I am back
"Thank you Ajic for the company..." I timidly said to him just right we got off his car.
I felt his hand moved towards my chin, "It's my pleasure mi lady," he smiled and our gazes met.
Sandaling tumigil ang oras and I was just froze there, waiting for him to move. I saw his eyes closes as soon as he's getting close to my face. I closed mine too---
"Meow!" mabilis kong naimulat ang mata ko, gayon din si Ajic at napatingin kami sa isang siamese cat na tumalon malapit sa kinaroroonan namin at talagang tumitig pa sa amin.
"Cia!" narinig namin ang pagsigaw ng isang babaeng nakaitim na leather jacket at leather na jeans. She looks like those women from action movies.
Pinuntahan niya ang pusa at kinuha ito. Pagkatapos ay bumaling sa amin, "Sorry miss, and... sir sa istorbo..." nahihiya nitong apology sa amin.
I look upon Ajic and he somewhat look dismayed, he glared at the girl, "It's fine," he smiled at the girl at napakamot naman sa ulo ang babae.
"S-sige na sir, mauna na po ako, pasensya na ulit sa abala," paghingi ng tawad nitong muli at saka umalis kasama ang pusa.
"Ajic, salamat uli sa paghatid, ingat," I said to him at binigyan siya ng halik sa pisngi.
His lips curved, "You have kissed me a lot these past days, I think it's my time now?"
Pinaningkitan ko ito ng mata, "Sira!" I avoided his question. I kissed him for the gratitude I have for him. At saka, having a kiss on lips from someone that I don't have any romantic relationship with, is not in my principle. Isn't really it?
He still standing in front of me, I thought aalis na rin siya but he didn't, "Ajic?" I called him out because he's just standing right in front of me, at titig na titig sa akin.
"Euphoria, I just wanted to say that, I'll do everything to get that sweet yes from you..." I didn't expect those words coming out of him all of a sudden.
Napalunok ako, "Ajic..." I cannot say anything now. Hindi ko alam ang ireresponse ko sa sinabi niya.
I was thrown upon by many questions on my mind, nang sabihin niya 'yon... He's courting me, and he's doing his thing as my suitor for my yes. The question is, am I really ready for a relationship?
"You don't need to respond on my statement, as I've said, gusto ko lang na malaman mo, because I really like you, Euphoria," he then look at my eyes again, with those sparkling eyes.
The silence reigned. May iilang taong dumadaan sa kalsada na napapatingin sa gawi namin na para bang nagtataka sa kung sinong kasama ko. Hindi ko na lamang pinansin ang mga ito at bumaling uli kay Ajic.
"Eu, una na ako, I enjoyed, a lot," pagbasag nito sa katahimikan at nginitian ako.
"Ako rin, ingat Ajic," nakangiting sagot ko rito.
Akala ko'y sasakay na siya sa kotse but he faced me again, "Send my regard to tita pala, you told me it's her birthday tomorrow right?"
"Yeah, I will," and there ended our conversation.
Hindi na rin naman na nadagdagan pa ang pag-uusap namin at sumakay na talaga siya sa kotse niya.
As soon as any of his car's trace disappear, I move on to the gate to close it when I hear something that thomped in one of the trees around malapit sa kinaroroonan ko.
May lumabas na tao mula sa pinto ng katabing apartment ng nasa tapat ng apartment ko, kaya naman napakibit balikat nalang ako at tuluyang sinara ang gate.
The sky's getting cloudy, at nang malapit na ako sa pinto ay hindi ko maiwasang mabaling sa likod ko dahil pakiramdam ko'y may tumitingin sa akin. Bumalik lang ang focus ko sa apartment ko nang narinig ko ang tahol ni Sushi.
My eyes slanted nang makitang may naka-tie na red ribbon sa leeg ni Sushi at may nakafold na maliit na papel ang nakakabit dito.
I immediately untie it from her at binuksan ang folded paper and saw a message: Save your tears up, for the shed of your tears on your dearly loved one.
I am back.
My heart raced after reading the statement. The mouse-sounded-like tone of voice is back. He/she is back with a threat again. I've already experienced how that crap do his/her work on me. And it does alarming.
A loved one? Damn it, I know hindi biro 'to. God, si mama...
I suddenly remember Lily to be told as the culprit of all of it.. Siya ba talaga?
Napahawak ako sa ulo ko at mabilis na nagtungo sa kwarto at tinawagan si mama.
"Oh anak, napatawag ka?" I heard her asked habang aligaga akong naglalakad back and forth at napapakagat sa kuko ko.
"Ma... Tuloy tayo bukas, okay? 'Wag ka nalang muna lumabas labas dyan sa bahay ng mga De Vera ma ha? Please, take care of yourself ma," Tugon ko rito.
I heard her laughed a little, "Ito talaga, alam ko 'yon nak, masunurin ako sa pamahiin, hindi talaga ako naglalabas kapag magbi-birthday na ako," napaupo ako sa kama nang sabihin niya 'yon at ginamit ang isang kamay ko sa pagtanggal ng sintas ng sapatos ko.
"O-okay ma," now, nagkaroon ng advantage para sa akin ang pagiging believer ni mama sa pamahiin. I am the opposite of her, at kung minsan ay nag-aaway kami for that because of nonsense restrictions she give me.
I just don't trust it. It was just a saying by the oldies. But now, it's a different case.
After changing my clothes, I went downstairs to feed Sushi nang tumunog ang cellphone ko from the center table.
I picked it up and quickly answered the phone call, "Yeah?"
I waited for a response but recieved nothing, "Who's this?" and with my own question, saka ko lang tinignan kung sino ang caller.
"Azure?!" I can hear the background music, like he's in his car. Oh well, maybe he's really on it.
"Yes, baby?" my face grumped nang sabihin niya 'yon.
It's not just because of the endearment, but of Aria. He's with Aria ealier and now, he's telling me this shit?
I know that it was me who told Azure about Aria's request, however, the grad ball's party is not yet starting.
I wonder how did they come up to be together... I mean, was it Azure who ask Aria out? Or the other way around?
"Ano na namang pakulo 'to Azure?" nagpipigil sa inis kong sagot dito at binigyang pansin si Sushi nang tumahol ito.
"I can see your annoyed face now," and I can see his smirking face.
Ang tono ng pananalita niya ngayon ay katulad lamang noong kasama ko pa siya rito sa apartment. The endearment, at ang pang-aasar nito. Parang kanina lang sa mall, ibang iba ang Azure na nakakausap ko. I am having a hard time thinking, what's with this man?
"Kung wala kang matinong sasabihin, gonna hang this up," seryosong saad ko.
Ilang segundong wala akong ibang narinig kundi ang music from his background.
"Azure?" I asked at umupo na sa sofa ko at binuhat si Sushi papunta sa lap ko.
"Just send my regards to nanny tomorrow, gonna hang up now," I was bewildered by his sudden serious tone hanggang sa narinig ko nalang ang pagpatay ng tawag.
Napatingin lamang ako sa screen ng phone ko like I was waiting for something to pop up again.
But nothing happened.
It feels like, Azure has been hiding something from me. Well, I've already found out one of his secrets: that he's having his own investigation about my case.
And there's more to know about his secret.
***
"Happy birthday ma!" I cheerfully said to my mother when I finally had her candle's cake lighted.
My mom's celebration of her birthday was supposed to be in my apartment as our usual set, but Mrs. De Vera insisted to have it on their mansion. They even told us that they'll be responsible for the food.
We both declined, pero mapilit talaga si Mrs. De Vera. Hindi lang dahil doon kaya pumayag ako, dahil tingin ko pabor din 'yon sa pagsecure sa safety ni mama, lalo't may bagong threat na naman akong natanggap.
And I don't still let them know about it for I just don't want them get involved with it. Wala pa nga akong lead sa kung sino man 'yon, kaya sa tingin ko'y makakabuti kung may madidiskubre nga ako.
O baka nadiskubre ko na nga, at si Lily pala talaga 'yon...
Bumati na rin ang mga De Vera kay mama, kasama na rin ang ilang katulong dito sa mansion nila Azure. We let her blow her candle as she utter her wish on her head.
Sina Mr and Mrs. De Vera ay nakaformal na damit, gayon din kami ni mama at mga katulong.
My mom was wearing a blue dress na bagay na bagay sa kanya. Habang ako naman ay nakacasual wear lamang, just a color blue off shoulder and white jeans. And my natural black hair is in bun.
"Gusto ko lang sanang kunin ang opurtunidad na 'to para magpasalamat kina ma'am Rhian, and sir Azariah. Kung hindi po dahil sa inyo, hindi ko po matutulungan ang anak ko sa pag-aaral at pangangailangan niya. Salamat sa pagturing sa aming pamilya kahit na ganito lamang ang trabaho namin," mahabang salaysay ni mama habang nakatayo sa dulo ng mesa at nakatingin sa gawi ng mommy ni Azure.
Ngumiti si Mrs. De Vera kay mama at lumapit dito, "Lea, hindi ka na iba sa amin okay? Lahat kayo, I am not just your amo, but your family as well."
"Salamat ma'am," pagkatapos ng appreciation statements, nagstart na kaming kumain lahat.
"Anak, nasaan pala si Azure?" napatigil ako sa pagkuha ng chicken.
"Oo nga pala Eu, nasaan si Azure?" pagdagdag ni Mrs. De Vera.
"Uh.. H-hindi ko po alam e," that's the truth.
Pinaningkitan ako nito ng tingin, "I thought you're on the same roof?"
What would I say? Umiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya.
"Anak okay ka lang ba?" tanong ni mama.
"I-I think I need to go to cr for awhile po, excuse me po," I said at hindi na nagdalawang isip pang umalis.
Alam ko naman kung nasaan ang cr, malapit 'yon sa kusina. Ngunit bago pa ako makarating doon ay may humila sa akin mula sa kusina.
"Azure?" I uttered when I finally saw his face.
"Miss me?" he grinned while cornering me at the bar counter of their kitchen.
I must hate him. I must freaking hate him, he's being at it again. The teasing face of his. Everything that he said. I hate it; no, I just hated it.
As our eyes intently looking at each other, I can't help but to fall unto his something magic spell that lured me.
I saw his eyes coming across my lips, "I wonder how does it taste like," and there he claimed my lips. My eyes were still open but as his kisses were getting deeper, my eyes instantly closed.
I felt his hand moving its way to my waist while the other one's cupping my face.
The atmosphere suddenly felt so warm to me with his soft lips on me. The way he moves it, an expert.
"Tastier than I've ever imagined," he said when he finally broke the kiss. Is this the button that he's talking about?
I can imagine my tomato-like face now. He's my damn first kiss!
I let him get onto my lips. Which is opposite of my principle.
Yet, I am damn speechless now. So he's been imagining my lips being on his?
"B-bakit mo ko hinalikan?" I asked from nowhere. Nabablangko ako ngayon dahil sa ginawa niya. This is wrong. Way too wrong.
Kinuha niya ang ilang takas na buhok sa gilid ng tenga ko at iniipit din dito, "Mariz, let us stop the game of hide and seek here. I am so fucking tired of it," napalunok ako sa sinabi niyang 'yon.
"Azure anak!" parehas kaming napatingin sa kung saan nanggaling ang boses. Biglang umeksena ang mom niya at mabilis na lumapit sa kanya.
"Mom, why is still there a need to hug me?" he annoyingly asked.
"Bakit? Aren't you still my one and only baby? Diba Euphoria?" rinig kong sambit ng mom niya habang nakayakap pa rin kay Azure.
"H-ha? O-opo, hehe," my mind's still on the cloudland of wonder.
"Why didn't you tell us na kasama mo pala si Azure, ija?" tanong ni Mrs. De Vera as we were walking towards the dining area.
"Uh..."
"I want to surprise nanny," napatingin ako kay Azure as he said that to his mom.
He saved me. I sigh in relief.
But I didn't expect his mom's second question to him, "You seem to always roam around without Euphoria, nagkikita ba kayo ni Shiela?!" nanlaki ang mata ko at tinitigan ko si Azure na ngayo'y umalon ang adam's apple.
"N-No mom... Tsaka maniwala ka sakin, hindi sa akin ang pinagbubuntis niya..." mabilis na paliwanag ni Azure na napapatingin pa sa akin na animo'y nahihiya.
"Is that true? Eskandalosa ang babaeng 'yun, why don't you want to have any DNA test for that kid?!" her mom scolded.
"How many times do I have to tell you mom, na kilala ko siya at buntis na siya bago palang namin ginawa 'yun..." napapapikit ako ng mariin sa mga naririnig kong isinasagot niya.
"Papaano kapag totoo ang sinasabi ng babaeng 'yun? Anak buhay ang nasa pagitan niyo," napatingin sa akin ang mama ni Azure, "sorry ija, if I have to tell these things to Azure in front of you... hindi ko talaga maiwasang hindi i-put up 'to..."
"N-Naiintindihan ko po..." saad ko at sabay napatingin kay Azure na kasalukuyang nakatingin din pala sa akin.
Mahalagang bagay ang diskusyon nilang 'to, "Azure anak please... ayusin mo na 'tong gulo mo, may naaabala tayo eh..." saad ng ina ni Azure habang hinawakan siya sa kamay nito.
"Yes mom..."
"Ayoko ng magalit ang daddy mo sayo, see, he's not in good terms with you now... ayusin mo na 'to.." natapos ang diskusyon nila nang niyakap si Azure ng mommy niya.
It's so awkward.
Maya maya lang nang marating na namin ang kinaroroonan nila mama ay nagulat sila sa appearance ni Azure.
Nakisali naman ito sakanila but I kept my distance from him. Napapansin ko kasi ang panay nitong paglapit sa akin, pero ayokong may makapansin ni isa among here sa amin.
I did every avoidance I could.
Aria's my friend, which was with him. Alam kong gustong gusto siya ni Aria, at isa pa, si Shiela. He's been hiding from her, pero kapag nakakita ito ng babae ni Azure, ay ginugulo nito.
Ayoko ng madamay pa doon. And what happened to us kanina, contradicts that statement of mine.
Kaya maling mali talaga 'to. Ajic's hoping for me too. Hindi ko man sadyain, alam kong umaasa siya sa akin. Nililigawan niya ako.
At hindi ako tanga para hindi mapansing may nagagawa akong bagay sa kanya na nakapagbibigay ng pag-asa sa kanya to have me.
I hate it that those romantic stories that I've already read is turning in my damn real life. It's just so complicated. If this is that 'love' thing they called, I must say, this is way too complex than those math equations I usually solve.
Gabi na nang tinapos ang birthday celebration ni mama. Everyone has that smiling face to end the celebration. Lalo na ang mga katulong.
Paano ba naman at pumayag si Mr. De Vera na magkaroon ng videoke sa mansion nila. Hindi naman imposible 'yon sa kanila, pero bilang isang reserved na tao, at ayaw sa maingay, imposible 'yon. But he did the other way around.
"Ma, uwi na po ako. May pasok pa bukas eh, mag-iingat kayo lagi a? Happy birthday po ulit," paalam ko kay mama habang malapit kami sa malaking pinto.
"Mag-iingat ka rin, Azure, maraming salamat agad sa paghahatid sa anak ko," aniya at tinutukoy ang lalaking nasa likuran ko.
"Ija, mag-iingat kayo. Ikaw Azure, take care of this beautiful lady here okay?" Ani Mrs. De Vera.
Nilapitan naman ni Azure ang kanyang ina at binigyan ito ng mabilis na halik sa pisngi, "I will mom.."
Nakita ko naman ang kakaibang tensyon sa pagitan ni Azure at ng kanyang ama nang magtama ang paningin nito, "D-Dad.. I'm going.."
Tinanguan lang siya nito dahilan para lahat kami'y manahimik. Tinignan ko ang ibang mga kasama ko't nakaiwas na ito ng tingin.
Mukhang hindi maganda ang samahan ng mag-ama ngayon.
Ayaw ko talaga sanang sumabay pa kay Azure, hindi lang dahil hindi na siya nakatira sa apartment ko, dahil na rin sa nangyari sa amin kanina. Ayoko ng pag-usapan 'yon.
"Mariz," pagtawag sa akin ni Azure kaya tinitigan ko ito as he's starting off his car.
"Bakit mo ko iniiwasan?" tanong nito sa akin as he finally started the car.
"Because what we did was wrong," I simply said at tumitig sa daanan.
"I don't think it was. Hindi mo pa rin tinatapos ang laro. You may hide it as much as you can, but you can't stop me from showing it off to you," salaysay niya habang nagddrive.
"Ano bang gusto mong ipunto?!" iritadong tugon ko.
"Mariz, matagal na kitang gusto!" he suddenly stopped his car when he said that.
"Don't you think I would risk myself just to secure your safety kung wala akong pagtingin sayo?" pinaningkitan ko ito ng mata as he said that.
"Let's just forget what we did earlier," I seriously uttered.
That's the only thing I can say now. Natatakot ako sa mga sinabi niya. I might be feeling the same way, at alam kong mali 'yon.
"Well, don't expect me to do that Mariz. Panghahawakan ko 'yung mga halik na 'yon," aniya at ini-start muli ang kotse. Napalunok ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi talaga siya nagpapatinag.
Tahimik kaming dalawa hanggang sa makarating kami sa apartment. Tahimik na ang compound kahit di pa naman ganoon kagabi.
He stopped the car right in front of my gate. He didn't utter anything, "S-salamat sa paghatid," I just said.
"It's my pleasure, get inside, feed Sushi," he said at tinanguan ko nalang.
I get inside my apartment at nagulat akong wala si Sushi sa baba. Usually nagiingay na 'yon kapag naririnig ang screen door na bumukas.
Baka nasa itaas.
I went upstairs, "Sushi.." pagtawag ko pa rito. Binuksan ko ang pinto ng kwarto ko at nanlaki ang mata ko.
The blood is all over my room.
Sushi is right there in my bed, naliligo sa sariling dugo at hindi na humihinga. Magulo ang kwarto ko at nabasag ang ilang frames ko rito. Pero hindi 'yon ang pinansin ko, kundi ang walang kamuwang muwang kong aso.
"Sushi!" I cried out loud as I went close to her para kunin siya.
Mabilis na nagsunod sunod ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko nang buhatin ko si Sushi.
"Shit! Mariz!" dumating si Azure at lumapit sa akin to get Sushi from me.
And just right there and then, nahilo ako at nawalan ng malay.
***
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