18th January 2005
In time, I came to terms with the loss of my gift but in its place came a new kind of grief. For both of us. Eventually it dawned on us that our old life was gone and whether we wanted to or not we had to build anew.
I tried not to miss my old things. The photos and keepsakes I'd collected. The old battered bag Rose and Emmett had returned to me with my human diaries and the photo albums that accompanied it. They were just things. They had been important but in some ways they had always kept me in the past, and they held no place here.
As days went by and our understanding grew, we discovered this place (whatever it was) wasn't really any different to the other. History was as it had always been. Wars had came and went. Science had moved the world forward exactly as it always had, and humanity had sprawled and thrived.
In the early days, while we were still anxious and unsure, Aslo would joke about what alternate paths we might encounter. He'd theorise over points in time, fleshing out what other routes could have been taken and the what impact that could have. Eventually we realised that no such drastic change had happened and in fact what surrounded us was utterly normal.
Normal, but never mundane. If anything this fresh start had given us a chance to go back to the beginning. We lived as we had always wanted to. Aslo didn't battle with his thirst. I didn't yearn for times gone by. And the ghosts of the people we had loved and lost didn't haunt us. They were there in memory, but they served not as reminders of what we had lost but instead as beacons of what we could have. The happiness we were capable of. The strength we possessed. The love we deserved.
There was one enigma this world still posed and that was how we fit into it. I knew my own history like the back of my hand, so knowing when and where to look was easy, but finding evidence of my existence wasn't. Aslo and I had compiled as many newspaper clippings and images we could find. These snippets of information gave us a glimpse of how my presence had affected this place. We had been able to confirm that my parents had died in a suspected robbery but whether their bodies were recovered or not was still unknown. More digging had turned up an old guest list from the Chicago Halloween Ball in 1917 with Sarelle St Clair marked as attending, so I knew my human self was still jumping. Working along her timeline as I had done. She would be experiencing the same trials and tribulations until one day our timelines would converge and she would become me, or another version of me. This knowledge formed the basis of certain rules. Aslo wasn't aware of them but they were tenants I built this new life around. I knew places I couldn't be because I hadn't been there. And I knew people I couldn't see because I hadn't been seen.
To some it might have sounded restrictive but for once in my vampiric life, I appreciated how vast our lives could be beyond always searching for people from my past.
I had always hopped from era to era, sometimes deliberately chasing the chance of an encounter with the ones I loved. Sometimes by accident when I had gotten to close. But I had rarely stayed and experienced a decade in its entirety. Without my ability I had been forced to do so and it had made me appreciate how much time we had. That realisation was liberating. I knew, when the time was right, we would meet them all again, so I didn't focus on the if, only the when.
When was the question that occupied my mind as I looked at the locket in my palm. Edward's lopsided smile looked up at me, his eyes dancing even in print. It felt like forever since I'd last seen him. I wished I had better memories of our last moments together, but I was grateful that I had enough good ones to outshine the bad. And now, a world away, it was easier to miss him. Back then it was like he was always there but just out of reach and that made it so much harder to be without him. Now the distance had given me some clarity. I would always love him, but I could wait until the time was right. Whenever that was.
A soft knock pulled me from my reverie as I snapped the locket shut.
"You don't have to hide how you feel about him, Sarelle. Not from me," Aslo said as he leaned against the doorway. We'd talked about it many times before, Edward and I, and with time I began to understand that the animosity Aslo had always exhibited wasn't jealousy or bitterness. It was disappointment. An anger directed not at Edward but his actions.
Like shapeshifters had their imprint, Aslo and I had each other. We didn't have any expectations of each other, and we didn't try to mould our relationship into something society could label. We were just there for each other, in whatever way was needed.
"I know," I said as my fingers traced the edge of the silver oval. "I was just thinking that's all."
He nodded, his lips pursed, a look of consternation on his face. For a long moment he looked at me before he pushed himself away from the frame. "I'm going to hunt, are you coming?"
He turned with vigour towards the door. There was a strange determination in his step, like an excitement I hadn't seen before.
"We just went yesterday."
"Come on, I think a run will be good for you," he pushed so I followed him out the door of our modest cabin, dashing off into the thick treeline.
I shot him a smile as we raced along the Bogachiel river. He had been right. I had always loved the feeling of running. My feet were lithe and graceful as I dodged through the trees, never once losing my balance or clipping my skin. It was as if it was nothing more than a flat expanse open space instead of a rocky, muddy mess of cramped trees. The twigs and bracken tickled against my bare skin. The wind rushed against my face as each sinuous smooth movement carried me forward deeper into the greenery. It was almost effortless like water flowing over smooth stones.
"Stop," Aslo shouted and I halted without question. He walked to me slowly, a quiet smile in place.
"Close your eyes," he said as he stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders. Without pause I let my lids shut.
"What are you doing, Aslo?" I smirked as he led me slowly forward.
"You'll see, but first do me a favour and hold your breath."
My curiosity peaked at his command. "Why?"
His laughter tickled my ears, "always so stubborn, just this once do it without asking why."
"Fine," I said before releasing the air from my lungs. Breathing didn't give me the relief it used to as a human, but it was a habit I had always found difficult to break. Not just for the ritual it had held but the way it enhanced the world around me. A summer's evening could be some much more vibrant when you could taste the sweetness of honeysuckle on your tongue.
We walked a bit further but as Aslo had asked I kept my eyes closed and refrained from exploring the scents of the world around us. Eventually we stopped. The river was far behind us with the water just a faint trickle through the quiet of the forest around us.
"Open your eyes and breathe, kvetina." He released me with a smile in his voice.
My eyes had focussed instantly; they darted around the leafy green canopy above me. It was a patchwork of leaves all criss-crossing and layering over each other to produce varying shades of green, all backlit by the daylight sun. Everything was in perfect focus, sharp and defined. Natures' dust and pollen danced in the air around me.
I let the smells of the forest flood my lungs, looking at Aslo as he watched me intently. Foliage, debris, soil, damp, sun, pollen, and wood rushed across my tongue.
"I don't understand," I said bemused at the excitement glinting in his eyes.
"You're starting to show your age, kvetina, your senses aren't what they were," he taunted playfully, patiently crossing his arms at his chest.
I closed my eyes as I took another deep breath, searching through the ordinary for something other.
My eyes snapped open as I found it. It was faint but unmistakeable.
"Bingo," Aslo breathed, following me as I let my senses pull me forward.
I breathed deeply, luxuriating in the scent. I thought I had remembered it well but in all the time it had been absent from my life I had been remembering a ghost. A pale imitation. This was real. Strong and intoxicating.
I looked towards Aslo, his grin crinkling his eyes, "should I give you and your nose some alone time." He teased as he leant against a nearby tree.
I swatted him playfully, bashful at being caught out.
"How did you find this?" I asked tentatively.
"I came across it yesterday while you were off chasing dinner."
My legs fizzed, eager to run towards the trail but my feet stayed planted.
"It's fresh, Sarelle. A day or two at most." He watched me carefully, "I've watched you look at that locket for years now, and I know it's scary but if you don't take this chance you'll always look back and wonder."
I held the locket in my palm. It felt like it burned against my skin.
"Come on," Also said as he pushed off from the tree and started to follow Edward's trail. I stopped short behind him.
"I can't," I stuttered. I didn't know this part of Edward's life. I had never been a part of it, as my human self or otherwise. And previously, I had never been able to. I could only think that was for a reason.
"Why not?" he asked.
"What if it changes everything? I don't even know if I can. I was always stopped before by..." I trailed off as realisation started to dawn on me.
"By the tingle?" He cast me a knowing smile before nodding his head in Edward's direction.
"Go on, fourth time lucky," Aslo quipped, and I grinned against the tragic truth of me and Edward. I'd loved him in Belmore and lost him in time. I'd loved his human self in Chicago and lost him to death. I'd loved him in Colter Bay, but it was forbidden. And now, as I looked off into the forest, I dared myself to dream that this time would be the last. I would never lose him in time because I would never jump. I would never have to lose him to his mortality because we could both live forever. And there was no one standing in my way so no one could ever tell me that this feeling pounding in my chest was wrong.
My feet hastened over fallen logs and weaved between the trees that stretched up high above me. I had told myself that I couldn't be certain places for risk of diverting the life I'd already lived but I had never stopped to think that those rules didn't apply. I had been treating this world as if it was the same as the other, but it was just dawning on me now that maybe I was wrong. I'd thought I had to wait for life to play out as it had but as I followed Edward's trail I realised there was nothing holding me back. And even though I had no gift, in this moment I had a power greater than any I had ever previously possessed. The power to change the past.
"Come on we're going to be late for school, and I want to meet the new girl." I could hear Alice berating the others.
We halted at the threshold where the sweeping driveway met the forest.
I stepped from Aslo's side, drawn to the voice in the house. I felt his palm rest gently at the base of my back, a firm nudge pushing me away from the tree line and closer to the glossy white front door.
I stared at the window beside the front door. I could see movement beyond, blonde curls stood patiently at the base of the stairs. A smile crept on my lips.
Jasper.
A girl with dark hair dashed past him, placing a kiss on his cheek as she gathered her coat.
Alice.
Anticipation built in my limbs.
Long blond waves flicked over a shoulder impatiently.
Rosalie.
I took another tentative step forward. I had missed her strength, her tenacity. I wanted to smile at her stubbornness and tease her for her vanity.
Thick arms pulled Rosalie close, dipping her in front the window as he kissed her deeply.
Emmett.
Another step inched forward. I wanted to see the dimples on his cheeks, hear his crude jokes and unshakeable confidence.
"Emmett, sweetie, watch that vase." The warmth in her voice was unmistakeable.
Esme
Through the window I saw strong arms reach for Esme, twirling her towards them as she smiled blissfully.
Carlisle
I wanted them, and more than anything in this world or any other, I wanted him. With that I made a decision to be happy. For once in what felt like forever I decided to put everything aside. Every heartbreak. Every disappointment. Every struggle. Today was the start of forever and I wouldn't spend a second of it in regret.
I walked slowly to the front door, a smile building on my face.
Alice's voice silenced the commotion in the house, "she's here. I can see her."
The door before me burst open, the speed of it almost tearing it from its hinges. The breeze ruffled my hair, tossing the strands around me.
Edward
He stood there; his eyes fixed on me. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear as I watched him. My feet itched to move forward but he eyes held me captive.
"I.." I barely started to explain before he had strode the two steps towards me, one hand sinking through my hair while the other wrapped around my waist, pulling me against him. Our lips met and it was the kiss it always should have been. No mortal danger hanging above us, no taboo between us. Just us.
"You came back," Edward murmured between kisses. His hands roved over my skin, mapping ever curve.
"Ditch school," I said as I wove my hands into his hair, peppering his jaw with kisses. "Stay with me, my love."
He nodded as he sighed against my neck, "forever and eternity."