⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ Self harm and mention of suicide including suicide attempt ahead, continue at your own risk. Remember, I'm always here to listen. DM me if need be.
When I wake the next morning, I muster the courage to get up. I slowly throw off the sheets and swing my legs over the edge. My side was really sore.
I gently stepped down onto the floor and made my way to my clothes that had been freshly cleaned and folded. I ran my fingers over the fabric, not remembering the last time I had freshly washed clothes.
I grabbed the clothes and walked into the bathroom. I looked around and carefully tried the sink. When water poured out, I smiled.
I turned the shower onto hot and waited for it to heat up before getting in. The hot water felt so nice.
"Oh fuck." I mumble, remembering my gunshot wound. I held my hand over it, but the edges were taped down. I decided to wash my body quickly before stepping out and wrapping a towel around me.
I stand in front of the mirror once again and open the towel, staring at my naked body. I was thin and bruised. My hair was really long too. I glanced at my arms that were bare, annoyed that I wasn't healed, and the temptation to pick the scabs was too large.
I got dressed and carried the flannel back to the room I was in before wrapping my wrists in bandages to prevent me from peeling or scratching. I packed my two knives and pistol and threw my crossbow onto my back after putting on the flannel.
When I finally left the room, I was greeted by a brown haired girl. She was quite pretty too. "Hi." She says to me sweetly. "I'm Maggie."
"Chloe." I tell her, slightly confused. "Where am I?" She motions for me to follow her, and I do, explaining on the way.
"You were shot, Shane and Rick brought you here. You've been out for about more than a day." She tells me as she leads me into the kitchen. "I'll get you some food." I shake my head lightly. "I'm not hungry." I tell her.
"Hershel, my father, is the one who stitched you up. He said the bullet missed all your major organs." She says, ignoring me. I sit down and stay silent. "You don't talk much, do you?" She says to me as she places a glass of water in front of me. I shake my head.
She places a plate of fruits in front of me and sits beside me. I stare at the plate and rub my hands on my thighs before taking a piece of fruit gingerly. "That man who was hunting the deer..." I say to her, "Who is he?"
She looks down at the table. "His name was Otis." Her face doesn't show much emotion. Was? Was. That means he's dead. I decide not to ask about Otis anymore.
"He passed away yesterday when He and Shane went to get supplies." I reach over and grab her hand. "I'm sorry for your loss. These times are horrible. We can't control what happens to us, only how it affects us." She smiles at me sadly.
"For someone who doesn't speak a lot, you sure have a way with words." She tells me. I eat the fruit and shrug, swallowing slowly.
After eating, Maggie leads me outside and introduces me to her family. I greet Rick and Lori silently, feeling guilty for not being able to protect Carl.
"Shane." I mumble. He's limping and his hair is gone. I walk up to him and hug him tightly. "Thank you for saving me." I tell him as he wraps an arm around my waist. The other reaches up and ruffles my hair. "It was nothin."
Maggie explains that we are gathering rocks for Otis' memorial and I nod, helping out. Though, Shane nudges me aside. "Ya don't need to be workin', you're healing." I nod and stand up straight, locking my fingers together in front of me.
As we all silently collect rocks, I hear a motorcycle in the distance. I look up to see Daryl approaching on his bike, along with a car and the RV. I drop the rock I'm holding and start to walk over before I break out into a full blown run.
My side hurts extremely but I'm so excited to see him and my brothers. They're safe. They're safe and they're here and no pain could stop the amount of joy rushing through me.
Daryl sees me and pulls ahead of the group and rides up to the house before getting off the bike. "Daryl!" I yell as I run towards him. He gets off his bike and catches him in his arms when I jump at him. One of his hands wraps itself in my hair while his other hand wraps around my waist.
"Oh, sunshine." He mumbles as he kisses my forehead over and over. I ignored the burning pain in my abdomen, probably because I tore my stitches, and just enjoy the moment.
I pull away slightly to look in his eyes. He pulls me back and hugs me tight again. "I thought I had lost you." I hug him tighter.
After a few moments, he sets me back down. I finally process the pain in my stomach and I groan, grabbing my side. "I forgot I got shot." I tell him, and he glares at me, pulling me close to his chest. "How do you forget somethin' like that?"
"Chloe!" I hear behind me. When I turn around, I see James, Sam, and Butter all running towards me. I open my arms and hug them as they all come up to me.
"Did you take care of Sam like I asked?" I say to James. He nods, smiling. I hug Sam and pick Butter up. The pressure in my chest was gone. I had all my boys here with me.
The rest of the group comes outside and from the pile of rocks, surrounding us. "How is he?" Dale asks. "He'll pull through Dale," Lori tells him. "thanks to Hershel and his people."
"And Shane." Rick adds. "We'd have lost Carl if not for him." Rick looks thankfully over to him. "Thank god. We were so worried." Carol tells them.
"How'd it happen?"
"Hunting accident. That's all--just a stupid accident." Rick tells them. "Chloe tried to grab him but ended up getting hit as well."
The group looks at me and I shift, uncomfortable with the stares I'm getting. No one knew I was shot and having their eyes travel over my body made me uncomfortable. I subtly stepped behind Daryl, covering my body from view. Eventually we all gather around the pile of rocks, listening to Hershel speak.
"Blessed to be god, father of our lord Jesus christ. Praise be to him for the gift of our brother Otis, for his span of years, for his abundance of character; Otis, who gave his life to save a child's, now more than ever, our most precious asset. We thank you, god, for the peace he enjoys in your embrace. He died as he lived, in grace."
He pauses and looks over to Shane. "Shane, will you speak for Otis?" I shift on my feet and lean my head on Daryl's shoulder and he wraps an arm around me.
"I'm not good at it. I'm sorry." Shane admits. He looks uncomfortable and I want to encourage him.
"You were the last one with him. You shared his final moments. Please. I need to hear. I need to know his death had meaning." Patricia asks him, her voice wavering. I can almost see the gears turning in his head before he drops his slightly.
"Okay." He mumbles, stepping forward. "We were about done. Almost out of ammo. We were down to pistols by then. I was limping. It was bad. Ankle all swollen up." He pauses. "We've got to save the boy'. See, that's what he said." He looks down at his feet.
"He gave me his backpack. He shoved me ahead.'Run', he said. He said,'I'll take the rear. I'll cover you."
He takes a shaky breath. "And when I looked back..." He limps forward. "If not for Otis, I'd have never made it out alive. And that goes for Carl too. It was Otis. He saved us both. If any death, ever had meaning, It was his." And with that he places the rock on the pile.
After the funeral, we all gathered around the hood of one of the cars.
"How long has this girl been lost?" Hershel asked us. I stood next to Rick, Butter sitting by my side. "This'll be day three." He answers. Hershel's daughter, Maggie, walks up to us with a roll. "County survey map. Shows terrain and elevations." She tells us.
"This is perfect. We can finally get this thing organized. We'll grid the whole area, start searching in teams."
"Not you." Hershel stops him. "Not today. You gave three units of blood. You wouldn't be hiking five minutes in this heat before passing out." He turns to Shane. "And your ankle--push it now, you'll be laid up a month, no good to anybody."
Daryl adjusts his crossbow. "Guess it's just me."
"And me." I pitch in.
Hershel shakes his head. "No. Hon you just got shot. You can't risk getting even more injured or tearing your stitches. Again." He adds and I swallow, embarrassed.
Daryl looks satisfied with the fact that I'm not going with him and I glare at him. "I'm gonna head back to the creak, work my way from there. I can still be useful." He explains.
"I'll drive up to the interstate, see if Sophia wandered back." Shane adds. "All right, tomorrow then. We'll start doing this right."
Daryl and I walk away from the group and stand nearby. "I don't like you going out there alone." I tell him. He reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear
"Well, I feel better with you here. Safe." He tells me.
"Take my spare arrows with you." I tell him. "You never know." He looks at me for a few moments before nodding. "I get the feeling you won't let me leave without them."
I smile and shake my head. "Come on. Let's get you changed and packed." I grab his hand and lead him towards the room I was sleeping in. "I'll have to find another place to sleep soon enough." I mumble, as I dig through my bag.
"Sleep in my tent." Daryl says from behind me. I grab my bag of arrows and motion him to take his jacket off. "You'll need to wear something else under that." I say, motioning to his vest. He nods and I watch him silently. When he takes it off, I bite my lip. I look up at him, placing my hands on his chest.
"You asking' me to move in Daryl? So soon, I'm not even your girlfriend. Better yet, we haven't even been out on a date." I tell him as I lean up to kiss him. He laughs at my comment before pecking my lips.
He turns and I take a sharp intake of breath, recoiling slightly. I reach my hand out and brush against his scars, strapped along his back. They look like they were from abuse of some kind. He whirls around, fire in his eyes. I step back in surprise.
"Don't touch those. Learn some fucking boundaries. I don't say shit about your wrists." He tells me angrily before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. I cover my mouth and whimper. "I didn't mean.." No one was there. Just me and my thoughts, which was one of the worst things.
I was such an idiot. I knew better, I knew how it felt for people to touch my scars. I need boundaries, I need to back away. "I'm getting to comfortable here. I don't belong." I stumble backwards, holding my head. I squeezed my eyes tight, trying to fight the thoughts in my head.
It felt as though the voices were screaming and I hated it. I hit myself in the head, willing for them to stop, for the silence I needed to think.
I swallowed hard. "I'm sorry." I whisper. Tears were streaming down my face as I dug through my bag. I grabbed the shard of glass and crawled to the side of the bed, hidden from the door. I couldn't think straight.
I needed it all to stop. I need it to stop. I drop behind the back of the bed, squeezing my eyes shut once again. I take a deep breath and bring the glass to my wrists, pressing hard and dragging it along. I watched the blood pool before doing the other.
The pain was gone and the voices were silent. I waited for a few minutes as the blood began to drip onto the floor. A ringing began to start in my ears and I leaned my head back up against the bed.
"Daryl." I hear Rick call from outside. I begin to feel dizzy too and I know I went to far. I look back down to see the blood seeping from my wrists, not slowing. "I'm better on my own." He says. "I went too far." I murmur, shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath. "This time, I went too far."
"I'll be back before dark." Daryl tells him. There's silence for a few moments before Daryl speaks again. "Keep an eye on Chloe. I snapped at her." I hear Rick enter the house but I can't do anything about it.
I hear the door open and Rick runs to my side.
"Chloe-" I hear Rick say. "Chloe, no, no no no." He says. My head falls to the side as he shoves his arms underneath my body.
"Hershel! I need Hershel!" I hear Rick scream. I can feel and hear everything, my body as Rick runs down the stairs and lays me on a bed, Hershel shouting for help, my arms being flipped. "She-" Patricia starts, "She did it right." Andrea says, and I can hear the fear in her voice. She's referring to the fact that Beth made her choice, and I made mine.
I feel a needle piercing my skin and thats when everything goes blank.
"Chloe?" I hear from behind me, and I turn, facing my mother. "Mom?" I call out. She looks at me with fear. "Mom!" I shout, running towards her and into her arms.
"What are you doing here?" She asks me as I grab her and hug her. "Mom." I cry. She grabs my shoulder and pushes me away. "Why are you here? You're not supposed..." She pauses, looking down. I follow her eyes to see myself in a white gown, blood dripping from my arms.
I run my fingers on them to find no cuts. "What did you do?" She whimpers. I shake my head. "I couldn't handle it." I tell her. She shakes her head. "My darling daughter, you need to handle it. You cant let your brothers be alone." She tells me, shoving me backwards again.
"Mom?" I ask, and she shoves me again. "I love you."" She cries, before shoving me again. My eyes widen as I fall back, trying to grasp for my mother as I fall beneath her, never ending.
I gasp as I wake up, looking around the dimly lit room. Daryl was asleep in one of the chairs beside me. It was dark outside. "Chloe?" Rick asks from the doorway. I look over to see blood dripping down his shirt, reminding me of when Carl was shot.
"What did you do?" He asks me and I swallow. "Andrea- Andrea said that you did it right. What did she mean?"
"I tried to kill myself. And she said I did it right, that I truly meant it." I whisper, looking back over at Daryl's sleeping figure. He drags a hand over his face, looking out the same window I did. "Get some rest. We'll talk in the morning." He leaves, not letting me say anything.
I look back over at Daryl to see staring at me. "You tried to kill yourself?" He murmurs. I swallow. He sighs, climbing into bed beside me. He takes my hand lightly in his own before turning and cradling my body in his chest.
"Don't you dare do that again." He growls into my ear. I nod. "I'm sorry. It-" He shakes his head. "Sleep." He mutters and I sigh, staring at the wall.
I woke in Daryl's tent, blinking slightly. I roll over to see Daryl behind me. He blinks a few times before staring at me. He pushes the hair from my face and I lean into his palm. "We need-"
I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about it."
He sighs, shaking his head. "I want to say I'm sorry." He murmurs, leaning his head against my own. "I want to be with you, I don't want to waste any more time."
I look at him for a moment before sighing. "You tryin' to commit to me Daryl?" I ask him, a smirk on my lips, but it's forced and tired. He rolls his eyes. "Don't have to try. Besides you already mine. Everyone knows it too." I smile and nuzzle into his neck. "Everyone but Shane." I mutter.
He pulls me back. "What?"
"Yea, he's been more touchy recently. Shoulder, back, things like that. But he's like, family." I tell him, playing with my necklace. He looks at me for a few seconds before saying something again. "Tell me if it happens again." I nod.
I lean up and kiss his nose. "I'm sorry too." I tell him. I don't tell him for what exactly, but I'm sure he knows. I don't want to talk about it, but I'll need to explain what happened to Carol.
He pulls my head back up and kisses my lips. He rolls over onto me, resting most of his weight on his forearms. I hold his face in my hands and look into his eyes again. I smile and pull him close. "I'm yours." I tell him and he kisses me again.
After a while, when both of us are sitting up, I look at him. "Did you find her?" He shakes his head. I know how much it means to him, finding this little girl.
I take a hold of his hand and lean my head on his shoulder.
"Gave Carol a flower." He tells me. "A Cherokee rose." I look at him. "You mean the one with the ancient legend? When the mothers cried-"
"-flowers bloomed." He finishes. I nod slowly and smile at him. "That was good of you. I'm sure she appreciated it." I kiss his cheek and go to stand up. "We should probably get out before people come looking." I tell him.
"Let 'em come." He tries to grab me and pull me back but I slip from his grasp, laughing. I get out of the tent, Daryl close behind, and try to run away. My smiles were forced, my laughs, but my love for him wasn't.
He catches me quickly and I scream as he grabs me, laughing as he spins me around.
When he sets me down, he kisses me forehead. "Not fair." I tell him, slightly dizzy. "Sorry doll, but I don't play by the rules."
A little while later, while Daryl is playing with Butter, I walk to the RV. "Carol?" I voice out. "In here." She's in the back of an extremely clean RV. I walk towards the back and she jumps up, hugging me.
"You do all this?" I ask her and she nods. "What happened?" She asks me, worried. I sit down across from her. "Carol. I wanted to say thank you for caring so much about me. I'm not your child and yet you still care for me just as my mother would."
I pause for a moment, looking down at my arms.
"So, because I trust you, and see you as a mother figure in my life, I'm going to tell you about me."
She nods for me to continue. "When I woke up in the hospital, I didn't know my own name. I didn't remember. I was in the hospital in a coma due to blood loss from self harm." I lift my sleeves and show her the bandages. She places a hand over her heart, but I continue, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes.
"I had to read my chart because of the blood loss, I forgot a lot what I still can't remember. I told myself that since I was a new person, I wouldn't hurt myself again. I'm selfish, I'm making it harder. But..." I take a deep breath. "I tried... I tried to kill myself. Yesterday."
She gasps, holding her chest hard. I drop my head, ashamed of myself.
"Chloe, you're not making it harder for me, only on yourself. Caring for you, it won't replace Sophia, but it still gives me something to care for. I'm sorry you have to go through this. You're not selfish. Honey you're far from it." She swallows, not mentioning the fact that I tried to kill myself.
I nod, sniffling. "It's funny how I come here to comfort you and yet here you are comforting me."
She laughs. "I love doing it. Now here, let me see your cuts so I can get you cleaned up." I nodded and she led me to the farm house and into one of the bathrooms. She set me down on the edge of the bath and slowly unwrapped my bandages.
When she finally saw my arms, she gasped but didn't say anything. I looked down and saw how bad it really was. I hadn't checked them since I did it, and it was bad. I swallow hard and look away.
"Let's clean you up." She tells me. I don't tell her Hershel already cleaned them. It burned when she poured the alcohol on them.
Once she finishes and rewraps my bandages, she hugs me. "I'm going to check on those everyday ok? Never be afraid to tell me if something happens. I'm your mama now." She kisses my forehead. Part of me misses my own mother, but I also knew that Carol loved being a mother, so I sucked it up and smiled. "Now shoo. Go kiss that man of yours."
I look at her wide eyed. "How did you.."
She rolls her eyes. "It's obvious he's head over heels for you. And you're the same way." I shake my head in disbelief and walk away. Maybe she could get to be pretty close to the real thing. I stop short and my eyes widen. Wait was it really that obvious?
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Every chapter to this point has been edited!! I'll continue to move along so have no worries!
Thanks for reading