"You don't realise how precious something lis until it's gone. Until you're lying there in your bed, not sleeping for days because you cant cope without that one person who made life worth living. Until your throat is sore and scratched because of the endless hours you have spent crying over them. The last time I saw him, I has kissed another guy and I ran away without even trying to explain and I have never regretted doing anything as much. If I could go back and change anything it would be that. But I can't. No one can. So all we can do is keep on living life as best as we can, because I know that the first chance he would get Gerard would come back and tell me to stop being such a coward about it because hes dead and just wants to rest in peace. You know it's true, so that's what we should do. For Gerard. I love you Gerard."
I stood infront of Mikey and Bert and softly spoke. We had joined to give a send off to Gerard. It was a small goodbye, we were the only people really in his life and I knew he didn't like big groups of people.
I felt like crying so badly but my emotions had switched off. I just felt numb; I was entirely lost without him and I didn't want to have to live the rest of my life without him.
I never loved anyone again, not the same way I loved Gee anyway. He was my entire world and without him everything was starting to crash and burn. I had no reason to live but wouldn't kill myself- I'd seen the impact it had caused and even though there is barely anyone in my life, I couldn't put the people who were through that.
Eventually I improved, I graduated, got a job at a little café, and lived a normal life. A lonely one, sure, but normal. I started to be able to go longer than an hour without thinking about him, then two. Then eventually I could make it through my whole work day.
The night times were always the worst however, when I had no one to hold. I hated being alone when I first woke up so I started sleeping with strangers and letting them stay over to try and fill the void that Gerard had left.
I suffered without him, we all did, but I know that he would hate that to no end. So I tried to get better, I went to therapy and took the stupid pills that they gave me and I could begin to live my life again. Start a new chapter.
Without him.
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
And we are done!!
This is the last chapter of this pile of shit and I am truly and deeply sorry to anyone who has read this
I hate this so much and if I could burn it without destroying my phone then I would :)
Thank you so much for sticking with me and ... I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me,,,