Its been a month. A month since my brothers left this realm in search of our mother. And not a whisper of their journey had returned to Mirkwood. My frustration has been growing with the passing days, tinged with worry and regret. Frustration with my father's command to remain here, frustration with my brothers for enforcing that order, but mostly frustration with myself. For letting them leave me here. For not putting up a better fight.
The feeling of regret has slowly begun to eat away at me as my days in the palace slowly evolve into a steady routine. Wake, train, eat, sleep. Nothing more to be done. I can feel the walls of the realm slowly beginning to close in around me, suffocating me. There is something about the forest that unsettles me. It can't be the difference between living in a forest rather than a valley like Rivendell, considering that Lothlórien is a forest as well and is practically my second home. Yet there is almost a sort of darkness in this forest that I can't seem to ignore.
I shake my head as I walk through the dim halls, making my way to my room to freshen up after training. Maybe I am just being paranoid. Perhaps being stuck here for a month is wearing me down.
I long for my home. The open air, wide fields, and faces of my family. I miss waking up to the sound of my sister's gentle voice, not the insistent ringing of the servant's bell. I miss training in the wide glades of the valley, and not the stuffy clearings of the forest. I miss the racing on horseback through the fields with my brothers, the crisp air whipping stray hairs out of my loosely braided hair, my mother not far behind us with her long, silver hair streaming behind her like a banner as she sprints after us on her chocolate-colored mare.
I smile tugs at the corners of my mouth at that thought, yet the deep ache that begins to spread in my chest quickly drops it.
And I miss her. Her guiding hands, hands that could be so gentle as she healed and yet as strong as iron as she trained. Her bright, sea-colored eyes that twinkled like the sun on water as she laughed and yet turn as dark and unforgiving as a storm in her anger. My mother, who had always taken time out of her busy schedule to make time for her children. All four of them. My mother, who was now lost, and scared, and-
I jolt, a shiver suddenly running down my spine.
Dead.
She could be dead.
Lost to us forever, somewhere in the cold, dark of the mountains.
I feel a numb, tingling sensation spread in my hand and look down to realize that consumed by my thoughts, I had subconsciously wrapped my training bindings around my hand so tightly that they now cut off the blood flow in my fingers.
I curse softly as I unravel them, growling in frustration as they tangle and knot and do not give way. I reach my room and slam the door shut, bindings swaying from my palms. Collapsing onto the carpeted floor, the slammed door still echoing in my head, I let the silence settle around me.
I need to do something. I need to get out.
I feel my frustration sputter and spark, and then a swift surge of anger flood my veins.
Ada forced me to stay here. Elrohir did nothing to stop it. And neither did I.
I let one chance pass me by. I will not do so again.
Making up my mind, I slowly stand, shaking off the bindings from my hands a steadily lifting my chin.
I am going to find my mother.
I am leaving Mirkwood.
~~~
Still dressed in my training leathers, I make my way through the palace, hurried, light footsteps echoing off the walls in my wake. Dinner will soon be served and with the cook and servants in a frenzy to prepare everything in time, I should have no trouble slipping into the kitchens and quickly swiping a few provisions. And then, with everyone asleep in a few hours, I would slip away. Asfaloth was already waiting in the stables, saddled and ready.
I round a corner, the door to the kitchens waiting at the end of the hall when a voice stops me cold in my tracks.
"There you are Celé, I've been looking everywhere for you!"
I cringe at the sound of Nëniel's voice echoing through the empty hall, halting a mere few steps from the kitchen entrance. Plastering an unsuspicious smile on my face, I turn to face her and Tauriel at her side. The red-haired guard's face is unreadable as she studies me, her sister now hurrying down the hall to where I stand. I try to ignore the slight narrowing of her eyes as she glances between the kitchen door and then back to me. Nëniel reaches my side and grips my arm.
"I haven't seen you in days, Celé!" she bursts out, her usually-bright eyes darkened with worry. "I tried to find you, but you seemed to have disappeared."
Keeping my fake smile bright on my face I simply say, "I'm fine, Nëniel. Just getting a quick bite to eat."
The worry sputters in her eyes, replaced by suspicion as her brows narrow, her sharp gaze studying me.
"A bite?" she asks uncertainly. "Shouldn't you come to dinner? I haven't seen you eat a full meal for weeks now."
That smile on my face falters for a second, surprised that she had even cared enough to notice. I quickly upturn the corners of my mouth before she can detect my shock.
"Really, I'm fine." The lie slips smoothly off my tongue. "Just busy, that's all."
Her eyes narrow further, not buying it for a second.
Turning back to her sister she says, "Go on ahead. I'll follow soon."
Tauriel's forest-green eyes quickly flit to me and then back to her sister, but she gives us a curt 'see you' and then she's disappearing around the corner.
As soon as Tauriel's footsteps fade, Nëniel whirls to face me.
I let out a curse as she grabs my wrist in an iron grip and drags me into one of the vacant rooms along the hall, shutting the heavy wooden door behind her.
"Really Celé, don't lie to me," she bites out, her grey eyes blazing like frosty stars as she glares at me. "You haven't eaten a single proper meal since your brothers left. What's going on?"
My temper spikes as her sharp tone adds fuel to the fire that has been steadily simmering beneath my skin since this morning.
I return her glare with an equally ferocious one of my own. "What's it to you, captain?"
She draws back slightly at the bite in my tone, hurt flickering in her eyes. Something like regret spikes though me. I had promised her I wouldn't use her title. I was her friend.
I shake the guilt away before it has the chance to settle.
"You know I'm right, Celebríel." Her voice is stern. "I may not have known you for a long time-" That earns a scoff from me. "-but this is not you. Something's wrong."
"How observant of you."
"Celé, please." Her silver eyes soften, filling with worry as she grips my wrist. "What's wrong?"
I do not meet her gaze, my chin lifted in defiance and eyes cold, silence settling around us in the vacant room.
"You want to know what's wrong?" I say, my voice dangerously soft as I turn my cool gaze to her. "Fine."
Sudden, burning anger slowly begins to creep through me, heating my blood. "What's wrong is that my brothers have been gone for a whole month, searching for our mother." A snarl rips from my throat, anger flaring in my vision. "And for some damn reason... I'm. Still. Here."
My fist slams down on the wooden door.
The echo of my fist against the door lingers in the silence that meets my outburst, before fading into the thick walls. My uneven breathing is all I hear over the blood roaring in my ears, anger and frustration spotting my vision as I curl my hands into fists, commanding my vicious temper to calm. I will frost into my veins, soothing that consuming anger until nothing but icy defiance remains. Turning from the door, I find Nëniel silently studying me with narrowed eyes.
"I will not stay locked up for long, Nëniel," I breathe, my tone as sharp as knives despite my whisper. "I am not weak."
Those calculating grey eyes flare.
"No one is saying you are." Nëniel's voice is clipped and stern, like a deadly shard of ice. The commanding voice of a captain. "But you need to get a hold of yourself. Starving yourself and training from dawn till dusk is not going to accomplish anything."
"Don't you understand? I can't just sit around and wait," I hiss, lips pulling away from my teeth as I snarl at her. "I need to do something."
She glares right back at me. "What you need is rest. You're going to run yourself ragged."
Her tone softens slightly, something like pity flickering into her eyes as she takes a tentative step toward me, reaching to grasp my shoudler. "Even elves can't do everything, Celé."
Her words send a tremor through me and I quickly pull out of her grasp.
"No," I whisper. "They can't."
I raise my head as the fire behind my eyes sputters and then flickers back to life.
"But I will."
And turning on my heel, I storm out of the room, leaving behind the one friend I thought I could rely on.