invincible.
A pair of faggots
At that moment, everything clicks for him. Because Hinata didn't like kissing a guy.
At Hinata's lack of response, Kageyama glares at him. "You like guys?"
And his tone is accusatory, almost disgusted. And Hinata really can't take it then, 'cause who the fuck is he.
"I didn't like it 'cause it was a guy, you fucking idiot. I liked it 'cause it was you!"
Hinata didn't like kissing a guy, he liked kissing Kageyama.
He feels his voice hardening, and he can't think of everyone in the locker room, because who the fuck is he to look at him like that. Who the fuck was that guy to look at them and say that they're just a pair of faggots.
"Of course I would fucking like it if it was you, shithead! You're you. And we're not just a pair of fags, we're Hinata and Kageyama. And if the thought disgusts you so much, go eat a brick, you fucking excuse of an asswipe!"
And then Hinata's putting on his shirt, and storming out of the locker room.
Tsukishima whistles. "You two can't do things by half, can you?"
Yamaguchi just says. "That was way cooler than your confession. 'I don't find you terribly annoying. I wouldn't mind if you went out with me,' the hell was that about?"
"You said yes anyway"
"Shut up"
As the two bicker, Sugawara pats Kageyama's back. "This is where you run after him, you know?"
Kageyama's red face turns to him. "I do?"
Sugawara nods. "You do."
And then Kageyama's running.