Whelving Warmth
Chapter 11
"Gago ka ba?!"
My moment with Ashton didn't last long. Somebody suddenly pulled him away from me.
Theo was so furious as he landed his fist in Ashton's face.
Nang mag-register na sa akin ang nangyayari, dali-dali naman akong lumapit sa kanya para pigilan siya, "Hey, stop it," I tried to sound calm while saying that. When in reality, I'm really scared of what's happening.
I saw how angry he was when I went nearer to him. He's clenching his jaw aggressively and his fist are tightly closed. Nakakunot ang noo niya habang nakatingin kay Ashton. I can feel how badly he want to hit Ash again. Hinawakan ko yung kamay niya para pakalmahin siya pero hindi gumana.
"Bitaw, Sariah. Tangina nyan!" Umamba pa siyang lalapit kay Ash kaya pumagitna ako sa kanila. "Tumabi ka dyan. Makakatikim pa yan sakin!"
Ashton touched the side of his face that Theo punched. Pang-asar niya pang nginisian si Theo, "Calm down. I'm sure it's alright with her."
What the hell is Ashton thinking?!
Theo's eyes became darker. Mas natuwa si Ash sa nakuhang reaksyon mula sa kanya, "Sadie, why don't you tell your boyfriend that you liked your fiance's kiss?"
"Pota anong sinasabi niyan?" Theo looked so confused with what he heard.
"Shut up Ash," inis kong sabi sa kanya. "Just go away."
"Now you want me to go away," he laughed sarcastically. Lalo ko siyang sinamaan ng tingin. He's making the scenario worse that it currently is! "Sure hon. I'll let you talk to that guy," sinabi niya iyon ng may pangungutya.
Bumaling siya kay Theo bago tuluyang umalis, "Thanks for the punch, by the way,"
"Gago, anong sinasabi non?!"
I looked around to see if we gain attention from the other visitors. Buti nalang hindi dahil medyo tago yung pwesto namin.
"Oh," inabot sa akin ni Theo yung panyo niya.
I looked at him weirdly.
Naiinis niyang kinuha yun sa akin at pinunasan yung labi ko. He use his right hand since the other one is holding my face. It was so harsh that I thought my lips were about to be erased.
"Stop, masakit!" reklamo ko sa kanya.
"Gago yun, anong trip non sa buhay?" he growled. "'Wag kang lalapit dun. Parang tanga, eh. Fiancee ka raw?! May hon pang nalalaman, parang di natin sila kasama ng girlfriend niya nung isang beses."
He sounds really angry at Ashton.
How should I say it?
I bit my lower lip, "About that..."
"Huwag mong sabihing totoo yun," he faked a laugh. "Ano to, joke time?"
"Uhm, yeah. It's true," his eyes widen. His fury was immediately changed into confusion. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya.
He held both of my arms. "Gago, tunay?"
I nodded.
"Ha, bakit ganon? Bakit may girlfriend? Okay lang sayo na ganon?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong.
I released a deep sigh. Now that he knows about it, maybe I should tell everything to him.
"Can we talk about it over a drink?" tanong ko sa kanya.
"You told me that you don't drink," nagtatakang tanong niya sa akin.
Yes, I don't. But right now I want to try it. I think I need a drink. Habang pinag-uusapan namin yung mga problema ko sa buhay.
Napatawa ako ng pagak.
"You told me before that there's always a room for new experience, right? Gusto ko i-try uminom, sasamahan mo ba ko?" he looks like he don't want the idea if me drinking, "If you don't want, I can do it on my own naman."
I was about to walk away but I felt his hand in my wrist.
"Sasamahan kita. Pero, hindi ka ba hahanapin ng daddy mo?"
I bit my lower lip, "I'll just message him that I'm not feeling well"
A little lie won't hurt right?
Besides, I am really not feeling well with what's happening in my life. I need to burst it out.
Iniwan niya muna ako saglit para magpaalam sa kasama niya. I waited for him in the parking.
"Where do you want to go?" tanong niya sa akin pagkaupo niya sa driver seat. I gave him the car keys earlier. Wala naman kasi akong alam sa mga inuman.
"I don't know, maybe somewhere quiet and not crowded?"
He looked at me ridiculously, "Gusto mo mag-inom pero gusto mo tahimik? Okay ka lang?"
I rolled my eyes at him, "Why is that impossible? I just want to drink. I didn't say that I want to party."
"Sa condo, gusto mo?" tinignan ko siya ng masama. "C'mon, I'm not planning to do anything bad to you. Yun lang naiisip ko na tahimik na pwedeng pag-inuman."
I told him that it's fine with me. He already proved himself worthy of my trust.
Dumaan muna kami sa convenience store and he bought drinks that are not familiar to me. Sabi niya meron pa raw siyang iba sa condo niya kaya iyon lang ang binili niya.
His condo is really clean. It's less spacious than Ashton's but it's more organize. Everthing's really clean except for his coffee table.
"Sorry, nag-aaral ako nung tinawagan ako ni tita Gia e," he said while cleaning the coffee table. There's a bunch of books and reviewers scaterred in it.
He told me to just sit down in the sofa while he's preparing our drinks. When he came back he's carrying a bowl full of ice and different drinks.
He remove his tux and put it in the other sofa before sitting next to me.
"Beer yan," sabi niya nang inabot ko ang isa sa mga ipinatong niya sa coffee table.
"It's bitter!" I complained as soon as I drank it. "Now, I don't understand why people drink."
It feels weird. It somehow left a sting in my throat.
He chuckled with my reaction, he started to reach out for drinks too. "Oh, bakit iinom ka pa? Akala ko ba bitter?"
"Duh, I'm here to drink right?" I looked at his books that he place in the shelf near the television, "Is it your choice to take law?"
Sinundan niya ang tinitignan ko. "Oh that? Yeah."
I look back at him. "Why?"
"Attorney si Governor Abella, eh. Idol ko yun!" he said and laugh a little, "Kaya bata pa lang ako, I promised that someday I would be like him. Nung pumasok ako sa law school, mas lalo kong naramdaman na para talaga sakin ang pagiging attorney,"
"So you want to join politics too?" I commented.
"Hindi, iba gusto ko. I want to serve people but in another way," I look at him with full curiousity, " It may sound cliche but I took law to stand up for those who are opressed. Let's be honest here, kayang kaya talaga bilhin ng mayayaman ang hustisya. It's really unfair for the poor. That's why I want to represent them in the court."
Hindi ko maiwasang mamangha sa sinabi niya. I didn't expect this side of him. I can feel his burning passion in what he is doing.
"Public attorney, huh?" He smiled a little before nodding.
"I'm sure you'll be the best public attorney years from now," I sincerely said as I look at him in his eyes. May dumaang emosyon na hindi ko mapangalanan sa mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin.
Umiwas siya ng tingin, "Sus, sinasabi mo lang yan"
I laughed as I but some ice in my glass, "No, really! I actually envy you."
He looked at me, urging me to speak.
"You're doing something that you're passionate about," I smiled bitterly, "Ako, I can't do that"
Pagkasabing-pagkasabi ko nun naramdaman ko ang badya ng pagpatak ng luha ko.
This is the first time that I admit to myself that I'm not happy with what I'm doing, that I actually want to do something else.
Ilang taon ko 'to tinago.
"Why?" he asked me the same question that I asked him earlier.
I inhaled a huge amount of air. "I can't do things that I'm passionate about because I'm afraid to disappoint my father. Duwag ako, Theo," tumawa ako ng pagak. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagbagsak ng luha ko.
I let my tears flow. Si Theo naman yung kasama ko, I know that I can be myself when I'm with him.
"No, you're not," pagpapagaan niya ng loob ko. He handed me his handkerchief.
Umiling ako habang patuloy sa pag-iyak, "I really am. Ako nalang kasi yung natitira kay dad that's why I'm doing my best to be the best daughter for him"
"Pero hindi naman ibig sabihin non, dapat isuko mo kung ano yung nagpapasaya sayo," he looked at me worriedly.
Kung ganon lang kadali ang lahat.
"Kung ako lang ang masusunod, I want to do something else. I want to take fine arts sana. I have always love art. I love painting. I love crafts. I feel free when I'm doing art."
Art have always been my comfort zone. In each stroke of brush, nakakalimutan ko yung problema ko. It brings me in another world.
"But I need to take up something that would mold me into a deserving heiress of our company. Wala kasing ibang tagapag-mana. I never wanted to be the CEO but I have no choice. Hindi ko pwedeng pabayaan lang yung pinaghirapan ni Dad."
His brows were furrowed, "Have you tried talking to your dad about that?" he looked like he was thinking deeply.
"No, I was too afraid to tell him. Ayaw kong madagdagan pa yung isipin niya. He did a great job raising me, I should repay all his hardwork"
Theo looks like he disagree with what I'm saying.
"Wala namang masamang magsabi," he said to me softly.
"Maybe if I'm just a little braver to stand for myself," I answered him.
I just really can't do that. I'm scared on how my father will react kapag nalaman niya. He might blame himself and think that he raised me wrongly. I don't want that. It's better if I keep it to myself.
But now, someone aside from me knew about it too.
"'Wag ka ngang malungkot din dyan. It's enough for me that I was finally able to tell it to someone," tumawa ako ng konti. Nakasimangot na kasi siya. "It will always be my dad before anything else. I've already accepted my fate since I made that decision. Mabigat pa rin sa feeling pero I believe that my sacrifices would be worth it."
"Baka rin kasi bata pa ako kaya ang dami ko pang what if's" I joked to lighten the atmosphere.
Ginulo niya yung buhok ko. "You're a strong woman, Sariah. Hindi ka duwag para sa akin. Ginagawa mo yan kasi mahal mo yung daddy mo. For me, that's a courageous act."
"Courage isn't always about fighting for the things that you want, sometimes courage is stepping back to chose the things that truly matters," he said that while looking straight to my eyes.
Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi niya. "Wow! Pinag-isipan mo yan, no?"
He pouted, "Oo. But seriously speaking, it's true!"
I can't help but to laugh because of his face. He looks like a tough guy with his outfit then suddenly he'll show me that face.
"Pero ako naniniwala ako dapat di mo i-give up yung passion mo sa art. Maybe you can have a second degree!" he said enthusiastically.
"I'll take note of that," natatawa kong sagot sa kanya.
Yeah, maybe someday. For now, yung gusto muna ni Daddy.
This talk with him is making me feel a whole lot better.
"Eh, si Ashton? Ano yun? Because of your dad, too?" dare-daretso niyang tanong.
I reach for a drink again before telling him how Ash and I end up in this situation.
"So you're telling me you love him that's why you let him have a girlfriend? Okay ka lang?" he commented as if I said something stupid.
I glared at him. Nakakainsulto yung pagkakasabi niya ha!
"Why is it wrong ba? I told you I want him to be happy," nakasimangot kong sabi. "And Ysa is different, you saw her already. She's too kind to be hated!"
"Ewan, hindi kita maintindihan." he open another can of beer.
Nilahad ko sa kanya yung kamay ko para hingin yun sa kanya. I smiled at him cutely for him to give it to me.
Parang ayaw niya pa ibigay sa akin pero inabot niya rin nang makita ang mukha ko.
"And I'm not supporting him. I'm just quiet about it," I giggled.
"That's similar. In the court, you're still an accomplice," napanguso naman ako sa sinabi niya. Wala naman kami sa korte ah! "Paano mo natitiis yun?"
"I don't know, eventually, I got used to it," sagot ko sa kanya at uminom ulit.
Alcohol is making me fucking talkative.
"Besides I always want him to be happy, and that's Ysa for him. If I can't have my own happiness, I won't hinder others to have it" I smiled after saying that.
It's true. I'm not the kind of person who'll bring down others so that I won't suffer alone.
"For now, that's all that I can do for him. But I'm hoping that eventually, I'll find a way to finally let him out of our situation"
For now, not yet.
"You're too selfless," he commented. "Are you even sure that you love him?"
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at hinampas ang braso niya, "Hey! Don't question my feelings! I'm sure of it since we were young"
"What makes you think like that?" tinaasan niya pa ko ng kilay.
"Oh my god, stop intriguing. I just know it, okay?" I'm fucking sure of how I feel with Ashton. Sa kanya ko lang nararamdaman yung nararamdaman ko.
"Ewan, basta ang alam ko love is not like that. That's stupidity," prangka niyang sabi sa akin. "And Ashton, he's selfish for keeping you when he have Ysa"
"He never kept me, okay? It's not like he's cheating on me with Ysa. He has no choice," pagtatanggol ko sa kanya.
I understand Ashton. We're stuck in something complicated. Ang pinagkaiba lang namin, siya nagawa niyang hanapin yung magpapasaya sa kanya kahit na mahirap yung sitwasyon. And he's lucky because Ysa stayed with him.
"You guys actually have, you are just both delaying it. He could have go all in when he entered his relationship with Ysa." dare-daretso niyang sabi, "Pero hindi ko magets, bakit ka niya hinalikan kanina kung hindi ka niya gusto, okay lang siya?"
I laughed when I saw how annoyed he is with Ashton.
"Ash is confusing just like that," I said and reach for a drink again. I took a sip before continuing, "Maybe he's threatened because I'm with another guy? I don't know."
Natawa ako nang maalala yung sinabi niya kanina.
Was he implying that he's jealous? That's impossible. Maybe, he's just offended because I stepped in his ego.
"I don't get him. If I were him, I would always assure you that you're the only one for me. Mararamdaman mo na sayo lang ako, Sariah," he said it so seriously that it feels like he meant everything he said, "I won't kiss other girls around."
Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa sobrang seryoso niya.
"Now that you mentioned it, do you know that that's my first kiss? That's how it feels like pala!" I excitedly shared to lighten the atmosphere. Mangha kong hinawakan yung labi ko.
It was so short but it's freaking vivid in my memories.
He became more annoyed with what I'm saying. Dare-daretso niyang ininom yung nasa shot glass, "That's not even counted as a kiss."
Napairap ako sa sinabi niya."Why? Is there a requirement to be considered as a kiss?"
"Smack lang yun," naiinis niya pa ring sabi.
"Halik pa rin!"
"Halik bata!" he replied back.
Halik bata?! Eh kung sumagot siya, parang siya yung bata!
I looked at him, pissed with what he said, "Why? Pano ba dapat?!"
I don't know if it's the alcohol but I found myself leaning towards him. Umaatras naman siya papunta sa gilid ng upuan. Nakita kong napalunok siya.
"Ginagawa mo?" He sounded nervous when he asked.
"Sabi mo halik bata. Then show me how a real kiss should be," I closed my eyes and put my lips against his after saying that. It was a short kiss. Kapareho nung kay Ashton kanina. I can feel him stiffen in his seat."Why are you not moving? It's the same naman pala!"
I readied myself to go back to my seat but I suddenly felt his hand stopping me and pulling me back to him. He placed his other hand in my cheek as he angled his face to kiss me.
I felt him gently sucking my lips alternately. He's doing it so slow as if he's teaching me. I can taste the bittersweet taste of alcohol from his lips.
His hand in my cheek travelled into my nape to deepen the kiss. I unconsciously put my arms around his neck. His other hand is caressing my waist as he continued kissing me. He took the opportunity to slid his tongue inside my mouth when I open it slightly.
It was so fucking different from the kiss that I shared with Ashton. This one is too intoxicating. More intoxicating than the drinks we had. It's too dangerous. Too mind blowing.
I was so drawn to his kisses for me to not realized how long we were kissing.
Maya-maya ay binitawan niya na ako. Tumayo siya at lumayo sa akin, "I think you should go home." he said after licking his lower lip.
"I should?" tanong ko habang naghahabol pa ng hininga. Agad na rumehistro sa akin ang sinabi ko, "I mean, yes! I should go home."
Deafening silence consumed us as he delivered me in our house.