Harry
It's been three days, 72 hours, 4,320 minutes, 259, 200 seconds since I heard from Audrey. I have tried every single way in the world to get a hold of her, but I can't. She barely answered my texts, she's answered exactly one phone call, and she won't even open the door.
I know she told me that she just wants to be alone, but how am I supposed to leave her alone? How am I supposed to idly stand by whenever I know she's struggling?
After that phone call the other night, I knew that wasn't my Audrey. She was an entirely different person. She sounded so cold and uninterested. Even when she tried her best to hide it, I could still hear the pain in her voice.
I just wanted to see her and hold her. She didn't even have to tell me what was going on, I just wanted her in my arms. I wanted to hold her until she felt okay again. I wanted to help her in every way that I could. I would sing her a million songs if it made her feel better even for a second. Audrey deserved that. Audrey needed someone who cared for her, genuinely cared for her. I could be that someone.
I tried to call her once more even though I knew that she would send it straight to voicemail. 'Your call has been forwarded to an automated voice message system.' I sighed. I just looked at my phone with hopes that she would call me back any second.
I needed to be with her. I sound crazy, but I can't help it. I can't just sit here every night wondering if she's still alive. It's miserable living in a state of constant worry. I just need to know.
I scrolled through my contacts until I found Kai's name. The phone began to ring while a pit formed in my stomach. Desperately, I prayed that he had more answers than I did, "Harry?" His voice came through.
"Hey mate, I know it's a bit late but I really need to talk to you." He hummed softly, "Have you heard from Audrey here recently? I've been trying to get a hold of her, but she's not picking up."
"No, I haven't had any luck getting ahold of her these past few days." I sighed. I rested my hand in the palm of my head. "I did talk to her mom this morning though, she said Audrey had been staying out all night. She really didn't dive into much detail."
"I'm really worried about her."
Kai sighed, "This isn't my place to tell you," those words did not put my anxiety at ease, "the only other time that Audrey stayed out all night was when she started spiraling. I don't want to go into a grave amount of detail because it's her story, not mine."
"What do you mean spiraling?" I felt sick to my stomach, but I needed answers.
"Audrey went through something a few years ago and it really messed with her mentally." He paused for a moment, "She started getting worse off. She was angry all the time, very distant. She was sleeping all day long and staying out all night. At one point, her mom and I were worried that she wasn't going to come home." My stomach was twisting itself into knots. "She's going to push you away if she hasn't already, just be patient. Make her listen to you or else she'll just shut you out."
I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know to feel right. I felt like someone just knocked all the air out of me, "Uhm, thanks mate. I'm gonna keep trying to get a hold of her, I'll let you know if I do." The phone call ended.
All that ran through my mind were thoughts of a world without her. I needed to be with her. I can't let her spend another night alone. I had to make sure she was going to be okay, I can't lose her.
**
The night air held a subtle breeze. I pulled into the old abandoned lot to see Audrey laying on the hood of her car. I slowly made my way to the car, I could hear music as I grew closer.
My mind is complicated
Find it hard to rearrange it
But I'll have to find a way somehow
Overreacting lately
Find it hard to say I'm sorry
But I'll make it up to you somehow
(Still - Niall Horan)
"I knew you'd be here," I said as I stopped by her driver's side door. She didn't move whenever I spoke to her, she continued to lay with her eyes focused on the stars, "Baby?" I walked closer to her.
"I told you I was fine." She said with no emotion in her voice. "I just want to be left alone, Harry."
"I know that you said you wanted to be left alone, but we've been going days without talking." I sighed. I looked over to her but she hadn't even glanced in my direction. "I just want to be next to you, baby. You don't have to tell me what's going on, but I'm done leaving you alone."
"Please, Harry." She whined. I could hear how shaky her voice was, "I don't want to be around anyone right now. Why can't you respect that?"
I took a deep breath before I responded, "How am I supposed to get through every day wondering if you're alright? I have spent too many nights wondering if you were even still alive, Audrey!" I leaned against the hood of her car. "Just let me be here for you."
There was an overwhelming silence settling between the two of us, but I wasn't walking away. She needs to know that I'm here.
"Harry," I heard her moving behind me, "I haven't meant to be so cold these past few days. I just didn't have the right words to say and I still don't. I don't know how I'm supposed to sit here and tell the man that brought me so much happiness that I don't want to be here anymore." Those words knocked the air out of me, I don't even know how I'm still standing.
I stood there while I choked on the words I needed to say. "I haven't been this low in years." She confessed. I could hear the weariness in her voice. "I don't mean to hurt you, but I just don't know what to do."
"Baby," I whispered before I turned around to face her, "come here." I opened my arms for her. She was hesitant but she eventually wrapped herself around me. I wish I could fix your broken pieces.
"Do you remember that night in Malibu when you held me?" I nodded. "Can you hold me like that for a minute?" I pulled her body as close to mine as I could get it. I ran my fingers through her hair.
"I know you may not want to talk about it right now, but I'm here whenever you're ready," I mumbled before I kissed her head.
"Do you remember that story I told you?" I thought back to that night in Malibu. I could feel this noose wrapping itself around my neck, I couldn't breathe.
"A few years ago, I was with this boy. We had been together for almost a year and he kept asking me for sex. I just didn't feel ready to be that open with him yet. Maybe it was wrong on my part, but I just felt like he didn't deserve to know me that way... We were at his house one night, and he got so angry with me because I didn't want to. He grabbed my wrists and held me down.. Some days I can still feel his body on top of mine. I felt so dirty for months after it happened. I felt like I couldn't breathe."
"I was doing better." She whispered. She pulled her face out of my chest so she could look at me, "I was riding this high, praying to God that I would never come down but I did. Everything came crashing down whenever I saw him at The Grove." She rubbed her face, gathering herself before she continued on, "Ever since I saw him, I can feel his body on top of mine. I can feel his hands on my shoulders holding me down. I can feel all the places where his lips burned my skin."
I wanted to break down and cry, but I wasn't going to make this about me. "Audrey, I'm so sorry," I said before I kissed her forehead. My hands rested on the side of her face, she laid her hands over mine.
"I'm sorry for shutting you out." She apologized, "I just wanted to handle this on my own. I could see how happy you were and I didn't want to ruin that for you." She moved my hands to her lips then she gently kissed each of them, "You deserve so much more than what I've given you these past few days."
"I don't want you to apologize." She furrowed her brows with me, "You don't need to apologize. Maybe I shouldn't have bugged you as much, but I was so worried about you Audrey. I knew you were struggling and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
I rested my forearms on her shoulders while my thumbs traced over her jawline, "I just want to feel better again."
"One day you will baby, I'm going to make sure of it." I whispered before I placed my lips to her forehead, "I'm going to stay right beside you every single step of the way."
"Will you kiss me?" She asked. I couldn't help but smile. I pressed my lips against hers, gently. I kissed her like she was made of glass, I didn't want to break her. I adore you.