Inspired by: People Watching; Conan Gray
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Y/N was sitting on the park bench in the famous park called Hyde Park that one can find in the capital city of the United Kingdom, London. It was a race week or rawe ceek, how Formula 1 fans would say. This time, the F1 circus is moving to one and only Silverstone, the place where it all started. And Y/N, as a member of an F1 media team, will be there.
Being a sports journalist has always been Y/N's dream. She sacrificed everything, she worked her ass off for years and years to be like one of her idols, Natalie Pinkham. There were happy times but also hard ones when nothing seemed to go as it should. But Y/N never gave up, she knew what she wants, and she knew she can achieve it.
And here she is now, travelling all around the world, watching Grand Prixs and talking to drivers. At first, there was an obvious nervousness from her side. We can't blame her, she used to see all these people only on the screen, and now she talks to them on daily basis. It's a real dream come true for Y/N, although everything is not always positive.
"Y/N?" she lifted her head to see one of the Formula 2 drivers, Robert Shwartzman. Y/N's cheek turned slightly pinkish, it was no secret to her fellow colleagues that she has a not so tiny crush on a Russian superstar. Y/N would dare to say that they are pretty good friends, they seem to understand each other. But that's all.
However, there was this night of one party Y/N got invited in. It was probably the only time when Y/N was truly alone with Robert without racing buzz all around, they could do whatever they wanted because they weren't working for once. A lot of alcohol was involved, way too much. Robert said things and did stuff that made Y/N's heart flutter.
But how she wished he was sober that moment they were dancing so closely that you wouldn't put a paper between them, his hands being all over her body. For a single brief moment, she even believed she might have a chance with him. Until she met him the next day, finding out he doesn't remember a single moment. She couldn't even describe how much it hurt when he apologised if he was being too touchy, it wasn't him that night.
"Hey, Robert!" Y/N exclaimed, maybe a bit too enthusiastically that she should. But try to blame her when there is a literal greek god right in front of her.
"What are you up to?" he asked as he sat right next to her on the bench. Their shoulders lightly brushed, which made Y/N's adrenaline raise.
"People watching," Y/N simply said, earning a frown from Robert, "you think I'm crazy, I know. But I'm just sitting here, watching all these happy families, couples in love and imagining for how long they are together, where they met, what is their favourite place to go on a date. It's fun to step back from reality and let the fantasy take over."
"No, I wasn't trying to say that you are crazy or a maniac," Robert chuckled, "but it's a bit of a weird type of entertainment, I have to admit that."
"It makes me hope that one day, I will be like them. That I will feel the love, the emotions, the fire in my heart. That I will fall without caution, without common sense."
Y/N would lie if she said there was never someone interested in her. But no-one ever felt right. Her busy lifestyle doesn't help the situation either, which is the reason why Y/N is still the proud member of the crush culture. She's never been in love before, not seriously. But Robert makes her feel things she has never experienced.
"There is a seven billion people on this planet, the right guy will come, don't worry," Robert was trying to reassure Y/N, but instead of that, he accidentally opened the cut that always bleeds.
Of course, she knows that. But that doesn't stop her from wanting the one that she can't have. Y/N even caught herself hoping to meet Robert's lookalike, and who knows, maybe she would have a chance. Because the original seems to live in his own little league. The king of her heart who doesn't even know there is a thrown already waiting for him.
"Yeah, sure. But nobody will be like you," Y/N blurted out before she could stop herself. Her eyes went immediately wide, she didn't mean to say it.
"What did you say?" Robert asked, and at that moment, Y/N didn't even dare to look into his eyes. She could say a thousand things, there were thousand different excuses how she could cover up her confession. She could turn the attention to the honeybee sitting on the flower, she could tell him a funny story. Hell, she could even start talking about the treehouse she used to have as a kid. She could save the situation, yet she didn't do it.
"There can be seven billion people on this planet but no-one will ever be like you, Robert," Y/N slowly said, looking him deep in the eye.
"Is...is that a confession?" Robert stammered out, clearly taken aback by Y/N's words.
"Call it what you want," Y/N shrugged. She slowly started to regret her words, but she couldn't take them back anymore.
"I...I should have known that you..."
"There was no way you could know."
"Yes, there was. That night of the party," Y/N looked up into Robert's mesmerizing eyes.
"We were really drunk..."
"But your eyes didn't lie. And my didn't either," breath hitched in her throat, he remembers? And what does he mean by his eyes not lying too?
"But you said you didn't remember anything."
"I don't remember what I don't want to remember...which excludes you...us."
"But...but why didn't you say anything?"
"Because...because I'm not sure if I want a relationship right now," Y/N's heart dropped down as soon as he said it. And she almost started hoping again.
"Oh."
"Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with you, really. It's just...my life is one big overdrive right now, so much is going on. And even though we work in the same field, it would feel like astronomical years between us. I'm still growing, as a person and as a driver. And I'm not sure I would treat you right."
"But your life will always be hectic, both of our lives. I'm sorry but it seems to me that you are pushing me away. Just say that you don't want me, say that you want some supermodel called Heather, who is perfect in every single way," Y/N snapped, she was getting frustrated with Robert's empty answers, "don't be scared to be honest with me, please."
"It doesn't mean that I don't want to be with you, I don't want you to misunderstand me," Robert paused, he was struggling to give Y/N the answers she wanted from him, "I like you, Y/N, I really do. I just don't want to hurt you."
"You are hurting me by beating around the bush, Robert."
"I'm just not ready, Y/N. Not yet," Y/N's heart shattered upon his words, but she didn't let it show on her face.
"Ok, alright," she muttered, showing a painfully fake smile, "I understand."
"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I really am."
"Don't apologise, I get it, really," Y/N gently placed her hand on top of Robert's, "you shouldn't force yourself into something you are not ready for. Please, don't feel bad for me, I'll be alright. I'm happy that you told me how you feel."
"Are we good?" Robert questioned, although he knew that Y/N's answer won't be genuine.
"Yeah, we are good. Really," she lightly squeezed his hand. She knew that it will be hard to walk around the paddock as nothing happened. It will be hard to do interviews with him, that's for sure. But it will pass.
Suddenly, Y/N got a message from Lawrence telling her that the crew is leaving London today. She was actually excited to get back to work and be in her comfort crowd. She left Robert and marched her way through the park, looking around the park.
All the happy people around suddenly started to pain Y/N. Screw them. Why can't she be happy too, why is it so damn hard? But then, she kept telling herself that Robert is right, someone is gonna come around. He or maybe someone else. Now that she is thinking about it, it's for the best that they are not a couple.
People should be together because they want to be together, not to make the other one feel better. It looks like Y/N will stick with people watching for a little longer.
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I would like to wish a very happy birthday to my amazing friend why-are-you-here- and I hope you liked this one!