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I didn't want to lose him, but I lost him regardless. Whatever led up to this moment was a blur, but I was still watching Billy be impaled by a giant beast as he lept out to save El. He saved her, and as he died, he looked me right in the eyes as he was discarded roughly to the ground by the creature. A choked sob forced its way out of my mouth, and soon, I had collapsed to the ground. Max ran over to him and I crawled across the ground, still sobbing, but just trying to get to him.
I hoped he was alive with all of my heart. I needed to be alive, and when Max was trying to get him to wake up, she started crying harder. She slumped over next to him, being hugged by her friends, and I began to shake him. "No, no, no, you can't die. I love you, you can't die, you can't die, no. No, please, don't leave me, I need you, I love you, no!" I yelled, just hoping to see his eyes flicker and maybe for him to start coughing or breathing. I needed something, and I really wanted for there to be a sign of life within Billy. There wasn't though. There never was.
Steve came and pulled me off of him with Robin, and I continued to cry. I didn't remember much after that, but another fight broke out with the creature. I woke up in my bed after that, and I couldn't think of what else had happened. I looked around my room and saw Freddie and Libby asleep on the beanbags in the corner, and I smiled to myself. I began to stir in my bed and sit up, and this woke up Freddie. "Good morning, sleepyhead," he said with a smile. I weakly smiled back and looked at my cut-up hands from the night before. Bruised crawled up my arms and I realized that I was beginning to tear up.
Freddie rushed to my side, something comforting, but it was no use. I began to cry. I cried harder than I ever had. He was gone. Of all people, he didn't deserve this kind of death, but it had happened regardless. I thought about how unfair everything was, how he didn't ask to be controlled like that, but it only made me sadder. I had to block it out. I had to completely ignore the fact that he was dead. I found no sense in dwelling on something I couldn't have stopped.
That was the worst part honestly, the fact that I couldn't have helped him. I was powerless under that monster that killed him. Freddie didn't know what happened though, and neither did Libby. I think the cover-up story was that Billy got into a really bad car accident and I was in the front with him, but I got lucky. "It's not your fault, Jamie," Freddie said, hugging me tighter, and I began to uncontrollably shake at this sentence. "I couldn't help him," I whimpered. I felt his curls brush my face as he shook his head, trying to get me to stop thinking like that. "No, you can't say that," He said.
Libby woke up and saw us hugging, so she sprung upwards and came to sit on the bed with us. She rubbed my back and I cried a little harder. Before I knew it, I was standing up, stretching out, and drying my tears. "I need to get over it," I said bluntly, pushing my feelings down. I knew that I loved him, that much was certain now, but it was too little too late.
He was dead.
I needed to face the facts. I stopped crying as best I could, forming myself into a numb creature with no emotion. I did it by putting a brave face on and getting changed in my bathroom. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, did some light makeup, then put a pair of mom jeans on and a cropped t-shirt. I headed downstairs even though Freddie and Libby told me it was perfectly okay to stay in bed all day, but I wouldn't let myself.
I went downstairs after I was completely ready and I found myself in the kitchen. I realized that two faces that were not there yesterday were now standing in the same room as me and I ran over to hug them both. "How are you holding up, love?" Decker asked, and Oliver played with my hair a little bit, unsure of what to do. "Yeah, you know you can talk to me, J," He said. I nodded and looked at the two. Decker had grown a slight stubble while Oliver was as baby-faced as ever. "I missed you guys," I admitted, and I heard a chuckle from Oliver.
"You big softie," he joked as he hugged me after Decker and I had released from each other. After nobody said anything, I walked around the kitchen island and got a bowl of cereal, trying to act natural. Everyone began to talk normally and I continued to eat and observe. I desperately wanted things to go back to normal, and this was a good first step. I nearly choked on my cereal, however, when I remembered Max.
I hurried and got my car keys, which certainly turned heads, but I was in too much of a rush for anyone to question it. I sped out of the driveway and drove as fast as I possibly could to Max's house, and when I got there, there was no car in the driveway, so I knew she was home alone. I knocked on the front door and heard feet shuffling inside. Soon, the door was open and I was making direct eye contact with an equally sad being as I.
Her eyes began to water immediately and I pulled her close to me. "Come here," I said, my voice breaking. We hugged in the doorway for a few minutes until she began to cry harder. I stroked her hair and we both crumpled onto the floor, still hugging and crying. "He loved you so much," She said to me, and I bit my lip to stop a sob from escaping. "He loved you too, Max, more than you know," I answered. "He's gone. I can't believe he's gone," She cried, hugging me a little tighter. We composed ourselves, stood up, and walked to the living room where we sat on the couch together.
After a few minutes of talking about nothing, I got up to use the bathroom. On my way there, I passed a familiar room. I stopped in the doorway and looked in for a minute, not sure if I should go in. Billy's room felt so cold now, so empty. It felt like there never any life there. I didn't dare go inside though at the risk of me breaking down again. Suddenly, I felt a presence behind me, and I turned around. Max stood there, expressionless and she unexpectedly engulfed me in a tight embrace.
"We have each other," She said, and I smiled through tears. She was right. We had each other, and that needed to be enough. It would have to be enough.
the end. <3