i've done fucked up
i went from planning to ask out the guy i like from stomping on his foot and running away.
"i hate myself!"
i screamed into my pillow so all you could really hear was muffles
"you know what? i couldn't agree more."
"seungkwan get out of my room."
i sat up to see my younger brother with his annoying smile on his face. don't get me wrong i love my brother but right now i would also love to use him as a punching bag
"i'm not in your room."
he sneered in response pointing to his feet which was clearly outside of the border
"then do me a favor and shut the door in your face."
i smiled sarcastically before throwing myself into the pillow again
seungkwan ignored my words and came sauntering in as if he owned the place
"why is your room so clean, mom and dad isnt even here to tell you to stop being a pig."
"i cleaned up because i wanted to."
i replied back "now get out before i knock you out."
"hmm." he stroked his chin "clean room, mom and dad not here, heart broken noona and a hot dance captain." he listed, linking all the relevant terms
how did he know?
"what are you going on about stupid."
i remarked
"i'm talking about how you failed to get the dance captain kwon into your room whilst mom and dad aren't home."
i swear this guy is a mind reader or something
"no-
"noona, i'm your beloved brother there's no point in lying to me." he flopped on my bed taking one of my teddies
i threw up arms up exasperated to show i gave up
"fine! i tried to get soonyoung over so i could confess to him. are you happy now?"
"happy to see you're finally whipped but really?kwon? i thought you'd go for junhui hyung, he's hot."
"he has a girlfriend." i reminded him
"yeah that roa girl, she gives me the crazy girl vibes." he shivered just thinking about her "out of the last two i thought at least one of them would catch feelings for you. don't get bigheaded, they probably never seen a girl up close before."
i scoffed
"wonwoo and jihoon? as if, both of them hated me at one point."
"there's a thin line between love and hate. plus you never know with quiet guys. they can be a super tsundere and apparently they have the biggest di–
"okay! so we established that neither of them likes me."
seungkwan shrugged
"i'm just saying, i don't oppose if you dated either of the three."
i frowned in response
"why just three of them, why not soonyoung."
my brother sighed
"come on noona, the guy just got of a year long relationship with one of the most popular girls in school. i don't think he sounds like a guy ready for a new relationship."
☁️
i slept with guilt in my veins last night as i ignored all the texts from the guys. maybe this feeling will go away in the morning
nope, i had woke up feeling more guilty than ever
i also then thought that when i reach school, i'll be able to apologise to him in person but no, that wasn't the case either
the universe really has a some grudge against me
"what do you mean he's at the dorms!" i gasped at jun
"that means he's at the dorm you dumbass." jihoon repeated
"but.."
did i really hurt him that much?
i didn't think my stomp was that strong
"he said someone ran over his toe with a scooter." the chinese boy explained
"i don't know how you can't see a scooter coming straight at you but that's soonyoung for you."
a scooter?
did he make up a story?
"just a scooter? nothing else?"
i questioned
jihoon replied sarcastically "yes seulmin it was a just a scooter with no rider, it was going by itself."
jun gasped "scooter ghost."
"no stupid! there was a driver."
great, this is all my fault
"so when's he going to come back?"
i asked, hopefully he'd have a speedy recovery
the boys shrugged
"i don't know but hopefully before the training camp."
bell rang and we were sent to our different classes. roa came and whisked junhui away to help her study chinese characters during their free period, wonwoo and jihoon left to go their dreaded english lesson whilst i slowly waddled over to my japanese class
glancing to the empty seat next a few rows to my left, i felt a heavy feeling in my heart that i never really felt before. i felt lonelier and empty. the seat belonged to soonyoung but now he isn't here and it's all my fault
i remembered how every time i glanced over to his direction, i'd find him either sleeping, practicing his choreo or rare times just stealing glances from me.
cliche and disgusting i know but that still didn't stop my whole face from heating up
his gaze would be set in my direction and when i caught him, he'd giggle at how flustered i became as i acted like i wasn't staring at him in the first place
but now he wasn't even here
☁️
soonyoung woke up feeling worse then he did before. his foot still throbbing with pain from when seulmin stomped on him and ran away. he was hoping the pain would be more like a distraction but it turned out more of a reminder. a reminder of his heart breaking. sighing, he rolled over whilst muttering to himself
"she hates me."
it was late in the morning and his room mates had already left for school hours ago so the dorm was deadly silent. too silent. he was left alone with his thoughts. not a good idea
"why is she doing this to me."
he could barely move place to place without tripping up or knocking everything over, so he opted to just staying in the sofa whilst starving.
"fuck this, i'm just going to order food."
scrolling down his contact list, he came across an old number that reminded him of happy times. and times that felt like his heart was being wrenched out. clicking on her name, he deleted the several heart emojis and replaced it with her real name
"much better."
after ordering the food, soonyoung found himself scrolling through his tiktok, not even stopping to watch any of the videos. none of them were catching his eyes. he got the app after seulmin wouldn't stop raving about it for a months straight and because of her, he's now addicted
"dumbie."
he tilted his head back, staring at the blank ceiling, feeling down more then ever. he just wished he could be at school right now. definitely not for the learning part, more of the 'i want to see her' part.
"she hates me now, who cares."
he scoffed
well, he did. too much
ding dong!
the only motivation that kept soonyoung going was the food he had just ordered. hobbling over to the door with his bandaged foot (done by junhui himself) he quickly opened the door.
"oh."
instead of seeing the delivery man, he saw someone else. the last person he wanted to see at this moment. or in any moment.
"hi soonyoung." she smiled awkwardly
a frown instantly appeared on his face
"jiyeon?"